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Class of July 2015 Part 4

Old 07-23-2015, 09:01 PM
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Originally Posted by natalie661 View Post
Hi everyone. I joined this site earlier this week. I've pretty much became an alcoholic as soon as I was old enough to go buy it at age 21 and since then probably hasn't been longer than a week I've been able to go without getting blackout drunk. The past 3 months have really been me coming close to rock bottom. I had a terrible binge where I was drunk from Friday through Tuesday. I've pretty much spent the past 2 days coming out of my drunken haze/hangover and although I've made promises to myself to quit in the past I am really at a point now where I know if I keep drinking I am going to lose everything... but here I am 2 days later now that the embarrassment & guilt have worn off feeling myself craving another drink... does anyone else have that pattern of as soon as you start feeling 'ok' again those urges come back?
It's crazy how even after the worse hangover & depression over a weekend binge goes away, I would some how forget it very quickly when the next invite to drink came around. Not this time, I remind myself daily of that last crazy drunk. Day 17 here, you can do it too!
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Old 07-23-2015, 09:13 PM
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New for july...

hi,
I'm new...haven't done this before. I'm new and don't really know what to expect! I have two weeks under my belt, and also have quit smoking.
a little overwhelming to say the least!
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Old 07-23-2015, 09:34 PM
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Hey, that's great sourgrapes, very often when anxiety is lifted for some time depression gradually lifts. The theory being it's difficult to feel good when you are anxious about things a lot of the time - which sounds logical.
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Old 07-23-2015, 09:38 PM
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Hi Norma,
People seem to just post when and what they feel like/need to, and get a lot of support from others. It's been called on our threads as being like a 'healing village'. It's easy to follow technically, it must be, because I a challenged human in that regard and appear to be finding my way around okay. Welcome :-)
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Old 07-23-2015, 09:40 PM
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Welcome Norma

D
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Old 07-23-2015, 10:00 PM
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Thanks everyone for your kind words. Went to a friends tonight and didn't drink. I feel better but still getting bad flashbacks about my drunken crap. Then I feel like I am all in my head obsessing about myself and I feel bad about that. Vicious cycle!

I'm sorry you are hurting FABL. And to the others, I'm looking forward to being supportive to you too. Day 2 tomorrow, can't wait!!!
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Old 07-23-2015, 10:19 PM
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Well I seem to have made a mess of things today. I succumbed drinking alcohol last night and ended on Facebook(bad idea) in which case I thought it would be a great idea to message my cousin(very bad idea) at like 5:00AM. I woke up around 3PM today and knew right away that I said a lot of bad crap so I went to look at the messages and automatically sent a reply to her saying how terrible I feel about insulting her and her mom and that I would send a formal email later on with a more detailed explanation. She hasn't responded to me yet. Basically from reading the exchange, I came off as mostly annoying in the beginning and not insulting, innocently sharing music videos from youtube. After several minutes she replied basically telling me stop sending messages and because I was so drunk, of course I took it to mean something offensive and from there generated this long rant that was insult after insult. I sent her an email later on with apologies to the incident and that the healing relationship process will take a long while but at least this email can be a start towards something more positive. I'm happy to say that I won't be doing that ever again since I am not going to drink. the damage has been done though so I think I'm still feeling embarrassed. These are family members I rarely see, maybe once a year for Thanksgiving and I think the origin of the insults stemmed from the complicated estranged relationship I have with them. Doesn't excuse the behavior of course but I think I can point out the origins. Anyway, I just wanted to share.
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Old 07-23-2015, 10:31 PM
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Hmm..I think probably all of us can relate to saying/sending things we later regret when we've been drinking...from slightly icky feelings to deeply shameful. Not comfortable and sometimes excruciating. But it sounds like you handled it immediately and really well.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:11 PM
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Don't worry SCF. Everyone makes mistakes. You acknowledged yours, learned from it, and are working on rectifying it, which is all that matters.

