Class of October 2014 Part 25
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
We've got a pizza on order too. Hawaiian, my daughter's favorite, therefore we have all learned to appreciate it. I'm looking forward to it.
Today I've just been riding out some mood swings and trying to go easy on myself. I thought my body was ready to ease up on the cravings for caloric foods, and it really was better than it's been, but this afternoon I just had to get down on about 1000 golden oreos. I'm trying not to rush my body to normalize, but part of me is still pretty upset about the situation and thinks I really should be on a strict eating plan with no binges by now. I feel like I have definitely gained enough weight that it's time to stop bingeing, but I realize I'm not the best person to be making those kinds of decisions, so I'm trying to just let my body guide me. I hope it's trustworthy. If I can't normalize on my own, I will have to work with a dietician, and I'd rather not go that route. Frankly, I'm getting tired of having to rely on so many professionals to keep me straight (and even with them around I never seem to stay straight anyway!), so bringing another freakin' doctor onto my "team" would probably make me feel like even more of a loser.
I've felt pretty disappointed in myself lately. While I've had this mess going on, some people I work with have been promoted and started some very cool projects. I was sitting in court the other day with a bunch of accomplished attorneys, and I started feeling pretty crappy because there was a time when I had pretty high hopes for myself. I was smart, educated, and eager to achieve. People told me I would go far. But I'm still a government paralegal, and at this point I really don't have any further career aspirations. Why? Because I'm f-ing crazy. Sometimes I can barely manage the job I have. It wouldn't be fair to an employer or myself to try for something more advanced. My mental health seems to be worsening as I get older, and I have to be realistic about that. Sometimes it just bums me out to think about it, and now sometimes I wonder what's ahead for me and whether a time will come when I won't be able to work. My grandmother was bipolar and eventually got to that point. It's scary, and I really shouldn't let myself get caught up in thinking about it. The point is I'm just disappointed in myself and struggling with acceptance right now.
Anyway, pizza's here!
Today I've just been riding out some mood swings and trying to go easy on myself. I thought my body was ready to ease up on the cravings for caloric foods, and it really was better than it's been, but this afternoon I just had to get down on about 1000 golden oreos. I'm trying not to rush my body to normalize, but part of me is still pretty upset about the situation and thinks I really should be on a strict eating plan with no binges by now. I feel like I have definitely gained enough weight that it's time to stop bingeing, but I realize I'm not the best person to be making those kinds of decisions, so I'm trying to just let my body guide me. I hope it's trustworthy. If I can't normalize on my own, I will have to work with a dietician, and I'd rather not go that route. Frankly, I'm getting tired of having to rely on so many professionals to keep me straight (and even with them around I never seem to stay straight anyway!), so bringing another freakin' doctor onto my "team" would probably make me feel like even more of a loser.
I've felt pretty disappointed in myself lately. While I've had this mess going on, some people I work with have been promoted and started some very cool projects. I was sitting in court the other day with a bunch of accomplished attorneys, and I started feeling pretty crappy because there was a time when I had pretty high hopes for myself. I was smart, educated, and eager to achieve. People told me I would go far. But I'm still a government paralegal, and at this point I really don't have any further career aspirations. Why? Because I'm f-ing crazy. Sometimes I can barely manage the job I have. It wouldn't be fair to an employer or myself to try for something more advanced. My mental health seems to be worsening as I get older, and I have to be realistic about that. Sometimes it just bums me out to think about it, and now sometimes I wonder what's ahead for me and whether a time will come when I won't be able to work. My grandmother was bipolar and eventually got to that point. It's scary, and I really shouldn't let myself get caught up in thinking about it. The point is I'm just disappointed in myself and struggling with acceptance right now.
Anyway, pizza's here!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,517
I am now blaming all of you for the fact that I am having pizza tonight. 
Briar ~ as you begin to heal and regain strength (physically and mentally), I think your confidence in your future will return. I know it's scary to think that mental health issues are always going to be a problem, but you don't know that. You have excellent medical help, something that your grandmother may not have had available to her.
Briar ~ as you begin to heal and regain strength (physically and mentally), I think your confidence in your future will return. I know it's scary to think that mental health issues are always going to be a problem, but you don't know that. You have excellent medical help, something that your grandmother may not have had available to her.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Thanks V. Sorry, I got way further into that than I meant to. I have a bad habit of that. Moving on...
My daughter and I have this on repeat. You can't help but feel a little better with this going on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkCyfBibIbI
My daughter and I have this on repeat. You can't help but feel a little better with this going on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkCyfBibIbI
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,517
No sorrys.... we care about each other.
I may have sounded harsh and I didn't mean to.
I have so much faith in you Briar, as you know. ♥
And kind of ironic that you picked a Meghan Trainor song....that girl has the best body image. An excellent role model I think.
Hope you're feeling better and better Conquest, and that the swelling is going down.
phoebe ~ just saw a pic of your dog on FB, and all I could think was wow, he's allowed on that chair?
I may have sounded harsh and I didn't mean to.
