Class of August 2014 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by Lulu212 
Such a strange day / night...restless all day, anxious and really battling cravings. Now, I have started itching like a mad woman and I'm 10, almost 11 days sober. Sigh - I guess it's just a bad day. I'm not going to drink but i feel like throwing a full blown tantrum right now. Ugh.
I threw one the other day. I came here ranted, stomped around my house, and I felt much better after.
. We're here for you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Reading all of your posts, it is so clear how like-minded we are. We may have totally different lives, but the way we think and feel about alcohol is so similar. I sometimes have to go back and look and make sure I'm not reading my own post! It really is so comforting to know that I'm not the only one in this. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Goooooood Morning! I could not find the motivation to get out of bed this morning! Thought I was in a bad mood actually, but nope! I'm out of bed and actually taking care of ****. Not just saying I'm going to take care of ****. Actually taking care of ****. :-)
Knb I think you said you are a functional alcoholic? I am not. I don't get anything done. This is so much better. The house is clean, the car is clean, appointments are being made, tasks that have been put off for years are happening. I'm going to start up a fund to go on a real actual adult vacation next year. I haven't gone anywhere since the last trip my parents took me on to florida.... 10 years ago!
I am 2 WEEKS Sober! Two weeks without cigarettes too!
Calichris I think that visualizing myself going to the closest convenience store, buying a 12 pack, chugging a 12 pack, Sloppily eating whatever I can get my hands on to soak it up, acting a fool, not remembering anything, waking up in a panic at 3 am, Not being able to go back to sleep unil 6 am, feeling like garbage the next day, drinking a packet of alka-seltzer to ease the pain, WILL be an excellent tool the next time I have the urge. Thanks!
I have school today and need to reach my daily goal of 30 minutes of exercise. So I'm off and wont see you lovely people again until tonight. Great work though, I read up on everyone!
Knb I think you said you are a functional alcoholic? I am not. I don't get anything done. This is so much better. The house is clean, the car is clean, appointments are being made, tasks that have been put off for years are happening. I'm going to start up a fund to go on a real actual adult vacation next year. I haven't gone anywhere since the last trip my parents took me on to florida.... 10 years ago!
I am 2 WEEKS Sober! Two weeks without cigarettes too!
Calichris I think that visualizing myself going to the closest convenience store, buying a 12 pack, chugging a 12 pack, Sloppily eating whatever I can get my hands on to soak it up, acting a fool, not remembering anything, waking up in a panic at 3 am, Not being able to go back to sleep unil 6 am, feeling like garbage the next day, drinking a packet of alka-seltzer to ease the pain, WILL be an excellent tool the next time I have the urge. Thanks!
I have school today and need to reach my daily goal of 30 minutes of exercise. So I'm off and wont see you lovely people again until tonight. Great work though, I read up on everyone!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by Raggletaggle
Wow it must be something in the air because today drinking is not far from my mind. The desire to drink after work was so strong...put your fist in your mouth bite your knuckles...strong.
I tried to distract myself by going for a swim but I couldn't find a rhythm...I swallowed water and my throat hurt. All the time I heard myself laughing almost sneering at me...your useless...it's too late for you now...who do you think your fooling...and on it went. I can't silence it.
So out of the blue a friend has phoned and invited me over for tea. Weird really because its a good 40 minute drive and I normally would be intoxicated so I agreed.weird because for the last six years I have never been invited for tea of a Wednesday.
I hope it helps but I have to be honest...the novelty is wearing off...I feel on the brink of sabotaging everything because the truth is I kinda do feel its too late. And it's my own fault.
I tried to distract myself by going for a swim but I couldn't find a rhythm...I swallowed water and my throat hurt. All the time I heard myself laughing almost sneering at me...your useless...it's too late for you now...who do you think your fooling...and on it went. I can't silence it.
So out of the blue a friend has phoned and invited me over for tea. Weird really because its a good 40 minute drive and I normally would be intoxicated so I agreed.weird because for the last six years I have never been invited for tea of a Wednesday.
