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One Year and Under Club Part 42

Old 12-28-2014, 04:00 PM
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Hi Undies

Carlos - If your team wins you may have an excuse to hit the meeting I went to in Foxborough over Thanksgiving weekend. There weren't any evening gowns or Cadillacs at that meeting, just regulah' cah's, Dunkin, and Fluffernutters - and they took a halftime smoke break. It was a meeting that movie character Will Hunting would go to, if he was so inclined. That movie used to make me want to smoke. There were great stories about recovery that night. Regardless of how the game turns out, I know YOU ARE READY to have fun hanging with your youngest tonight!

Gilmer - I don't know about bathrobes and slippers, but I've seen my fair share of yoga pants and hoodies at meetings here in New England.

Trach - What a humble apology. I can't begin to tell you how difficult forgiveness is for me. I've lost many friends and acquaintances that way, and spent years analyzing why. Fact is, knowing it is because of something that happened to me as a kid didn't help me change it. Recognizing my triggers, and letting them go, has allowed me to have better relationships with my friends and hold a lot less resentment towards my FOO - family of origin.

BoozeFree - I hope you had a lovely day off from the womp.

LS - congrats on being able to move out and move on with your life. You owe it to your sobriety so hold onto it and don't let go!

Needy is back in my life - my choice - and wrangling for front and center. The way I uphold my boundaries while making plans with her is a testament to my emerging emotional sobriety. I felt like such a victim earlier this year with her, but it never occurred to me to say No. Today I was able to say No to her invitation to hang with her for a long, intimate NYE gathering, but still make time to get together this week. Finding balance, rather than sweeping people out of my life, is my emotional sobriety in action.
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Old 12-28-2014, 04:23 PM
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I'm pleased that you are being kind but firm, Glee--and that she seems to have accepted the new boundary with grace.
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Old 12-28-2014, 04:34 PM
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Depression seems to have taken over today, last few days actually. I don't really think it is "holiday" stuff, just a cycle. Perhaps the meds are just stretching out the cycles.

Sparky's patented "hot rod brain" is on full rev with all the negative thoughts.

These are the days when I would drink and indulge in addiction until I dropped. Today I spent too much of it napping, wasting the day. Did get Olive out for a walk, it was bright, sunny and cold, a perfect winter day.

At least I can face it head on and not drown in booze.
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Old 12-28-2014, 05:02 PM
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I posted to you in your other thread Drake.

I'm not sure that I'd be satisfied with longer cycles to be honest.
There may be another med or treatment that might give you even better results?

D
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Old 12-28-2014, 05:06 PM
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I saw Dee, I was a posting fool for a bit. Thanks for the support and advice!
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Old 12-28-2014, 06:08 PM
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Hey you guys thanks for the support spent xmas with close family and went to mass xmas day..have been playin a lot of guitar..staying away from nye festivities as I dont need triggering..onward and upward into the new year you guys rock..much love.
V
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Old 12-28-2014, 06:13 PM
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Drake - I'm proud of you for not succumbing to addiction while your brain is revving in a dark, negative direction. That takes enormous strength, and your journey to sobriety has been one of quiet, restrained strength. You are aware of the effect the meds are having on you, and thankfully can articulate it to your doctor.

Vandermast- When I first got sober there was nothing I enjoyed. Guitar sounds great - take good care of yourself, immerse yourself in activities you enjoy, and stay away from situations where you would usually drink.
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Old 12-28-2014, 06:35 PM
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I am having trouble accessing some threads and this is one, can only get in if I go through email notification link.

Anyway.. thanks all and thanks for the encouragement Glee and Dee (sounds like a comedy act). Sometimes I have to think where I was and where I am now... it is all so much better.

Trach/Carlos
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Old 12-29-2014, 04:00 AM
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My internet went down for awhile. I was going to pay bills, but I mislaid the checkbook (I know it's around here somewhere).

I was feeling sulky. I have to do a big turkey dinner today, and I didn't wake up with the necessary "git 'er done" attitude in any way.

