Class Of December 2013 - Part 8
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 451
That's and interesting approach. I have done mindfulness meditation. It can help calm, center, and focus. I don't drink during the week. I'm a weekend warrior so my have started planning to avoid the pull of alcohol. I try to be around people since I am a solitary drinker. It has helped reduce the drinking considerably and meditation has helped.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Originally Posted by jackrussell 
How, again, did you become friends with the demon, Zero? You've described this in the past, but I've lost the details.
Here's the process from the Tara Mandala website Tara Mandala - Buddhist teachings say that every being has been our mother in the pastTara Mandala | Buddhist teachings say that every being has been our mother in the past. I read the book before I went to their land to start feeding my demons (I have a few).
An Abbreviated Version of the Five Steps of the Feeding Your Demons Process
Nine Relaxation Breaths
Take nine deep relaxation breaths with long exhalations: for the first three breaths, breathe in and bring the breath to any tension in the body releasing it with the exhalation. For the second three breaths, inhale into any emotional tension, feel where you hold it in your body and release it with the exhalation. And lastly, breathe into any mental tension. Feel where you hold nervousness, worries or mental blockages in your body and release them with the exhalation
Motivation:Generate a heartfelt motivation to practice for the benefit of one’s self and all beings.
The Five Steps
Step 1. Find the Demon
Decide which demon, god or god-demon you are going to work with.
Locate where you hold it most strongly in your body.
Become aware of the qualities of the sensations in your body including:
color
texture
temperature
Intensify the sensation.
Step 2. Personify the Demon and Find Out What It Needs
Personify this sensation as a figure with arms legs, and eyes and see it facing you. If an inanimate object appears imagine what it would look like if it were personified as some kind of being.
Notice:
color
skin surface
gender
size
its character
its emotional state
the look in its eyes
Notice something about the demon you didn’t see before.
Ask the demon what it wants.
What is it that you want from me?
Ask the demon what it needs.
What need to you have that is behind what you want?
Ask the demon how it would feel if it gets what it needs.
If you get what you need how will you feel?
Having asked the questions, immediately change places with the demon.
Step 3. Become the Demon
Face the chair or cushion you were seated on and become the demon, allowing yourself a little time to “sit in its shoes.”
Notice how your normal self looks from the demon’s point of view.
Now answer these three questions:
What I want from you is…
What I need from you is…
What I would feel if I got what I need is…
Step 4. Feed the Demon and Meet the Ally
Feed the demon
Come back to your original position. Take a moment to settle in and see the demon in front of you.
Dissolve your body into nectar that has the quality of the feeling that the demon would have if its need was satisfied (this is the answer to the third question in step 3)
Feed the demon to its complete satisfaction, imagining the nectar entering the demon any way you wish. Keep feeding until complete satisfaction is reached (if the demon seems to be insatiable, then imagine how it would look if it were completely satisfied). At this point you can go directly to step 5 or meet your ally.
Meet the ally
If there is a being present in place of the demon when you end the fourth step, ask this being if it is the ally. If it is not, invite an ally to appear. If the demon has dissolved completely then simply invite an ally to appear.
Notice all the details of the ally: its color, its size, and the look in its eyes.
Ask it one or all of these questions:
How will you help me?
How will you protect me?
What pledge do you make to me?
Change places, becoming the ally, and answer the question(s) above.
Return to your original position, then take a moment and feel the help and protection coming from the ally to you and then imagine the ally is dissolving into you. You and the ally dissolve into emptiness, which naturally takes you to the fifth step.
Step 5. Rest
Rest in the state that is present when the ally dissolves into you and you dissolve into emptiness. Let your mind relax without creating any particular experience. Rest as long as you like without filling the space, trying not to make anything happen or rushing to finish.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Here's a journal entry I copied and pasted from my ipad. #1 was feeding my shame demon, but after reading it I decided it was too much for this website. I appreciate the reminder, because I haven't done this practice in a year now, and I never fed demons related to substances, but rather, shame, anxiety, illness, and death. I think I'll try feeding my sugar demon. That one is a true monster that I keep fighting rather than feeding. If I feed the demon, maybe I'll be less inclined to feed myself (sugar, that is). Anyway, here's an example (kind of long):
#2. Luminous Peak, Tuesday, March 25, 2014
After setting the stage (I think I skipped the intention part, but it was with me in spirit), I tried to find where anxiety rests in me. At first it was a tension in my brow, but then I noticed a nausea in my stomach. Focusing on that, I envisioned a gelatinous, undulating, foul, monkey-**** brown/green blob in the pit of my stomach. I called on the demon to appear before me, and it didn't seem to want to appear. When it began to take form it seemed at times transparent, then solid, then transparent again, almost like a ghost but in the form of a giant, upright crab. Not a king crab, but one with a large body and six shelled arms with large claws at the end of each. It seemed bipedal, but I don't remember seeing feet, as if though upright, it moves by becoming transparent and then reappearing elsewhere, never needing to walk. He stood reddish brown and covered in spikes like a typical crab, and more vulnerable and a lighter color in front (the belly and chest). Two black eyes rested at the end of stiff tentacles (there must be a better word), among a cluster of other eyeless tentacle/whiskers. I sensed he did not want to appear to me. I then asked the three questions and we moved so I could become the demon.
