Class of April 2016 Part 7
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Hi Kopfsn,Ring, and everyone. Happy Thursday.
Ring, I had my first drinking dream in a while last night too. I was very happy when I woke up that it was just a bad dream! Your dream was very interesting and I think that's an insightful thought you have about the association.
Just a quick hello as I'm drowning at work and got online at 4 am to start a bit of catch up
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Ring, I had my first drinking dream in a while last night too. I was very happy when I woke up that it was just a bad dream! Your dream was very interesting and I think that's an insightful thought you have about the association.
Just a quick hello as I'm drowning at work and got online at 4 am to start a bit of catch up
.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
I hate drinking dreams! Sometimes I am being encouraged to drink and I'm saying no in the dream,sometimes I'm actually drinking in them,so weird, I really feel like I'm getting sick now,great,or it's just allergies, the worst allergies in history! This too shall pass, much love to all have a great Thursday!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Jose,Tati does indeed rock! Everyone here does in my opinion, long day at work the clock seemed to drag some days fly by and others were like today,tried to doze a bit when I got home but my dog kept hearing stuff outside and getting up down,brat,hope everyone is having a nice day
some days fly by and others were like today,tried to doze a bit when I got home but my dog kept hearing stuff outside and getting up down,brat,hope everyone is having a nice day
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hi all, sorry I've been scarce. God awful stressful week. Dealing with annulment from Catholic Church with my divorce. What a hurtful and wasteful process. My ex really slammed me, and my family and yes he brought up my alcohol abuse and used it against me! Of course he conveniently didn't mention anything about his own abuse of alcohol.
Ugh. Not going to drink but GD if I didn't crave all day yesterday after getting that annulment letter. I immediately wanted to numb out my pain and get wasted. I didn't and I am better for it. 139 days today! I am impressed to realize I am more than 1/3 of a year SOBER!!! That is something I am so proud Of and I will not let my ex or the Catholic Church destroy my sobriety!
and yes he brought up my alcohol abuse and used it against me! Of course he conveniently didn't mention anything about his own abuse of alcohol.Ugh. Not going to drink but GD if I didn't crave all day yesterday after getting that annulment letter. I immediately wanted to numb out my pain and get wasted. I didn't and I am better for it. 139 days today! I am impressed to realize I am more than 1/3 of a year SOBER!!! That is something I am so proud Of and I will not let my ex or the Catholic Church destroy my sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
Hi Kitty, that sounds tough, but you are on the right track and should be very proud of yourself.
Just wanted to mention also I think I may be hitting a stage of PAWS not sleeping, agitated and a general uneasy feeling. I have techniques in place to ensure I don't get side tracked but it is a really weird stage. Also I wanted to ask you all if and how your relationships changed with your SO as you embark on recovery and make changes in yourself. I am starting to see that some people liked me vulnerable and questioning myself and may not be so happy that I have my faculties about me anymore. I would be interested in any perspectives here from the group?
Just wanted to mention also I think I may be hitting a stage of PAWS not sleeping, agitated and a general uneasy feeling. I have techniques in place to ensure I don't get side tracked but it is a really weird stage. Also I wanted to ask you all if and how your relationships changed with your SO as you embark on recovery and make changes in yourself. I am starting to see that some people liked me vulnerable and questioning myself and may not be so happy that I have my faculties about me anymore. I would be interested in any perspectives here from the group?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Ring- I have been the same way. I haven't been sleeping as good and I was really agitated today and kinda off. I never thought about it being PAWS. I hope it passes soon whatever it is.
I do think there are some people who think I am mad at them or stuck up now because I haven't been going around people who has used me before when I was drunk...like to buy them pizza and beer etc. I was really generous with people when I was drinking.
Things are good with my husband. I am sure he likes me being more present, cleaning more, cooking more, listening to him more, not passing out, not snoring. etc. lol
I do think there are some people who think I am mad at them or stuck up now because I haven't been going around people who has used me before when I was drunk...like to buy them pizza and beer etc. I was really generous with people when I was drinking.
Things are good with my husband. I am sure he likes me being more present, cleaning more, cooking more, listening to him more, not passing out, not snoring. etc. lol
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
Thanks everyone!! Yeah I know nobody was intentionally "ignoring" me and everyone is going through their OWN ****. I'm just one of those annoying people who needs constant encouragement. My mom encourages me......Somewhat, but with her disability there's a part of her thats checked out, and I think a huge part of her doesn't want me to go out into the world, because she's afraid i'm gonna leave her. My depression has always been a convenience to my family. I've been a caregiver since I was a teenager. My mom can't see where i'm coming from, because she's never been in my situation. My grams didn't get sick until my mom was well into her 40's and she had me. When my grams got sick and became bedridden she was extremely angry, and their relationship was strained. It's hard watching a parent decline like that. So I kind of had to take over. I don't resent my mom or anything. I understand why she lashed out, but she feels guilty for the way she treated my grams, and she's afraid i'm going to do the same thing to her, but I'm NOT! BUT I have to learn how to take care of myself. Especially since my mom is getting older AND she's so blase about her health. I don't know how to navigate the world without her, and thats a problem.
Anyway I filled out two applications for two GED programs. I submitted one online (I couldn't go in person), and I'm about to drop off the other one this morning. I was on the computer searching for schools for HOURS. I was getting discouraged, because most of these programs have a long wait period. It's not like in NY where GED prep courses are in abundance. I didn't have to wait to get into my old GED program. I called on like a monday and by that friday I was taking a placement test and I was in. Easy peasy. I guess because allentown is so much smaller the demand for these classes is higher. I don't really mind waiting per-say, but i'm afraid I won't get into either of them. Like I don't want to wait for something thats not going to happen you know? I hate, hate being in limbo. I just feel this PRESSURE to get this **** done and over with.
