One Year and Under Club Part 42
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,183
Hi Undies,
Congrats, Babs! One month is quite the accomplishment. I am in agreement with what Toots said with one exception...I would equally like to see you succeed and graduate to the overs.
For me to start feeling comfortable in my sober skin I needed the assistance of f2f with AA. So much so that in the first 10 months (till I was then required by law to surrender my driver's license) I went to a meeting in all but 17 days. The foundation in sobriety that offered was exactly what I needed to start to feel free from the obsession. Yes, I believe in my heart, and have experienced the cunning, baffling, powerful and patient nature of this monster...laying in wait for 11 plus years to resurface and a decade later have me fetal in bed wanting to die. This disease I have WANTS ME DEAD - plain and simple, and if I din't fight it with everything in my being it will win.
This bit about having to have gone where you have to get where you are is total bunk in my eyes. If I had had the courage to admit my powerlessness to alcohol earlier then I would have saved so much heartache and pain. Powerless over alcohol doesn't mean that it isn't my choice to pick up or not...it does mean that once I do that alcohol controls me.
The funny thing is that my slide wasn't gradual...I stayed in steady but slow decline until the final three years of that run of relapses. Once that train derailed there was disaster and free-fall. I must never forget!
It seems you would still have a reasonable bottom...there is no need to push the envelope and experience free-fall. Many I know in AA have had little negative consequences, but were fortunate to stop that decline early. I wish that I had.
Gilmer, I have had some rather unpleasant experiences over the holidays too. I can stay in poor me mode or decide to restart my day. That's right, it is my decision to restart my day at any time during the day. If I then just stay present tense I know that I will have lost my ego...ego can't exist without a past or future. Good job making it through a rough patch with a HP perspective!
BF, great job fighting through another rough patch. I like what Glee said. Keep helping others and through that offering your recovery grows! Then, when needed rely on others to pull you through your struggles. Good advice, indeed! You are amassing quite the sober tool box!! Feel better soon.
Sask, thanks for offering perspective on your recovery. I have found that yes, there are aspects of AA that I disagree with...that was my perspective as I traveled through relapse after relapse. It wasn't until I stopped looking at what I disagreed with and only focused on what could make my recovery grow that the program took hold. Yesterday I worked about 7 hours and I still went to two meetings since they were near my travels. One rather sucked in some ways...but I left that crap in the room and TOOK a handful of nuggets that will advance my recovery. That one nugget might just be the one that saves me one day when I have the f-its...and that f-its will always be there to entice me because my disease wants me sad, sorry for poor, poor me, in jail, an institution, then dead!
Off to shake some branches and seize what I can from this freezing cold day!
Carlos
Congrats, Babs! One month is quite the accomplishment. I am in agreement with what Toots said with one exception...I would equally like to see you succeed and graduate to the overs.
For me to start feeling comfortable in my sober skin I needed the assistance of f2f with AA. So much so that in the first 10 months (till I was then required by law to surrender my driver's license) I went to a meeting in all but 17 days. The foundation in sobriety that offered was exactly what I needed to start to feel free from the obsession. Yes, I believe in my heart, and have experienced the cunning, baffling, powerful and patient nature of this monster...laying in wait for 11 plus years to resurface and a decade later have me fetal in bed wanting to die. This disease I have WANTS ME DEAD - plain and simple, and if I din't fight it with everything in my being it will win.
This bit about having to have gone where you have to get where you are is total bunk in my eyes. If I had had the courage to admit my powerlessness to alcohol earlier then I would have saved so much heartache and pain. Powerless over alcohol doesn't mean that it isn't my choice to pick up or not...it does mean that once I do that alcohol controls me.
The funny thing is that my slide wasn't gradual...I stayed in steady but slow decline until the final three years of that run of relapses. Once that train derailed there was disaster and free-fall. I must never forget!
It seems you would still have a reasonable bottom...there is no need to push the envelope and experience free-fall. Many I know in AA have had little negative consequences, but were fortunate to stop that decline early. I wish that I had.
Gilmer, I have had some rather unpleasant experiences over the holidays too. I can stay in poor me mode or decide to restart my day. That's right, it is my decision to restart my day at any time during the day. If I then just stay present tense I know that I will have lost my ego...ego can't exist without a past or future. Good job making it through a rough patch with a HP perspective!
