countrysidegirl

Boy the sweat fairy has arrived . Morning all , nearly 6am here in the uk and I'm on day 5 .....woke up and the sheets are drenched ....sorry had to share, best get up and start the day with these putting in the wash , not sweated like this before then again been almost four months since I made it five days without at least one can .....i normally cave on to the jitters by now...... Hope I.make it through another day

Dee74

Welcome suzysu

stay with us countrysidegirl

D

Stalker2016

Good morning! Woke up to a foggy day 22, but now the fog has lifted and the sun is out. This day is turning out to be a great day! I'm choosing Life today, I am so exited to get out there and see what this day brings. Positive thoughts!

Horatio48

Hello Friends. After about a year of fairly long periods of sustained abstinence (up to three months on one occasion) followed by continuing relapses, I am back again. Finished a litre of Chivas in three days from Friday to Sunday. One good thing is for the first time I did go and get some therapy over the summer. My psychiatrist recommended Antabuse for six months including an implant to make sure I don't cheat. I just can't get my head around that. And that old friend Google Doctor tells me it interacts badly with coffee (which I love) and even possibly with aftershave and deodorants with small amounts of alcohol. Man. Anyhow, I am joining this Group and will try and stay sober in September and beyond. Good luck to everyone.

Dee74

Welcome back Horatio

I didn't use meds. For me the answer was changing my life - everything that lent itself to drinking had to go or underwent a massive transformation.

D

BeFree1971

Good Morning It's going to be another beautiful day here and I'm going tubing with some people from my outdoors club (only club I've ever joined in my life, not a club person really). I love the outdoors and haven't done anything with this group in over a year. My addictions took over so bad, I had lost my interest in my hobbies ... really lost interest in living life. So happy to be present again.

I know my AV is going to be a *itch today. I've decided to be more careful about what I commit to for the next few months (but I do have to attend a party on the 25th, dear friends letting everyone know they ran off and got married )

I'm going to the doctor this week about my hand and while I'm getting the x-rays, I'm going to tell him about my battle quitting drinking. I want to get the Antabuse as well. Days I know I have to attend social engagements, I want to take it in the am to assist me fighting the AV later. Anyone ever tried that? In the mornings I'm solid with the fight now, but closer to the event my AV has won in the past.

I was drinking a half gallon of liquor every 2-3 days (I'm 5'3 about 130 lbs, so a crazy amount) after years of practice, starting as soon as I woke up this past year. I had to leave my job of 12 years due many bad family problems, so I was very depressed and had lots more time to drink which made me suicidal (or at least thinking about it, wishing for the pain to end). Would start when I woke. In August when I got the family stuff wrapped up the best I could and was about to come back to Atlanta, I decided it was time to really make a change or give up on life. About to start looking for work again which also is a big factor. I got my AV under control as far as drinking alone, but I thought I could still drink in social settings. I was so wrong about that. I can't control my intake at all when I drink. After I few major hangovers again, I Googled "how to not drink in social settings" and I found SR's website. Best thing that I have done so far in my battle. When I read about AV, I was so glad I wasn't crazy ... the voice in my head has a name

Anyway, sorry to write so much, but felt like sharing a bit more about why I'm here. And would love to hear about any experiences with Antabuse.

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday and we stay strong. Love my Sept Class

HealthyK

I'm in as well. Day one for me, again. Sigh. I'm trying.

SomeSortOfHuman

Hello,

First post, but have been ‘lurking’ on these forums for a while and finding them useful. I’ve done “Dry January” a few times and used the fact that I could get through one month each year to convince myself that I did not have a problem - but I was always counting down the days and by half way through Feb I’d be back in the cycle of drinking every day. It has really spiralled this year - easily hitting 60 units per week.

I didn’t really drink to excess as a student, but as I started to work very long hours in my mid-20s, I gradually used alcohol to mark the division between work and relaxation time - it became part of my routine. Then as a few bouts of depression hit, I began to use it more to ‘self-medicate’ - I still feel very low, but I care less with a bottle of wine inside me. I prefer to drink alone, but whenever I’m going to a social event I will try to find a way for it to involve alcohol. Cinema trip? Let’s take a couple of cans of G&T in. Picnic? Can’t do that without a nice chilled rose! Long train journey? Better get a bottle… I’ve found myself planning alcohol - looking forward to what I’m going to drink at the event more than the event itself.

