Dee74

I'm glad you tipped it out ASSN - they say resentment is like swallowing poison hoping the other person dies...

I hope your weekend gets better

D

countrysidegirl

Hi guys , day 4 for me , starting to feel that tiredness that I've felt before when stopping I'm determined this time , its my birthday on the 15th of this month and to be sober would be amazing , I'm really pleased to be back , I hope I.make it through day 4 as I normally cave in around now xx

Windancer

Countrysidegirl, day 4 is awesome!
You've got this ... and you can be sober on your birthday coming up too!
Keep on keeping on

I just woke up after a good night's rest. I love quiet Sunday mornings . More unpacking today ... it takes me a long time because I am very particular about where everything goes haha. But when I'm done I'll feel great and comfortable in my own space.

I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone's posts today!
Have an awesome Sunday.

WhiskeyBent

Morning Class. Still here, still sober.

Have a great day. Its nice to read your post.

Windancer

Hey WhiskeyBent.
I'm so happy you are still sober

Martin1

I'm on day 5 now, had my first test on Thursday as I was asked if I wanted any ale and I said no I have quit alcohol.

I have been busy selling things to try and raise enough money to go to Slovakia for dental treatment. I would say I have about half of the money now. I'm hoping to go over there sometime in December or January, hopefully everything works out.

Does anyone else feel like they don't actually enjoy drinking? I like being sober and feeling normal and alert, plus sleeping better. I feel mentally sharper and enjoy feeling like that. But every time I drank I always had a little urge of excitement prior to it, knowing that I was going to drink, then after the first couple the feeling isn't so great. The days after it were awful, the last two times I've drank resulted in what I can only describe as nervous breakdowns. That sounds extreme but that's what happened.

Anyway just needed to get that off my chest. I feel OK and I hope you all do as well.

Windancer

Martin1, you brought up something interesting to me.
Looking back, the anticipation and excitement over getting alcohol was more fun that actually drinking it. I often got into a very bad mood when drunk, and it would be a nightmare experience. And the blackouts. So many blackouts. Just goes to show how much sh*t your AV tries to give you and how much it tried to pull the wool over your eyes.

Anyway, so far I've had a good morning. I didn't sleep in today nor do I feel exhausted which is good. No more AA meetings till tomorrow night. Little by little I'm getting my living space organized the way I want.

Oh, and I have a neon green/yellow, avacadoe, sulphur, castor oil, olive oil, rosemary essential oil and thyme and fennugreek herbs homemade hair mask. Along with that, I've wrapped my head in seran wrap and covered it all up with a winnie the pooh winter hat haha. I guess spoiling my hair is a way to pamper myself a little .

Martin1

Yeah, it's difficult to explain. And once you get that excitement it's almost impossible to stop. The real test for me will be when I go to a football match again. The last time I went to one sober was ten years ago. A lot of my worst binges started with a day at the football.

Glad you're enjoying it. I might cut my hair later now you've mentioned it.

countrysidegirl

I managed to do an hours worth of hard exercise mix of boxing and kettle bells and felt great , then came the alcoholic voice and cravings , they hit me like a ton of bricks of our came the Hoover , then like in a trance I'm searching high and low , looking in all the hiding places , my AV desperately screaming that I find something even if it's one can, Christ one can as if that would help not , then I make some chill con carni from scratch my fella comes home and finally I'm honest with him and tell him I'm wanting a drink , like my mind the alcoholic in me feels like I will die if I don't drink, I tell him I've been looking high and low for money , he hugs me and I feel suddenly less heavy , less drained , thanks for telling me he says , I say well I'm on day 4 and back on sober recovery , I go and have a bath , I haven't caved in yet but those cravings when you sweat , shake , feel your stomach drop are just plain awful, but I'm getting through it .....thanks guys

Pirene

Hi September class. I am on day 2. I have "quit" drinking so many times I've lost count. Drank hard alcohol on an empty stomach and ended up blacking out on Friday. I'm so tired of not having control. I've lied to myself over and over saying that I can control myself and just have a couple beers, but then my AV would be screaming for more. I'm so scared but I know that I have to quit. It makes me feel better reading everyone's posts and knowing that I'm not alone.

Windancer

You have the support of your man. You are lucky to have that!
And you got through it... SOBER!!! Good for you.
Each time you get through it you get stronger.

creativespirit9

Pirene- You and I are on the same day (2)- and like you I have quit so many times and lied to myself that I can control it.. Lets kick this once and for all.. Im making a plan for the first time and I think that will help,

I hope that everyone has had a nice day - Im still tired and very depressed- havent done much again today- so thankful for a three day weekend so I can get something accomplished before the work week begins again.

Dee74

Hi martin

I think a lot of us had that little surge of anticipation - I look back and see that as proof I was addicted from a long way back.

One of the things mentioned in the cravings link above is playing the tape through to the end - forcing ourselves to thin k past the excitement and through to the deeply unsatisfying reality of drinking.

D

Windancer

Well, I had a wee nap after having a fairly productive day. But I woke up in a bit of a pity train. Not sure why. I was definately feeling lonely. I live way out in the country and can't drive. So I am fairly isolated. But I heard a quote recently stating something about it is hard to be lonely when you like who you are with. I was also aware I was feeling sorry for myself for no good reason, and dooley noted the slight pull on my sleeve to the liquor store by Dralca (my name for my AV is Dralca. She is a b*tch.) I have not had many alcohol cravings at all lately but today I had a fairly intense one, though it was very brief. The "lonely" in HALTT is a big one for me. I took my laundry off the line, being deliberately mindful, and had a brief chat with Mom & had a quick bite to eat. I was proud of my self-awareness as I watched my emotions come and go. Then I decided to see what you fine people are doing before I hop in the shower. I've had an avacadoe hair mask in my hair ALL DAY! LOL

WhiskeyBent

Great point Martin. I would be so excited after i had the bottle purchased. Literally racing home to get inside. Find the glass, get the ice. Barely waiting for the drink to get cold. And rushing it inside. The rest of the story was never as good as that part right there. Press repeat.

WhiskeyBent

Hi Windancer. Your post resonated with me. Feeling like Im on the pity train. Poor me. Not that anything is really wrong. Just feeling sorry for myself cause I cant drink. Yikes. Its the mental part to get over. Hard. I hope you had a way to bust out of it. I went for walk and I felt a wee bit better.

Windancer

I found that even being aware of it and doing some mindfulness exercises helped a lot, Whiskeybent. I also had a shower. I am still feeling a wee bit lonely, but much better than before.

Windancer

Well it is almost time to hit the sack here. Although I'll be around on here for sure if I can't sleep haha.
Day 16 for me tomorrow!
Hope everyone gets some decent rest and feels bright eyed and bushy tailed on Sunday morning.
G'night!

Behindthelens

@Martin 1
I know exactly what you mean. The knowledge that the first drink is on its way is a buzz in itself. Then the first 2 or 3 are great. After that it can turn dark for me but it's too late as I cannot stop by then.

I'm on day 12 and am drained. It was exactly the same the last time at got to this point. I don't feel bad, just general fatigue. No big deal though as I know it will pass in a few days and it's way better than being hungover and anxious.

I'm still getting the AV chiming in but playing the tape seems to be working really well. I'm finding that being totally honest with myself regarding consequences is helping a lot.

I'm on a Gene Wilder fix at the moment. I loved his films as a kid. Last night was Stir Crazy.

Suzysu

Am starting day 2 today have been going about 5 days before I break am hoping that posting and reading other posts will keep me going longer in my sobriety good luck everyone September is our month!



Suzysu