Class of August 2016 Support Thread Part 5
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 337
Originally Posted by CajunPrincess 
Glad you're still here with us Elicia. I always love reading your posts.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I woke up this morning to day 48 without a drink. I've been doing really well, especially considering that I've been out of town now for a couple of weeks working, and being away from home makes for a lot of unknowns with alcohol around every corner.
So I'm in this unknown city, working a lot, but I have family here. I saw them for a nice afternoon shortly after I got here, and last night just before falling asleep I got a call I didn't take from them. My uncle left a message saying he'd like to see me again. He is a delightful man who is really smart and I really like him. He also really likes to drink and doesn't overdo it.
Anyway, this morning, looking at my phone, I had this thought come seemingly out of nowhere. I could meet up with him, probably at some brewery he will tell me all about the history of, and we could drink beers he will talk about the chemical composition of, and talk about politics and all kinds of things. That would be so fun.
WTF.
That really alarmed me. I haven't had a thought like that in what seems like awhile. I know that entertaining thoughts like that leads to relapse. I know this from reading about it but most importantly from living it, so many times. I know that this is in the brain and we need to not let the brain go there. So I came here to read and decided to tell on myself. This is how it would go:
I'd meet him at the place he wanted to take me to. "Hey, kid, how ya doin'? Glad you could come here. Did you see those (some engineering of the beer equipment he is interested in)?"
"Yeah, that is something. It's good to see you, too! Thanks for meeting up with me!" At this point I'm a little distracted because on the one hand I'm aware that I just put myself in a snake nest, but I'm going to be tough and outwit the snakes, so I have to pretend it's ok.
We look at menus. I'm not paying attention to what he's saying but I'm pretending I am. All I can see is the beer list. Maybe I can still order water? What, order water? When you agreed to meet for drinks? I haven't had a drink in almost seven weeks. Exactly. You haven't had a drink in almost seven weeks. You're fine. I know this road, I'm not going to be fine for long. So what exactly are you going to do about that now? It's just one, or three. You're fine. Plus, it's too late. I'm not sure.... Oh please, don't be so overserious.
He's still talking. I nod and pretend to be present in the conversation. He's talking about the menu now because he's seen me staring at it. Telling me all about the composition of the different beers. He's happy. Happy to see me. I decide he's happy to drink with me, because that's what's important. I order an IPA. I have one last series of thoughts, that this is a terrible idea. I don't hear what he's saying. The waiter comes back. He tips his glass to me. The taste is new, because it's been so long. I feel like I just jumped off a cliff into the ocean like I loved to do as a kid. I always thought then, every time as I was pushing my feet off, Once you push off, you have to keep pushing, or you get hurt. You can't turn back against gravity. You have to clear the edge of the cliff. Don't stop. Keep going.
It feels just like that. I go for it. "How about that debate? What a s--- show! blah, blah, blah, blah."
We drink more than we intended, because I suddenly become very talkative, and keep ordering. I make jokes to the waiter. I'm on autopilot. I know what I'm doing. I do this well. It feels like home, a yucky home, but at least I know my way around.
I'm very good at this. My uncle checks his watch and orders a water and the check. I giggle and say, "But one more for me!"
He orders me a water, and withdraws a little. He has to work in the morning. So do I.
I'm feeling the buzz. I don't want it to go away. I say goodbye. I go to my car. My uncle has asked me to drive safe. I stop at a store and buy a bottle of wine. I get some junk food, too. I get back to the hotel, before the buzz has wavered. I get to go to town now. I wake up to my alarm. It hurts my head. Why is my alarm going off? It takes a few minutes. What happened? Why did I do that? I have to get to the airport. Oh no. I have to pack. I'm going to be late. My head hurts. All of these thoughts have so much anxiety attached to them. I feel like crap.
I get to the airport. My face in the bathroom mirror in the airport shows my eyes looking really swollen. If I get a drink I will feel better. Bloody mary. It's so easy. At the bar I flip through my phone. I see the SR app. I ignore it. That's foolishness. That's not foolishness: it's a good thing for people. I don't need it. I'm fine. I'm going home. I'll get a bottle of wine on my way back from the airport. I can have wine with dinner! It will be nice. We'll have a nice dinner to celebrate me coming home. I think back to the evening with my uncle. He seemed a little over concerned about me. Ugh. He's such a know it all. I remember that I was supposed to type a report for work that I forgot about. Oh, I'll do it when I get on the plane. Meh. What a pain in the neck. I can't fit my laptop on the tray table with a drink, and I will need one on the plane. Airplane cheap wine is the best! I'll do it tomorrow. I've worked so hard, I'm done for today!
