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Class of October 2013 - Part 14

Old 04-06-2015, 07:29 PM
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Whodey, none of us here at SR, who have spent the amount of time that we have here, can moderate alcohol successfully for a long, sustained period of time. There is a reason why we are here. Do you really want to give up control to a poisonous substance all over again? For what?
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:27 AM
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Dee - I've had a lot going on and have been feeling a bit beaten down. Alcohol was a way for me to escape. That may be why the AV has been louder.

DD - You're correct of course. I just wish I could keep everything I've gained through sobriety and still have the occasional drink. Crazy I know.

Baseball was in full swing yesterday so the seasons are a changin'! I'll be stuck in meetings all day, staring out the windows, daydreaming. Go out there and have some fun for me, Tobers!
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Old 04-07-2015, 03:38 AM
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Yeah I figured. Remember balance - take some you time, some down time, where you can WD

D
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Old 04-07-2015, 05:01 AM
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Whodey, you aren't alone in that wish. My 14 year old son embarrassed the hell out of me at an awards ceremony of all things, last night and I would have loved a glass of wine to cool my nerves. I am bummed that I can't be an occasional drinker, too. But honestly if that is the worst of my afflictions than I am beyond blessed. Dee always says don't confuse abstinence for control. I think I could have a tendency to do that. So, no, I suck at controlling alcohol, but I am pretty d*mn good at abstinence and so are you!! We should be proud of ourselves.
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Old 04-07-2015, 08:44 AM
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Originally Posted by DoubleDragons View Post
Dee always says don't confuse abstinence for control.
That's a great way to put it. Thanks.
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Old 04-08-2015, 04:53 AM
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Cindy Lou, where are you??
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Old 04-08-2015, 05:31 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Here is a bitch:
I have a good friend that has a lap band because she is a emotional eater. Now with this lap band you are not allow to have certain foods or alcohol yet she is always eating the things she isn't suppose to eat BREAD and drinking on the weekends. She has asked me to correct her if I see these things going into her mouth. Which I have in the past, recently I have given up since she has had this band for over five years and only lost 20lbs. She even had a doctor tell her until she learns to control her eating she will not tighten this band.. When you over eat it will cause the band to loosen. My friend decided she needed a new doctor and is driving over an hour away so she can get it tighten every six months. CRAZY!!!
Now with all this being said, I made mention to her I am craving a glass of wine, she goes off on me to tell me that alcohol controlled my life and I don't need it. That she would be extremely pissed at me if I did have a sip. EXCUSE me but you are eating things that you are not suppose to for over a five years, going to another doctor because a doctor that truly cares about your health is trying to help you.

No I haven't drank or taken a sip, yes I know she said this because she cares but excuse me but isn't that pot calling the kettle black....
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Old 04-08-2015, 10:46 AM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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I'm here, I'm here!

Been in kind of a funk myself lately. Today is 1.5 on the dot for me. I don't feel like drinkin but sh*t, I want that escape too. I went to a 50th birthday party on Friday night and everybody was enjoying their beverages. I was kind of jealous. Not for the drink but for the loosey goosey feeling they all got about 2 hours in. Needless to say that is when I left. Then Monday I was at the Royals Home Opener. All the beer flowing around. Ugh. I digress. I think it is just a tough time of the year to be "responsible" when it seems every one is cutting loose for Springtime.

I have slacked off a bit on my running and am in the process of getting back on that. It was a great way for me to blow off steam and take an hour each day to collect my thoughts. It is a form of meditation. AA talks a lot about emotional sobriety and I am feeling as though I am not there right now. Sure, I can abstain today from drinking but I need to remember WHY I am in this place right now. I was miserable. I hated myself. I was desperate for a change. No going back now!

I love you guys. Don't drink. I'd miss you too much! XOXOXO
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Old 04-08-2015, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by HDrosebud View Post
Here is a bitch:
I have a good friend that has a lap band because she is a emotional eater. Now with this lap band you are not allow to have certain foods or alcohol yet she is always eating the things she isn't suppose to eat BREAD and drinking on the weekends. She has asked me to correct her if I see these things going into her mouth. Which I have in the past, recently I have given up since she has had this band for over five years and only lost 20lbs. She even had a doctor tell her until she learns to control her eating she will not tighten this band.. When you over eat it will cause the band to loosen. My friend decided she needed a new doctor and is driving over an hour away so she can get it tighten every six months. CRAZY!!!
Now with all this being said, I made mention to her I am craving a glass of wine, she goes off on me to tell me that alcohol controlled my life and I don't need it. That she would be extremely pissed at me if I did have a sip. EXCUSE me but you are eating things that you are not suppose to for over a five years, going to another doctor because a doctor that truly cares about your health is trying to help you.

No I haven't drank or taken a sip, yes I know she said this because she cares but excuse me but isn't that pot calling the kettle black....
That sounds like the makings for a good fight. I wouldn't want the responsibility of pointing out her shortcomings and certainly wouldn't want her opinions on mine. Proceed with caution! LOL

HUGS!
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Old 04-08-2015, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by WhoDey View Post
Dee - I've had a lot going on and have been feeling a bit beaten down. Alcohol was a way for me to escape. That may be why the AV has been louder.

DD - You're correct of course. I just wish I could keep everything I've gained through sobriety and still have the occasional drink. Crazy I know.