I hope it helps but I have to be honest...the novelty is wearing off...I feel on the brink of sabotaging everything because the truth is I kinda do feel its too late. And it's my own fault.
Here's hoping the 'novelty' of being alcohol free is soon replaced by the ongoing 'novelty' of the many benefits of that decision.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 1,491
Originally Posted by Applekat
Raggle stick with us. Many of us are anxious about even this upcoming weekend (ME) so post lots. AV is talking nonsense. We are all hitting some milestones where we get complacent. Be strong. Ok? Big hugs.
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy
Goooooood Morning! I could not find the motivation to get out of bed this morning! Thought I was in a bad mood actually, but nope! I'm out of bed and actually taking care of ****. Not just saying I'm going to take care of ****. Actually taking care of ****. :-)
Knb I think you said you are a functional alcoholic? I am not. I don't get anything done. This is so much better. The house is clean, the car is clean, appointments are being made, tasks that have been put off for years are happening. I'm going to start up a fund to go on a real actual adult vacation next year. I haven't gone anywhere since the last trip my parents took me on to florida.... 10 years ago!
I am 2 WEEKS Sober! Two weeks without cigarettes too!
Calichris I think that visualizing myself going to the closest convenience store, buying a 12 pack, chugging a 12 pack, Sloppily eating whatever I can get my hands on to soak it up, acting a fool, not remembering anything, waking up in a panic at 3 am, Not being able to go back to sleep unil 6 am, feeling like garbage the next day, drinking a packet of alka-seltzer to ease the pain, WILL be an excellent tool the next time I have the urge. Thanks!
I have school today and need to reach my daily goal of 30 minutes of exercise. So I'm off and wont see you lovely people again until tonight. Great work though, I read up on everyone!
Knb I think you said you are a functional alcoholic? I am not. I don't get anything done. This is so much better. The house is clean, the car is clean, appointments are being made, tasks that have been put off for years are happening. I'm going to start up a fund to go on a real actual adult vacation next year. I haven't gone anywhere since the last trip my parents took me on to florida.... 10 years ago!
I am 2 WEEKS Sober! Two weeks without cigarettes too!
Calichris I think that visualizing myself going to the closest convenience store, buying a 12 pack, chugging a 12 pack, Sloppily eating whatever I can get my hands on to soak it up, acting a fool, not remembering anything, waking up in a panic at 3 am, Not being able to go back to sleep unil 6 am, feeling like garbage the next day, drinking a packet of alka-seltzer to ease the pain, WILL be an excellent tool the next time I have the urge. Thanks!
I have school today and need to reach my daily goal of 30 minutes of exercise. So I'm off and wont see you lovely people again until tonight. Great work though, I read up on everyone!
!! 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
BBF congrats!! I'm so rooting for you, this makes me happy!!!!
What are your Labor Day plans?
A year ago this weekend I went to a big family/friend ring of fire gathering. I ate almost nothing all day focusing on getting ready and getting kids dressed etc. Prepared kiddos dinner plates at the party and skipped my own but somehow managed to keep filling up my plastic wine cup. There was so much wine, bottles, boxes, red and white. No one would notice my re-fills there, while at other parties you have to be careful how much you pour bc there are limited, and normal size, bottles (know what I mean?!). Well I got through the party ok but was acting a little spacey I'm sure. Could def tell I was oddly buzzed. I think I asked FIL where my backpack diaper bag was when we were getting ready to leave and it was on my back.....Hubby started our drive home and within 10 minutes I fell asleep and 5 minutes after I woke up to puke in the car and he pulled over so I could finish. Kiddos were in backseat asleep (pretty sure). I hadn't had some insane amount of wine where I would blackout or have alcohol poisoning but whenever I combine wine and a car ride, I am screwed bc I get car sick often anyway. Regardless it was so embarrassing and just another instance of me "having a bit too much". Understatement.
I do NOT want to repeat that this year. I may skip the gathering. If not, I know I CANNOT TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK.
What are your Labor Day plans?