It's 8 AM, tomorrow. It would have been day 49.
So, I'm not going to do that. Any of that. I'm going to go to work, go to the hotel after, pack my stuff, and get to bed early. I'm really excited to see my dog and proud that I've done some really good work. I'm grateful to feel so clear and rested.
Hope everyone has a good sober day/night!
In gratitude
B
So I'm in this unknown city, working a lot, but I have family here. I saw them for a nice afternoon shortly after I got here, and last night just before falling asleep I got a call I didn't take from them. My uncle left a message saying he'd like to see me again. He is a delightful man who is really smart and I really like him. He also really likes to drink and doesn't overdo it.
Anyway, this morning, looking at my phone, I had this thought come seemingly out of nowhere. I could meet up with him, probably at some brewery he will tell me all about the history of, and we could drink beers he will talk about the chemical composition of, and talk about politics and all kinds of things. That would be so fun.
WTF.
That really alarmed me. I haven't had a thought like that in what seems like awhile. I know that entertaining thoughts like that leads to relapse. I know this from reading about it but most importantly from living it, so many times. I know that this is in the brain and we need to not let the brain go there. So I came here to read and decided to tell on myself. This is how it would go:
I'd meet him at the place he wanted to take me to. "Hey, kid, how ya doin'? Glad you could come here. Did you see those (some engineering of the beer equipment he is interested in)?"
"Yeah, that is something. It's good to see you, too! Thanks for meeting up with me!" At this point I'm a little distracted because on the one hand I'm aware that I just put myself in a snake nest, but I'm going to be tough and outwit the snakes, so I have to pretend it's ok.
We look at menus. I'm not paying attention to what he's saying but I'm pretending I am. All I can see is the beer list. Maybe I can still order water? What, order water? When you agreed to meet for drinks? I haven't had a drink in almost seven weeks. Exactly. You haven't had a drink in almost seven weeks. You're fine. I know this road, I'm not going to be fine for long. So what exactly are you going to do about that now? It's just one, or three. You're fine. Plus, it's too late. I'm not sure.... Oh please, don't be so overserious.
He's still talking. I nod and pretend to be present in the conversation. He's talking about the menu now because he's seen me staring at it. Telling me all about the composition of the different beers. He's happy. Happy to see me. I decide he's happy to drink with me, because that's what's important. I order an IPA. I have one last series of thoughts, that this is a terrible idea. I don't hear what he's saying. The waiter comes back. He tips his glass to me. The taste is new, because it's been so long. I feel like I just jumped off a cliff into the ocean like I loved to do as a kid. I always thought then, every time as I was pushing my feet off, Once you push off, you have to keep pushing, or you get hurt. You can't turn back against gravity. You have to clear the edge of the cliff. Don't stop. Keep going.
It feels just like that. I go for it. "How about that debate? What a s--- show! blah, blah, blah, blah."
We drink more than we intended, because I suddenly become very talkative, and keep ordering. I make jokes to the waiter. I'm on autopilot. I know what I'm doing. I do this well. It feels like home, a yucky home, but at least I know my way around.
I'm very good at this. My uncle checks his watch and orders a water and the check. I giggle and say, "But one more for me!"
He orders me a water, and withdraws a little. He has to work in the morning. So do I.
I'm feeling the buzz. I don't want it to go away. I say goodbye. I go to my car. My uncle has asked me to drive safe. I stop at a store and buy a bottle of wine. I get some junk food, too. I get back to the hotel, before the buzz has wavered. I get to go to town now. I wake up to my alarm. It hurts my head. Why is my alarm going off? It takes a few minutes. What happened? Why did I do that? I have to get to the airport. Oh no. I have to pack. I'm going to be late. My head hurts. All of these thoughts have so much anxiety attached to them. I feel like crap.
