One Year and Under Club Part 42
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,174
Sass of course Carlos won't mind a hug, just be prepared for him to try and cop a feel!!
Or has being a Pappy changed you that much Carlos! Seriously, I felt the same with my wee grandson, still do, he is a big reason for my sobriety.
Seriously, I am so happy that you got to enjoy such precious moments. As a parent now, your daughter will soon realise that all is not black and white in life. She may always hold some resentment over your past behaviour, but I hope she will be more accepting of your fallibility. You have the change to make a wonderful relationship there, I adored my grandfather.
Petals Sass is spot on about f2f and even if you don't want to go to AA, a sober friend is a must.
Glee there are so many here who get so much from your posts, I am always in awe of how you have coped with your first (almost) year of sobriety, with so many trials to overcome.
LS stick close, ignore AV and set a pattern early on in your new life, routine helps to banish AV in much the same way as in early days it gives it a voice. You have the oportunity to generate so many non alcohol related memories just now, that if you are strong, alcohol truly can be a thing of the past to you.
BeFree, my wee friend, I am so proud to be your friend as I watch you growing from strength to strength in your sobriety.
Trachy, I know you are just mushy, under that hard shell, don't even pretend otherwise!
Or has being a Pappy changed you that much Carlos! Seriously, I felt the same with my wee grandson, still do, he is a big reason for my sobriety.
Seriously, I am so happy that you got to enjoy such precious moments. As a parent now, your daughter will soon realise that all is not black and white in life. She may always hold some resentment over your past behaviour, but I hope she will be more accepting of your fallibility. You have the change to make a wonderful relationship there, I adored my grandfather.
Petals Sass is spot on about f2f and even if you don't want to go to AA, a sober friend is a must.
Glee there are so many here who get so much from your posts, I am always in awe of how you have coped with your first (almost) year of sobriety, with so many trials to overcome.
LS stick close, ignore AV and set a pattern early on in your new life, routine helps to banish AV in much the same way as in early days it gives it a voice. You have the oportunity to generate so many non alcohol related memories just now, that if you are strong, alcohol truly can be a thing of the past to you.
BeFree, my wee friend, I am so proud to be your friend as I watch you growing from strength to strength in your sobriety.
Trachy, I know you are just mushy, under that hard shell, don't even pretend otherwise!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,327
Congratulations your post about your granddaughter was lovely.
My hubby just says. .... it's simple just don't drink.... I have tried talking to him when he's in a calm mood but he just doesn't get it.
I have considered aa but apart from the anxiety about going I know it would cause me trouble at home too. . And I don't want to lie about going out...
Will keep close to you all.
Buying this new phone in the summer and this app have been amazing. (my old phone had no Internet)
Xx
My hubby just says. .... it's simple just don't drink.... I have tried talking to him when he's in a calm mood but he just doesn't get it.
I have considered aa but apart from the anxiety about going I know it would cause me trouble at home too. . And I don't want to lie about going out...
Will keep close to you all.
Buying this new phone in the summer and this app have been amazing. (my old phone had no Internet)
Xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Vandermast - Healing takes time. It sure didn't come easily for me. Keep hanging out with us.
Petals - There came a time in my sobriety when I realized that no matter how I tried, I wouldn't be able to change my husband's perspective on my drinking, or the way I was conducting myself in recovery. He's been downright disdainful of my choice to go to AA, and my struggles in early recovery going parties with our friends who drink. He hasn't supported it at all. As painful as that was, as resentful as I felt, as much as I cried over it and complained about it, something amazing has emerged from it: the realization that I don't have control over anybody, and a comfort in understanding that all I have to do is my part and let go of the rest. In the course of recovery Ive recognized and subsequently let go of the subconscious expectation that my husband will lead or direct me. I've let go of directing my activity to what pleases him. And I am learning not only what pleases me, but developing the confidence to do it whether he likes it or not.
There's no saying WHY I was a codependent person who let her husband lead the way at the exclusion of my own needs and interests. I have my theories that it's rooted in a dysfunctional childhood. While it probably is, blaming my parents, and being angry with them, didn't get me anywhere except deeper into codependency, more dysfunctionality. Finding the strength to be true to myself, to do what I enjoy, within the confines of my responsibilities, is setting me free.
