HFA

Part 4?!?! I missed a whole part 3. Sorry been neglecting to check in. Still doing ok on day 23. Now I have to go back and get caught up on everyones post....

angd1978

Welcome Needtostop! We are glad that you are here!
BBB- thanks for the reminder about isolation. I needed to hear that.
Scram- I know you have been anticipating this meeting, best wishes to you!
FABL- Good luck on the therapy session. I have found therapy to be very beneficial when you really want it and are completely honest.

Thanks to all that have posted about the teaching profession. You have helped me to see that I am not some degenerate reject that has no right to step up on the perfect podium that society wants us to be on. I am glad that I have a place to come and get my feelings out this upcoming school year instead of drinking the stress away.

I hope everyone has a fantastic, sober day! Let's all fight the good fight!

kittycat3

Thanks for support guys. I'm scared but getting thru this one day, one hour, one minute at a time.....

TroyW

Went into town in the morning to get a haircut and run some errands, then came home, showered up, put on my nicest set of clothes, and headed off to the temple. Not sure why I thought it necessary to dress as if I'm going into a board meeting to visit a Buddhist temple, but whatever. Nonetheless, didn't even see a single monk. The grounds are huge -- probably about 12 city blocks (3x4). Went too late in the afternoon though, so will try again tomorrow morning.

Aside from that, not doing well. Not complaining, because I did it to myself. I definitely have alcoholic neuropathy, and there's no question about that. Had it mildly for nearly two years or more, but it's definitely there now. Cognitive abilities are deteriorating -- just simple things like balance, carrying bags, sweeping, etc.

I'm somewhat mentally preparing for end days here, but I guess we'll see what happens. The body is a pretty remarkable beast, but it's definitely off base right now. So yeah, definitely learn a lesson, and ensure you stay sober everyone. You don't want to be here.

Take care everyone!

angd1978

I meant to include you in my previous post, Kitty! Sorry! It doesn't matter how many day ones you have, this could be the one that sticks and changes your life for ever. You are in my thoughts today and we are here to support you. You only have to get through today. Taking it in small increments is great! Before you know it, getting through one day at a time becomes a way of life. (hugs)

KeepingOn

You go, Kitty! Day one -- even if it's again -- is a commitment to get better. Stay with us! There are a lot of "day one's again" here (myself included -- well, a few days ago).

KO

Void

I posted in the Newcomers to Recovery page for the first time a few days ago. Got some great support, thought a lot, carried on drinking, and now I'm ready to join the Class of July.

First full day sober will be tomorrow. I'll post an update :-)

Sending love and solace to you all.

BringingBackB

Hey Void, welcome

Look forward to hearing from you!

Kitty - you can get through this. 8 days ago i was counting minute by minute, I know how bad it feels. It does get better though. Hang on in there, we are all right here behind you.

Winding down time for me after a stressful day. Couldnt make a SMART meeting today and im definitely feeling it. Must make sure i MAKE the time tomorrow no matter what. Plan for the rest of the night us keeping you lovely people company and watching Orange Is the New Black on Netflix. Wow, its so hard to type properly on my tablet! Typos galore.

forabetterlife

Glad you're back kitty! You can do this, just get through today.
Welcome void

I'm struggling. My 1st therapy session was good, I left feeling stronger and good about myself. But my relationship is clearly over, I'm hanging on by a thread. Poured my heart and soul out and barely got a response. It's not surprising but I was hopeful if we were honest, something would give. I'm really really not good at letting go even when the writing is clearly on the wall.
Then went to a work function (no alcohol) and felt so inferior, not sure where it was coming from but I just was uncomfortable in my own skin. Cried all the way home and am just fighting with myself, talking myself out of a bottle of wine, because that's all I want.
I know feelings pass and things improve but right now I can't stand myself and I'm so frustrated with so much- I can literally feel my blood racing through my body dying for a drink to calm these awful feelings, this emotional day. I know it won't help, I can't wake up tomorrow with that feeling on top of all this. I need to do the right thing and stay sober.
I know posting is what I always promised I would do when I was this desperate so here I am.

toadie54

Now this is what we need to see from you here...stay strong!

DitzyDandelion

Sending you huge hugs FABL. The feeling will pass. You truly come across as a beautiful person and in time you will see that too.

