Class Of December 2013 - Part 8
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by LBrain 
Actual, welcome to reality. Being comfortable in our own skin is vital for us to move forward. Acceptance is important in many aspect of our existence.
The relief of the pressure must be a load off your mind I hope. Time to come up with a 'plan' to get yourself on the right track. It starts with acknowledging who we are, why we are and what our use has done to us. If we want to improve we must first agree - with ourselves - that quitting is the best thing for us. And we must also acknowledge that the possibility of using again in no way will ever be a positive experience.
The day I realized and accepted that I was never going to drink again was the day the journey to sobriety became easier. I believe there are two parts to it. Two goals if you will. The first goal was to come to the understanding that using is something I no longer desire. When the desire to quit is stronger than the desire to use, the first goal is achieved. Actually the first goal is achieved when you accept this as the reality of your existence. For me, drinking alcohol will never again be a part of my life, and I do not miss it nor do I want it to be a factor in anything I do, for the rest of my life.
The second goal is to put a plan into action to ensure you never relinquish your hold on the first goal and put the use behind you. Then take the actions necessary to help you stop and stay stopped. There are several ways to achieve this. But, reaching the first goal is paramount to your success in reaching the second.
The relief of the pressure must be a load off your mind I hope. Time to come up with a 'plan' to get yourself on the right track. It starts with acknowledging who we are, why we are and what our use has done to us. If we want to improve we must first agree - with ourselves - that quitting is the best thing for us. And we must also acknowledge that the possibility of using again in no way will ever be a positive experience.
The day I realized and accepted that I was never going to drink again was the day the journey to sobriety became easier. I believe there are two parts to it. Two goals if you will. The first goal was to come to the understanding that using is something I no longer desire. When the desire to quit is stronger than the desire to use, the first goal is achieved. Actually the first goal is achieved when you accept this as the reality of your existence. For me, drinking alcohol will never again be a part of my life, and I do not miss it nor do I want it to be a factor in anything I do, for the rest of my life.
The second goal is to put a plan into action to ensure you never relinquish your hold on the first goal and put the use behind you. Then take the actions necessary to help you stop and stay stopped. There are several ways to achieve this. But, reaching the first goal is paramount to your success in reaching the second.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by zerothehero
Actual, it seems an opportune time to redefine yourself - as your Actual self. I know I'm more me than I was when I was using. Keep visiting with us. We're a varied and positive group.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by jackrussell
The process of coming out seems to be so complicated. Coming out to: parents? Sibs? Co-workers? male friends? Teams? Cultural and religious context? From stories I've heard, it can be amazingly affirmative or amazingly the opposite; or both, and everything in between. I wish you all the affirmative, AA. Certainly, acceptance of diversity has surged in just my generation. It's pride. Was pretty closeted in the 60's , very subterranean, the acronym LGBT would have been met with a lot of puzzlement and head scratching. Such a relief for most everyone that things have changed. Good choice you made to come out. Gutsy. Like Zero says: great time to redefine yourself on many levels.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by TigerLili
Well today was interesting. Yesterday I gifted a long term friend going through financial distress $500. Turns out, she has hit up other mutual friends over the last few months for over $5,000 to date and has been asking for more. Putting the pieces of the story together, we think she has an online gambling problem. Thinking about what to do from here.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by LBrain
ActualAlcoholic - you there? Thoughts? Dreams or aspirations?
TL - wow, I don't know anything about gambling addiction but it is apparently very real. This person is going through the phone book and using up her/his connections along the way. Maybe as a group reach out and also put a stop to the supply.
My morning: I woke up just before 8 and started breakfast as ordered. She arrives just after 8 and I put eggs on. I find her close to asleep in the bed. Wake me up at 9. Working every night and this week every day is a seminar of classes preparing for nursing cert exam.
I goofed up a resume last night. I put a rough one together for a job I was applying for. Then went through the rest of the online process thinking I could go back and refine/edit the resume later. Well, it seems one cannot edit a resume on the dotgov job site as far as I can tell. So even though I know I am "best qualified" for this position, my resume looks haphazard.