Because of recovery, some day I'll be able to have a great relationship with the right person, who will be able to give me space to be myself, as I will him. Whether that's my husband remains to be seen. I'm at peace with it, and I'm optimistic that no matter what happens, I'll be ok.
Petals - There came a time in my sobriety when I realized that no matter how I tried, I wouldn't be able to change my husband's perspective on my drinking, or the way I was conducting myself in recovery. He's been downright disdainful of my choice to go to AA, and my struggles in early recovery going parties with our friends who drink. He hasn't supported it at all. As painful as that was, as resentful as I felt, as much as I cried over it and complained about it, something amazing has emerged from it: the realization that I don't have control over anybody, and a comfort in understanding that all I have to do is my part and let go of the rest. In the course of recovery Ive recognized and subsequently let go of the subconscious expectation that my husband will lead or direct me. I've let go of directing my activity to what pleases him. And I am learning not only what pleases me, but developing the confidence to do it whether he likes it or not.
There's no saying WHY I was a codependent person who let her husband lead the way at the exclusion of my own needs and interests. I have my theories that it's rooted in a dysfunctional childhood. While it probably is, blaming my parents, and being angry with them, didn't get me anywhere except deeper into codependency, more dysfunctionality. Finding the strength to be true to myself, to do what I enjoy, within the confines of my responsibilities, is setting me free.
Because of recovery, some day I'll be able to have a great relationship with the right person, who will be able to give me space to be myself, as I will him. Whether that's my husband remains to be seen. I'm at peace with it, and I'm optimistic that no matter what happens, I'll be ok.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Vandemast, good to hear that you've been sober for a bit. I've found that it really does get easier if you work at it. Keep up the good work and keep posting here. A daily check-in is, imho, a good way to stay on track.
Petals, I'm glad to hear that you've stayed sober in spite of the difficulties. Have you thought at all about some kind of counseling? I've heard others express frustration over spouses who don't "get" addiction. I'm under the impression that this is one of those situations that we need to accept that we can't change. It's important, I think, to put our energy into those things we can change.
Petals, I'm glad to hear that you've stayed sober in spite of the difficulties. Have you thought at all about some kind of counseling? I've heard others express frustration over spouses who don't "get" addiction. I'm under the impression that this is one of those situations that we need to accept that we can't change. It's important, I think, to put our energy into those things we can change.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Trachy, I agree with Toots - you are mushy underneath that crusty shell :-)
I let relapsed friend know that I want to support her and would enjoy meeting for a movie or a supper out. I also gave her phone number and names of the two addiction counsellors who I think are really good. I'm trying to be sensitive, firm and kind - not qualities I think are my strength but I feel much better handling things this way.
(((Glee))), you are a shining example of how to live sober thoughtfully. You work your way through your challenges and very generously share your journey.
Toots, this old lady might just enjoy a lecherous male of the species
I let relapsed friend know that I want to support her and would enjoy meeting for a movie or a supper out. I also gave her phone number and names of the two addiction counsellors who I think are really good. I'm trying to be sensitive, firm and kind - not qualities I think are my strength but I feel much better handling things this way.
(((Glee))), you are a shining example of how to live sober thoughtfully. You work your way through your challenges and very generously share your journey.
Toots, this old lady might just enjoy a lecherous male of the species
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
VandermSt like others have said it wil get better and keep reaching out for support and posting here ect.
Toots thank you. You have been so supportive thru my ups and downs in this journey.
Feeling a little better today. I think this cold is finally dying out. Today's slammed at work so looking forward to coming home and relaxing tonight.
Toots thank you. You have been so supportive thru my ups and downs in this journey.
Feeling a little better today. I think this cold is finally dying out. Today's slammed at work so looking forward to coming home and relaxing tonight.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,183
Good Morning Undies,
I am happy to have written a story about my meeting Arielle Rose (pronounced R-E-L) that touched many of you. After a 26 year absence I had forgotten the magic that holding a newborn baby offered.
Much like I did by way of suggestions at my daughter's wedding 16 months ago, I offered little in the way of suggestions and pretty much only spoke when spoken to first. Then, only after pausing to consider my response.
That conduct, so far removed from my norm, take-charge Type A way, served me so well at the wedding. Admittedly, it was a chore in September 2013, but has become much more a way of life by 1/6/2014 (my favorite day, ever).