I have so much faith in you Briar, as you know. ♥
And kind of ironic that you picked a Meghan Trainor song....that girl has the best body image. An excellent role model I think.
Hope you're feeling better and better Conquest, and that the swelling is going down.
phoebe ~ just saw a pic of your dog on FB, and all I could think was wow, he's allowed on that chair?
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Perception is a funny thing Briar
To me you are light years away from where you were when you first came to SR. I don;' see disappointment and things getting worse...I see a great overall improvement and I see you actively dealing with your issues, not running away from them
Just wanted to share that perspective
Congrats on 4 months Arbor
To me you are light years away from where you were when you first came to SR. I don;' see disappointment and things getting worse...I see a great overall improvement and I see you actively dealing with your issues, not running away from them
Just wanted to share that perspective
Congrats on 4 months Arbor
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Good morning gang!
The first few days after surgery can be so tough. I hope this weekend will be a turning point for you Conquest.
At loose ends with no plans today. I know that I need to start getting tax stuff together but may procrastinate on that.
Evolving/changing perception has been interesting these last months. A peeling away of layers. It'll be of interest to find what's really at the tootsie roll center of this tootsie pop.
Coffe now. Gym to come.
Wishing each of you the best day.
The first few days after surgery can be so tough. I hope this weekend will be a turning point for you Conquest.
At loose ends with no plans today. I know that I need to start getting tax stuff together but may procrastinate on that.
Evolving/changing perception has been interesting these last months. A peeling away of layers. It'll be of interest to find what's really at the tootsie roll center of this tootsie pop.
Coffe now. Gym to come.
Wishing each of you the best day.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Gmorning everyone! I'm here, just woozy from meds. My surgery ended up being more extensive than expected so my face is huge. And I'll need to do another, not sure when. I'm in pain, frustrated with the process, and worried about being able to go back to work on Tuesday as planned. So I'm doing my best to put worry aside and rest because there's nothing I can really do about it. And I certainly can't complain about my cute "nurses" at home. Cowboy & Jr. are being very sweet, keeping me fed and entertained when I'm awake. My parents and brother are coming to hang out today too. There's a lot to be thankful for. It just didn't go as smoothly as expected. Grrrrr. And thanks for giving me a private place to vent.
Briar, I just love that song. And I totally admire your strength. Dee nailed it. I know I only get to see a tiny glimpse of you on here, but what I see is determination, perseverance, and a lot of hard work.
I hope everyone's pizzas were as good as I imagine! I may give it a try.
All I'd need to do is chop it into tiny pieces and dump it in the back of my mouth like a baby bird. Where there's a will, there's a way, right? Lol
Huge hugs all around
Briar, I just love that song. And I totally admire your strength. Dee nailed it. I know I only get to see a tiny glimpse of you on here, but what I see is determination, perseverance, and a lot of hard work.
I hope everyone's pizzas were as good as I imagine! I may give it a try.
All I'd need to do is chop it into tiny pieces and dump it in the back of my mouth like a baby bird. Where there's a will, there's a way, right? Lol
Huge hugs all around
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 673
Conquest, I've totally been there with the dental surgery and more on the way for 2016, so I get it. Hope you heal quickly. Briar, you have come far. You need to focus on recovery. Career aspirations can also change when you have a family. WTG Arbor! Good morning all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Was a pizza kinda night for everyone. Nice!
Rainy, gloomy day here. But hey, better than snow. It's close to 50 degrees.
Feel better Conquest. You have a great attitude moving forward! I love the idea of accepting that we can't control everything. You can find comfort in just that.
One can worry about the career path too often Briar. Sometimes I find it useful to just be grateful for what I do have. A really good job. Puts food on my table. You have a lot going on so I think your right in that advancement might be too much right now. There's plenty of future work time to be had to be bringing home the bacon. 8)
Have a great weekend guys.
Rainy, gloomy day here. But hey, better than snow. It's close to 50 degrees.
Feel better Conquest. You have a great attitude moving forward! I love the idea of accepting that we can't control everything. You can find comfort in just that.
One can worry about the career path too often Briar. Sometimes I find it useful to just be grateful for what I do have. A really good job. Puts food on my table. You have a lot going on so I think your right in that advancement might be too much right now. There's plenty of future work time to be had to be bringing home the bacon. 8)
Have a great weekend guys.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,697
Gmorning BD! Thanks for the encouragement. It really does help.
What's everyone got going on this weekend? We've got plans to be lazy and watch football playoffs this afternoon. My team is out so I'm not sure who is playing... Just looking forward to time with family.
What's everyone got going on this weekend? We've got plans to be lazy and watch football playoffs this afternoon. My team is out so I'm not sure who is playing... Just looking forward to time with family.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by Conquest 
Gmorning everyone! I'm here, just woozy from meds. My surgery ended up being more extensive than expected so my face is huge. And I'll need to do another, not sure when. I'm in pain, frustrated with the process, and worried about being able to go back to work on Tuesday as planned. So I'm doing my best to put worry aside and rest because there's nothing I can really do about it. And I certainly can't complain about my cute "nurses" at home. Cowboy & Jr. are being very sweet, keeping me fed and entertained when I'm awake. My parents and brother are coming to hang out today too. There's a lot to be thankful for. It just didn't go as smoothly as expected. Grrrrr. And thanks for giving me a private place to vent.