A year ago this weekend I went to a big family/friend ring of fire gathering. I ate almost nothing all day focusing on getting ready and getting kids dressed etc. Prepared kiddos dinner plates at the party and skipped my own but somehow managed to keep filling up my plastic wine cup. There was so much wine, bottles, boxes, red and white. No one would notice my re-fills there, while at other parties you have to be careful how much you pour bc there are limited, and normal size, bottles (know what I mean?!). Well I got through the party ok but was acting a little spacey I'm sure. Could def tell I was oddly buzzed. I think I asked FIL where my backpack diaper bag was when we were getting ready to leave and it was on my back.....Hubby started our drive home and within 10 minutes I fell asleep and 5 minutes after I woke up to puke in the car and he pulled over so I could finish. Kiddos were in backseat asleep (pretty sure). I hadn't had some insane amount of wine where I would blackout or have alcohol poisoning but whenever I combine wine and a car ride, I am screwed bc I get car sick often anyway. Regardless it was so embarrassing and just another instance of me "having a bit too much". Understatement.
I do NOT want to repeat that this year. I may skip the gathering. If not, I know I CANNOT TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 126
Today sucks.
I think this is all being brought on by the fact that I am thinking of applying for a new job. My current job is largely unsupervised which allows me to engage in self-destructive behavior pretty much at will. Bad right? Other job would be more structured (read as: no lunchtime drinking). So rational brain thinks that would be a good thing and help me in my sobriety.
Of course, AV is just roaring at me because I would be taking opportunity away from it.
And I haven't even applied for this job yet, and I may not (for real, professional reasons). It just amazes me that even the idea can send my AV into a tizzy of this size such that I can hardly think straight. Good grief!
I think this is all being brought on by the fact that I am thinking of applying for a new job. My current job is largely unsupervised which allows me to engage in self-destructive behavior pretty much at will. Bad right? Other job would be more structured (read as: no lunchtime drinking). So rational brain thinks that would be a good thing and help me in my sobriety.
Of course, AV is just roaring at me because I would be taking opportunity away from it.
And I haven't even applied for this job yet, and I may not (for real, professional reasons). It just amazes me that even the idea can send my AV into a tizzy of this size such that I can hardly think straight. Good grief!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 1,049
Congrats on 1 week forabetterlife and KNB!
Congrats on 2 weeks BBF!
Fantastic!
Grateful to be sober today. Beautiful day here...going to go for a long bike ride, eat some yummy food, drink some refreshing NA drink that will actually hydrate my body instead of drinking poison that dehydrates, screws with digestive system, screws with you metabolism, alters your brain so you don't talk or act as YOU normally would and makes you do things that bring guilt, shame, regret, depression.
Take that AV. I don't want to do that to myself anymore. I am worth all the good things in life waiting for me as advbike and Venecia from class of Aug '13 described after a year of sobriety.
More than 2 weeks in my cravings are gone. So wonderful but my guard is still up. Do have occasional future drinking thoughts but I recognize it as the AV tricking me so I switch it to daydreams of being sober: healthy, traveling more, laughing with my kids, skinnier, glowing, successful and happy at my job, living in a nice home, etc. then I read, crochet, watch a movie, listen to music, ...whatever helps to change my thoughts.
Keep it simple #TeamAugust. Don't drink today.
Congrats on 2 weeks BBF!
Fantastic!
Grateful to be sober today. Beautiful day here...going to go for a long bike ride, eat some yummy food, drink some refreshing NA drink that will actually hydrate my body instead of drinking poison that dehydrates, screws with digestive system, screws with you metabolism, alters your brain so you don't talk or act as YOU normally would and makes you do things that bring guilt, shame, regret, depression.
Take that AV. I don't want to do that to myself anymore. I am worth all the good things in life waiting for me as advbike and Venecia from class of Aug '13 described after a year of sobriety.
More than 2 weeks in my cravings are gone. So wonderful but my guard is still up. Do have occasional future drinking thoughts but I recognize it as the AV tricking me so I switch it to daydreams of being sober: healthy, traveling more, laughing with my kids, skinnier, glowing, successful and happy at my job, living in a nice home, etc. then I read, crochet, watch a movie, listen to music, ...whatever helps to change my thoughts.
