courage2

In the spirit of rigorous honesty, it occurred to me this morning in the bath (where all thoughts are born) that this was a little disingenuous on my part.

I fell head over heels in love with the man whom I'm married to, 32 years ago. It was fireworks, bells and more. It has lasted through years of alcoholism, depression, resentment, underemployment, adultery, and other things that could have destroyed a marriage that didn't have such a strong force at its foundation.

Love, plus a child, plus a lot of inertia = enduring bond!

But I do think that love is a dangerous thing -- a source of upheaval. It changes everything. I hope never to fall in love again.

Fallow

Still here. Just got back from vacation in California. Very nice and relaxing with beautiful weather.

My kids are great! DD had fun at the beach and stuff. My son just started crawling. They were both getting sick back and forth in November and early January so its refreshing they are back at 100 percent.

About the love thing. That falling in love feeling is one of my favorite feelings in life. I once had it often when dating but with my wife it changed with time. Which is expected. But most of the change is good just less dramatic. Its nice to accept that people including myself change.

Its different with kids and I think for me that love is more powerful. It changes a bit too though as the guidance responsibilities mount up.

Anyways I try to satisfy that lust new love feeling with other things now.

Dee74

Great to hear from you fallow

D

Fallow

Thanks Dee. Giving this sober deal another go.

Hope no one minds me ghosting around in this class a bit.

courage2

You're not ghosting, Fallow! I've known some ghosts, and you're not anything like them.

You're just one of us, that's all.

Welcome back!

courage2

P.S. Fallow, or anyone, you might like this Daily Support thread -- it's kind of group accountability, you just sign in quickly every day that you commit to stay sober, and so does everybody else. It's super-simple and pretty homespun: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5165598

courage2

Hi folks,

I hope you all are well. This thread just keeps getting quieter. That's understandable. There are still times when I like to come here -- it's like whispering on SR.

Tomorrow I'll have 1 year, again. I've come a long way since Dec. 2012 but there's still my whole rest of my life to be led. The main thing I've learned is that I can't drink anymore. And that without help, I'm not likely to stay sober. But I can get help, if I'm just willing to ask for it.

I still carry around a lot of bad attitude towards existence in general. But there are some people I care about, and as long as I can appreciate their occasional companionship, I'll try to stay sober to be part of the same world as they're in.

I'm reasonably sure that if I start drinking again, it will become a serious problem (again) quite rapidly, and if it becomes a serious problem, it'll be seriously dangerous. I'm too old and know too many dead people to risk another round, that's all.

Quitting drinking was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I kind of wish I could have done it alone and without medication, but that's the way it is -- it's forced me to admit my weakness, which is only being human, which disagreeable as I am, I wanted to deny. But having to get sober among other people has taught me a lot.

Thank you all for being here.

Dee74

Congratulations on your year Courage - awesome sauce

Tamerua

A year? That is wonderful courage!! I still think you're great even if you think you're surly towards human kind.

Busy with work, we went through another reorg at work and I got another team. Not more pay of course, lol.

Off to a meeting.

Fallow

You getting a year is very inspirational Courage! Well done!

Tamerua

Happy one year courage!!!

NapsteR1

Happy Year One #2 Courage

Well done - very pleased for you :o)

My first proper big deal at new company is in the final throes of closing which is great but also incredibly nerve racking, constantly wired and expecting the "please see me in my office Mr N and explain exactly why you've sold this solution at a massive loss" phone call / email - AV is looking for that "just one drink would stop all the panic" angle. I'm trying to focus on the happyness and relief that will come once we wrap this up...((but what if it doesn't and it all goes wrong you'll have proved that not only is Drunk Mr N a car crash waiting to happen but Sober Mr N is also a mile high stack of c**p too))...

*sigh*

There are also rumours of the company using tracking software on everyone's laptops to see what they're up to including web access so I've been abit reluctant to post here as often as I used to - nothing sinister on my part!

courage2

Thanks for the congratulations!

I'm feeling good mentally. I got the reviews back from my book chapter & they were largely positive, so that won't take too much more work prior to publication, and another paper I've been working on is about ready to be submitted for review. Proving to myself that I can be productive has been a big deal so I'll feel good once some of these projects actually result in publications. That's a large part of the "currency" in my racket -- the other part is actual currency -- I could use some of that too LOL.

So, Napster, I very much understand your anxieties, though with me the timeframe is longer and it's not hire/fire, it's more slow torture of watching your position & influence rise or fall. It sounds trite, but at some point you have to let go of the anxiety about what you can't control, and just either do it for the sake of the joy in the parts of the work that you like or... or find something you like better.

That's my .02 for now!

NapsteR1

I get you C, unfortunately I'm discovering that Sober me is a massive control freak - Drunk me was a control freak too but more cos I was trying to keep all over everything to avoid anyone asking pointed questions or discovering that I wasn't so much all over everything as standing in the line of sight of a gynourmous f**k up singing "La La La - move along here folks - nothing to see here :o)

On the domestic front everything is back to better than it's been for years, I'm also getting through Feb '15 heading towards the 26th Feb and the Magic Day 188 - which will be the very longest period of sustained abstinence since my mid teens!

Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188, Day 188,

is the song I'm singing, thinking about getting a tattoo with 188 on it :o)

Dee74

Why not go for broke and hang out for 8888 Napster

D

Dee74

Have a good weekend everyone

D

NapsteR1

188 is a milestone Dee not the finish line

188 means that AV has can't use the "you've been here before and it didn't work out" coz on Day 188 I won't have been

courage2

It's a deal -- one more strike against your alcoholic voice. He's going down!

Dee74

fair enough - but I've seen people hit a goal and flounder tho with the 'what now syndrome' - don't want that happening to you Napster

D

courage2

Dee, you have a point. Milestones suck, has been my experience. It's good to get past one, but I'm more glad when they're over than happy to have made one.

So Napster, do the same thing on day 188 as on every other sober day. Don't drink. On Feb 26 we'll give you a pat on the back and cheer you on to the next day!

I'm happy I didn't drink today. As a former daily drinker, emphasis on the "day", mornings are the times I get the strongest urges. Not strong like the old cravings, but strong enough to remind me. There are still pretty many mornings when I wish I had a shot or two in me, but I've never yet gone to bed not happy that I stayed sober.