Class of October 2013 - Part 14
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Tobers,
The last few (actually more) months have been stressful and I've been operating outside of my normal routine. Most recently, Spring Break and a business trip have been challenging. I empathize with those who are trying to stay sober, but must travel as part of their work.
Everyday, after a long day of meetings, more social meetings would continue in the evenings always with the expressed intent to drink. It was too much for me, so I just holed up in my hotel room. I'm sure I was viewed as unsocial by some (I suppose they were right!), but I didn't want to be out where everyone was drinking.
We frequently remind ourselves to remember how bad things were when we drank, but that technique hasn't been working too well for me lately. Of course, no one wants to return to those days, but it is tempting to think that we can pick up the drink again and not have things get bad. Even if we've tried moderation unsuccessfully in the past, who knows ... maybe this time will be different? Truth is, we don't know until we try ... but the downside of trying is significant.
I've been trying to look at this from a risk-reward perspective. Fortunately, I've seen the risks as outweighing the rewards, so I've remained sober. But I do feel a bit worn down. It can be so tiring having to battle this everyday.
I will be going to a large out of town family wedding this weekend, so there will be temptations, but not as strong as the last couple of weeks.
Rambling a bit ... thanks for listening. Carry on!
The last few (actually more) months have been stressful and I've been operating outside of my normal routine. Most recently, Spring Break and a business trip have been challenging. I empathize with those who are trying to stay sober, but must travel as part of their work.
Everyday, after a long day of meetings, more social meetings would continue in the evenings always with the expressed intent to drink. It was too much for me, so I just holed up in my hotel room. I'm sure I was viewed as unsocial by some (I suppose they were right!), but I didn't want to be out where everyone was drinking.
We frequently remind ourselves to remember how bad things were when we drank, but that technique hasn't been working too well for me lately. Of course, no one wants to return to those days, but it is tempting to think that we can pick up the drink again and not have things get bad. Even if we've tried moderation unsuccessfully in the past, who knows ... maybe this time will be different? Truth is, we don't know until we try ... but the downside of trying is significant.
I've been trying to look at this from a risk-reward perspective. Fortunately, I've seen the risks as outweighing the rewards, so I've remained sober. But I do feel a bit worn down. It can be so tiring having to battle this everyday.
I will be going to a large out of town family wedding this weekend, so there will be temptations, but not as strong as the last couple of weeks.
Rambling a bit ... thanks for listening. Carry on!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 353
Today is my 1.5 yet I don't really feel like it is a big deal, the wanting of a drink seems to be weighing heavily on my brain.
Like you WD I have been going back and forth of the risk reward battle. To have that glass of wine with a nice dinner once in a while, no more everyday drinking.. Not have a drink every time we are out. Can I do the whole moderation thing, can I keep it at the drink at dinner?
I am struggling with my 14yr old dog getting weaker by the day, on the days I work in the office we come home to a potty mess in one of the bedroom (the room I use for my office). Last night was bad, it started around 7:30 pm he was laying here on the floor awake and would let out a random bark, these random barks continued until 11:30 which time I placed him in the garage. By 1:30 he was barking to be let in, the random barks had stopped. Today was a day I was in the office, came home to a potty mess again. I know I can't keep him alive for me, but I wished he could tell me what is wrong, he went to the vet back in February which the vet told us we have a good 2 yrs with him that he was perfectly healthy. Yet this past month his health is going down hill fast. No this doesn't make me want a drink, I would love to be numb to this but I know now that drinking won't change the fact he is slowly dying. It would give a headache in the morning and nothing has change.
Like you WD I have been going back and forth of the risk reward battle. To have that glass of wine with a nice dinner once in a while, no more everyday drinking.. Not have a drink every time we are out. Can I do the whole moderation thing, can I keep it at the drink at dinner?