BringingBackB

FABL - really sorry to hear you are struggling. Maybe you just didn't 'click' with that therapist? Or maybe it needs another session or two to determine? Keep going

Hang on in there. Get yourself a cup of tea and stay with us. I will be in the chat room shortly if you want someone to talk to. You can do this. I know it's difficult when you feel so down but you could try and think of the big picture? Think how much of an achievement this will be not giving into your AV ( or whatever else you want to call it!)

Most importantly, well done for posting. That shows how brave/ strong you are and how much you want this. Sending positive vibes your way...

natalie661

Hi everyone. I joined this site earlier this week. I've pretty much became an alcoholic as soon as I was old enough to go buy it at age 21 and since then probably hasn't been longer than a week I've been able to go without getting blackout drunk. The past 3 months have really been me coming close to rock bottom. I had a terrible binge where I was drunk from Friday through Tuesday. I've pretty much spent the past 2 days coming out of my drunken haze/hangover and although I've made promises to myself to quit in the past I am really at a point now where I know if I keep drinking I am going to lose everything... but here I am 2 days later now that the embarrassment & guilt have worn off feeling myself craving another drink... does anyone else have that pattern of as soon as you start feeling 'ok' again those urges come back?

DitzyDandelion

Welcome Natalie glad you joined us. Yep in the past I often swore off drink till the edge of the bad feeling went away then it seemed a great idea. You know how it will go if you cave in a nd do it though and I am sure it is a cycle you are sick of. Stick with us there are some lovely people here.

Hug*

forabetterlife

Thank you thank you. I'm just gonna stick around here as long as I can, I'm super vulnerable right now , I need to be here with all of you.
Bringing back.. I wasn't very clear in my post, i didn't even proofread it. Therapist was fine, it was my relationship with my boyfriend that is falling apart. I know one therapy session can't work miracles.. But she was helpful and it was good to talk to someone.

DitzyDandelion

The end of relationships is always so hard. It is a grieving process even when you know it is time to let go.

Except my last relationship.. once I left that I didn't look back lol. But I remember the more typical feelings.

tokidoki

Checking in. What an active group! This is great.

Kitty--Good for you on coming right back right away. That's what I *didn't* do earlier and I regret it.

Troy W--Please don't give up. We want you here.

Anyone else who is struggling, please hang in there just for today. (I'm saying this to myself too. Seems to be no pink cloud this time.)

Tooshabby

To you teachers, i.e. 'the salt of the earth'... I have so much admiration. Having a problem with addiction doesn't make you a bad person, only human (note to self). Unfortunately for us, ours is so damaging and often public, but I honestly believe the majority of people are unhealthily attached to something to some degree. The Buddhist monks would tell us that, eh Troy? Angd...I had to laugh at your "degenerate reject" line...you haven't lost your sense of humour. Thank goodness young people are being taught and cared for by such special souls as yourselves.

Dear Troy - I found this in an article that seemed very robust and which quoted two scientific studies: "The good news is that most alcoholics with cognitive impairment show at least some improvement in brain structure and functioning within a year of abstinence, though some people take much longer." The body has an amazing capacity to heal, especially when you are giving it the fuel it needs, as you've said you are doing :-)

FABL, I was in a 'bad' marriage for many years and never got a response once from pouring out my soul. I know how it feels. Like DD, I can so relate to the immense difficulty in letting go, regardless of the quality of the relationship. You will know in your heart if the writing is on the wall. You can't avoid the pain of breaking up, but you can bear it, I promise. Stick with us and your therapist, friends, family, to help you pull through. It's so hard, but so worth it.

Nat...yes, the old 'get over the hangover and shame and head straight back into hell again' trick. Madness, isn't it? What's that line about insanity = doing the same thing over and expecting different results? I really, really plan to get with the sobriety programme this time. Grit my teeth and do it (rather than knocking them out one disaster by one).

Looking forward to the update, Void :-) Hang in there, Kitty and all you lovely people xxxxx

P.S. Thanks DD...I did sleep well, finally.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're still struggling - you too kittycat.

It sounds a bit corny but I had to work harder on my recovery than I did on my drinking - and thinking back on what I was prepared to do for a drink, or to keep it secret - thats a pretty high bar.

Whatever the problem is drinking won;t fix it and will probably be more like pouring gasoline on an open flame.

The Allen Carr book is good (Thanks Dee1971) cos it taught me to ask myself

'what do I want this drink to do for me?

is that a realistic expectation?

what other more effective and more healthy ways might I choose instead?

D

Dee74

You were thinking about moving a while back Troy - is that still on the cards?

D