It's not the mistakes we make that matter, but how we handle them.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:15 PM
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New to the forum

Not my first time quitting alcohol, but my first time really admitting that I'm truly an alcoholic. I found these forums 4 days ago and have been reading every night. I have already learned some very useful terms and concepts to help me recognize my insidious AV, accept that my body cannot tolerate any alcohol, and that there is always a way to outlast temptation or diffuse stress. It feels good to read these words of commitment coming from my own heart. I am still harboring self doubt but will take it a day at a time. I did not drink yet this week, and I will not drink tomorrow. I'm so grateful I found this forum and for the moving personal stories and illuminating articles it's members are sharing here.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:20 PM
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Welcome to SR and the July class Upwardspiral (good choice in name, btw). Nice to meet you.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Tooshabby View Post
Hmm..I think probably all of us can relate to saying/sending things we later regret when we've been drinking...from slightly icky feelings to deeply shameful. Not comfortable and sometimes excruciating. But it sounds like you handled it immediately and really well.
When I'm not drinking, I tend to be a very diplomatic person and took a course on peace psychology at my University.

It doesn't matter when you have resolution of conflict skills handy. At the end of the day, you hurt their feelings and they may believe "the truth" came out through the alcohol. I did my best to explain in the email that there was most certainly an "origin" of those pent up emotions where I did feel insecurities and wondered what those relatives thought of me. I went on to say as a result, those kernels ended up popping into extreme disrespectful comments that were insulting.

My main objective now is to move on and take better care of myself and take it one day at a time. I have a lot of support from my dad's side of the family in case my mom's side of the family officially blackballs me.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:27 PM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
Welcome to SR and the July class Upwardspiral (good choice in name, btw). Nice to meet you.
Thank you! I have so many questions but for now I'm relieved to have spoken up and deepened my commitment to not giving up.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:30 PM
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If you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. We're a friendly group, and that's what we're here for. To support each other.

EDIT: I should note, we can't give medical advice though. All we can do in that regard is ask you to see your doctor.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:37 PM
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Hi Class of July '15 -

Today I started my Outpatient Rehab program. It was obviously a little intimidating, but it took very little time for me to feel relatively comfortable. This program is an evening program that meets from 5:30PM-9PM, and as result it tends to get professionals who are struggling with alcoholism. My group was just four people - all very nice - around my age or a little older. They had all been active in the program for at least 12 weeks, so they were a little further. And here's the thing - for the first time ever I felt like I was worse off than the rest of the group. I have never experienced this. I have been to countless AA meetings where I walked in, looked around, and within minutes said to myself, "Whoaaaa.... these people are way more messed up than I'll ever be. Not for me." Now obviously that's an alcoholic mindset coming in to play where you can constantly tell yourself you're not "like them", but there may have been some truth to it. (I mean, there was a few people just sleeping on the floor next to the cookies). Regardless, I think the combination of me feeling pretty broken/humbled and being around other alcoholics who seemed to have progressed far beyond where I am was new. And scary. Possibly a little encouraging, but mostly scary.

I will say this. I learned something tonight. I'm tired of being a victim to this disease. That may sound like an obvious statement, but there's a real layer of truth behind it that I don't think I would have understood before tonight. Alcohol has gone from an exciting new friend (high school), to very good friend (college), to a best friend (early 20s - mid/late 20s), to a codependent/semi toxic buddy (late 20s - 30), to an abusive and manipulative partner that routinely treats me like sh*t and demands virtually all my time (30 - today). If alcohol were a person I would have absolutely cut them off by now. I'm not saying I deserve the greatest care in the world but I deserve better than this. We all do.

Talk to you all soon -
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
You were thinking about moving a while back Troy - is that still on the cards?
Thanks Dee, and yeah, that's still the plan (has been for over a year). First need to get sober, get my teeth fixed, save up $30k, get my revenue to at least $10k/month again, get a new pa$$port, bribe some immigration officials to get a temporary 7 day VISA, get the dogs their shots & certificates again, then off we go to Uruguay.

heh, fun stuff. In other words, I'm sobering up here. Moving back to Canada to sober up is an impossibility.
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Old 07-23-2015, 11:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Scram View Post
Hi Class of July '15
Alcohol has gone from an exciting new friend (high school), to very good friend (college), to a best friend (early 20s - mid/late 20s), to a codependent/semi toxic buddy (late 20s - 30), to an abusive and manipulative partner that routinely treats me like sh*t and demands virtually all my time (30 - today). If alcohol were a person I would have absolutely cut them off by now. I'm not saying I deserve the greatest care in the world but I deserve better than this. We all do.

