Dee74

well down Solly - congrats
Noone minds if you post more often, btw

D

Abriella

Congrats Solly on 100 days!!!

Kimmy2002

Well done Solly.

Kimmy2002

Yes Stelly, Onwards and upwards!
Your right. Getting filing done and organization back in life feels so great. X
On day 30. Saw my therapist yesterday and we talked a lot about the maintenance of sobriety and always having a plan (thought of Dee ❤️)
As I have said before, upsetting things that happen in my life is the main trigger for me. I have been very lucky that things are quiet at the moment and that is the way I like it. But I know life has its ups and downs and I don't want to mess this up again. Thanks for always being there. Your support means the world to me. Lots of love to everybody.

badgerden

Yeah Solly!!!!!awesome awesome awesome!! Our plans for today is fix a ledge on the inside of our pickup for our dog to lay, and than head out to the desert and enjoy the outside.

Happy Saturday Nobenders!
Badge

BYB

I can relate to your situation Steely. I have found that being so overwhelmed, I feel paralyzed. Being sober now, I have had to face my surroundings with un-dulled senses. I am finally starting to take steps to change my surroundings by working a little each day on something(believe me, it isn't going to fix things overnight) . I have found that I can also help other people with the same issues by discussing the process of "fixing things" with them.

rainypnw

Way to go Solly!!!

My sister and niece rescheduled their trip so they are here with us this weekend. We have had a great time so far. We're going house hunting and drinking a lot of coffee. I've never spent sober time with my sister. We are so much more fun together when we're not drinking.

Poppy, internet issues are so frustrating to deal with. I hope you get all of this solved soon.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Steely

All of us are doing so well I am so proud of us all and I usually feel like a dork when I say stuff like that, patronising or something, but in this case I really mean it. No benders rock and it makes me feel like crying because we have shared with each other as only we would know. I thank you all.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your company, and how we are all learning to trust each other with the added knowledge that underpinning it all is the dreaded spectre of addiction. And that's why I love you all so much.

You do not judge me, you understand. It has been very humbling and gives rise to my seeing that there really ARE good people in the world.

Congrats on the big ton Solly. I was in the kitchen this morning and was thinking about triple digits, etc., and thought how long before the big quadruple!

I don't think that's really staying in the NOW but it does give me satisfaction to know that I'm actually doing it, and surviving.

Anyrate, from my calculations it will be going on 3 years and that's something to seriously look forward to. We will be so much more together and be doing the things we want to do, and handling it with aplomb. And if not, we'll still be sober. Life on life's terms, 'tis good.

I feel paralysed and frozen when overwhelmed too BYB and it is really awful. Thanks for sharing that. I just sit and THINK about what needs to be done, yet do nothing and feel worse.

Adopt the 15 minute rule and just get little things done at a time. I feel much more in control since I gave myself to permission to relax, take a break and then appraise my good work.

Seeing it take shape gives me the motivation to continue. Read somewhere once that motivation does not just happen, it takes action, (I know, I've been told this many times, hi Dee and that's taken me time a long time to learn. Depression doesn't help either.

Hope your trip to the desert was a good one badge . After reading your post I started singing "I've been through the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to be out of the rain." And it does feel good.

So happy for you regards having fun with sister sober rainy. I've been experiencing the same with mine, and sharing with her sober is so gratifying and has depth, not the illusion alcohol delivers. Masterful stroke by us all.

My love to you all, and I'm clocking 118 days. Rock on sisters and brothers.

Steely

I'm the same Kimmy. Upsetting events, not liking confrontation, and feeling unable to deal with my emotions properly (adult ) I, like many others, used the old (very old now) quick fix of alcohol.

At least now we know it doesn't work, and great that you have a therapist, re maintenance. The knowledge that someone is there in the real world, and on our side, is a comforting and secure feeling.

Hi to all and have a great weekend.

Steely

I stumbled on some old love letters from my one true love during the big clean. I think he is the only man who loved me for myself. It was a long time ago, but makes me sad because I loved him too. It was difficult to read.

I left because he had started using heroin and it frightened me.

He was a great classical guitarist who, last I heard, was found drunk in the gutter. He could never face the audience when playing. My dear Jeremy.

Dee74

(((steely)))

D

PhoenixJ

Addiction sucks

Steely

Thanks Dee. Right back at you...big hug.

It sucks for sure Phoenix, and such a waste. Only thing that helps is that I didn't set out to F up, it just sorta happened, and then the denial..

Kimmy2002

Big Steely. X

Abriella

...

My words exactly...

I've been feeling pretty wobbly all weekend. I'm so grateful for SR and for everyone here. Just logging on here makes me feel a little better.

Day #90 and can't wait until I reach triple digits!!! Rock on Nobenders!!