I work from home, so this has really allowed things to get out of control and over the summer, I’ve found myself starting earlier and earlier. I hide booze from my husband. He thinks I’m polishing off a few glasses of wine, but is unaware that every time I go upstairs I’m also swigging from a can of G&T hidden in my wardrobe.

I’m now on Day 6 sober and I’m hating it. I had to go to a wedding during this time and I felt on the verge of tears without a drink. I didn’t know many people there and found it so painful trying to talk to them. Then the next morning - despite zero alcohol - I woke up with the worst hangover-style headache. I’m exhausted and irritable all the time and cannot concentrate on work. Last night, I just gave up and went to bed at 8pm because I didn't want to be conscious any longer.

Sorry to be such a pity-fest. I know that I have to do this and I know that on paper I should have a great life. I’m just finding it very hard and I’m furious with myself because I feel like I have inflicted this all on myself. I would really like to be able to get to the point where I can have just one or two drinks once or twice a week - but I’m starting to think I might be someone who cannot do that.

Glad to have found this forum and sorry for such a long post. Hope you’re all having a good day today. I find the idea of “one day at a time” very helpful, as I can’t really handle thinking beyond that!

x

Martin1

I will check it out, thanks for this.

Bowski

Befree, I can completely relate to having no control over intake. I have tried many times to quit, then start feeling better and think "I can have just a couple " in a social setting and bam, cycles starts right back up. That's the most tempting part for me right now, I feel good being a week sober and my mind keeps telling me that I could just have two drinks in the right situation. I really do not want to give into again.

Pirene

Good morning Day 3. Feeling better and have lots planned. Reading everyone's posts I can definitely relate to feeling angry/sorry for myself at not being able to just have one or two in social settings. Alcohol always made me feel like I could fit in better because of the liquid encouragement. But then too many times I would drink way too much and make an ass of myself and be full of regret in the morning. I am scared too of not drinking anymore but I am trying to stay strong and have powerful thoughts of no more regret. One day at at time. I am choosing not to drink today. Stay strong everyone.

BeFree1971

SomeSortOfHuman - I think you may be my long, lost sister from another No husband, thanks to my drinking though.

Thanks everyone for sharing their stories, helps so much xo

AcornToOak

Whoah, made it through a week! Crazy thing? Earlier yesterday I was so proud and thinking this is the new me. By end of day I thought I deserved a reward drink. My AV is crazy. That's so illogical. I pushed through with a bath. I convinced myself I've been there, done that. Try this now. I also had a crazy conversation on my head telling myself to trust "us" that "we" made this decision in a rational mind and trust "she" knows what she's doing versus my mindset at that moment. So maybe I'm going crazy, but crazy me is more sane.

What is up with the sweating? I had that on day 4 and/or 5. After I thought I was clean without any symptoms. I felt fine, but also drenched. Anyone know what that is?

The long weekend was psychologically rough for me (guess not over yet). I did a ton, but maybe too much. I need to be careful my new dedication to healthy eating, exercise, not smoking (also day 8) doesn't get lumped into a house of cards. I won't lump them all together. I will eat candy and sit on my butt before I mess with this. Funny how so many of us can try to be healthy while poisoning ourselves.

Anyhow, really irritated with everyone right now. Thought I'd be celebrating a week, but more annoyed than I was last week. Won't deter me. For those starting out, thus momentary irritability is still so much better than spending the day making plans to quit in the future while knowing by end of day I'd be reaching for one.

We got this September (and late August)! Welcome those taking first steps, returning, or holding on one more day. Here's to the journey of healing. It's not a straight line, but at least it moves forward!

NorthernLass

@SomeSortOfHuman Welcome to SR, Welcome to September class! Thanks for sharing your story. I can see similarities with me, secret drinking and around 50 units (eek!) a week. Congrats on Day 6! Great work! Stay close, post often, there's a lot of good people here!

SomeSortOfHuman

Just realising how many places / activities are linked to alcohol in my mind and it's a bit overwhelming. I associate cooking a pasta dish with drinking a glass of red wine. I walk past a local bar I've been meaning to try - it looks really welcoming and I want to go in and order a beer. I remember that tapas place down the road I love - am I seriously going to order Diet Coke with that amazing food next time I'm there? Am I really going to watch other people drinking mulled wine at Christmas and not join in?