BF, great job fighting through another rough patch. I like what Glee said. Keep helping others and through that offering your recovery grows! Then, when needed rely on others to pull you through your struggles. Good advice, indeed! You are amassing quite the sober tool box!! Feel better soon.
Sask, thanks for offering perspective on your recovery. I have found that yes, there are aspects of AA that I disagree with...that was my perspective as I traveled through relapse after relapse. It wasn't until I stopped looking at what I disagreed with and only focused on what could make my recovery grow that the program took hold. Yesterday I worked about 7 hours and I still went to two meetings since they were near my travels. One rather sucked in some ways...but I left that crap in the room and TOOK a handful of nuggets that will advance my recovery. That one nugget might just be the one that saves me one day when I have the f-its...and that f-its will always be there to entice me because my disease wants me sad, sorry for poor, poor me, in jail, an institution, then dead!
Off to shake some branches and seize what I can from this freezing cold day!
Carlos
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 1,491
Just wanted to pop in and say happy sober 2015 !!!!
I had lots of booze flowing left and right all around me the past 3 weeks for the holidays, including free wine tasting in the hotel lobby in Sonoma where I stayed over New Year's eve with my wife and daughter.
I must say my cravings have been lower than ever but I will not lie the thought crossed my mind to have a drink. I quickly 'played the tape forward' and knew that one drink would be too many and 100 drinks would not be enough, and if I had given in I would be back to day zero and feeling gut wrenchingly misreable in so many countless ways including anxiety, anger, depression, remorse, and all the terrible things that come from drinking. Instead I passed and had iced tea and water and Ginger Ales and instead woke up the next day feeling proud, strong, healthy and guilt-free. I know some days can be much easier than others, but I will choose the latter any and every day !!!!! One day at a time I will celebrate 150 days (and 5 months) later this week !!
Always thinking of you all !
-Chris
I had lots of booze flowing left and right all around me the past 3 weeks for the holidays, including free wine tasting in the hotel lobby in Sonoma where I stayed over New Year's eve with my wife and daughter.
I must say my cravings have been lower than ever but I will not lie the thought crossed my mind to have a drink. I quickly 'played the tape forward' and knew that one drink would be too many and 100 drinks would not be enough, and if I had given in I would be back to day zero and feeling gut wrenchingly misreable in so many countless ways including anxiety, anger, depression, remorse, and all the terrible things that come from drinking. Instead I passed and had iced tea and water and Ginger Ales and instead woke up the next day feeling proud, strong, healthy and guilt-free. I know some days can be much easier than others, but I will choose the latter any and every day !!!!! One day at a time I will celebrate 150 days (and 5 months) later this week !!
Always thinking of you all !
-Chris
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Babs congrats on a month sober!!!! That's awesome
Well back to womping. Cold still hangin on a bit. Hoping by the end of the week it will be gone. Now that I've been having fun sober I am really missing hangin with my sober friends and hope to feel good enough soon to be able to again.
Have a good day undies!
Toots you just chose my music of the morning when you said Dr Feelgood. Classic Motley Crüe song title!
Well back to womping. Cold still hangin on a bit. Hoping by the end of the week it will be gone. Now that I've been having fun sober I am really missing hangin with my sober friends and hope to feel good enough soon to be able to again.
Have a good day undies!
Toots you just chose my music of the morning when you said Dr Feelgood. Classic Motley Crüe song title!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
SJ AND everyone else---thank you so much for the support. I didn't think I could do it. but, so far I have. One day at a time. I just want to keep going and I do know that every day will get better. thank you for the support. I appreciate each and everyone of you and your remarks do matter--please keep them coming.
love you all
Babs
love you all
Babs
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Carlos, yes, I agree with your views on AA. I find it has definitely added an important dimension to my sobriety program. I'm learning not to let the irritating things get to me. I can't say that they slide off effortlessly but I am now able to remind myself that the good things outweigh the bad and it doesn't hurt me if someone has a different viewpoint. If anything, I think AA is causing me to be a little more tolerant :-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Babs - Congrats on a month sober! The first month is such an important milestone and I'm really proud of how hard you're working. AA didn't get me sober, but is critical for me staying sober. The first time I went to a meeting was a mandatory visit for an accelerated rehabilitation program. I was still drinking and I didn't like the program at all. Last February, when I quit, I realized I wasn't going to be able to do it on my own, and became willing to try anything it took to stay sober. I went back to the same meeting I had attended a few years prior. I sat in the back corner next to a dude who looked like a rough, skinny Santa Claus. He smiled at me when I sat next to him, and when he shared, I could relate to every word he said. He's the reason I went back the next week. Fast forward to last night. I was at my home group meeting in the next town over, and who walks in, but Skinny Santa, who is the whole reason I stayed at AA. SS and I may never hang out outside AA, but the fellowship is powerful.