Baseball was in full swing yesterday so the seasons are a changin'! I'll be stuck in meetings all day, staring out the windows, daydreaming. Go out there and have some fun for me, Tobers!
Your words and tone in this post don't sound like your normal self. You've got to take care of #1 first or you won't be able to do the rest. Maybe take a trip down memory lane and look through your old posts on here. Might be a good reminder of why you are doing this thing. Hugs, friend.
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Old 04-08-2015, 11:54 AM
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Rosebud, your story reminded of myself and my best friend in high school. I had this long term boyfriend and was considering losing my virginity. We were both "good" kids, great students, college bound, church going etc. She really talked me out of it and actually made me feel ashamed for thinking of it. A few weekends later we were visiting a friend away at a college campus (it was a school that we were both considering going to). Anyway, my best friend lost her virginity that weekend to some random fraternity guy. That one stung me hard. Obviously, because I am still remembering it in my 40s. LOL Anyway, no words of advice; just saying that I can relate. That being said, in both stories, I think we are the characters that are better off!!

Cindy, I have been away from exercising, too and it is amazing how much that has effected my moods and thoughts. I went to yoga last night and I felt like I was born again. I think we are all needing some balance it sounds like, these days.
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Old 04-09-2015, 07:00 AM
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As my 1.5 is approaching and the AV is going stronger again I must remember the following:
1) Running home after work every night to have a drink before I could actually do anything else
2)That night I had my last drink, not remember my one month anniversary being married to a wonderful man because I was too drunk
3) Waking up daily with a slight headache from over drinking the night before
4) Thinking I could control just having one or two ended up drinking like 8 or 9
5) Making promises only to not follow thru because I was drinking
6) Missing time with my grand daughters because I got drunk and called up and destroy my relationship with my daughter
7) The morning I decided to quit drinking, the feeling like death laying on the floor couldn't move to work.

I am sure there are several different reason why we all quit drinking, and if we do decide to pick up that drink all those reason will be sitting on our laps again . They say many people slip and are able to pick up the sobriety where they left off and move forward. Other that slip off the wagon can't ever go back to sobriety.. We can either choose to have a drink route and get back to sobriety or we can continue on the route we are on and stay sober. It is a tough battle I believe we are going through right now. I am going to stay not try but stay on the sober wagon.
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Old 04-09-2015, 09:57 AM
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HD - I was reading your list and nodding my head along in agreement. So many of those things sound like me. When I decided to stop drinking I was at the place mentally where I had lost all self respect and worth. I felt like I couldn't even keep a simple promise to myself to not drink. Like I had no self control. I hated myself. This is not about the drinking for me. This is about not taking the easy way out of my problems. I am forced now to feel the feelings, good or bad. I don't have the numbing option anymore. My relationships with people are so much more sincere and real. I know I am a good person and that I am doing my best each day. I respect myself and am proud of who I am. Bad sh*t still happens and some things are really hard but alcohol will not make things easier. It just means that in addition to whatever terrible thing is going on I will also lose myself. Today, I am just not willing to give that up.

Keep fighting the fight, Tobers! XOXO
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Old 04-09-2015, 12:00 PM
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Guys, I remember reading that statistically major times for relapse were at each month marker until 6 months, then again at nine months, then at a year and finally at 18 months. So, it is not unusual that our AVs are playing with us right now. Nothing new is really happening on a regular basis, now that our sobrieties are our new habit, so it is easy to start thinking that we have drinking all under control. I think the most interesting observations I am making in my sobriety right now is 1) how different a person that I am than I thought I was 2) how much more energy and yet calmness I have about myself than I did before.
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Old 04-09-2015, 01:45 PM
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very good reminder, DD! Hugs, girlfriend!
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Old 04-10-2015, 04:58 AM
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True Dat DD, Yet if I don't remember all the reason I quit then I would probably drinking right now.. We each handle our sobriety differently. Proud of the fact you can focus on the positive changes in your life. Like Cindy I am focusing on my overall health, but I yet have to remind myself of all the reason I quit..
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Old 04-10-2015, 08:33 AM
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Hi all ... I wanted to make a quick post to let everyone know that I'm hanging in there. I also want you to know that I appreciate your posts and have spent some time this week reflecting on your words. I hope I have some time next week to post in more depth.

My normal schedule has been turned upside down and I've been under stress dealing with the affairs of my friend who passed away few weeks ago. It's not so much the legal/business matters, but dealing with his wife that has been difficult. She delegated certain tasks to me, yet second-guesses most decisions and, honestly, can be mean in her reactions. She is in hospice herself, so I bite my lip and take it best I can.

This afternoon I hope to move the last of my friends belongs from the retirement facility. If I don't finish today, I'll finish this weekend. That should bring some stress reduction, but I don't look forward to moving things back into his wife's place.

On the up side, I'll be going to the Reds' game tonight (playing the Cardinals). It will be nice to have a pleasant distraction.

Keep the faith, Tobers. I hope to share more next week.
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Old 04-10-2015, 11:38 AM
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WD - Baseball is good for the soul! I'm sorry to hear about the wife of your friend. I guess everyone deals with grief in their own way but meanness isn't fair to you. It is kind of you to see this through. You are a good guy!

Talk to you next week! HUGS!
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Old 04-10-2015, 01:51 PM
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I moved all of the remaining items and turned in the keys, so that phase is complete. Feels good to be able to close one chapter.
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Old 04-10-2015, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Cynderino View Post
WD - Baseball is good for the soul!
Especially when you have seats in the section right behind home plate ... Courtesy of a doctor friend we're going with. All you can eat dining room too. I will pass on the unlimited alcohol!
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