I know it's 'one day at a time'... But I'm finding it very difficult not to think ahead and then it feels impossible. I've managed a month sober before now, but it felt very different when I knew that there was an end date in sight. From half way through, I could tell you exactly what I was going to drink when that day came.

Any tips for staying in the day you're in would be massively appreciated! Thank you and hope you're all doing OK this evening.

x

countrysidegirl

Almost end of day 5, did some skipping that helped , anyway probably weird question and in wrong area but does fatty liver show up in blood tests ? I had full bloods done and amazingly all clear ....just waiting on ultrasound

kk1k5x

Looking at my sober clock, it says 4 days 23 hours. But I reset the clock about 24 hours after the last drink, so basically I've been clean since August 31st, but Sept 1 seems like a good sobriety date + I can (at least try my best and) do sober September. Sept 1 start goes well with being accepted to a study programme.

Any case - all those ideas you described. I've had a countless number of those - when I graduate you mean to tell me no champagne? when I go to visit my friends abroad (or they visit me) once a year, you mean to tell me no cold beers by the lake or an all-night shotfest at the bar? you mean to tell me no cocktails when I did something 'good' and want a small celebration? Basically these are the delusional Kodak moments we imagine - even though I know this myself, I've always managed to find a way to ignore it and take these ideas as the complete and utter truth of what's going to happen and how great it's going to be.

Though the success rate is not 100%, sometimes, for me, it helps to ridicule the activity of drinking (it used to help me, at least). All those moments - thinking back to when you were a kid, we were very content without any of that. A train-ride was a trip! (visit grandma, go to the summer house in the country, see animals, play with the dog, run around like crazy, watch tv in the evening and eat food made from fresh produce). Christmas was present-time! (the sheer butteflies-in-the-stomach anticipation of gifts, sitting at the table with your family, once again - eating food that had been taken up a notch compared to everyday servings). A visit to a restaurant was an occasion all on its own (to this day, I'm 26 now, I like the 'kid's dinner' which is basically fries, salad, ketchup and fried sausages/chicken and it's my go-to comfort food - simply because of the impression it made when I first had it).

Maybe this helps a bit? I guess the idea is to not think about the first drink you are not going to be having, but further down the road, to a place where the existence of alcohol was a total non-issue. It was something that tasted bad (if you had the guts to go to the 'grownups' table' and ask what they were doing and they offered you a sip of beer) and sometimes made grownups yell at each other and you sometimes couldn't really understand what they were saying to you late in the evening, even though they smiled in the end and patted you on the head.

I've drank my fair share regardless of being quite young. As far as taste goes, nothing still beats ice cold milk for me. So, this is clear evidence that it's some other reason we (at least I) choose booze - it can't be the taste.

Dee74

welcome kkik, pirene, HealthyK and somesortofhuman

D

BeFree1971

SomeSortOfHuman - Have you written down all the reason you want to quit, bad and good? I'm keeping that list in my purse and re-reading as needed.

AcornToOak - I was sweating super bad before I quit and it's stopped. I cut back a lot in August, but didn't give it up all together until 8/31 (but I like 9/1 like kkik5 and I didn't stop drinking until 5am on 9/1). I wish the pins and needles would, but since I walked 4 miles this am I'm not feeling it yet. Also, I've been super unproductive as far as things I need to get done. Hoping all that passes soon.

CountrySideGirl - I wish I knew the answer to that. Have you Googled it?

I survived the tubing trip, but it helped that only a couple of people had a beer in my group (can't say that for everyone else on the river today) and most of the group didn't drink. Until lately, I would have been irritated that everyone wasn't getting hammered. It was so nice to drive home, not have to worry about the cops and know I had a good time without drinking.

So I made a new Kodak moment as kkik5 referred to it and realize I can have fun without drinking. Couple of times today, I could smell it on other people, see how hard they were chasing that buzz and felt kind of bad for them. It felt good to be sober and was surprised how much I like it.

Anyway, we can make new memories Can't say I'm anywhere close to being able to go to a party or hangout at a restaurant with friends as they drink. Not sure when that will be the case, but I was glad to enjoy a sober day.

BeFree1971

Sorry, didn't stop until 5am on 8/31, so not counting that day