Class of September 2013 - Part 29
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 464
Thank you PBC. I remember when you first posted that analogy and it's a great one. I have been in a vicous cycle for the last couple months of closing the door and immediately opening it. Something about it staying closed terrifies me. And I was happily sober just a couple short months ago!! ARGH this disease is maddening!!
rochele - we can start again together. sounds like we are both "newbies" again. we can hold each other accountable...but I'm warning you I will be cranky and whiny for a while! I'll understand if you need to kick me to the curb lol
rochele - we can start again together. sounds like we are both "newbies" again. we can hold each other accountable...but I'm warning you I will be cranky and whiny for a while! I'll understand if you need to kick me to the curb lol
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,552
Sorry that a few people are finding it hard right now.
I had to take drinking off the table as an option.
No matter my emotional state - whether I felt bored or angry or left out or happy and wanting to celebrate...no matter what my day was like, or who annoyed me, or how I felt physically, I committed to finding other healthier ways to deal with those situations.
Those ways were not always instantaneous. Sitting with emotions or situations was uncomfortable and sometimes not pleasant but I knew where drinking took me. I wanted to see where not drinking took me.
I found support and I used it. I made changes to my life that reflected my decision to stay sober.
It took a little while but things got a lot better once I took that option off the table.
If I can do it anyone can guys. Use the amazing support we have here - rat out your addiction before it wins.
Fight back
D
I had to take drinking off the table as an option.
No matter my emotional state - whether I felt bored or angry or left out or happy and wanting to celebrate...no matter what my day was like, or who annoyed me, or how I felt physically, I committed to finding other healthier ways to deal with those situations.
Those ways were not always instantaneous. Sitting with emotions or situations was uncomfortable and sometimes not pleasant but I knew where drinking took me. I wanted to see where not drinking took me.
I found support and I used it. I made changes to my life that reflected my decision to stay sober.
It took a little while but things got a lot better once I took that option off the table.
If I can do it anyone can guys. Use the amazing support we have here - rat out your addiction before it wins.
Fight back
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,042
"Old habits die hard"
This was also one of the factors which caused me to relapse in the past. Simply stopping and not being aware of my old habits didn't work. I had to observe and be intensely aware of my behaviour patterns, my usual way of reacting to issues, problems and events. Then the tough part was to consciously change my behaviour or environment. Practice, practice, practice....until you wear a new groove into the brain
Dont give up folks, keep plugging away !
This was also one of the factors which caused me to relapse in the past. Simply stopping and not being aware of my old habits didn't work. I had to observe and be intensely aware of my behaviour patterns, my usual way of reacting to issues, problems and events. Then the tough part was to consciously change my behaviour or environment. Practice, practice, practice....until you wear a new groove into the brain
Dont give up folks, keep plugging away !
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Thank you PBC and Dee! Both of your posts are extemely helpful. PBC, I need to cut and paste your door analogy and put it in my sobriety journal.
I had such a great thing happen this afternoon. I came home from doing the after-school thing, dropping kids off, picking them up, going back to the grocery store for the stuff I forgot this morning, etc. I pulled into the garage and my 10 year old was standing at the door with a sheepish look on her face. Uh-oh. But wait: she had tidied up the whole first floor of the house! Without being asked! I screamed like a woman who had just won the lottery! If there was ever any doubt about what my love language is, I think it is safe to say acts of service gets my vote.
I had such a great thing happen this afternoon. I came home from doing the after-school thing, dropping kids off, picking them up, going back to the grocery store for the stuff I forgot this morning, etc. I pulled into the garage and my 10 year old was standing at the door with a sheepish look on her face. Uh-oh. But wait: she had tidied up the whole first floor of the house! Without being asked! I screamed like a woman who had just won the lottery! If there was ever any doubt about what my love language is, I think it is safe to say acts of service gets my vote.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Oh, Grace, what a wonderful surprise!
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone, and for not making me feel like more of a **** than I already feel. I just get so tired of the fight. But, it is a fight for life. Funny, I made such drastic changes and control my diabetes. But, as great as I do control that, it allows for a bit of cheating and wiggle room. Alcohol does not. I just cannot cheat a little with it. If I could, I would be a normal drinker, just able to have one at a party, etc...
Someone once made a cake analogy, much like PBC's door analogy. Would you eat 4-5 pieces of cake, in a row?? Not most people, and well, if we did, we have a problem. I do have food addict issues, like I could binge on a lot of chocolate, at one time. Eat handfulls of M&Ms. Somehow, now, I can have just a few tastes of sweets. One cookie, one small slice fo cake. I seemed to be able to control that well enough. But not the drinking. It is never just one or two. I fooled myself into thinking, "Just a toast." You know it was just a half glass of champagne, even less. But then, it was filled again, without my even being asked. So, quickly that added up to a whole glass, in a short time. And well, then I was done. Looking for more.
