Jillwink

Hi everyone! I am sorry I haven't been there for you all this week. Things have been crazy busy, and I haven't had a chance to post, but know I've been thinking of you all.

I am doing well, and hit the big 100 days this past weekend! I will post more later this weekend.

Stay strong!

tnek97

Good morning, all.

Well, I woke up at 4:30am and wasn't able to get back to sleep thanks to some very, very weird dreams. So, I decided to go for a run. It was cool (for Florida), and dark, and there was no one else outside except for an armadillo and a couple deer; and I loved it.

I used to run a lot; half marathons, full marathons, trail runs. I would get up every Saturday at 4am to run for hours. And then I gave that all up due to drinking. Well, this morning, about half way through, I thought out loud, this is who I am meant to be. I started that run under the light of an almost full moon, and finished under a swift sunrise. Feeling like a sunrise myself right now. Thank you, sobriety. And all of you.

November152017

Congrats Poppy and Solly on the 4 month mark.

5 months sober Kevlarsjal is brilliant!!

Well done Abriella and Jillwink on passing the 100 day point.

And no offence taken here Badger.

Thats great to here your husband is 1 year sober LadySW...watch this space for here WE ALL COME!!

I think its brilliant you have rediscovered the old you Tnek. I too have had my eyes 'reopened' to my passion for the creative arts, namely visual art and books, which have long been suppressed by addiction to alcohol......It's great to be back!!

Thinking of everyone on this beautiful spring day in London.

rainypnw

Congrats, Abriella and Jillwink on passing the 100 day mark!

Tnek, I love your post this morning! We're slowly finding who we are meant to be.

I'm back from my trip and happy to be home. Funny...coming home use to mean a night of heavy drinking while I "worked" through all of my emotions from being around family. This was the first time I've spent around family that the AV did not pop up immediately after arriving home. I unpacked, took a short nap and then a long walk through a nature park with my partner. The walk gave me time to unwind and talk through all of the family stuff with my partner. The rest of the evening was so relaxing. What a difference sober time makes!

Back on the house hunt today. Send some good thoughts my way!

Poppy79

Good thoughts sent your way rainy
Tnek, early morning is my absolute favourite time of day, full of hope and excitement about 1) what the day will bring and 2) I'm not hungover woo hoo lol.
It's 3am here and I am wide awake but I think that is because hubby was snoring and I slept in an awkward position so my neck was super stiff when I was jolted awake by a massive noise (aka snoring lol).
I like to head on my morning walk (I don't run for chest v gravity reasons haha) as the sun is rising. It's a gorgeous time of day.
Happy Sunday to all and I hope you have a fantastic day xoxo

Poppy79

Hiya November, how are you going? What's news from over England way?

Poppy79

Awesome on 100 days Jillwink, many say the first century is the hardest and if that is true then YAY for you and the rest who have hit this milestone.
And if some haven't as yet, do not despair, your 100 will come super soon!!

kevlarsjal

My weekend plans just changed abruptly. My dad called and asked what time we'd be there. Turned out he forgot to inform me about the fact that we are invited for dinner tonight. My brother will also be there. I said I needed a minute to check with my BF if we can make it tonight and so we decided to go anyway.

I don't know how I feel about it though. I like my dad and we don't see often but I was so looking forward to just relax with my BF this weekend and not do anything. Plus we already bought some nice food for tonight.

Now I'm confronted with a sudden change of plans, which is always stressful for me. And I was in a "staying in my comfort zone" mood which I now have to leave so I feel slightly anxious. Plus I wonder if it was a step back in the whole "being more independent and not trying to please my parents" thing. I even apologised for not knowing that we were invited.... and I only said we'll come cause I don't want him to feel bad or be disappointed. But I think for my own wellbeing a quiet, staying at home weekend would've been better. On the other side it's a chance to get better at dealing with changes of plans.

Good luck with the house hunt rainy! I love looking at potential new homes, I find it exciting.

November & tnek, same for me with rediscovering my creative side. I completely abandoned/ suppressed it in my heavy drinking times.

Steely and all the others: I'll read through your posts later tonight when I'm back!

Lots of love and good thoughts to all of you nobenders!

PhoenixJ

I get the sleep bit pops. About 3 hours sleep and up again.

Ladyshipwreck

Oh I have had so many WebMD validated tumors. I almost always have one.

Party tonight I'm not looking forward to it and I'm only going to know two people there. I would definitely be having wine right now for social lubrication beforehand. May need to fiddle on my phone later as a distraction, while I'm there, so I may be back.

Steely

Good morning everyone. Beautiful day in Sydney and fab (did I actually say "fab" ) to read everyone's posts. It was poetry to read your descriptions of nature, the great outdoors, etc. I will have enough money next week to start going to the pool regularly.