I am struggling with my 14yr old dog getting weaker by the day, on the days I work in the office we come home to a potty mess in one of the bedroom (the room I use for my office). Last night was bad, it started around 7:30 pm he was laying here on the floor awake and would let out a random bark, these random barks continued until 11:30 which time I placed him in the garage. By 1:30 he was barking to be let in, the random barks had stopped. Today was a day I was in the office, came home to a potty mess again. I know I can't keep him alive for me, but I wished he could tell me what is wrong, he went to the vet back in February which the vet told us we have a good 2 yrs with him that he was perfectly healthy. Yet this past month his health is going down hill fast. No this doesn't make me want a drink, I would love to be numb to this but I know now that drinking won't change the fact he is slowly dying. It would give a headache in the morning and nothing has change.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Whodey, I keep a sobriety journal and it is filled with quotes from SR that really struck me. Here is a few of them that I think may apply:
Moderating one's drinking is like keeping a lion on a leash.
Normal drinking is mostly a myth. People who drink a little here or a little there, really don't care that much to drink.
Have you ever woken up sober and wished that you had drank a lot the night before?
Generally, feeling better all of the time is far more rewarding than the temporary buzz.
I'd rather go through life sober believing that I am an alcoholic, than to go through life drunk believing that I am not.
Comparison is the thief of happiness.
Do you give up everything to have have one thing or do you give up one thing to have everything?
It takes one year to dry up, two years to sober up and the rest of your life to grow up.
What is the harm in drinking? What is the harm in not drinking? Which list is longer?
Never give alcohol a second chance. It is soulless.
I did not get into trouble every time that I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking.
People who can control their drinking don't have a voice in their heads telling them they can.
Negative feelings - name them, claim them, dump them.
She finally realized that when she enjoyed her drinking, she could not control it and when she controlled it, she could not enjoy it.
Playing at moderation is courting complete ruin for such a trifling award. It would be like playing Russian Roulette with a grand prize of 5 dollars.
Moderating one's drinking is like keeping a lion on a leash.
Normal drinking is mostly a myth. People who drink a little here or a little there, really don't care that much to drink.
Have you ever woken up sober and wished that you had drank a lot the night before?
Generally, feeling better all of the time is far more rewarding than the temporary buzz.
I'd rather go through life sober believing that I am an alcoholic, than to go through life drunk believing that I am not.
Comparison is the thief of happiness.
Do you give up everything to have have one thing or do you give up one thing to have everything?
It takes one year to dry up, two years to sober up and the rest of your life to grow up.
What is the harm in drinking? What is the harm in not drinking? Which list is longer?
Never give alcohol a second chance. It is soulless.
I did not get into trouble every time that I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking.
People who can control their drinking don't have a voice in their heads telling them they can.
Negative feelings - name them, claim them, dump them.
She finally realized that when she enjoyed her drinking, she could not control it and when she controlled it, she could not enjoy it.
Playing at moderation is courting complete ruin for such a trifling award. It would be like playing Russian Roulette with a grand prize of 5 dollars.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Guys, I really think that 18 month mark is hard. A few weeks ago, I was really itching to see if I could "moderate" again and that desire has passed me by for now. Honestly, before I quit drinking entirely, I had cut back to drinking only on weekends and limiting myself to three drinks maximum. I actually was fairly successful at that, but it sucked. I was always pining for more. My life became countdown to the weekend for my big reward of red wine. I was living for the drink, even with "controlling it" with my phone apps, etc. I think a big thing that keeps me sober right now is that I don't want to introduce the distraction and the obsession back into my life. Even if I can control it, I will be thinking about it way too much!
Rosebud, we have a very, very old dog, too. He was a rescue, so we don't know his exact age, but he is at least 15. Sometimes he has bathroom issues and I put Panacur-C into his food and that usually resolves everything right up. I have thought on dozens of occasions that his time was up, but he keeps on ticking. I joke with the kids that I am going to have to put him in our will. Good luck!! We get so attached ot our furbabies.
Rosebud, we have a very, very old dog, too. He was a rescue, so we don't know his exact age, but he is at least 15. Sometimes he has bathroom issues and I put Panacur-C into his food and that usually resolves everything right up. I have thought on dozens of occasions that his time was up, but he keeps on ticking. I joke with the kids that I am going to have to put him in our will. Good luck!! We get so attached ot our furbabies.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
A few months ago, I was struggling with moderation thoughts and someone posted a five year sobriety birthday. They way the person reported the changes in his/her life on a year by year basis made me feel that I still had a lot of "emotional sobriety" work to do and it made me decide that I was definitely going to shoot for five years of sobriety. I know a lot of people at SR say that you have to decide never to drink again, and a lot of the time that sounds plausible to me, but I am more of a ODAT kind of a girl with a goal in place. Just a thought . . . .