I get to the airport. My face in the bathroom mirror in the airport shows my eyes looking really swollen. If I get a drink I will feel better. Bloody mary. It's so easy. At the bar I flip through my phone. I see the SR app. I ignore it. That's foolishness. That's not foolishness: it's a good thing for people. I don't need it. I'm fine. I'm going home. I'll get a bottle of wine on my way back from the airport. I can have wine with dinner! It will be nice. We'll have a nice dinner to celebrate me coming home. I think back to the evening with my uncle. He seemed a little over concerned about me. Ugh. He's such a know it all. I remember that I was supposed to type a report for work that I forgot about. Oh, I'll do it when I get on the plane. Meh. What a pain in the neck. I can't fit my laptop on the tray table with a drink, and I will need one on the plane. Airplane cheap wine is the best! I'll do it tomorrow. I've worked so hard, I'm done for today!
It's 8 AM, tomorrow. It would have been day 49.
So, I'm not going to do that. Any of that. I'm going to go to work, go to the hotel after, pack my stuff, and get to bed early. I'm really excited to see my dog and proud that I've done some really good work. I'm grateful to feel so clear and rested.
Hope everyone has a good sober day/night!
In gratitude
B
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
Bexxed, nice work! That sounds like a tough fight that you won.
Way to play the tape back.....
All is well here. My wife and I saw Elton John last night. Incredible! They played for 2 1/2 hours.
I'll tell you what sucked though! All of the people arriving late to their seats because they had pound some drinks and then had get to their seats double-fisting.
Otherwise, it was a night to remember forever! For being 69 he played and sang like he was in his 30's.....
I've been to a lot of shows and that may have just been the best!....best sober!....that's a 100% given!
Way to play the tape back.....
All is well here. My wife and I saw Elton John last night. Incredible! They played for 2 1/2 hours.
I'll tell you what sucked though! All of the people arriving late to their seats because they had pound some drinks and then had get to their seats double-fisting.
Otherwise, it was a night to remember forever! For being 69 he played and sang like he was in his 30's.....
I've been to a lot of shows and that may have just been the best!....best sober!....that's a 100% given!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hey A-team!
Busy day at work here, nearly done though!
Elicia, very nice to see you here again!
Bexxed - loved the post, I could easily have written the same sequence of events! You ve done amazingly well being away from home, this is great!
Neverthought - gig sounds great! Elton John is a hell of a singer indeed!
Hope everyone else is well, nice to see us all getting on with sober life!
P
Busy day at work here, nearly done though!
Elicia, very nice to see you here again!
Bexxed - loved the post, I could easily have written the same sequence of events! You ve done amazingly well being away from home, this is great!
Neverthought - gig sounds great! Elton John is a hell of a singer indeed!
Hope everyone else is well, nice to see us all getting on with sober life!
P
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Nashville
Posts: 326
Hey guys, hope all is well. I have today and tomorrow (Thursday) off so I'm using these days to just take it easy and relax and take care of myself. Back in my drinking days, I would be using these days to drink, but now it hardly is crossing my mind because there's so much other stuff I want to do that I would not be able to accomplish if I weren't sober. So thankful.
Reading has been a HUGE part of my sobriety toolbox. I've gone a little bit obsessive with ordering novels and recovery related books off Amazon, and now I'm almost overwhelmed with all the new reading material I have.
I'm definitely not complaining though...
Bexxed, great post on playing the tape through. Definitely shines a light on those urges to drink.
SC, thanks for staying with us. We are here for you! Hang in there and keep going!
Reading has been a HUGE part of my sobriety toolbox. I've gone a little bit obsessive with ordering novels and recovery related books off Amazon, and now I'm almost overwhelmed with all the new reading material I have.
I'm definitely not complaining though...Bexxed, great post on playing the tape through. Definitely shines a light on those urges to drink.
SC, thanks for staying with us. We are here for you! Hang in there and keep going!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Night everyone. Day 4 coming to an end over here. Not working tomorrow, so was going to hang around, but the high winds ( outside I hasten to add 
are messing with my internet connections. Keeps crashing.
See you all in the morning. Keep smiling
x
are messing with my internet connections. Keeps crashing.See you all in the morning. Keep smiling
x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 387
Hi guys, Day 8 for me, still going strong!
Bexxed-I loved that post!! You describe the encounter with your uncle so well, it was like I was reading the inner workings of my mind!! Good work on getting it all down-play that tape forward! I've found that that helps me too. Although I haven't craved this time round, the thought has entered my mind of having a drink. A stop, pause and mentalisation of the implications if I did "indulge" in one last drink are just horrific. I like being this brutally honest with myself. It feels like a clean way to live. You will have the best feeling waking up to day 47-you deserve that feeling, enjoy it.