I'm getting so much better at shedding ego for humility that I often will consider what the old me might have offered at certain points while they are happening and have come to realize that a good bit of it was hot air, or, not all that important.
I'm not suggesting this path for any of you. I am saying that if you think alcoholism bolstered an already massive ego (pretty much an alkie constant), learning to exist a great deal more in the shadows has some serious PERKS! Elimination of drama I might have caused, allowance for time to soak up joy and happiness in peace rather than being a conductor, no chance of being the cause of any disagreement or stress...etc.
There are times when it is required, or, in business meetings that I actually must chair, that I still do offer it up...but, somehow, I seem to do it with more humility these days. Just another gift of recovery.
Sask, great story about helping another that is suffering. I'm always confused what path to take too. Haha, again, like above, my go-to way is to tell them what they need to do...which I now stop myself from doing in favor of simply offering a helping hand. I've had two good friends return to sobriety over the past 6 weeks. One, I softly offered encouragement. The other I was a bit stronger. But before I came on strong, I asked if it was okay to respond to them with my gloves off. I think the permission softened things and it became an expectation for them. I don't know if, or how long either may or may not stay sober? However, if they relapse, it is on them and I won't blame myself in any way. Plus, I'll be there for them if they want my assistance in the future.
Glee, it's a joy to read about your step by step processing a path to joyous, happy and free. Some days make these tools difficult to find in all the manusha, but, I'm hoping with practice we continue to get more proficient.
Petals, it makes sense to be hesitant to attend AA. Everyone, to the person has a tale about the jitters from walking in that first time. With some that feeling lasts for a number of meetings. For sure, it one day goes away and you will start checking your watch to see how long it will be till you are in a room of like minded. As for the trouble it may cause...tougher for sure. Again, I can only speak for myself here...a couple weeks it was suggested that I read carefully the January 6th message the "24 Hours a Day" book. It became a mantra of mine, reading it most every morning. In fact, I have cut a pasted it on here about a half a dozen time in the past. It says:
AA Thought for the Day - January 6th
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Now the real crazy part is that as I was putting this email together I realized this amazing sign from The Universe. January 6th, my fav AA thought for the day by far...and now also Arielle Rose's birthday. So freeky!!
Anyway, Petals...I needed to heed that advice regardless of any and all other consequences in my personal life...and it didn't say to worry about what others felt about my attending AA meetings. Again, that was just me.
Trach, thanks, come on out and enjoy the vulnerability more often. In fact, I think it would be nice to know a bit about your story. The only person I know that bites on here is Toots, and wow, it actually feels good
.
Vand, congrats on your sober time!
Also, a big thanks to Gilmer, Dee, BF, Toots, Babs for the congrats. Sorry if I missed anyone. Heck, I almost missed the January 6th sign I was being offered.
Enjoy the weekend, Undies. Hey, no drinking or druggin today, okay?
Carlos
I am happy to have written a story about my meeting Arielle Rose (pronounced R-E-L) that touched many of you. After a 26 year absence I had forgotten the magic that holding a newborn baby offered.
Much like I did by way of suggestions at my daughter's wedding 16 months ago, I offered little in the way of suggestions and pretty much only spoke when spoken to first. Then, only after pausing to consider my response.
That conduct, so far removed from my norm, take-charge Type A way, served me so well at the wedding. Admittedly, it was a chore in September 2013, but has become much more a way of life by 1/6/2014 (my favorite day, ever).
I'm getting so much better at shedding ego for humility that I often will consider what the old me might have offered at certain points while they are happening and have come to realize that a good bit of it was hot air, or, not all that important.
I'm not suggesting this path for any of you. I am saying that if you think alcoholism bolstered an already massive ego (pretty much an alkie constant), learning to exist a great deal more in the shadows has some serious PERKS! Elimination of drama I might have caused, allowance for time to soak up joy and happiness in peace rather than being a conductor, no chance of being the cause of any disagreement or stress...etc.
There are times when it is required, or, in business meetings that I actually must chair, that I still do offer it up...but, somehow, I seem to do it with more humility these days. Just another gift of recovery.