The old truth, if you never have the first one... keep that door closed...
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone, and for not making me feel like more of a **** than I already feel. I just get so tired of the fight. But, it is a fight for life. Funny, I made such drastic changes and control my diabetes. But, as great as I do control that, it allows for a bit of cheating and wiggle room. Alcohol does not. I just cannot cheat a little with it. If I could, I would be a normal drinker, just able to have one at a party, etc...
Someone once made a cake analogy, much like PBC's door analogy. Would you eat 4-5 pieces of cake, in a row?? Not most people, and well, if we did, we have a problem. I do have food addict issues, like I could binge on a lot of chocolate, at one time. Eat handfulls of M&Ms. Somehow, now, I can have just a few tastes of sweets. One cookie, one small slice fo cake. I seemed to be able to control that well enough. But not the drinking. It is never just one or two. I fooled myself into thinking, "Just a toast." You know it was just a half glass of champagne, even less. But then, it was filled again, without my even being asked. So, quickly that added up to a whole glass, in a short time. And well, then I was done. Looking for more.
The old truth, if you never have the first one... keep that door closed...
Last edited by Dee74; 05-05-2014 at 09:56 PM.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Sorry that a few people are finding it hard right now.
I had to take drinking off the table as an option.
No matter my emotional state - whether I felt bored or angry or left out or happy and wanting to celebrate...no matter what my day was like, or who annoyed me, or how I felt physically, I committed to finding other healthier ways to deal with those situations.
Those ways were not always instantaneous. Sitting with emotions or situations was uncomfortable and sometimes not pleasant but I knew where drinking took me. I wanted to see where not drinking took me.
I found support and I used it. I made changes to my life that reflected my decision to stay sober.
It took a little while but things got a lot better once I took that option off the table.
If I can do it anyone can guys. Use the amazing support we have here - rat out your addiction before it wins.
Fight back
D
I had to take drinking off the table as an option.
No matter my emotional state - whether I felt bored or angry or left out or happy and wanting to celebrate...no matter what my day was like, or who annoyed me, or how I felt physically, I committed to finding other healthier ways to deal with those situations.
Those ways were not always instantaneous. Sitting with emotions or situations was uncomfortable and sometimes not pleasant but I knew where drinking took me. I wanted to see where not drinking took me.
I found support and I used it. I made changes to my life that reflected my decision to stay sober.
It took a little while but things got a lot better once I took that option off the table.
If I can do it anyone can guys. Use the amazing support we have here - rat out your addiction before it wins.
Fight back
D
ring
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
~~Food for Thought ~ Thoughtful Tuesday Edition~~
~~Start With Yourself~~
''Any time you sincerely want to make a change , the first thing you must do is raise your standards. When people ask me what really change my life...I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life , all the things I would no longer tolerate , and all the things I aspired to becoming.'' Anthony Robbins
~~Start With Yourself~~
Whatever you wish there was more of , be that.
Whatever you want your relationships and friendships to be , be that.
Whatever you want the world to be , be that.
If you want there to be less fear and more love in the world , start with yourself.
If you want there to be less stress anxiety , depression and tension in the world , start with yourself.
If you want the world to be a more peaceful place, fairer , more generous and compassionate , start with yourself.
~It's In Your Control~
Control what’s controllable. What you can’t control is the national economy. What you can control is your economy. What you can’t control is what Washington does about healthcare. What you can control is the care of your own health. What you can’t control is how the president is running the country. What you can control is how you are running your business, household and life. Stop paying attention to what you can’t control, or it will control you. It’s time to take back control of your mind so you can take back your life.
~~Start With Yourself~~
''Any time you sincerely want to make a change , the first thing you must do is raise your standards. When people ask me what really change my life...I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life , all the things I would no longer tolerate , and all the things I aspired to becoming.'' Anthony Robbins
~~Start With Yourself~~
Whatever you wish there was more of , be that.
Whatever you want your relationships and friendships to be , be that.
Whatever you want the world to be , be that.
If you want there to be less fear and more love in the world , start with yourself.
If you want there to be less stress anxiety , depression and tension in the world , start with yourself.
If you want the world to be a more peaceful place, fairer , more generous and compassionate , start with yourself.
