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Class of July 2015 Part 4

Old 07-25-2015, 07:03 PM
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Toadie, I feel so homesick reading your post! I am a Jersey girl (Toms River), moved away 12 years ago. And a Yankee fan too, of course! Small world...
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:09 PM
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FABL, We were hoping Bruce would show since it was Bruce Springsteen night, but no luck. (I never checked if they were performing somewhere)

Was a great night though, weather was great and that stadium is always a nice experience.

I've lived here at the Jersey Shore since 1964, I was 10 years old when we moved from Rochester NY...hard to leave the Shore!

Stay safe!
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:14 PM
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Oh, that would have been awesome, Toadie. He does show up to things like that locally I know.

I love that stadium, we used to just get the lawn seats for day games sometimes and bring a blanket. It was always a nice family experience. And oh boy do I miss Jersey summer weather..and well, Jersey everything ...enjoy
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:18 PM
  # 284 (permalink)  
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FABL, the Yankees just stole the game from Milwaukee in the top of the ninth, down by 1 they scored 4 runs, the first was ARod's third homer of the game.

Not sure if you had access to it, was a great steal after losing last night.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:31 PM
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Checking in.

So much to catch up on.

BBFree- Japanese food-yum. And can't wait to get where you are. Lack of AV-yes.

BBB--I *love* Ian Rankin. Just read his book (title?) in which Rebus actually retires. Sad to see him go.

Olivia--actually "jumping in the lake"-nice.

Too Shabby-hope you were able to get sleep last night after all.

Toad and FABL---Springsteen- Yes! One of the best concerts I've ever been at was Springsteen (way back in college). Friends from yes, New Jersey, convinced me to go and they were right. He really gives 200 percent.

Looks like I'll have to watch "Flight". Denzel Washington and John Goodman--nice. Just watched "The Big Lebowski" last week. Maybe not the best film for these early days, but it's hoot.

Hope everyone is giving that AV a hard time.
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Old 07-25-2015, 07:31 PM
  # 286 (permalink)  
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oh, that sounds like it was a great game. A few years ago we paid for the Yes channel and that was great, but I just can't do it every year so now I just watch whenever they are on here.
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Old 07-25-2015, 08:26 PM
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Hi everyone. I am glad you are all doing so well. I agree with others who are wondering how sansa and DD and bebrave and antsy and all the others we have come to know are doing! If anyone who hasn't posted in awhile is reading this, we would love to just hear from you, that you're okay, and know you are still around even if things are tough or back to Day 1, or even at Day 0 right now. Our Class is a family, and you are all missed.

It is the end of my second Day 1. Feels strange to be starting over. I just hope I can be strong. Today wasn't too bad. I thought I would be more tempted to just drink since I screwed up yesterday, but I didn't really crave anything. Around midday, my boyfriend was hogging the TV for a Forza race online for a few hours, and it sounded really good to take my laptop to a local bar and sip wine while I write. I am sad that writing in my book is such a trigger for me...I have done a little bit of writing in my sober time, and have has a lot of good ideas, but I am still getting used to the idea of being happy with what I write and not thinking I need mind-altering alcohol to write well. Sigh.

Today I slept a lot (we got home from the amusement park around 2am and were very tired), drank some tea this morning, read my book, had some Pepsi and pizza and watched a couple episodes of 30 Rock from the beginning (my boyfriend has never seen more than an episode or two!), and am now getting ready to lay in bed with my book and tea.

Thank you again to everyone here. We have a wonderful group, and I am excited for us all to go into the month of August together and keep fighting for our sobriety.
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:32 PM
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FABL- I know dieting and exercise well. Off/on/pregnant/drinking. Food is always something I struggle with. Before alcohol I was obsessed with exercise and fitness. I've always had one vice or another, whether it be seen as a good or bad one. After my first child, I lost the weight fairly easily and started exercising again. Now my youngest is almost 3 and I'm nowhere near where I should be. I just can't imagine starting an exercise regimen now. I know it's possible. I have a treadmill. I just hate using it. I prefer to exercise outdoors but it's like 100 degrees out there. I know....excuses. So for now diet and no drinking. I'll add in exercise when I'm done with IOP. I start IOP only a week or so before school starts again, and then I'm back at work. Then the weather will cool down and I'll be better able to run outdoors.