Hopefully they go by facts and not form for this one. OH, deadline to apply was midnite and I clicked "send" at 11P. Always waiting till the last minute.
But I still want to see if she gets a job. Also I found out from another job lead that they require a qualification which I do not possess. I'm still not in a big hurry tho.
TL - wow, I don't know anything about gambling addiction but it is apparently very real. This person is going through the phone book and using up her/his connections along the way. Maybe as a group reach out and also put a stop to the supply.
My morning: I woke up just before 8 and started breakfast as ordered. She arrives just after 8 and I put eggs on. I find her close to asleep in the bed. Wake me up at 9. Working every night and this week every day is a seminar of classes preparing for nursing cert exam.
I goofed up a resume last night. I put a rough one together for a job I was applying for. Then went through the rest of the online process thinking I could go back and refine/edit the resume later. Well, it seems one cannot edit a resume on the dotgov job site as far as I can tell. So even though I know I am "best qualified" for this position, my resume looks haphazard.
Hopefully they go by facts and not form for this one. OH, deadline to apply was midnite and I clicked "send" at 11P. Always waiting till the last minute.
But I still want to see if she gets a job. Also I found out from another job lead that they require a qualification which I do not possess. I'm still not in a big hurry tho.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
good to see you post AA. as for my "resume". It was submitted through an online process directly to the hiring agency - the US gov. I may be able to substitute a different resume, but in dealing with this agency, I'm pretty sure I am out of luck in the do over department. I've read horror stories where they just skip along if the person looking at it doesn't like the format.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Looks like a trip to the public library tomorrow morning. Having spent some time 'researching' the federal job application process and resume writing - it's a lot different than for the public sector - I discovered a couple books I need (could be helpful). I was looking at them on amazon and thought, The Library Batman! Haven't been to library since I was a big brother and took my little to get his first library card years ago.
But it's pretty neat now. I can look for the books I want on line and see that they are "checked in" and reserve them if I wish. But my card is expired from non-use.
I think a trip to the library is in order instead of buying a book or paying someone to create a resume for me.
I'm actually starting to come back to life. I have a pulse at least.
But it's pretty neat now. I can look for the books I want on line and see that they are "checked in" and reserve them if I wish. But my card is expired from non-use.
I think a trip to the library is in order instead of buying a book or paying someone to create a resume for me.
I'm actually starting to come back to life. I have a pulse at least.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Originally Posted by ActualAlcoholic
I'm trying really hard just to be my authentic self and to not care what other people think. it's been difficult to accept myself but I'm getting there, and soon I hope to allow people to accept me as I really am or move them the hell out of my life
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
More drama at work. It amazes me that so many so-called "leaders" are just bosses who don't understand mutual respect and drive quality people out while dead wood just complies and keeps their head down and muddles toward retirement. Government work. Go figure. I'm trying not to be in the former or the latter group. I need this job but damn it's hard to swallow my pride and keep my mouth shut AND attempt to do quality work about which I can be proud. It seems like upper management keeps getting rid of the quality middle leaders, thinking they are "weak," when in reality they are far more effective than the whip-cracking, finger-pointing nimrods with which they are replaced. God bless America.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: kingston ontario canada
Posts: 656
No way that you can engage management in a meaningful way, Zero? No little niche that you can sneak into? I guess there's no union option.
I love libraries, LB. Mine is about a 30 mile drive away, but I can find books online and reserve them. I get the note (on my phone) that the books are put on a shelf for me and away I go.
Good to see you so engaged, AA. Lots of revelation; lots of good talk around it. My family talks about most everything. My daughter is very insightful, and keeps things flowing. Hope you can include family sooner than later. You'll know when it's the right time.
TL: I agree, you're a pretty generous friend. Scary stuff, the gambling addiction. Glad it's not one that I ever was tempted into. Time for someone to pull the plug on that one. Are you up for it?
How are things, Vet?
I love Spring. And it is bursting forth here. And two new grandbabies on the horizon. All the best, people.