The sink had 6 nasty pans in it. After dinner last night, my son had put all the plates and bowls in the dishwasher, but had left the tough stuff for some poor sucker to do later!

I was tempted to be irked--but I just sucked it up and did them, even though I feel that I've already got enough to do today, and I'm not even up to that!

I made the choice to get over myself and do the next right thing. I scrubbed the pans. Now I am very satisfied that that major chore is done! I would never have faced it a year ago--not till I had two or three days of mental preparation. Today I didn't need a bunch of mental gyrations--I just cut the crap and did it! Sobriety leads to maturity, and maturity is a great thing!

Plus, my internet is back up, so I can finish my morning SR surf. I love this place!
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Old 12-29-2014, 05:32 AM
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Hi folks... Reaching out to whomever is around this early. Woke up riddled with anxiety, the kind that makes me want to stay in bed with a blanket over my head. And it's not about anything except waking up.

My last nine months have been this really broken relationship with my job in which if I see a way to get out of something, I do it. My boss is gone all week. No one to account for me. And I have this desire to just check out. Not a craving to use, but the behavior that always leads me there.

Posting this is helping get my head on right. Anyone have any thoughts about routine in early recovery? How did you get one, really is my question, when everything in me is shrinking against it?
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Old 12-29-2014, 06:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Gilmer View Post
My internet went down for awhile. I was going to pay bills, but I mislaid the checkbook (I know it's around here somewhere).

...

I made the choice to get over myself and do the next right thing. I scrubbed the pans. Now I am very satisfied that that major chore is done! I would never have faced it a year ago--not till I had two or three days of mental preparation. Today I didn't need a bunch of mental gyrations--I just cut the crap and did it! Sobriety leads to maturity, and maturity is a great thing!
Shalom Gilmer!

What is a chequebook? Crud, I've maybe written three cheques in the past five years - funny how something that was such a daily staple has become so antiquated so quickly.

Enjoyed your comments on dishes. On Christmas day, I likely would have been on beer five or six by dinner time as the in-laws make me crazy, then been drinking wine, followed by a brandy or Drambuie with coffee after dinner. At this point, someone else can do dishes, thank you, while I get mellow and rot in my chair.

This year, without booze, I only yelled at the in-laws a couple of times, then did the dishes as a soothing way to calm myself down. I haven't done a lot of dishes by hand over the past few years, and this ended up being an pleasurable chore, though my dry itchy cuticles are not thanking me for it.

Have a great day everyone.
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Old 12-29-2014, 02:02 PM
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Looks like all is back to normal on SR. Thanks for all the good wishes, still kind of out of sorts today but have been out and about and am going to make Olive mosey around the neighborhood a bit here soon.

Read an article somewhere not long ago about the almost collapse of the check industry, processors, people who would fly cancelled checks back and forth to wherever they go, companies to print them.... I write 1 a month for church, and should go electronic for that.

Hope all the Undies are well!

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Old 12-29-2014, 07:12 PM
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Hi undies
Just checking in. I have a lot of posts to catch up on but have been so sick yesterday and today that I've just been sleeping or watching tv. Still sober tho
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Old 12-29-2014, 07:35 PM
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get well soon BF

D
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Old 12-29-2014, 07:53 PM
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There was a strange outage on SR for a while, BF so you didn't miss much.

Get better soon!

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Old 12-29-2014, 08:24 PM
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BF, sorry to hear you are sick! Lots of that going around. Feel better soon.
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Old 12-30-2014, 12:56 AM
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Feel better soon BeFree.

I missed yesterday posting as other than my March thread I could get on anywhere before work. I am now back to my regular hours at my old job, but with a big pay rise which is nice.

Drake I am glad you are pushing yourself out of your mood, though I do agree with Dee, it's not something to accept if your medications can be swung to change things for the better.

Sparky, invest in some rubber gloves! I have a dishwasher but always forget to use it. I too find therapy in hiding away in the peace of the kitchen and changing a pile of dirty greasy dishes into sparkling clean ones.

