Class of August 2016 Support Thread Part 5
Work in Progress
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boca Raton, FL
Posts: 50
Hey folks! I know I've been AWOL again, but boy do I have a good reason why this time. LOL
On Sunday night I was working my normal shift 3-11pm, and was almost through with it when I started having abdominal pain that kept getting progressively worse and worse. After 20 minutes or so, I was retching with dry heaves and unzipping my pants (good thing my office is private!) because the pressure was making my pain worse. Needless to say, after my shift ended, I headed straight to the ER (I work at the hospital as a telephone operator). They got my pain under control with dilaudid (great stuff!) and sent me for x-rays and a CT scan.
Long story short, it turns out I have a partially obstructed bowel caused by scar tissue that has formed at the juncture where my small intestines were put together for my gastric bypass (10 years ago I had RnY Gastric Bypass surgery). They kept me overnight for observation, to see if my symptoms would clear up and they could let me go home. Thankfully they did, and I got to go home Tuesday afternoon. The surgeon told me, however, that I will need to have a revision done of my gastric bypass ASAP because this problem is not going to go away and will only get worse over time. Lovely....
Definitely NOT what I wanted to hear! So I have an appointment with a surgeon who specializes in revisions on Monday. This will be a major surgery with a large open incision because I have had a blockage before (from a totally different source) and have a lot of adhesions in my abdomen. Sigh.
The only good thing that I've gotten from this experience so far is the report on the CT they took when I was first in the ER. My heart, liver, kindeys, spleen, pancreas and adrenal glands all are normal. I'm glad to see that I haven't screwed up my liver or anything else with my drinking!
So, I'm still here, still sober, but kind of freaking out because of what needs to happen very soon.
On Sunday night I was working my normal shift 3-11pm, and was almost through with it when I started having abdominal pain that kept getting progressively worse and worse. After 20 minutes or so, I was retching with dry heaves and unzipping my pants (good thing my office is private!) because the pressure was making my pain worse. Needless to say, after my shift ended, I headed straight to the ER (I work at the hospital as a telephone operator). They got my pain under control with dilaudid (great stuff!) and sent me for x-rays and a CT scan.
Long story short, it turns out I have a partially obstructed bowel caused by scar tissue that has formed at the juncture where my small intestines were put together for my gastric bypass (10 years ago I had RnY Gastric Bypass surgery). They kept me overnight for observation, to see if my symptoms would clear up and they could let me go home. Thankfully they did, and I got to go home Tuesday afternoon. The surgeon told me, however, that I will need to have a revision done of my gastric bypass ASAP because this problem is not going to go away and will only get worse over time. Lovely....
Definitely NOT what I wanted to hear! So I have an appointment with a surgeon who specializes in revisions on Monday. This will be a major surgery with a large open incision because I have had a blockage before (from a totally different source) and have a lot of adhesions in my abdomen. Sigh. The only good thing that I've gotten from this experience so far is the report on the CT they took when I was first in the ER. My heart, liver, kindeys, spleen, pancreas and adrenal glands all are normal. I'm glad to see that I haven't screwed up my liver or anything else with my drinking!
So, I'm still here, still sober, but kind of freaking out because of what needs to happen very soon.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Originally Posted by Elicia08 
Just posted an updated list and I am so proud of each and every one of you--especially those who have slipped and come back. It is so easy to get sucked back in to old habits. Especially when the consequences aren't too great. As you know, I drank when I went home last weekend. I didn't even really try to put up any defenses. I'm certain now that drinking was my intention from the moment I decided I was going to go. When I was composing the list I saw a post from before I left that said I was planning to hook up with some of my old AA friends so I could stay sober. That was a bold-faced lie. I entertained the idea of hooking up with them for about 30 seconds and I said it on here because I thought it sounded good and that it was what you all would want to hear. So stupid. Like I said though, it is what it is. I can't change it now. I can only move forward.
There is so much more I want to say but my thoughts are all jumbled so I apologize in advance. I know you all understand... I'm not drinking but I feel like I'm kind of in a holding pattern. As I mentioned, I really need to get a job but I don't know what I want to do. I really messed up my career. I was a teacher. I have always been a teacher, but I made a series of mistakes this past year that have made me question everything about who I am and what I want to be. I don't know if I can ever make up for those mistakes or get back what I once had. I love working with children. And for the most part, I think I'm pretty good at it--most of the time. (who is perfect all the time anyway...?) I have lied to myself and to most everyone around me that drinking didn't have an effect on my job. It most certainly did. Even though I made it to work every day and didn't drink while I was there, alcohol was always on my mind. And I was hungover and sleep-deprived most of the time. That was SO not fair to my kiddos. So what do I do now?