Gilmer - Thank you for explaining how you worked through your rough patch. It's a great tool for next time I'm struggling. And I'm glad spending some close time with your HP eased your burdens.
Carlos - I spent the weekend working the Poor Me Mode. With the disease of alcoholism in the driver's seat, I forgot that I could hit the restart button on my day.
This is so true. My descent started with a visit with Needy after work, and as a good friend pointed out, instead of looking for something fun to do afterwards, I went home and thought about how sad I was for myself for having to watch my husband drink. The next night, poor me was stuck home with an ice storm. Instead of calling a friend, or doing something around the house, or exercising, I felt sorry for myself, and stayed lazy, lonely, and isolated.
If not for AA's design to change the way people think, I may still be circling the drain. Instead, I was able to use my recovery tools to get back in the present, let go of the poor me's, and make the most of my circumstances. Sometimes responsibilities are a grind, and sometimes circumstances are difficult, but I don't have to wallow in pity over them anymore. I don't always do the right thing, but when I get off track, I can reorient. What a blessing.
Chris, Saskia, Jim, BoozeFree, Toots, Drake, and all the undies - Hi and have a great day!
Gilmer - Thank you for explaining how you worked through your rough patch. It's a great tool for next time I'm struggling. And I'm glad spending some close time with your HP eased your burdens.
Carlos - I spent the weekend working the Poor Me Mode. With the disease of alcoholism in the driver's seat, I forgot that I could hit the restart button on my day.
Originally Posted by IWLSAST 
f-its will always be there to entice me because my disease wants me sad, sorry for poor, poor me, in jail, an institution, then dead!
If not for AA's design to change the way people think, I may still be circling the drain. Instead, I was able to use my recovery tools to get back in the present, let go of the poor me's, and make the most of my circumstances. Sometimes responsibilities are a grind, and sometimes circumstances are difficult, but I don't have to wallow in pity over them anymore. I don't always do the right thing, but when I get off track, I can reorient. What a blessing.
Chris, Saskia, Jim, BoozeFree, Toots, Drake, and all the undies - Hi and have a great day!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
I think its only natural to forget the tool kit we have and occasionally pick up a hammer instead of a screwdriver. The fact is though, the longer we are sober, and the more frequently we use the tools in our kit, the easier it becomes to reach out for the right one in times of need.
Babs, 1 month is assuredly a milestone, proof to ourselves that we are capable of putting ourselves beyond the physical need of alcohol, from that point on, we are definitely dealing with the emotional and psychological draw. So we need to consider what, in the past, has allowed us to weaken and return to the bottle. Stress? Arguments? Celebrations? Poor me's, F-it's? Now is the time to begin the analysis of past returns, is there a pattern? Make a project of it, consider the facts and consider what you can do to take preventative measures in place. You can do this Babs.
SJ how's tricks?
MessyLiver, I hope you are back checking out the undies, you have been missed here.
BeFree, I am glad to hear you are improving.
Sass, Carlos, I guess AA is like anywhere else where people gather together, there are always those that rub our fur the wrong way. We tend to focus on those folk rather than the ones we could enjoy being around. Maturity helps us to manage our antipathy towards them. Alcohol doesn't allow for emotional maturity, which is why for some it takes time and repeated experience to overcome the aversion. I see such emotional growth in you all here, and that more than anything strengthens our path towards sobriety.
Acceptance is something as humans we seem to balk at, and yet how easily we accept the restrictions alcohol puts on us over the years, constricting our world year on year until all we can focus on, and all we want to see is the bottle. Yet tell us we can have the entire world;Everything we could possibly want is within our own ability to aim for, other than the bottle, and we turn into foot stamping spoiled brats " I want that one"
We need to alter our way of looking at life to begin to chose life without alcohol rather than consider life without alcohol as missing out.
Chosing that life can take time, it is a complete emotional and psychological turnabout over years of addicted acceptance, but I am living proof that it can be done. Choosing to live a life without alcohol, simplifies life. As alcohol is no longer an option for me, because I chose it not to be, all my other choices open up.