Keep it simple #TeamAugust. Don't drink today.
Last edited by Grateful11; 08-27-2014 at 10:47 AM. Reason: Add
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: mountain states, Montana and Wyoming
Posts: 246
So reading all these posts has caused me to get off my arse and run on my treadmill. Only went for 2 miles, which is two miles more than I have used it in 15 months. I thank all for the positive energy through the monitor! Also ate a tin of anchovies stuffed with capers. Does not get much better than that!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Raggletaggle
Wow it must be something in the air because today drinking is not far from my mind. The desire to drink after work was so strong...put your fist in your mouth bite your knuckles...strong.
I tried to distract myself by going for a swim but I couldn't find a rhythm...I swallowed water and my throat hurt. All the time I heard myself laughing almost sneering at me...your useless...it's too late for you now...who do you think your fooling...and on it went. I can't silence it.
So out of the blue a friend has phoned and invited me over for tea. Weird really because its a good 40 minute drive and I normally would be intoxicated so I agreed.weird because for the last six years I have never been invited for tea of a Wednesday.
I hope it helps but I have to be honest...the novelty is wearing off...I feel on the brink of sabotaging everything because the truth is I kinda do feel its too late. And it's my own fault.
I tried to distract myself by going for a swim but I couldn't find a rhythm...I swallowed water and my throat hurt. All the time I heard myself laughing almost sneering at me...your useless...it's too late for you now...who do you think your fooling...and on it went. I can't silence it.
So out of the blue a friend has phoned and invited me over for tea. Weird really because its a good 40 minute drive and I normally would be intoxicated so I agreed.weird because for the last six years I have never been invited for tea of a Wednesday.
I hope it helps but I have to be honest...the novelty is wearing off...I feel on the brink of sabotaging everything because the truth is I kinda do feel its too late. And it's my own fault.
Please don't give up. Never give up. You deserve to live a long life :-/
Well done for not caving in.
Well done TX and Lulu.
Everyone single post on here inspires me because I know how hard this is for all of us. Group hug!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Anyway I had a near perfect day. Had a chilled day at work, ate healthy...got a bit cranky in the afternoon but destressed myself by going for a run.
And I ran and ran. I think I ran 45 mins today. Tell you what. It certainly has chilled me out now .
A cup of green tea and grateful, so very grateful to be sober
And I ran and ran. I think I ran 45 mins today. Tell you what. It certainly has chilled me out now .
A cup of green tea and grateful, so very grateful to be sober
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by herradura
So reading all these posts has caused me to get off my arse and run on my treadmill. Only went for 2 miles, which is two miles more than I have used it in 15 months. I thank all for the positive energy through the monitor! Also ate a tin of anchovies stuffed with capers. Does not get much better than that!!
I'm going to start with two miles in the trails when I begin running again. Prior to a month ago I'd been running significantly longer 3-4x a week.
So, if you ran two miles after a 15 month lay off- that's simply outstanding.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by herradura
So reading all these posts has caused me to get off my arse and run on my treadmill. Only went for 2 miles, which is two miles more than I have used it in 15 months. I thank all for the positive energy through the monitor! Also ate a tin of anchovies stuffed with capers. Does not get much better than that!!
I am hoping to beat my time by the end of this year. One day at a time
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by knb02
Anyway I had a near perfect day. Had a chilled day at work, ate healthy...got a bit cranky in the afternoon but destressed myself by going for a run.
And I ran and ran. I think I ran 45 mins today. Tell you what. It certainly has chilled me out now .
A cup of green tea and grateful, so very grateful to be sober
And I ran and ran. I think I ran 45 mins today. Tell you what. It certainly has chilled me out now .
