Class of April 2014 Part 21
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Thanks ST. I have had trust issues all my life, thanks dad. Now things are tough because I put a lot of trust in my in laws and it was all an act on their part. Please don't let my story discourage you.
I guess it's not so much them as my soon to be, not soon enough, ex wife. I can't blame them for siding with their daughter/sister.
Speaking of dad, my biggest fear was becoming my dad. I didn't become him but close enough, maybe worse.
Nothing like being an abandoned child when he lived 1/2 and hour away and would only have any contact when my mom pushed the issue. Even worse was going to his funeral and listening to his step children and step grandchildren say what a great guy he was and how he helped teach them this and that.
Sorry for rambling on, I can go on and on about that.
Have a great day everyone.
I guess it's not so much them as my soon to be, not soon enough, ex wife. I can't blame them for siding with their daughter/sister.
Speaking of dad, my biggest fear was becoming my dad. I didn't become him but close enough, maybe worse.
Nothing like being an abandoned child when he lived 1/2 and hour away and would only have any contact when my mom pushed the issue. Even worse was going to his funeral and listening to his step children and step grandchildren say what a great guy he was and how he helped teach them this and that.
Sorry for rambling on, I can go on and on about that.
Have a great day everyone.
Please up, ramble away...I've done my fair share and it really does help even if it dosent seem like it is in the moment....I'm stuck at work ALL day and all ears bud <3
I also have major major trust issues and fear of abandonment as well because of my father taking his life...our stories are very different but ultimately have the same outcome for the both of us...you can trust again pal even if it's not with your exes family...my friends are my #1 family before anything and I stand by that...
I also have major major trust issues and fear of abandonment as well because of my father taking his life...our stories are very different but ultimately have the same outcome for the both of us...you can trust again pal even if it's not with your exes family...my friends are my #1 family before anything and I stand by that...
And that must have been very enraging to be at that funeral...the thoughts in your own head conflicting with the consensus in the room...I'm
Sorry you had to go thru that...our parents REALLY mess us up UP
Sorry you had to go thru that...our parents REALLY mess us up UP
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I chose to go to the funeral. My step family didn't know that I was there until afterward. I get along fine with them and always have. I am sorry about the way I treated my stepmother when I was young, I was short and angry to her. Not because she was with my dad but just because I was angry with him.
I never really had many friends, ever. I've never liked letting people get close to me.
I never really had many friends, ever. I've never liked letting people get close to me.
I can sense that about you, I understand too I really do...I wish I had something more profound to say other then that but I really do feel ya
What kind of things or steps do you think you can take to feel more content with yourself perhaps...I'm at a point where I don't want any friends honestly...I have a few close ones but other peoples lives get complicated intertwined with my own...it's tough being social but being lonely all the time is no life either...
I'll as you UP what my therapist asks me all the time...if you could have a perfect day UP, what would it be?
And that's not a question you should answer this second...just maybe think what you can do for yourself to get out of this negative place that you are in mentally...I hear a lot of negative self talk towards yourself which is what I was doing to myself too...it's a thought pattern that needs to be changed!!! I know the world is a really dismal and crummy place but I care about you and you have helped me a lot...more then likely we will never meet in person and that's perfectly ok...I still think of you as a friend and an important part in my own sobriety as well as mental health in general....don't give up UP!
What kind of things or steps do you think you can take to feel more content with yourself perhaps...I'm at a point where I don't want any friends honestly...I have a few close ones but other peoples lives get complicated intertwined with my own...it's tough being social but being lonely all the time is no life either...
I'll as you UP what my therapist asks me all the time...if you could have a perfect day UP, what would it be?
And that's not a question you should answer this second...just maybe think what you can do for yourself to get out of this negative place that you are in mentally...I hear a lot of negative self talk towards yourself which is what I was doing to myself too...it's a thought pattern that needs to be changed!!! I know the world is a really dismal and crummy place but I care about you and you have helped me a lot...more then likely we will never meet in person and that's perfectly ok...I still think of you as a friend and an important part in my own sobriety as well as mental health in general....don't give up UP!
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I think what hurt most about my father's death was that he didn't die suddenly, like from a heart attack or accident but from cancer. My stepmother wanted to contact me but he refused to tell her how to get a hold of me. We had a chance to make things right before his death but he didn't and now I have to live with it.
I hope that I don't do that to my kids even though as strong as their hatred for me is they will probably party at my funeral.
I'm leaving the door open to them, I have tried to make amends with them and they refuse to talk to me. They have no one to blame but themselves for anything down the road. I take responsibility for my past actions, they will have to take responsibility for theirs.
I hope that I don't do that to my kids even though as strong as their hatred for me is they will probably party at my funeral.
I'm leaving the door open to them, I have tried to make amends with them and they refuse to talk to me. They have no one to blame but themselves for anything down the road. I take responsibility for my past actions, they will have to take responsibility for theirs.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Thanks ST, I will take the time this evening to think about that.
I also think of you guys here as my friends. I basically have 3 levels of friends, dear friends (maybe 3), friends (you guys and some others), and acquaintances (most fit in this category).
I also think of you guys here as my friends. I basically have 3 levels of friends, dear friends (maybe 3), friends (you guys and some others), and acquaintances (most fit in this category).
Morning Fools,
7.50am,
at the desk....
So good to see you Up and ST, talking through the problems.