Sask, great story about helping another that is suffering. I'm always confused what path to take too. Haha, again, like above, my go-to way is to tell them what they need to do...which I now stop myself from doing in favor of simply offering a helping hand. I've had two good friends return to sobriety over the past 6 weeks. One, I softly offered encouragement. The other I was a bit stronger. But before I came on strong, I asked if it was okay to respond to them with my gloves off. I think the permission softened things and it became an expectation for them. I don't know if, or how long either may or may not stay sober? However, if they relapse, it is on them and I won't blame myself in any way. Plus, I'll be there for them if they want my assistance in the future.
Glee, it's a joy to read about your step by step processing a path to joyous, happy and free. Some days make these tools difficult to find in all the manusha, but, I'm hoping with practice we continue to get more proficient.
Petals, it makes sense to be hesitant to attend AA. Everyone, to the person has a tale about the jitters from walking in that first time. With some that feeling lasts for a number of meetings. For sure, it one day goes away and you will start checking your watch to see how long it will be till you are in a room of like minded. As for the trouble it may cause...tougher for sure. Again, I can only speak for myself here...a couple weeks it was suggested that I read carefully the January 6th message the "24 Hours a Day" book. It became a mantra of mine, reading it most every morning. In fact, I have cut a pasted it on here about a half a dozen time in the past. It says:
AA Thought for the Day - January 6th
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Now the real crazy part is that as I was putting this email together I realized this amazing sign from The Universe. January 6th, my fav AA thought for the day by far...and now also Arielle Rose's birthday. So freeky!!
Anyway, Petals...I needed to heed that advice regardless of any and all other consequences in my personal life...and it didn't say to worry about what others felt about my attending AA meetings. Again, that was just me.
Trach, thanks, come on out and enjoy the vulnerability more often. In fact, I think it would be nice to know a bit about your story. The only person I know that bites on here is Toots, and wow, it actually feels good
.Vand, congrats on your sober time!
Also, a big thanks to Gilmer, Dee, BF, Toots, Babs for the congrats. Sorry if I missed anyone. Heck, I almost missed the January 6th sign I was being offered.
Enjoy the weekend, Undies. Hey, no drinking or druggin today, okay?
Carlos
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 133
Helloooooo. I am the mad kittycat coming to join your club. My September pal safeandsound recommended I join - our own thread has been rather deserted lately. I have just over 4 months sober after drinking my face off for nearly 20 years. It's been a big change, but I'm doing all right. Oh yeah - I'm also Canadian, so feel free to ask any questions you might have about touques and back bacon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 31
Joining your Club
Hello all,
Last drink was Dec 1st 2014, the holidays where tough not so much because
Of others drinking around me but being self employed business is slow mid Dec to Mid January so some days the voice kicks in. " it's slow & it's cold you deserve
To have some beer.
While I
that voice inti the ground,
Anyhow I hope every is well and sober,
Have a great evening,
Rob
Last drink was Dec 1st 2014, the holidays where tough not so much because
Of others drinking around me but being self employed business is slow mid Dec to Mid January so some days the voice kicks in. " it's slow & it's cold you deserve
To have some beer.
While I
that voice inti the ground,Anyhow I hope every is well and sober,
Have a great evening,
Rob
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by Avice 
Helloooooo. I am the mad kittycat coming to join your club. My September pal safeandsound recommended I join - our own thread has been rather deserted lately. I have just over 4 months sober after drinking my face off for nearly 20 years. It's been a big change, but I'm doing all right. Oh yeah - I'm also Canadian, so feel free to ask any questions you might have about touques and back bacon.
We Canadian's not only have to fight the drink, we have to smile well freezing
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Welcome, Avice and Confusedagain! On another thread we had a discussion about The Red Green Show. I had never seen it before, being in the States, and I enjoyed it. On a different thread, we had a comparison of American bacon to Canadian, Australian, and English bacon. We Americans had to slink back into our holes!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Welcome to the Undies, Avice and confusedagain!
Yes, Canadian bacon is far superior :-). I used to spend summer vacations in your beautiful country.
Sometimes things get a little slow here but since we get "new meat" here regularly , it doesn't stay quiet for long. Some of our members have graduated to the "Overs" and some of the Overs are also Popovers - they still love us and pop over to join us sometimes.
Yes, Canadian bacon is far superior :-). I used to spend summer vacations in your beautiful country.
Sometimes things get a little slow here but since we get "new meat" here regularly
, it doesn't stay quiet for long. Some of our members have graduated to the "Overs" and some of the Overs are also Popovers - they still love us and pop over to join us sometimes.
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