Ladyshipwreck

Poppy I like that idea about writing down all the things to be grateful for. I intend to give it a try. I have so much to be thankful for. I feel selfish to even get depressed.
I also like documentaries on serial killers and such. I watched a good documentary last night, not about serial killers but it's about the Cartel. Actually a lot of those guys probably are technically serial killers. Cartel Land, it's on Netflix. I'm gonna go ahead and assume you've already seen Making a Murderer, not about a serial killer but that was really good.

Dee Sadly, no. I do not have a Dr or a therapist. The one doctor I had that I liked got fired a few months ago. Not sure why, because she was one of the most genuine and caring doctors I've ever met, and it stresses me out because I haven't gotten a new one. I just go to walk in clinics now. I need therapy but my anxiety prevents me from making the appointment. I've needed help for years but can't seem to do it.

Steely I am sorry that you identify with my feelings. That said, it helps to not feel alone. I also am so grateful to be sober and right now it's the one thing I'm actually proud of. I can't let that go. I do want to see a doctor badly. I'm just stuck. I don't know why. I need to get a physical to put my hypochondriac mind at ease and I also need to get some therapy because not only am I kinda crazy but I've been through some s#### in my life that I've never really dealt with emotionally.
I know what you mean about enjoying cleaning but then at times not even having the motivation to lift a dish cloth. Sometimes everything just seems overwhelming. Glad you got some cleaning done I'm gonna try the 15 min thing.

Congrats on 100 days Badge! And Solly! And any other milestones I may have missed.

Abriella Thank you, I have improved

I haven't finished catching up on all posts but it's after 1 and I have to wake up in 5.5 hrs. I've gotta stop doing this to myself! Waking up anytime before 11am just feels so unnatural to me, Just like forcing myself to sleep now.

Steely

Thanks Kimmy. X.

Poppy79

Oooh yes LSW I have seen Making a Murderer. I have google alert notifications to let me know whenever there are any new developments with the case lol. Second season is apparently coming out towards the end of this year. Can't wait for that
I hope you find a great therapist soon hun, it's frustrating when you find a good one and can't keep seeing them.
My internet issues keep on keeping on, I won't bore you all with my silly connection/ activation problems. But suffice to say, I had a gut full on Saturday and ended up telling them to stick their activation date where the sun don't shine haha. We are now looking at alternative providers so essentially back to drawing board.
Sitting pretty on day 109. No AV alerts lately which is great. No longer hormonal which is also great.
Life is okay at the moment, not awesome and not terrible. A bit blah but tomorrow is a new day and thank f*** Monday is done and dusted.
Stay strong nobenders. Hello to all in the group and have a lovely evening (or morning, day wherever you might be in the world) xoxo

kevlarsjal

Morning nobenders!

Sorry for being so inconsistent with posting here. Fortunately I'm more consistent about not drinking, day 131 today.

Last week was not going well for me and spending more active time on here and posting in the weekender really helped me through the past days. I'm so thankful to have this place to always come back to, I know it's not an actual physical place but it feels a bit like coming home sometimes.

Kimme that sounds like you're doing great work with your therapist. I wish my therapist would have at least a basic understanding of addiction and recovery. She should though according to her website. But she ignores both. Last week was especially horrible. I still feel emotionally hungover from that session and am thinking about cancelling my next one which is tomorrow. I know I should face it but I am scared that it'll be too much again and that I won't handle it as well this time. My AV is very present at the moment. Thinking about tomorrow makes me very anxious.

I'd even have an okay excuse to cancel cause my tonsils are swollen and I have a sore throat.

Poppy, that sounds annoying with your internet. I switched providers and in two days I'll find out if everything worked out as planned.

Steely, are you feeling better again? I love reading your posts, they're so honest and heartfelt. I can relate very much to what you say. I struggle with feeling paralysed too when it all gets too much. I think it's also what I'm struggling with right now. I went right back to old patterns and set my goals for the coming week not according to what I think is best but to what I think others expect of me. That makes me feel stressed and insecure cause I don't know if I set them right (cause I don't listen to myself and if I'm not the judge I can never be sure if it's good enough or not) and I am so afraid of doing it wrong that I can't move.

Something positive to end my post, since getting sober I managed to develop a good cleaning routine and have done that weekly so far, which I'm very pleased with. I know it's not as important as working on my problems or getting back into studying but it's a start to a more organised life.

Steely

Hi everyone, been busy organising my housing applications but have read all of your posts, and am very tired. So long as we are all sober that is the main thing and the ups and downs will pass.

Now that I've experienced it, I know that's the way of it. I also know the consequences, and they're are not worth a drink, ever. Crazy when you think about it.

I hope you are feeling stronger Abriella and you not feeling wobbly any longer. You are strong, and congratulations on your 90 days.

We are all getting there and the days will become inconsequential as we build on these very early days and establish lives that are meaningful without the need to escape. Just want to lead a life that feels comfortable just as I am. I know this can, and is beginning to happen. Not having to feel the shame, guilt and remorse is so beautiful. Big sigh.

So very tired so can't respond to all individually, but so long as we are all on deck the mighty Nobenders sail on.

Goodnight my hearties.