What a breakthrough UP, my issues are with my mother .....But to see you guys working together ONCE AGAIN reminds me that we're all on the right path here.
I think the helping each other is very healing too.....!!!
Happy to be sober today!
Things are good!!!!!
stay tuned......................
7.50am,
at the desk....
So good to see you Up and ST, talking through the problems.
What a breakthrough UP, my issues are with my mother .....But to see you guys working together ONCE AGAIN reminds me that we're all on the right path here.
I think the helping each other is very healing too.....!!!
Happy to be sober today!
Things are good!!!!!
stay tuned......................
Sounds like good advice ST.......You shouldn't be so hard on yourself UP. I have to work on that everyday myself. ((Hugs)) to you & I hope tomorrow is a better day.
I am wiped out tonight, so sorry for not being around much these days. busy busy days & keeping ever thing watered now. Record temp for the day here yesterday at 109. Its a scorcher here!
Miss Tops here too.....I will give him a ring tomorrow & see what hes fixing now. Goodnight Peeps
I am wiped out tonight, so sorry for not being around much these days. busy busy days & keeping ever thing watered now. Record temp for the day here yesterday at 109. Its a scorcher here!
Miss Tops here too.....I will give him a ring tomorrow & see what hes fixing now. Goodnight Peeps
Hi all,
I sensed things might be a bit hectic, Mariah. Hope the job has settled down a bit now.
"If I could have the perfect day, what would it look like?..." That's such a great question ST, but really difficult to answer. I'm going to mull that one over today too.
I have a dental check up today.
That would definitely not be part of a perfect day.
Hope everyone's week is going well.
I sensed things might be a bit hectic, Mariah. Hope the job has settled down a bit now.
"If I could have the perfect day, what would it look like?..." That's such a great question ST, but really difficult to answer. I'm going to mull that one over today too.
I have a dental check up today.
That would definitely not be part of a perfect day.
Hope everyone's week is going well.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I'm doing ok Dee. Internet is working and got my mower fixed without having to spend a fortune on it. Also no more lightheaded spells.
How are you doing Dee?
Hope everyone else is doing well.
How are you doing Dee?
Hope everyone else is doing well.
Morning Fools,
9.50am
at the desk,
Going at a frantic pace here. Lost my smart phone yesterday, either in a taxi or in the bank. It was switch off straight away, not a good sign!!!
Obo's very stressed.
Exam period now, all marks throughout the year are due in.....
Half days though, but working flat stick trying to cover all the bases...
So much paper work as a teacher.
It's such a waste of time......
Anyway.....
Off the cigarettes, moved to tobacco, smoking much less, felling much better already...
Furious anger rises every now and then......flash point stuff!!!! scary really!!!!
At next to nothing too.....
bloody cigarettes, they really are just absolute crap!
Payed nearly 500 bucks to get our mower fixed back in Oz,
haven't even used it....
When I'm back on home soil I'll pick your brains UP on how to fix them...
Mariah: stay cool!!!!... let us know how TOP is going....??
Hope all are well....................
stay tuned..................
9.50am
at the desk,
Going at a frantic pace here. Lost my smart phone yesterday, either in a taxi or in the bank. It was switch off straight away, not a good sign!!!
Obo's very stressed.
Exam period now, all marks throughout the year are due in.....
Half days though, but working flat stick trying to cover all the bases...
So much paper work as a teacher.
It's such a waste of time......
Anyway.....
Off the cigarettes, moved to tobacco, smoking much less, felling much better already...
Furious anger rises every now and then......flash point stuff!!!! scary really!!!!
At next to nothing too.....
bloody cigarettes, they really are just absolute crap!
Payed nearly 500 bucks to get our mower fixed back in Oz,
haven't even used it....
When I'm back on home soil I'll pick your brains UP on how to fix them...
Mariah: stay cool!!!!... let us know how TOP is going....??
Hope all are well....................
stay tuned..................
No luck Obo, left a couple of messages. Hope to hear Soon.
No loving the job Freein, Finally bringing decent pay checks home, so that is nice, but may have to look at other options & one may have just come up on my front porch talking to my roommate. She does in home care & just got a job that sounds really good & she said he will be needing someone full time when she goes back to school in the fall. Pay is very good & clients are pretty much independent. Different line of work for me, but I've done home care with Adults with developmental disabilities & loved that job, so maybe just what I need to go in a different direction.
I'm going to think about my perfect life too ST.
Glad you had a better day Up
No loving the job Freein, Finally bringing decent pay checks home, so that is nice, but may have to look at other options & one may have just come up on my front porch talking to my roommate. She does in home care & just got a job that sounds really good & she said he will be needing someone full time when she goes back to school in the fall. Pay is very good & clients are pretty much independent. Different line of work for me, but I've done home care with Adults with developmental disabilities & loved that job, so maybe just what I need to go in a different direction.
I'm going to think about my perfect life too ST.
Glad you had a better day Up
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Thanks Mariah, I hope that you hear from top soon.
I hope things work out on the job front. You are a much better person than me. I don't know if I could do patient care. It was a different me but before I had to help take care of my mother and my grandmother. I always wound up in a pissy mood after. I wish I could go back and change that but can't change the past.
I hope things work out on the job front. You are a much better person than me. I don't know if I could do patient care. It was a different me but before I had to help take care of my mother and my grandmother. I always wound up in a pissy mood after. I wish I could go back and change that but can't change the past.
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