I have this plan. It's just a matter of sticking to it and most of all-not drinking. Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday, and while I may not have a slice of cake, I do plan on a bite. I will not however, have a sip of anything. That's my non negotiable. It has to be. Even though right now a big part of me wants a drink, a bigger part
doesn't. I just wish the cravings would stop.

Sweet dreams all!
Oh and my Dodgers were pathetic today. So glad I didn't watch. I just saw the update on Facebook.
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:35 PM
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May I join you all?
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:42 PM
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welcome Sillyboy

D
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:45 PM
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Don't be silly, of course you may :-D Welcome!

Everyone sounds like they're doing great!

Frank, I hope you stick around. There's a good vibe going down here.

xxx
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Old 07-25-2015, 09:58 PM
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Hi SillyBoy, welcome to the group!

Just checking in, not much going on, had a hard time with cravings / feeling 'too good' last night, but at ease tonight. Anxiety continues to drop day by day. Took a long drive around the city and am camping the same old coffee shop again tonight. With GF out of town best to keep myself out of the house until the stores close, not trusting myself yet in that situation. I'm going to watch Flight tonight, I'd never heard of it, hope it's on one of the streaming services.

Day 11, looking forward to counting in weeks instead of days.
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Old 07-25-2015, 10:01 PM
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Sounds like you are making all the right moves to conquer those cravings, sourgrapes. I'm gonna watch flight tonight too. It was a pretty big movie when it came out so you should be able to find it no problem.
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Old 07-25-2015, 10:05 PM
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Hiding

Joined this week but have been pretty quiet. Tomorrow will be day 7. I have quit several times before and usually last about a month, so I am anxious but determined to have more tools and a plan to stay on track when complacency settles in and I think "I'm okay now, I've learned the importance of moderation".
The candor of everyone's posts and learning new strategies here is so reassuring. Thank you!
My greatest fear now is anxiety...I want to drink at the slightest hint of emotional or psychological discomfort. As a naturally very anxious and analytical person I find that I have attached drinking to almost every part of my life. I need to get exercise, be social, pursue support in my recovery, or even just show up at work to stay well and balanced.
When I feel unmotivated to face life I start to fixate on the feeling of dread that comes with simple responsibilities. I worry that pushing myself too hard even just to maintain a basic activity level will stress me out and my resolve will weaken. Maybe I'm just afraid of facing the discomfort of cravings.

I have never felt aware of this dilemma before when I quit drinking but I think I recognize it now because past attempts have failed when I overloaded myself with activities and immediately started trying to plan the rest of my life. ~overwhelming~
I'm aware I need to be easier on myself now, especially in the early days, but I feel like I'm wrapping myself in a protective cocoon and may hold myself back from recovering somehow.
I actually feel pretty good so far but a nagging inner voice is already asking when I'm going to start "being awesome, making up for lost time, etc."
Somebody tell me to chill the
**** out!
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Old 07-25-2015, 10:42 PM
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I can really relate to your story, Upwards. I always seem to crack at one month too, and similarly, it's any heightened emotion - often anxiety - that has me reaching for the bottle. I would give you advice but that would be a little bit like the blind leading the blind. It does sound like you expect a lot of yourself. Other people in this class have spoken about that too. I think it's partly our culture...you know, achieve, achieve, achieve. Be a 'success'. Whatever that means. I reckon success for us is giving up drinking. Even if that's all we did with the rest of our lives, it would be an enormous accomplishment. So yeah, just chill the f*^k out, okay?!
Love xxxx
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Old 07-25-2015, 10:53 PM
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Upwardspiral - Anxiety and alcohol have been a perplexing trip for me. I've been drinking daily for around 11 years, with a few month-or-two-ish sober periods. It wasn't until around 8 years in that anxiety was even on the radar. Previously I'd been a confident, calm, even stoic personality. Then I had my first panic attack, and the scope of my anxieties started growing from there. I was oblivious to the cause for a while, then in denial for a long time. 6 (strong) beers a night? People do that. I can do that. I don't even drink liquor (yet). Alcohol isn't the problem, it's got to be my stressful job, I'd tell myself.