Briar, I just love that song. And I totally admire your strength. Dee nailed it. I know I only get to see a tiny glimpse of you on here, but what I see is determination, perseverance, and a lot of hard work.
I hope everyone's pizzas were as good as I imagine! I may give it a try.
All I'd need to do is chop it into tiny pieces and dump it in the back of my mouth like a baby bird. Where there's a will, there's a way, right? Lol
Huge hugs all around
Briar, I just love that song. And I totally admire your strength. Dee nailed it. I know I only get to see a tiny glimpse of you on here, but what I see is determination, perseverance, and a lot of hard work.
I hope everyone's pizzas were as good as I imagine! I may give it a try.
All I'd need to do is chop it into tiny pieces and dump it in the back of my mouth like a baby bird. Where there's a will, there's a way, right? Lol
Huge hugs all around
Hope that you are feeling much better soon, Conquest. Dental surgery sounds so painful. My poor husband has had his share of that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by Briar
We've got a pizza on order too. Hawaiian, my daughter's favorite, therefore we have all learned to appreciate it. I'm looking forward to it.
Today I've just been riding out some mood swings and trying to go easy on myself. I thought my body was ready to ease up on the cravings for caloric foods, and it really was better than it's been, but this afternoon I just had to get down on about 1000 golden oreos. I'm trying not to rush my body to normalize, but part of me is still pretty upset about the situation and thinks I really should be on a strict eating plan with no binges by now. I feel like I have definitely gained enough weight that it's time to stop bingeing, but I realize I'm not the best person to be making those kinds of decisions, so I'm trying to just let my body guide me. I hope it's trustworthy. If I can't normalize on my own, I will have to work with a dietician, and I'd rather not go that route. Frankly, I'm getting tired of having to rely on so many professionals to keep me straight (and even with them around I never seem to stay straight anyway!), so bringing another freakin' doctor onto my "team" would probably make me feel like even more of a loser.
I've felt pretty disappointed in myself lately. While I've had this mess going on, some people I work with have been promoted and started some very cool projects. I was sitting in court the other day with a bunch of accomplished attorneys, and I started feeling pretty crappy because there was a time when I had pretty high hopes for myself. I was smart, educated, and eager to achieve. People told me I would go far. But I'm still a government paralegal, and at this point I really don't have any further career aspirations. Why? Because I'm f-ing crazy. Sometimes I can barely manage the job I have. It wouldn't be fair to an employer or myself to try for something more advanced. My mental health seems to be worsening as I get older, and I have to be realistic about that. Sometimes it just bums me out to think about it, and now sometimes I wonder what's ahead for me and whether a time will come when I won't be able to work. My grandmother was bipolar and eventually got to that point. It's scary, and I really shouldn't let myself get caught up in thinking about it. The point is I'm just disappointed in myself and struggling with acceptance right now.
Anyway, pizza's here!
Today I've just been riding out some mood swings and trying to go easy on myself. I thought my body was ready to ease up on the cravings for caloric foods, and it really was better than it's been, but this afternoon I just had to get down on about 1000 golden oreos. I'm trying not to rush my body to normalize, but part of me is still pretty upset about the situation and thinks I really should be on a strict eating plan with no binges by now. I feel like I have definitely gained enough weight that it's time to stop bingeing, but I realize I'm not the best person to be making those kinds of decisions, so I'm trying to just let my body guide me. I hope it's trustworthy. If I can't normalize on my own, I will have to work with a dietician, and I'd rather not go that route. Frankly, I'm getting tired of having to rely on so many professionals to keep me straight (and even with them around I never seem to stay straight anyway!), so bringing another freakin' doctor onto my "team" would probably make me feel like even more of a loser.
I've felt pretty disappointed in myself lately. While I've had this mess going on, some people I work with have been promoted and started some very cool projects. I was sitting in court the other day with a bunch of accomplished attorneys, and I started feeling pretty crappy because there was a time when I had pretty high hopes for myself. I was smart, educated, and eager to achieve. People told me I would go far. But I'm still a government paralegal, and at this point I really don't have any further career aspirations. Why? Because I'm f-ing crazy. Sometimes I can barely manage the job I have. It wouldn't be fair to an employer or myself to try for something more advanced. My mental health seems to be worsening as I get older, and I have to be realistic about that. Sometimes it just bums me out to think about it, and now sometimes I wonder what's ahead for me and whether a time will come when I won't be able to work. My grandmother was bipolar and eventually got to that point. It's scary, and I really shouldn't let myself get caught up in thinking about it. The point is I'm just disappointed in myself and struggling with acceptance right now.
Anyway, pizza's here!
You are still smart; you are still educated - no one can take that away from you. Ambition is sure to return when everything else is in balance.
And . . .
, girl.
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