A cup of green tea and grateful, so very grateful to be sober
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Hi all
There is definitely something in the air with AV's today. Despite hitting an AA meeting mine is having a crack at AA and giving it the "you will never get this, you are not as bad as them, you can cope with one or two, these people are not really being nice to you and think you are an idiot"
This resulted in me telling my sponsor I am fighting against AA and him and I turned down coffee with some of the group which he suggested. To which the AV says "there you go you see" To his credit he said stop forcing your thoughts and just get to meetings....
Arrrgh. I am racing home as fast as I can. I just walked past so many packed pubs in town with all this in my head. It's even blocking me from remembering back to bad bad times which is my usual way to get rid of it.
It certainly is cunning. No messing now, more meetings to keep it at bay. For now I want to shut myself away at home when I get back and avoid this temptation.
Rant done!!!
Keep working it everyone. SR is a god-send when I feel like this.
There is definitely something in the air with AV's today. Despite hitting an AA meeting mine is having a crack at AA and giving it the "you will never get this, you are not as bad as them, you can cope with one or two, these people are not really being nice to you and think you are an idiot"
This resulted in me telling my sponsor I am fighting against AA and him and I turned down coffee with some of the group which he suggested. To which the AV says "there you go you see" To his credit he said stop forcing your thoughts and just get to meetings....
Arrrgh. I am racing home as fast as I can. I just walked past so many packed pubs in town with all this in my head. It's even blocking me from remembering back to bad bad times which is my usual way to get rid of it.
It certainly is cunning. No messing now, more meetings to keep it at bay. For now I want to shut myself away at home when I get back and avoid this temptation.
Rant done!!!
Keep working it everyone. SR is a god-send when I feel like this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Applekat
BBF congrats!! I'm so rooting for you, this makes me happy!!!!
What are your Labor Day plans?
A year ago this weekend I went to a big family/friend ring of fire gathering. I ate almost nothing all day focusing on getting ready and getting kids dressed etc. Prepared kiddos dinner plates at the party and skipped my own but somehow managed to keep filling up my plastic wine cup. There was so much wine, bottles, boxes, red and white. No one would notice my re-fills there, while at other parties you have to be careful how much you pour bc there are limited, and normal size, bottles (know what I mean?!). Well I got through the party ok but was acting a little spacey I'm sure. Could def tell I was oddly buzzed. I think I asked FIL where my backpack diaper bag was when we were getting ready to leave and it was on my back.....Hubby started our drive home and within 10 minutes I fell asleep and 5 minutes after I woke up to puke in the car and he pulled over so I could finish. Kiddos were in backseat asleep (pretty sure). I hadn't had some insane amount of wine where I would blackout or have alcohol poisoning but whenever I combine wine and a car ride, I am screwed bc I get car sick often anyway. Regardless it was so embarrassing and just another instance of me "having a bit too much". Understatement.
I do NOT want to repeat that this year. I may skip the gathering. If not, I know I CANNOT TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK.
What are your Labor Day plans?
A year ago this weekend I went to a big family/friend ring of fire gathering. I ate almost nothing all day focusing on getting ready and getting kids dressed etc. Prepared kiddos dinner plates at the party and skipped my own but somehow managed to keep filling up my plastic wine cup. There was so much wine, bottles, boxes, red and white. No one would notice my re-fills there, while at other parties you have to be careful how much you pour bc there are limited, and normal size, bottles (know what I mean?!). Well I got through the party ok but was acting a little spacey I'm sure. Could def tell I was oddly buzzed. I think I asked FIL where my backpack diaper bag was when we were getting ready to leave and it was on my back.....Hubby started our drive home and within 10 minutes I fell asleep and 5 minutes after I woke up to puke in the car and he pulled over so I could finish. Kiddos were in backseat asleep (pretty sure). I hadn't had some insane amount of wine where I would blackout or have alcohol poisoning but whenever I combine wine and a car ride, I am screwed bc I get car sick often anyway. Regardless it was so embarrassing and just another instance of me "having a bit too much". Understatement.
I do NOT want to repeat that this year. I may skip the gathering. If not, I know I CANNOT TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK.
Drank a huge amount of wine in the space of an hour. Found a bedroom and fell asleep/blacked out the entire afternoon . Very ashamed
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