Gilmer, your family must see such a difference in you, in your behaviour, in how you manage life, I hope they are rightly proud of you.

Glee, I guess time will tell how things go with Needy, but by seeking the groundwork now for 'new improved relationship Mark 2' I think things may work just fine. I do know that you regretted the fact that your kids suffered by the need to shut her from your life. This is a much more mature way of dealing, but I very much doubt you would have been able to change the relationship without making a complete break first.

LS, first thing as you look at moving, is to set your support network in place. Make sure that change doesn't lead to temptation. Please don't let your fathers antics get to you, he chose his path, don't allow him to divert you from yours. You are doing so well now!

Petal, how are things with you?

Dax, routine for me is one of the hardest things to push myself into, but one of the most necessary for me personally. I'm not sure what you mean about your job, is it that you don't like it, or merely that you find it difficult to push yourself when not being monitored? Yesterday was my first day back we were really quiet and none of us felt remotely motivated to seek work, but it goes against my personal ethos to be paid to do a job and not do it, so I found a small but necessary job to do that allowed me to sit and chat but also let me earn my wage.
If you feel unmotivated constantly about your work Dax, perhaps now that you are working at your recovery, it is time to see what you really want to do? A lot of us in active addiction chose jobs that enable us to continue our way of life. But once we are in recovery it may not be enough to keep us stimulated. What did you want to do when you were younger? Does anything fire your imagination?what would you leap out of bed for?

I hope everyone is making sober plans for the end of 2014 and th fresh new beginning of 2015.
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Old 12-30-2014, 06:14 AM
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Hi Undies! Sorry I have not been an avid poster lately. Barely had time to keep up with day to day stuff lately, but drinking simply is not an option and even if it was it would make things worse (much worse) not better.

So proud of everyone's persistence and milestones we are all doing this together !!

Love and warmest hugs to you all. -Chris
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Old 12-30-2014, 06:34 AM
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Originally Posted by tootsl1 View Post
Dax, routine for me is one of the hardest things to push myself into, but one of the most necessary for me personally. I'm not sure what you mean about your job, is it that you don't like it, or merely that you find it difficult to push yourself when not being monitored? Yesterday was my first day back we were really quiet and none of us felt remotely motivated to seek work, but it goes against my personal ethos to be paid to do a job and not do it, so I found a small but necessary job to do that allowed me to sit and chat but also let me earn my wage. If you feel unmotivated constantly about your work Dax, perhaps now that you are working at your recovery, it is time to see what you really want to do? A lot of us in active addiction chose jobs that enable us to continue our way of life. But once we are in recovery it may not be enough to keep us stimulated. What did you want to do when you were younger? Does anything fire your imagination?what would you leap out of bed for?
Thanks for this, Toots. These are questions that I need to sit with. The comical response is that when I was a kid, I had a very specific plan. Ready for it? I was going to be a teacher during the day, a writer at night and a singer in the summers. My mom would say, "That's a lot! Don't you think you'd be tired?" And I'd stubbornly say "No!" This pattern of ridiculous self expectation and unreasonable demands exists for me today.

My current job is awesome actually. It is my dream job. There is tons of room, though, and I have been really abusing that in order to use and drink. It's discipline that I lack. My ethos for work used to be what you described above. And now I am this person who looks for the inch to take the mile.

And I hate myself for it. I do not do what I want to do. So, how did others climb out of that hole? What did you employ for self discipline and routine? Any practical suggestions that added to your ability to make routine?

I am also aware this is Day 4 after 9 months of using and drinking. Maybe I need to chill.
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Old 12-30-2014, 07:19 AM
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Sorry you're still feeling so sick, BFree! I hope you feel better soon. Take good care of yourself!

Dax, do you have a friend you could tell your every work temptation to, for accountability? If you share with them every time you cut a corner at work, you will be less likely to do it as the days go on. Something about letting secrets out of the bag is a great diffuser of compulsions.

We are always here to hear you and help you with all the adjustments you're making to your life right now. It's good to have a set of buddies who encourage to you do the right thing without judging.
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