I know that it is an achievable plan, not my usual, think I'll go do a course in pure maths, or something

Walked down to buy coffee LSW and couldn't stop laughing. "You call THAT a tumour - THIS is a tumour! Couldn't find an emoticon that depicted a big festering tumour monster that was devouring my brain, so will leave to your own imaginations. Much like my tumour, I reckon. Oh man, is this for real! Yes, said my fellows.

I did a bit of reading on AVRT yesterday, and it seems to fit with my belief system really well. Felt very comforted by its approach.

Like, I don't want to live a day by day existence, clocking days, etc. It seems to keep me trapped, when all I really have to do is not pick up under any circumstances, and just BE! Just like EVERYONE ELSE!

It removed for me too, a lot lot of the guilt and shame. Conclusion: I am just a sober person going about my business like the next everyday person. I start to feel trapped by the day and want to emerge from it.

I know the days are important in the beginning, because there is no denying that the days make the whole, but really feel the need to step outside of the day and just BE sober. Nothing special, just sober and experiencing life.

Still wrapping my head around it, but felt very liberated by the approach. It didn't make me feel bad or so terribly different outside of just not drinking.

I know I haven't expressed this very well but it is a new chapter for me, and it feels good.

Steely

Hey Phoenix, how are you going? I'm starting to think you have your computer set to emoticon.

How is your housing stuff going? I've gotten just about all of the documents I need outside of getting my GP to fill out a form. All I have to do to tie it up is to write my own cover letter.

I'm finding this hard because to substantiate my case I need to talk a bit about the past (not necessarily the drinking), and I baulk from it. Fear filled, can't deal with the memories.

Same thing happened when I made a half arsed compo claim for sexual assault, just couldn't bring myself to go there, and then they changed the compo laws so I missed out all together. I'd approach my desk, and do an immediate U turn.

Sobriety is giving me the courage.

Hey Phoenix

Jillwink

Steely, I feel exactly like you regarding the AVRT. Now that I have hit the 100 day sober mark, I'm not going to count my days anymore. I just don't drink alcohol anymore. I have zero desire to drink alcohol.

It's hard to describe, but sometimes I think about my husband and I stopping drinking, and I get teary eyed from happiness and wonder! We both were such a mess, I am so thankful for our sobriety.

Love and support to you all.

PhoenixJ

Steely- I am here. Housing application was not received- THEY SAID, then found out they have got something because not going to be processed as I am co titled on a house I have no access to. I only found out because 2 independent community agencies are making a great deal of effort for me- was never notified- despite lodging it over 6 months ago.

Dee74

I'm sorry PJ - the public service can be like a snake eating its own tail.

Congrats on 100 Jillwink

Steely

Yes Jillwink, the clock can be crushing for me, and can in fact make me feel a little anxious.

All I've got to do is NOT drink and follow a healthy living plan, just like the rest of the population...and naturally, remain mindful.

I am no different from these people, I just don't drink, and don't want to feel 'lesser than' any longer. The 'day' thing made me feel 'different', bad even, incurable, etc., when in fact, I'm not. I just don't drink, that's all. It's a biggie, but it's not a biggie in its simplicity.

I am steely, and I am human.

Steely

So sorry Phoenix. Are you working on getting your name removed from the title deeds? Will this affect your eligibility?

For a while there I was receiving letters saying they had removed me from the 'list' because I had not made contact with them. This was so NOT true, and now phone on a regular basis to make sure that I am still 'active'.

What are the conditions you live in now like Phoenix? Are you living in half-way?

It will be so good to have my own place. I'm sure you feel the same.

Rock on, bro.

November152017

Hi Poppy, all is nice and sober in Blighty these days and yesterday we the first spring day....beautiful sunshine, 18C and people sitting outside cafes. Sorry for your restless night and the snorathon you had to endure!!

How was your family dinner Kevlarsjal? I hope it was one of those dates that you're not looking forward to, but turns out to be really good.

Hello Lady SW, I hope it was the same for you at your party, but probably a bit more tricky due to the nature of the beast... To be honest I don't mind going to the pub now and again as it reminds me of one reason why I don't drink anymore.

Sorry for your housing mix up Phoenix, hopefully now you're aware of this problem it can be sorted quickly.

And good house hunting thoughts your way Rainey.

And a sober and restful Sunday to all my sober companions...Abriella, Jillwink, Dee, Steely, Solly, Trek, RainbowBird, Badger, Angie, Kimmy, Plenny and anyone else I've missed out.

PhoenixJ

Steely, Nope- my name remains on the title deeds until settlement is reached. I agree with clumsy grace to the ex's wants. I need to heal- as does she. BUT I am not so silly as to loose everything. I am working on it.

Abriella

Hi Everyone!! Quick check-in for me to let you all know I'm thinking of you. Daylight savings time seems to have me screwed up already. How can one lost hour make such a big difference??? Too many things to do today and not enough time.

Hope you all have a terrific day!! Much love to all.