rockstonic

Glad to see you back izzy! And chick!

I'm having a really ****** day. My bf has been on a business trip and just got back tonight. He's going through weed withdrawal for the millionth time.

I was having a really bad day before he got back. I got my first test back. A 62. Ouch. I've been discouraged about it all day. And was doing some chemistry when he came in.

He got angry that I didn't drop my homework and immediately rush to ask him about his trip. And then when I did put it away he didn't ask how my day went just launched into a tirade of "withdrawal is terrible. my stomach hurts. what should i do? I feel so upset. i was so happy to be home but you were ignoring me. and now i'm upset and don't know what to do with myself."

I would be more sympathetic but like I'm trying to do damage control for this class and this is the millionth time he's done this recently. It's the boy who cried wolf. I'm not in the mood to hold his hand through another withdrawal.

I guess I've been ignoring the elephant in the room. That I'm living with a stoner and an addict. He's quit drinking, but the substances are still around. And I thought maybe they weren't affecting me because I wasn't doing them, but being around this detox and then relapse, even though it's weed, is so exhausting.

I'm just not sure what to do about it?

freein14

ST, that's really exciting news - returning to college. I hope the opportunity comes soon for you.

Izzy, I also feel it's a big effort to get to know people and to socialise a bit, but I'm always pleased I did. Most of my happiest memories are when I'm with others rather than on my own, so I look at mixing as "making memories". I'm told it gets easier the more we do it, but I've not seen any evidence of that myself yet!

Friday morning here, ready for the Fools Bargain.

freein14

Sorry Rocks, I missed your post while I was typing.

I hope the situation calms down for you. I agree it must be hard having any substances in the house. Would your bf be willing to get rid of it all?

freein14

Btw, 62 doesn't sound that bad to me! But it's great to hear you're not being complacent. Your hard work will reap its own rewards, you'll see

obosob

Afternoon Fools,
2.22pm,
at the desk...

I would have considered a 62 as a high distinction in my time on the books, let me tell you...
I swear my history lecturer gave me a 50 in final year just to get rid of me....
Obo was a very naughty student....!!!!

Luc: I hope you hang tough with the fools again. I didn't mean to be offensive when I said you seem a little volatile. That would have driven me up the wall if the situations were reversed....

Rocks: My wife gave up drinking and the odd joint here and there. She never drank like I did, but she was fond of a smoke. I thinks she's been a year now without it. I'd have to apply some rules I reckon if she was still on the weed. I couldn't watch it all the time that's for sure.

Hope all are well, good to have izzy, chick and luc back....!!!!!

IN FOR THE FOOL'S BARGAIN

stay tuned...........................

SolitaryThinker

The college thing is just a thought, wouldent be till after the wedding/honeymoon and everything calms down...I still have a lot going on with the planning, working crazy hours to keep up...I also wanna make sure this landlord is going to allow us to stay in this apartment...but it's a thought..

SolitaryThinker

Tired day here at work...I'm hanging in otherwise and trying not to let my tiredness effect my mood...have done a lot of reading out of the anxiety workbook my therapist gave me, and did a lot of reading in the feelings and emotions chapter, because it's something I seem to have the REAL issue with, and my drinking being a horribly negative coping mechanism...after work I would like to share some of my notes with you guys I really feel like this stuff can help anyone in this type of position. Most people who have substance abuse problems have some level of anxiety and or discomfort they are trying to hide from or deal with...I'm in for the weekend as well, just sleepy right now!! Need to make it thru the next 4 hours without caving and subjecting myself to using caffeine (also staying away from that cause of my blood pressure)
Wish me luck! Lol <3 catch up with y'all in a few hours...

Upward2Enlightenment

Rocks, I don't know if you know others in your class but it may help to find out how others did on the test. I've known professors that make the first test so hard that everyone fails just to shake things up, weed out the dead wood. To make people work harder like you are doing. Your hard work will pay off.
I hope things calm down with your boyfriend. I guessing that even though you were busy studying that you acknowledged him when he came home he just expected you to drop everything and run to him. I'm the last person who should be giving relationship advice.
*edit* I had plenty I was going to say but it was more about my life so I don't think it's important.
Rocks, I hope he comes up with a new plan on quitting weed since the current plan doesn't seem to be working.

Good to see you back izzy.

Today is a day of self loathing and dispair, but at least I'm clean and sober. I can't seem to put my plans into action. It seems like no matter how I approach it one way or another I fail.

I hope you all have a great day.

SolitaryThinker

Up is there anything you can do for yourself to ease up on yourself a little, I know I tend to do the same and it's not an easy thing to do at all, hang in there buddy <3

Upward2Enlightenment

Thanks ST. Not much to do but suffer through as always. At least I know that getting high or drinking won't solve anything, might even make it worse. At least, for now, I have a roof over my head and food in my belly and manageable health. Things could be worse.