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Thanks DD for sharing from your Sobriety Journal! Great quotes.
Interesting that you should discuss this as I didn't go through a period of attempted moderation like the one you describe and I think it factors into my current struggle. That leaves the door open for me thinking that with the proper controls I could pull it off.
To be clear, I use the word "struggle" and it is that ... but it is, at this point, annoying thoughts that flash through my mind when I'm in tempting situations. I don't see myself giving up all that I have gained from sobriety, but it bugs me to have thoughts of moderation dancing in my mind.
I can't prove a negative ... meaning that I can't prove that I will never learn to moderate. That keeps the demon dancing.
Thanks for listening, everyone.
Guys, I really think that 18 month mark is hard. A few weeks ago, I was really itching to see if I could "moderate" again and that desire has passed me by for now. Honestly, before I quit drinking entirely, I had cut back to drinking only on weekends and limiting myself to three drinks maximum. I actually was fairly successful at that, but it sucked. I was always pining for more. My life became countdown to the weekend for my big reward of red wine. I was living for the drink, even with "controlling it" with my phone apps, etc. I think a big thing that keeps me sober right now is that I don't want to introduce the distraction and the obsession back into my life. Even if I can control it, I will be thinking about it way too much!
To be clear, I use the word "struggle" and it is that ... but it is, at this point, annoying thoughts that flash through my mind when I'm in tempting situations. I don't see myself giving up all that I have gained from sobriety, but it bugs me to have thoughts of moderation dancing in my mind.
I can't prove a negative ... meaning that I can't prove that I will never learn to moderate. That keeps the demon dancing.
Thanks for listening, everyone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Such wonderful support and advice here! Love you guys!
The reality of the situation is that we don't have the ability to go back now. DD hit the nail on the head. Even if we are able to control the actual drinking, we cannot control the mind's obsession.
Replace alcohol with any other thing (bananas, reading, working out, iced tea, etc.) is it so hard to give up then? It sucks, but this is our lot in life. I have to accept this fact every morning. I cannot drink today. It is not an option for me. As soon as I give my self the tiniest possibility it's only a matter of time before I give in.
Stay strong, friends. XOXO
The reality of the situation is that we don't have the ability to go back now. DD hit the nail on the head. Even if we are able to control the actual drinking, we cannot control the mind's obsession.
Replace alcohol with any other thing (bananas, reading, working out, iced tea, etc.) is it so hard to give up then? It sucks, but this is our lot in life. I have to accept this fact every morning. I cannot drink today. It is not an option for me. As soon as I give my self the tiniest possibility it's only a matter of time before I give in.
Stay strong, friends. XOXO
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
Whodey, I keep a sobriety journal and it is filled with quotes from SR that really struck me. Here is a few of them that I think may apply:
Moderating one's drinking is like keeping a lion on a leash.
Normal drinking is mostly a myth. People who drink a little here or a little there, really don't care that much to drink.
Have you ever woken up sober and wished that you had drank a lot the night before?
Generally, feeling better all of the time is far more rewarding than the temporary buzz.
I'd rather go through life sober believing that I am an alcoholic, than to go through life drunk believing that I am not.
Comparison is the thief of happiness.
Do you give up everything to have have one thing or do you give up one thing to have everything?
It takes one year to dry up, two years to sober up and the rest of your life to grow up.
What is the harm in drinking? What is the harm in not drinking? Which list is longer?
Never give alcohol a second chance. It is soulless.
I did not get into trouble every time that I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking.
People who can control their drinking don't have a voice in their heads telling them they can.
Negative feelings - name them, claim them, dump them.
She finally realized that when she enjoyed her drinking, she could not control it and when she controlled it, she could not enjoy it.
Playing at moderation is courting complete ruin for such a trifling award. It would be like playing Russian Roulette with a grand prize of 5 dollars.