As I sat in the demon's chair, I felt menacing and mean, like my purpose was solely to do harm. I answered, "What I want is to tear you to pieces." And it appeared the demon had been doing that, because looking at me he could see that I appeared as I would in a mirror, but large chunks of flesh and muscle had been torn out of various parts of my body, seemingly at random, by the demon's sharp claws. "What I need is relaxation. When I get relaxation I feel like I would be able to crawl out of my shell." I pressed for an emotion, and the demon responded, "I would feel vulnerable, but at peace with it."
Switching places again, I agree to feed him relaxation. I dissolved quite easily (I think doing yoga right before this helped) into a blue (blue again, but not lavender blue, more like the blue associated with my ally, the little boy) nectar, but he didn't seem to want to drink. I invited him again, reminding him that it is what he said he needed. He then hesitantly fell forward to drink. Unlike my shame demon who was ravenous, the anxiety demon drank slowly and cautiously. Drinking the last of the nectar, he slipped out of his shell, appearing like a large, white larvae. I thought, this can't be the ally. Then, the larvae split open and became a monarch butterfly, at first appearing as a typical monarch, but then growing, changing colors (more blue), with wings that radiated light. The body morphed into a young woman, which caught me by surprise. I asked, "But why are you nude?" She responded, "Because you can look upon me without shame." (She was aware of my shame demon.) I asked her the four questions and we exchanged seats.
Becoming the ally, I felt majestic and strong, but also comfortably vulnerable. I answered, "I can help you by reminding you that life is fragile, and that is a beautiful thing. I can protect you by embracing you with my wings so you can find comfort in my beauty and fragility. I pledge that I will always be nearby, and that you can access me by simply looking to the sky and breathing deeply."
We exchanged seats again, and I felt her help, her pledge, and mentally noted her instructions. She then leapt toward me and disappeared into my belly. I thought, that didn't take long, and then focused on dissolving into emptiness with her. We didn't really dissolve so much as slowly disappear, and then we rested in awareness.
Admittedly, thoughts about the future kept coming up, but they were not wrought with anxiety. They were simply things I planned to do (cut wood, take a walk, watch less TV...). My mind is so much about prioritizing and planning my day; it is difficult to turn off. I just let it happen and returned to my breath since emptiness wasn't really happening. I opened my eyes for a second, thinking I was done after a few minutes, but immediately closed them again, thinking I wasn't ready and wanted to continue meditating.
#2. Luminous Peak, Tuesday, March 25, 2014
After setting the stage (I think I skipped the intention part, but it was with me in spirit), I tried to find where anxiety rests in me. At first it was a tension in my brow, but then I noticed a nausea in my stomach. Focusing on that, I envisioned a gelatinous, undulating, foul, monkey-**** brown/green blob in the pit of my stomach. I called on the demon to appear before me, and it didn't seem to want to appear. When it began to take form it seemed at times transparent, then solid, then transparent again, almost like a ghost but in the form of a giant, upright crab. Not a king crab, but one with a large body and six shelled arms with large claws at the end of each. It seemed bipedal, but I don't remember seeing feet, as if though upright, it moves by becoming transparent and then reappearing elsewhere, never needing to walk. He stood reddish brown and covered in spikes like a typical crab, and more vulnerable and a lighter color in front (the belly and chest). Two black eyes rested at the end of stiff tentacles (there must be a better word), among a cluster of other eyeless tentacle/whiskers. I sensed he did not want to appear to me. I then asked the three questions and we moved so I could become the demon.