I was sober over 4 years a while back. Was very much into AA. Had a sponsor and worked the steps. Perfectionism set in and when I got to the point where I felt like I wasn't doing it all perfectly I started to give up. I kept going to meetings, didn't drink, talked to people, but I was just going through the motions. Eventually I started smoking pot again. I thought I had found the answer. I could just smoke and not drink and life would be grand. It worked for a while. Then I moved out of state and lost touch with AA. I said I didn't find a group here I really identified with but the truth is I didn't even try.
I've always felt like I had trouble fitting in. Even here on SR I feel that way sometimes. When I first started drinking in my teens I thought I had found the answer. I finally found a way to fit in. The same thing happened when I moved here. I was so lonely. I had my family, work, and that was about it--until I started drinking again. All of a sudden I was meeting people, going to parties, having fun, and I had a life! It wasn't perfect and I drank too much from the get-go, but I wasn't so lonely anymore. I know I'm not alone in this feeling--like you can't be yourself and that people don't like you unless you are drinking. How do we get past it? My boyfriend has been wonderful in this respect. He drinks, but he's not an alcoholic. He can drink a lot and just stop. Or just have one or two beers and stop. And he has been so supportive and wonderful through all of this. He has helped me to see that I am loveable and that I can love others and have fun without alcohol being part of the equation. I am so very grateful for that.
Anyway--I need more coffee and I need to contemplate some more. For today, I am not going to drink booze. If nothing else, alcohol clouds my ability to think and move forward and I need to move forward. Gotta get myself unstuck....
Thanks for listening, y'all. Love and hugs--
Eli
There is so much more I want to say but my thoughts are all jumbled so I apologize in advance. I know you all understand... I'm not drinking but I feel like I'm kind of in a holding pattern. As I mentioned, I really need to get a job but I don't know what I want to do. I really messed up my career. I was a teacher. I have always been a teacher, but I made a series of mistakes this past year that have made me question everything about who I am and what I want to be. I don't know if I can ever make up for those mistakes or get back what I once had. I love working with children. And for the most part, I think I'm pretty good at it--most of the time. (who is perfect all the time anyway...?) I have lied to myself and to most everyone around me that drinking didn't have an effect on my job. It most certainly did. Even though I made it to work every day and didn't drink while I was there, alcohol was always on my mind. And I was hungover and sleep-deprived most of the time. That was SO not fair to my kiddos. So what do I do now?
I was sober over 4 years a while back. Was very much into AA. Had a sponsor and worked the steps. Perfectionism set in and when I got to the point where I felt like I wasn't doing it all perfectly I started to give up. I kept going to meetings, didn't drink, talked to people, but I was just going through the motions. Eventually I started smoking pot again. I thought I had found the answer. I could just smoke and not drink and life would be grand. It worked for a while. Then I moved out of state and lost touch with AA. I said I didn't find a group here I really identified with but the truth is I didn't even try.
I've always felt like I had trouble fitting in. Even here on SR I feel that way sometimes. When I first started drinking in my teens I thought I had found the answer. I finally found a way to fit in. The same thing happened when I moved here. I was so lonely. I had my family, work, and that was about it--until I started drinking again. All of a sudden I was meeting people, going to parties, having fun, and I had a life! It wasn't perfect and I drank too much from the get-go, but I wasn't so lonely anymore. I know I'm not alone in this feeling--like you can't be yourself and that people don't like you unless you are drinking. How do we get past it? My boyfriend has been wonderful in this respect. He drinks, but he's not an alcoholic. He can drink a lot and just stop. Or just have one or two beers and stop. And he has been so supportive and wonderful through all of this. He has helped me to see that I am loveable and that I can love others and have fun without alcohol being part of the equation. I am so very grateful for that.
Anyway--I need more coffee and I need to contemplate some more. For today, I am not going to drink booze. If nothing else, alcohol clouds my ability to think and move forward and I need to move forward. Gotta get myself unstuck....
Thanks for listening, y'all. Love and hugs--
Eli
Im so happy you made it back and I truly pray that you can get back on the right road and continue to love yourself enough to keep the gift of recovery that you and I have been given!
Blessings to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
I have something to share.
My sponsor sent me a 2 month coin in the mail with a special card. Im going to frame the card ( beautiful artwork- a dragonfly) and the insert about the significance of dragonflys, its just so special.