Moderating one's drinking is like keeping a lion on a leash.
Normal drinking is mostly a myth. People who drink a little here or a little there, really don't care that much to drink.
Have you ever woken up sober and wished that you had drank a lot the night before?
Generally, feeling better all of the time is far more rewarding than the temporary buzz.
I'd rather go through life sober believing that I am an alcoholic, than to go through life drunk believing that I am not.
Comparison is the thief of happiness.
Do you give up everything to have have one thing or do you give up one thing to have everything?
It takes one year to dry up, two years to sober up and the rest of your life to grow up.
What is the harm in drinking? What is the harm in not drinking? Which list is longer?
Never give alcohol a second chance. It is soulless.
I did not get into trouble every time that I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking.
People who can control their drinking don't have a voice in their heads telling them they can.
Negative feelings - name them, claim them, dump them.
She finally realized that when she enjoyed her drinking, she could not control it and when she controlled it, she could not enjoy it.
Playing at moderation is courting complete ruin for such a trifling award. It would be like playing Russian Roulette with a grand prize of 5 dollars.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by HDrosebud
Today is my 1.5 yet I don't really feel like it is a big deal, the wanting of a drink seems to be weighing heavily on my brain.
Like you WD I have been going back and forth of the risk reward battle. To have that glass of wine with a nice dinner once in a while, no more everyday drinking.. Not have a drink every time we are out. Can I do the whole moderation thing, can I keep it at the drink at dinner?
I am struggling with my 14yr old dog getting weaker by the day, on the days I work in the office we come home to a potty mess in one of the bedroom (the room I use for my office). Last night was bad, it started around 7:30 pm he was laying here on the floor awake and would let out a random bark, these random barks continued until 11:30 which time I placed him in the garage. By 1:30 he was barking to be let in, the random barks had stopped. Today was a day I was in the office, came home to a potty mess again. I know I can't keep him alive for me, but I wished he could tell me what is wrong, he went to the vet back in February which the vet told us we have a good 2 yrs with him that he was perfectly healthy. Yet this past month his health is going down hill fast. No this doesn't make me want a drink, I would love to be numb to this but I know now that drinking won't change the fact he is slowly dying. It would give a headache in the morning and nothing has change.
Like you WD I have been going back and forth of the risk reward battle. To have that glass of wine with a nice dinner once in a while, no more everyday drinking.. Not have a drink every time we are out. Can I do the whole moderation thing, can I keep it at the drink at dinner?
I am struggling with my 14yr old dog getting weaker by the day, on the days I work in the office we come home to a potty mess in one of the bedroom (the room I use for my office). Last night was bad, it started around 7:30 pm he was laying here on the floor awake and would let out a random bark, these random barks continued until 11:30 which time I placed him in the garage. By 1:30 he was barking to be let in, the random barks had stopped. Today was a day I was in the office, came home to a potty mess again. I know I can't keep him alive for me, but I wished he could tell me what is wrong, he went to the vet back in February which the vet told us we have a good 2 yrs with him that he was perfectly healthy. Yet this past month his health is going down hill fast. No this doesn't make me want a drink, I would love to be numb to this but I know now that drinking won't change the fact he is slowly dying. It would give a headache in the morning and nothing has change.
Sending lots of hugs for your pup.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Guys, I went back and found that post of the person who has five years sobriety. I still really like it. Here it is:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5140734
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5140734
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
My annual college girlfriends' reunion is coming up in a few weeks. You all saved me last year by insisting that I tell them before the event that I had quit drinking, to keep myself accountable. This year I don't think anyone expects me to drink and happily, I don't have any urge to drink alcohol at the event. In fact, it appears the rest of them (none of whom are alcoholics) have really slowed down on their habits as well, which is what I assume normal drinkers do as they age!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
Guys, I went back and found that post of the person who has five years sobriety. I still really like it. Here it is:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5140734
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5140734
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
My annual college girlfriends' reunion is coming up in a few weeks. You all saved me last year by insisting that I tell them before the event that I had quit drinking, to keep myself accountable. This year I don't think anyone expects me to drink and happily, I don't have any urge to drink alcohol at the event. In fact, it appears the rest of them (none of whom are alcoholics) have really slowed down on their habits as well, which is what I assume normal drinkers do as they age!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 353
Thanks DD
For the article... my dog hasn't ate in two days but his spirit is getting better.. I know he will eat when he feels better
I have two very close friends that quit drinking, one is 6 years other is 4 years. Both said you need to be strong. I know I do but days I don't want to be strong any longer.