As I sat in the demon's chair, I felt menacing and mean, like my purpose was solely to do harm. I answered, "What I want is to tear you to pieces." And it appeared the demon had been doing that, because looking at me he could see that I appeared as I would in a mirror, but large chunks of flesh and muscle had been torn out of various parts of my body, seemingly at random, by the demon's sharp claws. "What I need is relaxation. When I get relaxation I feel like I would be able to crawl out of my shell." I pressed for an emotion, and the demon responded, "I would feel vulnerable, but at peace with it."
Switching places again, I agree to feed him relaxation. I dissolved quite easily (I think doing yoga right before this helped) into a blue (blue again, but not lavender blue, more like the blue associated with my ally, the little boy) nectar, but he didn't seem to want to drink. I invited him again, reminding him that it is what he said he needed. He then hesitantly fell forward to drink. Unlike my shame demon who was ravenous, the anxiety demon drank slowly and cautiously. Drinking the last of the nectar, he slipped out of his shell, appearing like a large, white larvae. I thought, this can't be the ally. Then, the larvae split open and became a monarch butterfly, at first appearing as a typical monarch, but then growing, changing colors (more blue), with wings that radiated light. The body morphed into a young woman, which caught me by surprise. I asked, "But why are you nude?" She responded, "Because you can look upon me without shame." (She was aware of my shame demon.) I asked her the four questions and we exchanged seats.
Becoming the ally, I felt majestic and strong, but also comfortably vulnerable. I answered, "I can help you by reminding you that life is fragile, and that is a beautiful thing. I can protect you by embracing you with my wings so you can find comfort in my beauty and fragility. I pledge that I will always be nearby, and that you can access me by simply looking to the sky and breathing deeply."
We exchanged seats again, and I felt her help, her pledge, and mentally noted her instructions. She then leapt toward me and disappeared into my belly. I thought, that didn't take long, and then focused on dissolving into emptiness with her. We didn't really dissolve so much as slowly disappear, and then we rested in awareness.
Admittedly, thoughts about the future kept coming up, but they were not wrought with anxiety. They were simply things I planned to do (cut wood, take a walk, watch less TV...). My mind is so much about prioritizing and planning my day; it is difficult to turn off. I just let it happen and returned to my breath since emptiness wasn't really happening. I opened my eyes for a second, thinking I was done after a few minutes, but immediately closed them again, thinking I wasn't ready and wanted to continue meditating.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Yes, Dee, I think for some it could trigger psychotic episodes and maybe should be done under supervision. It was a highly emotionally charged time. If you've ever read about the empty chair practice in Gestalt therapy, it's kind of the same thing, but combined with visualization, which makes it less heady and more emotional. From a Jungian perspective, summoning a demon seems a lot like digging up archetypes from the collective unconscious. It gets fuzzy in that the scientist in me says it's all my imagination whereas the mystic in me says those visions are coming from somewhere deeper or outer. Hard to explain. Hope I'm not scaring y'all...
Gotta remember, Dee, I am a Gong fan, after all, and Zero came down from a green planet in his flying teapot... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RkbsR_lReo
Gotta remember, Dee, I am a Gong fan, after all, and Zero came down from a green planet in his flying teapot... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RkbsR_lReo
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by Dee74
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Awwww Actual congratulations on your coming out, even though I know it must have been hard and confronting. 
If it helps, you can get everything off your chest here. Whatever is troubling you, no matter how small or insignificant. You don't need to censor yourself here. We've all had our ups and downs.
If it helps, you can get everything off your chest here. Whatever is troubling you, no matter how small or insignificant. You don't need to censor yourself here. We've all had our ups and downs.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by ActualAlcoholic
having a hard time stopping. once I get going it gains momentum. also I just came out as gay. rough month.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Actual, welcome to reality. Being comfortable in our own skin is vital for us to move forward. Acceptance is important in many aspect of our existence.
The relief of the pressure must be a load off your mind I hope. Time to come up with a 'plan' to get yourself on the right track. It starts with acknowledging who we are, why we are and what our use has done to us. If we want to improve we must first agree - with ourselves - that quitting is the best thing for us. And we must also acknowledge that the possibility of using again in no way will ever be a positive experience.
The day I realized and accepted that I was never going to drink again was the day the journey to sobriety became easier. I believe there are two parts to it. Two goals if you will. The first goal was to come to the understanding that using is something I no longer desire. When the desire to quit is stronger than the desire to use, the first goal is achieved. Actually the first goal is achieved when you accept this as the reality of your existence. For me, drinking alcohol will never again be a part of my life, and I do not miss it nor do I want it to be a factor in anything I do, for the rest of my life.