Glad to see you back Elicia-you're bloody right that the fact you're still here shows will you have to kill this beast. You can do this!!
Zanna-lovely to see you still posting. Glad you're back. How's your mood doing now?
It's bedtime here for me, but looking forward to reading the posts tomorrow morning to set me up for the day. You guys are great. Big live
Bexxed-I loved that post!! You describe the encounter with your uncle so well, it was like I was reading the inner workings of my mind!! Good work on getting it all down-play that tape forward! I've found that that helps me too. Although I haven't craved this time round, the thought has entered my mind of having a drink. A stop, pause and mentalisation of the implications if I did "indulge" in one last drink are just horrific. I like being this brutally honest with myself. It feels like a clean way to live. You will have the best feeling waking up to day 47-you deserve that feeling, enjoy it.
Glad to see you back Elicia-you're bloody right that the fact you're still here shows will you have to kill this beast. You can do this!!
Zanna-lovely to see you still posting. Glad you're back. How's your mood doing now?
It's bedtime here for me, but looking forward to reading the posts tomorrow morning to set me up for the day. You guys are great. Big live
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hey guys!
@CajunPrincess - you said it. Drinking is not crossing my mind because there is so much other stuff I want to do. I think this is the key to sobriety, doing more, building a new person or recovering the person we once were! Imagine what things will be like in a few months, in a few years!
@Caramel - I m sure you ll have a better day tomorrow. This is just life, I m enjoying learning how to deal with some emotions and feelings again, alcohol just used to numb them and now I realise how rubbish that was.
@Zanna - looks like you are well back on track! Happy for you! No more day ones!
@ssg - congrats on day 8, is it my impression or there's something very different happening this time round? Your posts have been so light and happy, it's great to read them.
@sweetichick - have you had a think about what made you drink? My last slip was my eye opener, this could be yours. We all know you can do this!
I am absolutely knackered but really happy here. I remain putting effort into every aspect of MrPL 2020 and I can see clear progress. Family life is great, much closer to my wife and kids, my dad truly really gets recovery and we re much closer as a result, why the hell did I take so long to sober up I don't know, but this is permanent now!
Go A-team!
Mr P
@CajunPrincess - you said it. Drinking is not crossing my mind because there is so much other stuff I want to do. I think this is the key to sobriety, doing more, building a new person or recovering the person we once were! Imagine what things will be like in a few months, in a few years!
@Caramel - I m sure you ll have a better day tomorrow. This is just life, I m enjoying learning how to deal with some emotions and feelings again, alcohol just used to numb them and now I realise how rubbish that was.
@Zanna - looks like you are well back on track! Happy for you! No more day ones!
@ssg - congrats on day 8, is it my impression or there's something very different happening this time round? Your posts have been so light and happy, it's great to read them.
@sweetichick - have you had a think about what made you drink? My last slip was my eye opener, this could be yours. We all know you can do this!
I am absolutely knackered but really happy here. I remain putting effort into every aspect of MrPL 2020 and I can see clear progress. Family life is great, much closer to my wife and kids, my dad truly really gets recovery and we re much closer as a result, why the hell did I take so long to sober up I don't know, but this is permanent now!
Go A-team!
Mr P
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Ohio
Posts: 420
thanks for sharing, Elicia - good job on getting right back up and moving forward.
bexxed - amazing post. you are a great writer.
hang in there, sweetichick!
nice, CajunPrincess - i'm off today and tomorrow too! been like a crazy woman trying to get house stuff done but tonight I just kinda hit a wall and have relaxed this evening.
caramel - I am so up and down too.
good job, Zanna and ssg!
I hear ya, MrP!
been having spells lately when i'm not completely preoccupied with alcohol and sobriety and recovery. it's a nice mental break. then I have times where I feel really vulnerable.
Love you all!
-J
bexxed - amazing post. you are a great writer.
hang in there, sweetichick!
nice, CajunPrincess - i'm off today and tomorrow too! been like a crazy woman trying to get house stuff done but tonight I just kinda hit a wall and have relaxed this evening.
caramel - I am so up and down too.
good job, Zanna and ssg!
I hear ya, MrP!
been having spells lately when i'm not completely preoccupied with alcohol and sobriety and recovery. it's a nice mental break. then I have times where I feel really vulnerable.
Love you all!
-J
Hope it passes quickly. Let us know how you are doing later/tomorrow.
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