Yet I enjoy waking every morning full of energy
For the article... my dog hasn't ate in two days but his spirit is getting better.. I know he will eat when he feels better
I have two very close friends that quit drinking, one is 6 years other is 4 years. Both said you need to be strong. I know I do but days I don't want to be strong any longer.
Yet I enjoy waking every morning full of energy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
DD ... When reading the thread 5 year sobriety thread, this quote from the original post struck me:
It reminded me of something I wrote in October after spending a week in Arizona:
Here's a link to the longer post from which I quoted:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4971021
Anyway ... interesting how sobriety is a journey. We walk similar trails, but they are different ... and a given trail will twist and turn never quite being what it was. The one constant is that the journey requires putting one foot in front of the other ... to keep moving.
Have a great day, Tobers!
Sobriety may have an official start, but there is no clearly defined point at which you can say "I'm fully sober and I'm cured of my disease". It's more like a journey. In the beginning the journey is quite hilly as you traverse the highs and lows. But over time the highs aren't quite so high, and the lows aren't quite so low. The road you travel becomes more flat, but is never without hills and vales. That's not just sobriety, that's life!
What helps to flatten it out is to learn how to deal with the vales when they happen and learn how to stop yourself from sinking too low. At the same time, you have to learn how to celebrate when come to the top of a hill and take the time to enjoy the view before resuming your path.
What helps to flatten it out is to learn how to deal with the vales when they happen and learn how to stop yourself from sinking too low. At the same time, you have to learn how to celebrate when come to the top of a hill and take the time to enjoy the view before resuming your path.
I reached my one year goal. Standing in the mountain saddle, I look back and survey with satisfaction how far I’ve come. I then turn and look ahead. I can see where the trail continues and right where it bends and becomes difficult to trace, I can make out a cairn. The brief respite was good, but it’s time to shoulder my pack and continue my trek.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4971021
Anyway ... interesting how sobriety is a journey. We walk similar trails, but they are different ... and a given trail will twist and turn never quite being what it was. The one constant is that the journey requires putting one foot in front of the other ... to keep moving.
Have a great day, Tobers!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
My wife's nephew is getting married in Chicago Saturday. Friday, I'll be driving a car loaded with in-laws of various stripes (is that fun?!) and then we'll return Sunday.
Honestly, it will be more fun for my wife than me. Weddings? Eh.
I did get a new suit out of the deal. Hopefully I'll get to wear it a few times ... other weddings, graduations, funerals (don't like those as much) ... before I out grow it ... I mean, before it shrinks. I'm not a suit-guy, so it seems a bit extravagant given that I will only wear it a few times.
How about you? Anything fun planned?
Honestly, it will be more fun for my wife than me. Weddings? Eh.
I did get a new suit out of the deal. Hopefully I'll get to wear it a few times ... other weddings, graduations, funerals (don't like those as much) ... before I out grow it ... I mean, before it shrinks. I'm not a suit-guy, so it seems a bit extravagant given that I will only wear it a few times.
How about you? Anything fun planned?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 358
I have a job interview in California - there and back on Friday. Long day! The job is here in KC but they have two offices and want to meet me in person out there. Seems extravagant for a peon paralegal like me. LOL
Sunday is my birthday and I am going to the Royals game. Not much else and I am OK with that!
I haven't been to a wedding since getting sober. I used to love them. Free booze!
It's always good to have suit on hand! Hopefully you won't need it for many funerals hehe
Sunday is my birthday and I am going to the Royals game. Not much else and I am OK with that!
I haven't been to a wedding since getting sober. I used to love them. Free booze!
It's always good to have suit on hand! Hopefully you won't need it for many funerals hehe
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