The second goal is to put a plan into action to ensure you never relinquish your hold on the first goal and put the use behind you. Then take the actions necessary to help you stop and stay stopped. There are several ways to achieve this. But, reaching the first goal is paramount to your success in reaching the second.
The relief of the pressure must be a load off your mind I hope. Time to come up with a 'plan' to get yourself on the right track. It starts with acknowledging who we are, why we are and what our use has done to us. If we want to improve we must first agree - with ourselves - that quitting is the best thing for us. And we must also acknowledge that the possibility of using again in no way will ever be a positive experience.
The day I realized and accepted that I was never going to drink again was the day the journey to sobriety became easier. I believe there are two parts to it. Two goals if you will. The first goal was to come to the understanding that using is something I no longer desire. When the desire to quit is stronger than the desire to use, the first goal is achieved. Actually the first goal is achieved when you accept this as the reality of your existence. For me, drinking alcohol will never again be a part of my life, and I do not miss it nor do I want it to be a factor in anything I do, for the rest of my life.
The second goal is to put a plan into action to ensure you never relinquish your hold on the first goal and put the use behind you. Then take the actions necessary to help you stop and stay stopped. There are several ways to achieve this. But, reaching the first goal is paramount to your success in reaching the second.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: kingston ontario canada
Posts: 656
The process of coming out seems to be so complicated. Coming out to: parents? Sibs? Co-workers? male friends? Teams? Cultural and religious context? From stories I've heard, it can be amazingly affirmative or amazingly the opposite; or both, and everything in between. I wish you all the affirmative, AA. Certainly, acceptance of diversity has surged in just my generation. It's pride. Was pretty closeted in the 60's , very subterranean, the acronym LGBT would have been met with a lot of puzzlement and head scratching. Such a relief for most everyone that things have changed. Good choice you made to come out. Gutsy. Like Zero says: great time to redefine yourself on many levels.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Well today was interesting. Yesterday I gifted a long term friend going through financial distress $500. Turns out, she has hit up other mutual friends over the last few months for over $5,000 to date and has been asking for more. Putting the pieces of the story together, we think she has an online gambling problem. Thinking about what to do from here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
ActualAlcoholic - you there? Thoughts? Dreams or aspirations?
TL - wow, I don't know anything about gambling addiction but it is apparently very real. This person is going through the phone book and using up her/his connections along the way. Maybe as a group reach out and also put a stop to the supply.
My morning: I woke up just before 8 and started breakfast as ordered. She arrives just after 8 and I put eggs on. I find her close to asleep in the bed. Wake me up at 9. Working every night and this week every day is a seminar of classes preparing for nursing cert exam.
I goofed up a resume last night. I put a rough one together for a job I was applying for. Then went through the rest of the online process thinking I could go back and refine/edit the resume later. Well, it seems one cannot edit a resume on the dotgov job site as far as I can tell. So even though I know I am "best qualified" for this position, my resume looks haphazard.
Hopefully they go by facts and not form for this one. OH, deadline to apply was midnite and I clicked "send" at 11P. Always waiting till the last minute.
But I still want to see if she gets a job. Also I found out from another job lead that they require a qualification which I do not possess. I'm still not in a big hurry tho.
TL - wow, I don't know anything about gambling addiction but it is apparently very real. This person is going through the phone book and using up her/his connections along the way. Maybe as a group reach out and also put a stop to the supply.
My morning: I woke up just before 8 and started breakfast as ordered. She arrives just after 8 and I put eggs on. I find her close to asleep in the bed. Wake me up at 9. Working every night and this week every day is a seminar of classes preparing for nursing cert exam.
I goofed up a resume last night. I put a rough one together for a job I was applying for. Then went through the rest of the online process thinking I could go back and refine/edit the resume later. Well, it seems one cannot edit a resume on the dotgov job site as far as I can tell. So even though I know I am "best qualified" for this position, my resume looks haphazard.
Hopefully they go by facts and not form for this one. OH, deadline to apply was midnite and I clicked "send" at 11P. Always waiting till the last minute.
But I still want to see if she gets a job. Also I found out from another job lead that they require a qualification which I do not possess. I'm still not in a big hurry tho.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by TigerLili
Awwww Actual congratulations on your coming out, even though I know it must have been hard and confronting.
If it helps, you can get everything off your chest here. Whatever is troubling you, no matter how small or insignificant. You don't need to censor yourself here. We've all had our ups and downs.
If it helps, you can get everything off your chest here. Whatever is troubling you, no matter how small or insignificant. You don't need to censor yourself here. We've all had our ups and downs.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