Anyway, I sent her a thank you email and she writes back to me she say:
" If you get tempted to drink, put your medallion in your mouth and when it melts, then you can have a drink"
LOL- Love that idea!!
Hope all are well. For those returning, please hang in there with us. It is SO worth it, life is beautiful ( even during the tough times!)
My sponsor sent me a 2 month coin in the mail with a special card. Im going to frame the card ( beautiful artwork- a dragonfly) and the insert about the significance of dragonflys, its just so special.
Anyway, I sent her a thank you email and she writes back to me she say:
" If you get tempted to drink, put your medallion in your mouth and when it melts, then you can have a drink"
LOL- Love that idea!!
Hope all are well. For those returning, please hang in there with us. It is SO worth it, life is beautiful ( even during the tough times!)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Nashville
Posts: 326
Quincy - I understand the concept of the "new car smell" fading away during sobriety. I've noticed people will relapse because they get so used to feeling "normal" again... it's like we almost forget how terrible we really felt while drinking.
Caramel - How are you doing today>
Chanci - Glad you're ok and that your levels on everything else were normal!
Hey guys, hope you're all having a grand day. Also, does anyone else start to get depressed as soon as cooler weather hits? It's like there is this switch in my brain...
Caramel - How are you doing today>
Chanci - Glad you're ok and that your levels on everything else were normal!
Hey guys, hope you're all having a grand day. Also, does anyone else start to get depressed as soon as cooler weather hits? It's like there is this switch in my brain...
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,375
Thanks for asking, CajunPrincess.
Still feeling blue. The weather here has been dull and overcast for days and that doesn't help.
My time is my own so I can indulge in watching movies and reading if I like. Time spent here is usually helpful too
Hope you are feeling cheerier today.
Still feeling blue. The weather here has been dull and overcast for days and that doesn't help.
My time is my own so I can indulge in watching movies and reading if I like. Time spent here is usually helpful too
Hope you are feeling cheerier today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 46
Hey guys! Its good to see so many doing so well. I am busy alot with work, and when off trying (Key word here :P) to get this wreck of a body back in shape. lol. (Its not that bad but thinking it is gives me motivation) To those who arent. Just remember everyday is different. In 6 hours I will hit 40 days sober!!! Woot! I would have never have imagined. Emotionally I feel....... Insane? One minute happy next sad etc. Nights for me are the worse still. However, I am not quitting and I know you guys have my back, and as always We got this A-Team!!
I am busy alot with work, and when off trying (Key word here :P) to get this wreck of a body back in shape. lol. (Its not that bad but thinking it is gives me motivation) To those who arent. Just remember everyday is different. In 6 hours I will hit 40 days sober!!! Woot! I would have never have imagined. Emotionally I feel....... Insane? One minute happy next sad etc. Nights for me are the worse still. However, I am not quitting and I know you guys have my back, and as always We got this A-Team!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Just gone midnight here, so am off to bed. Did try and sleep earlier, but loads of rubbish from the past, kept going through my head - the sort of stuff I used to drink to forget. No more! Now, I just get up and distract myself with reading on here If you haven't checked out 'Recovery Follies' down at the bottom of the main page list, it's very funny
Have a great evening / day / morning and 'see' you tomorrow.
Keep those shields UP
Z x
If you haven't checked out 'Recovery Follies' down at the bottom of the main page list, it's very funny Have a great evening / day / morning and 'see' you tomorrow.
Keep those shields UP
Z x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Nashville
Posts: 326
So I think I realized PART of the reason my emotions were so gloomy last night is because I plain do not feel well! I was supposed to go to my favorite band's show tonight (it's their farewell tour), but I just couldn't do it. (I've seen them like plenty of times though) Tried making myself go but just couldn't do it. Stayed in and took a detox bath... now I'm in bed with my computer. Hopefully it's not the flu. (another reason to hate cold weather lol)
Findec - good to "see" you around here again! Ever since I got sober, I also have experienced the extreme up and down emotions as well... and lots of times it's completely out of nowhere. I wasn't really like that while drinking. I'm sure it all levels out as we get more days under our belt!
Zanna - Soo with you on bad thoughts from the past popping up. It's so weird because a lot of those specific thoughts/memories were my main reasons for drinking now. It's interesting, in a good way I think, finding ways to process and deal with them.. or sometimes ( alot of times) I have to choose to not dwell on those thoughts... or it will make me go crazy.. have to kinda eradicate it from my mind and think on different things. SR has been a good tool for me as well. And are you seeing a therapist or anything? Sometimes dealing with those things by ourselves is just too much.