~It's In Your Control~
Control what’s controllable. What you can’t control is the national economy. What you can control is your economy. What you can’t control is what Washington does about healthcare. What you can control is the care of your own health. What you can’t control is how the president is running the country. What you can control is how you are running your business, household and life. Stop paying attention to what you can’t control, or it will control you. It’s time to take back control of your mind so you can take back your life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
Originally Posted by BLKDIESEL
This is so necessary right now for all of us who are being challenged and need to hear a word from someone who has trodden the path before us. Thanx Dee for this, I'm putting it in my journal to revisit as to what is required and possible for ongoing sobriety ring
ring
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
I know I've been whining a bit lately so wanted to share a success. We met friends on Sunday to go to one of the hottest brunch places in the city. They had an all you can drink mimosa and Bloody Mary bar. They bring you the bottle of champagne and you can go get any kind if fresh juice - mango, papaya, etc etc. In the past I would have gone nuts esp bc we rode the train in. This time I asked my husband to please not order that. I usually don't care if he drinks but I didn't think I could stand it this time, too triggering. Instead I ordered a really fab drink of sparkling water, cranberry, and lemonade. Not sweet and really delicious. I quickly forgot about the open bars and enjoyed the brunch. I'm going to try and make that drink at home this summer to help with any cravings.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 464
Hi all Just wanted to check in and let you know I'm on day 3. Cravings are starting to creep up on me but I'm dusting off my old tool bag and am working very hard at staying sober. I know I need to get a program in place and not just fight through the cravings. I've been thinking about my program and what it will look like. I'm reflecting on why a started drinking again. I know a big part of it was becoming complacent and not working on my sobriety. So I definitely need to incorporate something that's more long term.
It's sure quiet around here. Not the group I remember
How's everyone doing?
Just wanted to check in and let you know I'm on day 3. Cravings are starting to creep up on me but I'm dusting off my old tool bag and am working very hard at staying sober. I know I need to get a program in place and not just fight through the cravings. I've been thinking about my program and what it will look like. I'm reflecting on why a started drinking again. I know a big part of it was becoming complacent and not working on my sobriety. So I definitely need to incorporate something that's more long term. It's sure quiet around here. Not the group I remember
How's everyone doing?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,042
Hey Kell
Yes, our class has slowed down quite a bit. I think its natural for most classes to slow down after a while.
Anyway, good to see that you are determined to stay sober ! What have you been thinking about incorporating into your program ? Have you considered AA or similar 12 step programs ? AA is a good place to start. Keep an open mind and try a few meetings. Its important to keep an open mind and not having pre-conceptions about AA. Also the meetings can differ a lot from each other which is why I suggest trying a few rather than one. Anyway, it may or may not work for you but you wont know until you try
I am travelling ok. Still hunting for a job and have revved it up this week as its taking too long. I had a tough morning as my partner wailed about how our oldest daughter doesnt respect her, wont obey her, takes things for granted, etc. Lots of self-pity. It is almost a daily event where she blows up about our oldest. Then she said I am always on the side of my daughter. Initially, I couldn't feel any pity towards my partner as I didnt want to feed her egocentricity. However, I felt miserable about the whole situation. Finally, I had compassion towards her and gave her a hug, saying I would have a chat with our daughter.
And its true ! When you give compassion, you feel so much better yourself
Have a great day all and keep at it Kell !! My love and thanks to all !
Yes, our class has slowed down quite a bit. I think its natural for most classes to slow down after a while.
Anyway, good to see that you are determined to stay sober ! What have you been thinking about incorporating into your program ? Have you considered AA or similar 12 step programs ? AA is a good place to start. Keep an open mind and try a few meetings. Its important to keep an open mind and not having pre-conceptions about AA. Also the meetings can differ a lot from each other which is why I suggest trying a few rather than one. Anyway, it may or may not work for you but you wont know until you try
I am travelling ok. Still hunting for a job and have revved it up this week as its taking too long. I had a tough morning as my partner wailed about how our oldest daughter doesnt respect her, wont obey her, takes things for granted, etc. Lots of self-pity. It is almost a daily event where she blows up about our oldest. Then she said I am always on the side of my daughter. Initially, I couldn't feel any pity towards my partner as I didnt want to feed her egocentricity. However, I felt miserable about the whole situation. Finally, I had compassion towards her and gave her a hug, saying I would have a chat with our daughter.
And its true ! When you give compassion, you feel so much better yourself
Have a great day all and keep at it Kell !! My love and thanks to all !
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,042
Originally Posted by Renarde
I know I've been whining a bit lately so wanted to share a success. We met friends on Sunday to go to one of the hottest brunch places in the city. They had an all you can drink mimosa and Bloody Mary bar. They bring you the bottle of champagne and you can go get any kind if fresh juice - mango, papaya, etc etc. In the past I would have gone nuts esp bc we rode the train in. This time I asked my husband to please not order that. I usually don't care if he drinks but I didn't think I could stand it this time, too triggering. Instead I ordered a really fab drink of sparkling water, cranberry, and lemonade. Not sweet and really delicious. I quickly forgot about the open bars and enjoyed the brunch. I'm going to try and make that drink at home this summer to help with any cravings.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 464
Kane - I am considering AA. Ive been to a couple meetings in the past butmaybe I just havent found the right one. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?
Sound like the hug was a gift to you as well as her that's great Kane!
Sound like the hug was a gift to you as well as her
that's great Kane!
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