Talk to you all soon -
The toxic relationship metaphor comes to me sometimes too, especially when I get really sad about giving up something that I still love in this perverse way...almost nothing about it is really enjoyable anymore other than the memory of what it once was...
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Old 07-24-2015, 01:20 AM
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Welcome to all the new friends and a well done to all those still here and fighting onwards and upwards.

Day 10 dawning here.
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Old 07-24-2015, 02:46 AM
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Happy birthday Scram (I think). Glad IOP helped. Keep us posted please.

SFC - I don't think you will have to worry about Thanksgiving this year with the relatives! Boy I hate that when I would open my drunk mouth to people. My sister used to say (or write), "Are you drinking again". She's kind of a nut herself tho!

Bob - thanks for the link! The last 5-10 years I've been thinking a lot about alcohol and cancer. It's just ludicrous to pour ethanol down your throat! And yet for so many years I have done this. An uncle of mine told me my grandfather and great uncle died of esophagus cancer and throat cancer. I never knew either one of them. I made a list of hereditary things when I had my annual doctors visit prolly five years ago. His comment was "Some of this can be avoided". Wouldn't you think I'd get a clue and STOP! Nope. I have pains/odd feelings from my throat on down. I have mild Antral/Antrum? Gastritis which was discovered in another test involving my hyatic (sp?) hernia/schlazic ring. I think you said you have gastritus too. I think you mentioned a sharp pain in your belly. Of course I have to google my symptoms and the sharp pain was mentioned with "chronic" gastritus. If you weren't the person who mentioned some if this then oops sorry! If you were then how's it going? I'm trying to get some time under my belt before I go in for my physical. Cancer scares me as it's prevalent in my family! Yikes! My husband said last winter (as I was having a hard time swallowing) it's like pouring gasoline down your throat! He's right!
I liked the end of that article where it said they are trying to make a pill that mimics alcohol but doesn't have the bad affects! I'd like that. Thanks for the link again. Mo please!!

Allen Carr book - real good common sense read. Read and then drink! Doesn't make much sense!

Troy - I posted a pill earlier that my husband started taking. It is for foot neuropathy. He swears by it and he hates pills. Also his doctor told him an ingredient to buy from the pharmacy for neuropathy. Any pharmacist can tell you. I don't have the pill bottle in front of me but go back to my earlier post and google it. It comes right up. Not cheap tho. Foot neuropathy I THINK ties into diabetes.

Have a great day all. Great, active chain here.

Olivia
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Old 07-24-2015, 04:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Olivia2011 View Post
SFC - I don't think you will have to worry about Thanksgiving this year with the relatives! Boy I hate that when I would open my drunk mouth to people. My sister used to say (or write), "Are you drinking again". She's kind of a nut herself tho!
Yeah I think I'll take up the invite to go have Thanksgiving at my uncle and aunt from my dad's side of the family this year. I always found Thanksgiving so incredibly awkward anyway with my aunts and cousins that I only saw once a year. When I think of all those mean things, some of them were incredibly inappropriate of course but there were a few things I said that were sadly true even though I vehemently apologized for in my email to them. I always wanted to vent out my frustrations with them, obviously not in that extreme way of course, but I guess one thing I can take away from this mistake is at least I got a few things out that I would have liked to have said to them sober. I do think I'm going to take a break from Facebook for a while. I think there's a way to briefly remove your account and then reactivate it at some point. I can use instagram to satisfy my social media needs. I just need to focus on myself and my goal of going to grad school. At this point, nothing else matters except for that and of course my sobriety which I'm finally going to take seriously. I could either feel bad today about my FB messenger incident or I can make today the beginning of the rest of my life.
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