Well the job may have played a role, but alcohol was the elephant in the room, I'm learning from periods of sobriety. It's so ironic to me that the thing that caused the problem is simultaneously the short lived cure, but I guess that's addiction. When I'm drinking, I resent having people tell me "you have to learn how to deal with things without alcohol." I get that a lot. If I can just accumulate a few days sober, I start to see how right they are, it's just a bitter pill when I'm in the thick of drinking and a couple shots would return me to my former self.

I too stress out a lot about when I'm going to get back to where I was. Hopefully my depression will clear as I no longer have to preface every thought in life with "will my anxiety play nice with this?" For now it's just added reason to stick with it this time and not backslide, or convince myself that I can be a controlled drinker. It's early for me too and a night without drinking still feels like accomplishment enough I have a bad track record with exercise, but at least now I feel up to it if it's suggested.

Tooshabby - Glad I passed the Friday night test. Night is especially difficult as I'm sure it is for many - having always been a night owl I get a certain energy and carefree attitude, as if tomorrow will never come and repercussions be damned.
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Old 07-25-2015, 11:02 PM
  # 297 (permalink)  
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Thanks shabby and sourgrapes, it's true: staying sober is accomplishment enough. I will remind myself of that every time I start to lay on the whip.
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Old 07-26-2015, 12:23 AM
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Made it thru the night alcohol free after being offered plenty of opportunities by cousins lol. Guess it helped that I still don't feel 100% and those cousins leave tomorrow. Day 4 as I go to bed.
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Old 07-26-2015, 02:47 AM
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Wow this thread moves fast! I wanted to get back on yesterday but I ended up having a nice Saturday so didn't get chance.

I got a few things done at work and then caught up on some stuff at home. Including vaxing my carpet. It had needed doing for a while and it's not my favourite thing to do but I spilt a massive bottle of coke on it whilst pissed on Wednesday and it was a mess. Now it smells nice and clean - the little things

I'm new so I'll tell you a bit of my history. I was an extremely shy child and so I was hooked from my first drink. I had a baby at 18 and ended up stuck in a life I hated. Alcohol was my escape. It went from weekends, to almost every night to binges lasting days. This went on for nearly 10 years with my eldest son having to watch the whole thing. I got hospitalised (because of a binge) with suspected diabetes and ended up having to declare my problem to the DVLA. They made me have a blood test and the day I got called into the doctors to talk about my raised liver levels I told them I was pregnant and my recovery (albeit forced) started there. I didn't drink at all while pregnant but I did have a couple of relapses once he was born. I had been looking forward to having a drink once I'd had him. When he was 7 months old I found I was pregnant again and that's when my recovery properly started. Those 2 pregnancies stopped me drinking long enough for me to learn to live without it. Having said that I still like getting drunk and 2/3 times a year since then I fall into binges again. Some lasting just a day and others lasting 4/5.

This last one was horrible. I started Saturday night and it went on until Wednesday night. I justify it to myself that I look after my family all the time and they should be able to cope without me for a few days but it's not right! My now 6 and 7 year olds do not understand why mum is suddenly not interested and turns into a monster. My partner and eldest son then spend the time trying to get on with normal life whilst hiding what I am doing, to constantly trying to make sure I don't get more and searching for my hidden stashes.

I want to protect my younger 2 from having to go through what my eldest did and so I'm here looking to find friends who have a common history. It's Sunday now and I'm still not quite myself but given how much I put away over those days it's not a surprise.

The life I have now I could never have had back then and I want it to stay that way. Things aren't perfect, we constantly struggle with finances which causes me a lot of stress but they are infinitely better than they were before I had my middle child.

So a big hello from me
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Old 07-26-2015, 04:00 AM
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Wow - thanks for that Charlie. I can totally understand that feeling of disappointment about having succumbed again, but boy, you have been doing so well!! 2-3 times a year makes me look like the lush of all lushes :-)
You sound like such a caring, loving Mum, with a wonderful family. Kind of sounds like you just need the edges tidied up a bit - not that I want to minimise the difficulty you describe. I know it very well. CycleMania posted a day or two ago with some lovely metaphors about not letting slip ups bring us down. I would use the quote thingee button so I could put it here for you, but I'm too thick to figure out how to use it. I tried it once and the quote got randomly posted into some thread I hadn't been looking at. I was startled and horrified, and now I'm scared of it. At least I think that's what happened. Anyway, CM's post a day or two ago....have a look.
Very best wishes and so lovely to hear your story.
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