Findec - good to "see" you around here again! Ever since I got sober, I also have experienced the extreme up and down emotions as well... and lots of times it's completely out of nowhere. I wasn't really like that while drinking. I'm sure it all levels out as we get more days under our belt!
Zanna - Soo with you on bad thoughts from the past popping up. It's so weird because a lot of those specific thoughts/memories were my main reasons for drinking now. It's interesting, in a good way I think, finding ways to process and deal with them.. or sometimes ( alot of times) I have to choose to not dwell on those thoughts... or it will make me go crazy.. have to kinda eradicate it from my mind and think on different things. SR has been a good tool for me as well. And are you seeing a therapist or anything? Sometimes dealing with those things by ourselves is just too much.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,375
Hope you feel well quickly, CajunPrincess.
I'm feeling a little brighter - the sun came out for a while, and I've been out shopping and bought myself some flowers and a new Himalayan salt-lamp, both of which look really nice.
I'm feeling a little brighter - the sun came out for a while, and I've been out shopping and bought myself some flowers and a new Himalayan salt-lamp, both of which look really nice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 337
Just popping in to say good night. Had a frustrating but productive day today. Mom is coming to visit tomorrow and my house still hasn't been put back together from the plumbing issue last week. Spent a good couple of hours on the phone this morning trying to figure out when they are going to come and get the stuff done but finally had to let it go and figure out something else to do. Been in a cleaning frenzy all day--house would never get clean if mom didn't come to stay! Looking forward to a good visit. She'll only be here a little over 24 hours so not too stressful. She hasn't been to visit since I quit drinking and I was a total mess last time she was here. Oh my....
Time for a nice bowl of ice cream and some tv then I'm off to bed. Such a lovely cool evening here. Ready for fall!!!
Love and hugs to y'all--
Eli
Time for a nice bowl of ice cream and some tv then I'm off to bed. Such a lovely cool evening here. Ready for fall!!!
Love and hugs to y'all--
Eli
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Nashville
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by Caramel
Hope you feel well quickly, CajunPrincess.
I'm feeling a little brighter - the sun came out for a while, and I've been out shopping and bought myself some flowers and a new Himalayan salt-lamp, both of which look really nice.
I'm feeling a little brighter - the sun came out for a while, and I've been out shopping and bought myself some flowers and a new Himalayan salt-lamp, both of which look really nice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hey Guys,
End of a very productive week here, just over 7 weeks sober! Here are some late replies to some of you:
@Chanchiluv - that s some scary stuff, but I am glad your scans went well. Please keep us posted, sending you some good vibes.
@Ooona - well done for your 2 months and your coin! You deserve every inch of it, happy to see you finding your peace!
@CajunPrincess - I know what you mean about cool weather. Part of me likes the beauty of Autumn and winter, but the dark is hard to get used to! I am already leaving and getting back home when the sky is dark blue, soon it ll be pitch black. It ll be nice to have a sober winter though, more room for tea now there s no alcohol!
@findec - right indeed, we have your back. I find a healthy body and a healthy mind are two sides of the same coin, so way to go for getting back in shape! I am sure this will help with the emotions too.
@Elicia - hope you have a great time with your mom. I am finding it a lot easier to connect with my parents now, me and my dad have long chats about recovery, he has gone through exactly the same and I never knew! He stopped when I was very little, glad I am doing the same for my boys.
Hope you all have a great weekend!
Mr P
End of a very productive week here, just over 7 weeks sober! Here are some late replies to some of you:
@Chanchiluv - that s some scary stuff, but I am glad your scans went well. Please keep us posted, sending you some good vibes.
@Ooona - well done for your 2 months and your coin! You deserve every inch of it, happy to see you finding your peace!
@CajunPrincess - I know what you mean about cool weather. Part of me likes the beauty of Autumn and winter, but the dark is hard to get used to! I am already leaving and getting back home when the sky is dark blue, soon it ll be pitch black. It ll be nice to have a sober winter though, more room for tea now there s no alcohol!
@findec - right indeed, we have your back. I find a healthy body and a healthy mind are two sides of the same coin, so way to go for getting back in shape! I am sure this will help with the emotions too.
@Elicia - hope you have a great time with your mom. I am finding it a lot easier to connect with my parents now, me and my dad have long chats about recovery, he has gone through exactly the same and I never knew! He stopped when I was very little, glad I am doing the same for my boys.
Hope you all have a great weekend!
Mr P
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