bobquin

Greetings, all!

Today is Day 30 for me. I'm proud, and I'm excited, but I am EXHAUSTED. Insomnia continues to make me miserable, but I'm pushing through as best as I can. Hoping that I'll get a good night's sleep sometime soon! PAWS sucks.

Here's to another day of sobriety. Grabbing a nap shortly, then off to a rally to hear VP candidate Tim Kaine speak later this afternoon. Thanks to all of you for continuing to share your thoughts and experiences!

Windancer

A month is AWESOME bobquin!
Congrats on that milestone.

SomeSortOfHuman

Thanks Dee. I agree that alcohol can't make talent. My problem is that I was using alcohol to help me to break down fear and access whatever talent I do have... I'm a fiction writer and I get extremely "blocked" on projects - it's a terrible cliche, but I find myself overwhelmed by a blank page. At the beginning of a project I'm committed to, I can be terrified to even think about the work for days on end.

I got into the habit of using alcohol to pull me over that fear - something about it made me care slightly less / made me a bit more reckless - and that let the ideas flow a little. I'm more willing to "just try something out" and say "what if..." with a glass of wine in front of me. Without that, I'm quite inhibited - censoring my ideas as "rubbish" before I can explore them.

I also used the glass of wine to make me keep pushing - so at the end of a long day, I would use wine as a carrot to do another hour or two, and it was often in those late night hours that I would solve a tricky plot problem or write a section that I was pleased with. These days, I find it much harder to keep pushing on. When it gets tough, I just panic and give up!

There were of course plenty of times when I lost entire mornings because alcohol left me too hungover to be productive, and I'm sure it was contributing to my anxiety cycle too - so I'm not saying that alcohol was good for my work overall. On balance, I think I do need to rid it from my life. But it's an uncomfortable truth that when I hit a certain point of the writing process, alcohol did help me in a very specific way...

Did you find an alternative way to get yourself into that creative space without the booze? Or was it sheer graft that got you through?

Sorry for the ramble. Thanks anyone who is still reading!

Dee74

I kinda alluded to it above...the only help I have now is perseverance and a little sweat...I'll write anything to get me started...my first drafts are usually dang awful, but they get better draft by draft

What was very hard comes more easily to me now tho - and I remember this is the way the creative process was for me before I started drinking...so, for me, I decided the idea I need some kind of 'help' is actually not true.

It's also helpful to remember writers block happens to everyone

How to Overcome Writer's Block: 14 Tricks That Work
13 Famous Writers on Overcoming Writer?s Block ? Flavorwire
The 10 Types of Writers' Block (and How to Overcome Them)

SomeSortOfHuman

I need to get better at this - just putting SOMETHING down. I felt like alcohol made me care slightly less about what I was throwing down, but I need to find another way to break through that! I find that when I get going, I'm OK - but getting going is so tough!

Thanks for the links (and for all of your responses here in general!)

HelenofTroy

Good morning folks.

Day 7 today. I can start to say "weeks" again

I have some shopping to do, then I have bowling this afternoon. I'm sure there are those who would think my life is boring, but it suits me just fine. I learned long ago that "exciting" isn't always a good thing

I was just posting on another thread that I need to get more active and I have the perfect excuse with a 100lb German Shepherd who would love daily walks. I really need to start doing that for both our sakes.

Have a good one everyone.

Martin1

My mom just had a fall. She is drunk. By chance I happened to look out my window through the Venetian blind into the garden and saw her on the floor trying to get up and falling back down. Went into the garden and asked her what she was doing and she said "just sitting on the floor thinking". When she came back in (I waited on the stairs) she tried to walk up the stairs and I said no go and sit down in the living room you're not going upstairs (she had a bad fall a couple of years ago, head injury and had to go to A&E and another in the bathroom early this year so there was no way I was letting her go to the bathroom in this state).

My dad is back now and we've put her on the sofa and she's gone to sleep.

I feel bad and panicky.

Oh and it's day 8.

SeaOfSerenity

Day 57

I had a few days of energy but been fatigued all day today. not letting it get to me, I'm sure its a hint to get active and drink more water.

I start a volunteering job tomorrow at an animal rescue farm. very excited. even as short as 2 weeks ago I couldn't imagine being well enough to work again. things do get better slowly

HelenofTroy

Martin that sounds like such a challenging situation. Wishing you the continued strength to deal with it. Congrats on day 8!

SOS that sounds like a great opportunity! Not sure I could do that as I'd want to bring them all home lol. Good for you! That is very worthwhile work.

Martin1

Cheers Helen. It is all sorted now. I haven't long got back in from my evening walk and feel better now.

Martin1

Great news. Good luck.

Dee74

I'm glad you feel better Martin - hope your mum is OK.

Congrats on 30 days bobquin

D

SomeSortOfHuman

Feeling very anxious - work has all but slipped away as I am so desperately far off where I need to be on this. I live project to project and am on the brink of losing my reputation and a year's income.

Willpower is a limited resource - I need a huge amount of it to force myself to keep chipping away at work when it terrifies me and a huge amount of it not to drink. There simply isn't enough to go round. Stress of work pushed me into drinking and now stress of not drinking is losing me work.

SomeSortOfHuman

Just re-read that and realise it might be unclear. When I say that the stress of work pushed me to drink, I mean originally - at the beginning of my problem. I'm not drinking now. But I'm not getting my work under control either! It's starting to feel like something is going to give.

HelenofTroy

Good morning folks.

Just checking in. Day 8 here.

Have a good one everyone.

Windancer

Greetings everyone. SoberDay#45!!! whoop WHOOP.
I apologize as I've neglected SR a little this past week.
I'm doing well. Getting back on track with AA and my Step Work. And I know have ALL my horses here at Chancelot so I'm thrilled to bits. It was harder than I thought though, as it was the last part of completely letting go of my ex. I really did love him, and he loved me. We were just toxic together.

I think I better be careful. I'm feeling great and confidant and happier. This is dangerous because in the past I've used that as an excuse to drink again thinking "well, look! I'm better now so I can drink normally". So I am remembering to recommit to my Recovery Plan and Sobriety and SR.

Hope everyone is well. Martin, that would have been tough with your Mum.

tekink

I hope the anxiety starts to lift soon. I'm starting to get past it but my motivation is still very much lacking and I still don't have good focus on my thoughts when I need to. The mushy head sucks but I don't think reverting back to it's cause will do me much good.

@ winddancer, glad to hear your horses are back, that sounds like a good thing to keep your mind busy. It's amazing the companionship animals can give us.

I hope everyone is doing well! I've only managed to read a couple posts, I haven't been on SR in a bit over a week.

I survived my trip to Detroit, it was nice to see family. Drinking wasn't really in my face except for my dad's birthday party, he turned 80. The only time cravings really snuck into my head was at the airport heading home. I can't remember the last time I didn't drink at the airport and during the flight.

CuteNGayYay

Didn't get the job after 3 total interviews.. Ugh. I've never went through more than one interview and NOT got the job before. Oh well . today is day 50! Crazy! Happy Friday all!

Martin1

Unlucky CAGY, their loss

SomeSortOfHuman

Ach, CAGY - you must have been very close if they brought you in for 3 interviews. As Martin1 says, their loss! Congrats on 50.