Dee74

Rocks I nearly died when I got a C on my first college essay...but I look back and it was one mark out of hundreds....I think it's best to think of it that way.

Sorry you guys feel down or tired Up and ST - I hope the weekend is better for you - and all the Aprillers

D

freein14

UP, how are you fairing on the spiritual side of your life? Somehow this "self loathing" needs to be kicked in to touch. We are all human beings, and that fact alone means we have unfathomable potential for change and goodness, even if our pasts are not what we had hoped for ourselves. Just tiny changes each day, baby steps, will turn our lives around.
Do you see a therapist or counsellor, to help with some of this?
I hope today is a better one for you.

I'm going to be walking around town with my pedometer. I really don't like shopping, but if it means I can add a few more steps to my weekly count, I'm game.

I'm aiming high today 10 k, or I'm not going to bed tonight until I've achieved it! (I suspect I'm going to regret saying that!)

obosob

Hey UP. You want to share your problems with us man. Maybe the fools can help by listening....??? I know I can listen to you without judgment. You've done it for me! !!

On I thingy.....

Saturday night football...
Chocolate
Pizza
No coke....getting off that. Terrible for you..33 grams of sugar.
Hope all are well.
Luc? ?????

Stay tuned.....

Upward2Enlightenment

Thanks obo, I know that you guys wouldn't judge, but ...
Sometimes I have a habit of saying things without thinking. Some of it would hurt someone that I never want to hurt but sometimes do. If they were to find out I would lose the best friend that I've ever had in my life, and that is saying something.

I will work through this, always do.

Again, thanks.

Had crazy dreams about using last night. Good news is that in the dream I resisted the temptation in my dream.

freein14

That's a great dream UP.

Well, I can go to bed on time tonight, I've counted over 11000 steps today, and there's still a few hours to go! The trick is just not to sit down.

Hope everyone's weekend is going well

SolitaryThinker

Hang in there up...I can so relate brother...with all
Of what your sayin...I'm sensative but still a guys guy and I don't even need to sit here and give you the whole "it will get better" thing lol...just hang in bud and honestly even if it feels really weird and out of your realm just message me man...I'm always here just to listen!!!


Insanely long work day here but honestly I don't dread stuff like this...I need stuff to keep me active and these insane hours are just the thing!!!
My head has been in a really good place lately, or just so much going on I don't have time to sit and dwell...it works!!! Luv u guys <3 my 2nd family

obosob

Good stuff ST....

freein14

UP, have you read "the chimp paradox"? It's probably your inner chimp who has the habit of saying things before thinking, chimps can be like that

I'm visiting my parents today. It will be interesting to see how many steps I manage while doing a bit of housework with them. I usually come home quite tired, so I reckon it will be significant. It's a beautiful morning, so perhaps Mum might like a short walk too.

Mariah, my broad beans have been attacked by black fly, I hope your garden is fairing better at the moment!

Have a peaceful Sunday everyone.

obosob

Morning Fools,
7.55am,
at the desk....

Horrible day yesterday. I've always had a thing with Sundays...so it was strange to be depressed and bored again, this time without alcohol to blame.....
Maybe it's because it's the Sabbath...... I read once the depth of your anxiety measures the distance you are from God.
Anyway, went to bed early, ate too much chocolate and went and got 2 cans of coke..... After swearing off it...!
Moving from cigarettes to rolling tobacco.....
start the process of quiting, need a date and plan...!
Just like this I guess......but worse..!
Must quit smoking for Anna, she doesn't need Daddy in the grave any earlier than he's already going...!

UP: Hope you're good today! Offers still open man...That dream sounds like even the subconscious has turned the corner...! AWESOME....
Rocks: How's it going with your man and the weed with drawl...??? Vitamin C I heard once combats THC....

Hope all are well......!!!!!

stay tuned....

rockstonic

Hey all! Hope everyone had a good weekend! I'm normally an A or B test taker so this C was a smack in the face. I'm trying to redouble my efforts, but I am feeling a little discouraged. I'm working on being easier on myself in sobriety but it doesn't always take. I just feel a lot of pressure to perform well.

In terms of the boyfriend on substances issue, he's totally fallen apart and started smoking again. I sat him down and told him that the only way I was going to put up with it is if he made an appointment to go see a doctor this week. I can't be detox and therapy. He needs more help than me. So we'll see what he does.

UP, I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. I agree with ST that you should be kind to yourself. I know it's hard. And feel free to vent! I'm curious about the stuff that's more about your life. Makes me feel like I'm not the only one struggling with crazy, lol.

ST, your weekend sounds exhausting! But I'm glad you feel like you're in a good headspace.

free, that's so many steps! I'm quite impressed!

obo, sorry to hear about your anxious sunday. Interesting about the depth of your anxiety measuring the distance you are from God. I'm forever anxious, I must be quite far, haha.