HD - I was reading your list and nodding my head along in agreement. So many of those things sound like me. When I decided to stop drinking I was at the place mentally where I had lost all self respect and worth. I felt like I couldn't even keep a simple promise to myself to not drink. Like I had no self control. I hated myself. This is not about the drinking for me. This is about not taking the easy way out of my problems. I am forced now to feel the feelings, good or bad. I don't have the numbing option anymore. My relationships with people are so much more sincere and real. I know I am a good person and that I am doing my best each day. I respect myself and am proud of who I am. Bad sh*t still happens and some things are really hard but alcohol will not make things easier. It just means that in addition to whatever terrible thing is going on I will also lose myself. Today, I am just not willing to give that up.
Keep fighting the fight, Tobers! XOXO