Glee, do you think spending time absorbing the negativity of Needy perhaps caused or initiated your own negative thoughts? I know that sometimes being around Poor Mes I can come away feeling down and negative too. Perhaps you need to actively act positive after any meet ups perhaps attend a favourite meeting? Or, and this is me mixing things a bit,
how about turning her poor me's back on herself, re- read your help books and have responses ready, it should lighten up your meet ups if nothing else!!
I hope any who have slipped of the path of recovery over the holiday can find their way back here for a hand up. The early path is slippy, full of potholes, diversions, cliff edges and dead ends. Going it alone means we have to try to deal with all this ourselves and often end up back where we started or further down the hillside. By reaching out a hand towards those who have safely navigated the early tricky road, we have a much, much better chance of success, whether that hand is cyber or 3 dimensional.
Babs, 1 month is assuredly a milestone, proof to ourselves that we are capable of putting ourselves beyond the physical need of alcohol, from that point on, we are definitely dealing with the emotional and psychological draw. So we need to consider what, in the past, has allowed us to weaken and return to the bottle. Stress? Arguments? Celebrations? Poor me's, F-it's? Now is the time to begin the analysis of past returns, is there a pattern? Make a project of it, consider the facts and consider what you can do to take preventative measures in place. You can do this Babs.
SJ how's tricks?
MessyLiver, I hope you are back checking out the undies, you have been missed here.
BeFree, I am glad to hear you are improving.
Sass, Carlos, I guess AA is like anywhere else where people gather together, there are always those that rub our fur the wrong way. We tend to focus on those folk rather than the ones we could enjoy being around. Maturity helps us to manage our antipathy towards them. Alcohol doesn't allow for emotional maturity, which is why for some it takes time and repeated experience to overcome the aversion. I see such emotional growth in you all here, and that more than anything strengthens our path towards sobriety.
Acceptance is something as humans we seem to balk at, and yet how easily we accept the restrictions alcohol puts on us over the years, constricting our world year on year until all we can focus on, and all we want to see is the bottle. Yet tell us we can have the entire world;Everything we could possibly want is within our own ability to aim for, other than the bottle, and we turn into foot stamping spoiled brats " I want that one"
We need to alter our way of looking at life to begin to chose life without alcohol rather than consider life without alcohol as missing out.
Chosing that life can take time, it is a complete emotional and psychological turnabout over years of addicted acceptance, but I am living proof that it can be done. Choosing to live a life without alcohol, simplifies life. As alcohol is no longer an option for me, because I chose it not to be, all my other choices open up.
Glee, do you think spending time absorbing the negativity of Needy perhaps caused or initiated your own negative thoughts? I know that sometimes being around Poor Mes I can come away feeling down and negative too. Perhaps you need to actively act positive after any meet ups perhaps attend a favourite meeting? Or, and this is me mixing things a bit,
how about turning her poor me's back on herself, re- read your help books and have responses ready, it should lighten up your meet ups if nothing else!! I hope any who have slipped of the path of recovery over the holiday can find their way back here for a hand up. The early path is slippy, full of potholes, diversions, cliff edges and dead ends. Going it alone means we have to try to deal with all this ourselves and often end up back where we started or further down the hillside. By reaching out a hand towards those who have safely navigated the early tricky road, we have a much, much better chance of success, whether that hand is cyber or 3 dimensional.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
Sass I am chuffed! 5 months is wonderful my dear friend. And with half a year fast filling your windscreen you can focu on that as you cope with the stresses of your move xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Terrific posts, Glee and Toots! I get a great deal from everyone's posts and hearing about all of your experiences and thoughts helps keep me on the path I'm on. In addition to the thoughtful people I meet here, I can come here any time of day or night and get encouragement, advice and support. That makes my upcoming move less scary! I will have the continuity of being able to come here whenever I need to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Hello everyone!
Just wanted to say I'm still around, the move and starting a new job has been EXHAUSTING but I feel like i'm finally finding my feet, it's great to be independent again!
AV activity all over the place but I'm managing to recognise it for what it is. Everything is a little overwhelming at the moment, this is the start of a new career and a new life.
Peace and strength all, I'll catch up with posts soon
LS
Just wanted to say I'm still around, the move and starting a new job has been EXHAUSTING but I feel like i'm finally finding my feet, it's great to be independent again!
AV activity all over the place but I'm managing to recognise it for what it is. Everything is a little overwhelming at the moment, this is the start of a new career and a new life.
Peace and strength all, I'll catch up with posts soon
LS
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