I was also researching careers. I narrowed it down to Medical assisting, LPN, and surgical technology. I'm leaning more towards medical assisting and LPN. Even with all the horror stories I heard about nursing school, and the burn out rate. A huge part of me still wants to pursue it. I don't think I can handle a full blown RN program YET, but a LPN program sounds doable. I feel like I can commit and stay focused for 18 months, and the teas test doesn't scare me. I will just have to study my ass off, and get a tutor for the math portion. The english, science and language portion is nothing for me. I passed all that with flying colors when I took the new GED test AKA TASC test in NYC (The TASC is a million times harder then the original GED). It's the MATH that ***** up my whole grind. I failed the math by TWO points guys! And you know why I failed? Because I stupidly left TWELVE questions blank. My defeatist attitude is what ****** me over.
Anyway i'm really scared and anxious. I know I have to stop overwhelming myself and just be patient, but I just REALLY want to succeed. Nursing schools are SOOO competitive. Hell even the medical assisting programs are competitive! And i'm not academically gifted AND there's only so many programs in allentown. I feel like this is all a pipe dream. I almost wanna laugh at myself for even wanting to ATTEMPT to pursue these professions.
On top of all this **** my mom has been stressing me out the past few days. She got TWELVE vicodin from the ER last week. I told her TWICE save them for BED, because her hip only hurts at when she lays down. Of course she doesn't listen and she takes like three a day. I asked her why are you taking them during the day?! she says "I don't know" Like?????? They were helping her sleep through the night to. If she had only taken one at night she would've had enough to last her until her orthopedist appointment next week. She ALWAYS doesn't stuff like this. Her stubbornness ANNOYS the **** out of me. She doesn't seem to care that it's just ME taking care of her. She needs to lose ******' weight, and her mobility would improve 10 fold. But nope she just keeps eating junk. Even when I make my healthy sweets she STILL eats crap. She buys a container of FROSTING and eat it from the container with walnuts! Thats the main reason I took up baking, so she could have healthy alternatives for her sweet tooths. I dunno anymore. I've exhausted all my thoughts. I hope everyone has a lovely weekend
Anyway I filled out two applications for two GED programs. I submitted one online (I couldn't go in person), and I'm about to drop off the other one this morning. I was on the computer searching for schools for HOURS. I was getting discouraged, because most of these programs have a long wait period. It's not like in NY where GED prep courses are in abundance. I didn't have to wait to get into my old GED program. I called on like a monday and by that friday I was taking a placement test and I was in. Easy peasy. I guess because allentown is so much smaller the demand for these classes is higher. I don't really mind waiting per-say, but i'm afraid I won't get into either of them. Like I don't want to wait for something thats not going to happen you know? I hate, hate being in limbo. I just feel this PRESSURE to get this **** done and over with.
I was also researching careers. I narrowed it down to Medical assisting, LPN, and surgical technology. I'm leaning more towards medical assisting and LPN. Even with all the horror stories I heard about nursing school, and the burn out rate. A huge part of me still wants to pursue it. I don't think I can handle a full blown RN program YET, but a LPN program sounds doable. I feel like I can commit and stay focused for 18 months, and the teas test doesn't scare me. I will just have to study my ass off, and get a tutor for the math portion. The english, science and language portion is nothing for me. I passed all that with flying colors when I took the new GED test AKA TASC test in NYC (The TASC is a million times harder then the original GED). It's the MATH that ***** up my whole grind. I failed the math by TWO points guys! And you know why I failed? Because I stupidly left TWELVE questions blank. My defeatist attitude is what ****** me over.
Anyway i'm really scared and anxious. I know I have to stop overwhelming myself and just be patient, but I just REALLY want to succeed. Nursing schools are SOOO competitive. Hell even the medical assisting programs are competitive! And i'm not academically gifted AND there's only so many programs in allentown. I feel like this is all a pipe dream. I almost wanna laugh at myself for even wanting to ATTEMPT to pursue these professions.
On top of all this **** my mom has been stressing me out the past few days. She got TWELVE vicodin from the ER last week. I told her TWICE save them for BED, because her hip only hurts at when she lays down. Of course she doesn't listen and she takes like three a day. I asked her why are you taking them during the day?! she says "I don't know" Like?????? They were helping her sleep through the night to. If she had only taken one at night she would've had enough to last her until her orthopedist appointment next week. She ALWAYS doesn't stuff like this. Her stubbornness ANNOYS the **** out of me. She doesn't seem to care that it's just ME taking care of her. She needs to lose ******' weight, and her mobility would improve 10 fold. But nope she just keeps eating junk. Even when I make my healthy sweets she STILL eats crap. She buys a container of FROSTING and eat it from the container with walnuts! Thats the main reason I took up baking, so she could have healthy alternatives for her sweet tooths. I dunno anymore. I've exhausted all my thoughts. I hope everyone has a lovely weekend
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
This is REALLY embarrassing to admit, but two days ago I learned how to pay bills for the first time in my life *hangs head in shame* AND I learned how to write a check. It was cake, and I knew neither would be rocket science (c'mon now), but I never actually did it before. My mom does all that stuff, so I told her to let me do it and I'm gonna do it again next month. I'm just trying to take the steps to become an actual adult you know? Please don't judge me!!! lol
Thanks midwest and dickenson!!
Thanks midwest and dickenson!!
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