I love libraries, LB. Mine is about a 30 mile drive away, but I can find books online and reserve them. I get the note (on my phone) that the books are put on a shelf for me and away I go.
Good to see you so engaged, AA. Lots of revelation; lots of good talk around it. My family talks about most everything. My daughter is very insightful, and keeps things flowing. Hope you can include family sooner than later. You'll know when it's the right time.
TL: I agree, you're a pretty generous friend. Scary stuff, the gambling addiction. Glad it's not one that I ever was tempted into. Time for someone to pull the plug on that one. Are you up for it?
How are things, Vet?
I love Spring. And it is bursting forth here. And two new grandbabies on the horizon. All the best, people.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Ah, thanks for reminding me vet - there is a job that I am seriously considering, maintenance worker at Harper's Ferry. But seasonal work is not on the top of the list right now. If I was single I'd take any number of temp jobs in the parks. I talked about it when we were Zion a couple years ago. Pick up a vendor job or parks job a few months out of the year...
But I have a partner to consider now...
But I have a partner to consider now...
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Work talk. I'm just pissy because we're still waiting to find out who will replace my much-appreciated supervisor who has been driven out due to his stellar performance. Knowing who's making the decisions right now my hopes are not high.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
it's interesting zero, where I used to work it was the same thing. And it was a merry-go-round of department superintendents etc. It was quite the top heavy corporation too. We used to joke about having a vice president of vice presidents. And his VP too.
I ran into another friend from work a few days ago. Actually 2 in the same place. It seems almost everyone I talk to tells me how lucky I am to not be working there. Unfortunately there is the matter of income that needs to be addressed. But, if I can convince my partner that just because we don't live in a big house with a big yard we are not "lower class". That's an argument for another day. I didn't think she was that concerned about appearances...
I ran into another friend from work a few days ago. Actually 2 in the same place. It seems almost everyone I talk to tells me how lucky I am to not be working there. Unfortunately there is the matter of income that needs to be addressed. But, if I can convince my partner that just because we don't live in a big house with a big yard we are not "lower class". That's an argument for another day. I didn't think she was that concerned about appearances...
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
That's kind of an issue for me, Brain. I'm concerned that my wife would keep up her current level of spending even if or when my I'm bringing in less income. When she was drinking she spent on drinking, but in sobriety she spends a lot more on hobbies and clothes and dogs... It's worrisome. Several times a week a box shows up on the porch and I wonder what now? We should be saving for retirement, but...
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 451
Not saving for retirement can put you in a deep hole, but you clearly already know that. There is a compulsiveness to your wife's behaviour as you describe it. I think you can see that. She is buying to fill the same hole that she used alcohol for, if I've got it right. I feel for you. I'm in my 60's and we've been saving like hell for years. If I remember correctly you're not far behind me. I sense that you believe that she has substituted one addiction for another. In a Smart Recovery meeting I atttended one timetime, the guy sitting next to me had no problem with alcohol or drugs; his problem was compulsive spending. He had blown an inheritance of $Millions. I hope you find a way to get her to see someone. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for the best.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Thanks. She doesn't get it. I had a meltdown a few months ago after she traveled to Florida, California, Oregon, and New York in the span of two months. Two of those trips were while I was unable to walk. I told her I was doing the math to figure out if I would be better off if we split our finances and went outr separate ways. She paniced and has curbed her spending, but like any addict I can see it starting to build. She says I'm cheap. And my health bills are high. I've spent well over $5000 since January and have another likely surgery coming up. I riding a fine line between nonattachment and detachment. Not a good thing.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 451
I'm going to ask what may sound like a stupid question. Is there anyone in the family or friends that can help you with an intervention? The person I've seen in your writing is brilliant; so I am confident that you know what this means. It's like lancing a boil. There will be a lot of emotional blood on the floor. You can't do it alone. If you try to do it alone you will find yourself sleeping with the beast again. Go see someone for yourself if she blows you off. They can help you with strategies to help her.
Peace.
Peace.
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