Class of September 2013 - Part 29
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
I had the same thing this morning, Grace. I had one of my tv appearances, which always used to end with me stopping by the party store on my way home to "relax" after my "stressful" morning. (And yes, it was STILL morning!) Since sobering up, I realize that they really don't stress me out at all. It was just a way of rationalizing it in my own head because it made me feel validated in my behavior.
Denial =
D on't
E ven
N o
I 'm
L ying.
(and yes, I know it's spelled wrong, but it works that way!)
Denial =
D on't
E ven
N o
I 'm
L ying.
(and yes, I know it's spelled wrong, but it works that way!)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Originally Posted by GotGrace 
Hi everyone. Just checking in with some thoughts. This weekend is another "first" for me to go through in my first year of sobriety. It is dance recital weekend for my girls and that has traditionally meant "rewarding" myself at the end of these long days with plenty of drinks "to help me relax." When I think back on the preceding years of these recitals (13 I think!), the evening of the last recital was always capped off with me drinking when we got home.
As I sat in rehearsal yesterday I had to laugh because it was so NOT stressful. Granted, I have been through it a few times, but the studio where my girls dance is all about having fun and doing your best, not focusing on mistakes; definitely not a "Dance Moms" kind of environment. Yes, it takes work making sure I get the girls in the right costume at the right time, right hairdo, etc., but really....stress? No. So I started thinking about what made me think it was stressful. The only reason I could come up with was that I was always hungover! Alcohol created such a vicious circle in my life, and I couldn't see it.
I hope everyone is doing well on this fine Friday. Here's to a great sober weekend for all of us!
As I sat in rehearsal yesterday I had to laugh because it was so NOT stressful. Granted, I have been through it a few times, but the studio where my girls dance is all about having fun and doing your best, not focusing on mistakes; definitely not a "Dance Moms" kind of environment. Yes, it takes work making sure I get the girls in the right costume at the right time, right hairdo, etc., but really....stress? No. So I started thinking about what made me think it was stressful. The only reason I could come up with was that I was always hungover! Alcohol created such a vicious circle in my life, and I couldn't see it.
I hope everyone is doing well on this fine Friday. Here's to a great sober weekend for all of us!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Oh, GG, I used that sort of reward all the time. I still feel it kick in after busy weeks/weekends and events!
Now, you can relax and take the girls out for an ice cream or something to reward them for all of their hard work! And wake up feeling great tomorrow.
Now, you can relax and take the girls out for an ice cream or something to reward them for all of their hard work! And wake up feeling great tomorrow.
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
What an enlightening moment Grace!! Funny how much stress we put on ourselves by just forgetting our priorities. 
Coming to an end of another thread, and my thoughts are with my competitive friend Brooksie. Wherever you are dear, I hope you can check in soon - or I'm going to have to claim Part 30 as mine....all MINE....mwhahahahahahahaha.
Working from home today in such peace and serenity, I feel like this little guy with energy! Up down up down....go go go!!
Coming to an end of another thread, and my thoughts are with my competitive friend Brooksie. Wherever you are dear, I hope you can check in soon - or I'm going to have to claim Part 30 as mine....all MINE....mwhahahahahahahaha.
Working from home today in such peace and serenity, I feel like this little guy with energy! Up down up down....go go go!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Soberspace
Posts: 591
Went to my first native meeting today, ypaa, it felt good and I would like to come back next weekend.
Test drove the subaru brz today after the meeting and it was quite nice to drive. Fast enough but could really benefit from abit more grunt.
Seats and steering wheel, marvelous. Back seat only useful for storage or single digit aged kids. Price has recently been dropped in Sweden making it
Cheap enough to forgive It's shortcomings. A bargain for an alcoholic like me.
Test drove the subaru brz today after the meeting and it was quite nice to drive. Fast enough but could really benefit from abit more grunt.
Seats and steering wheel, marvelous. Back seat only useful for storage or single digit aged kids. Price has recently been dropped in Sweden making it
Cheap enough to forgive It's shortcomings. A bargain for an alcoholic like me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Originally Posted by workoholic
Went to my first native meeting today, ypaa, it felt good and I would like to come back next weekend.
Test drove the subaru brz today after the meeting and it was quite nice to drive. Fast enough but could really benefit from abit more grunt.
Seats and steering wheel, marvelous. Back seat only useful for storage or single digit aged kids. Price has recently been dropped in Sweden making it
Cheap enough to forgive It's shortcomings. A bargain for an alcoholic like me.
Test drove the subaru brz today after the meeting and it was quite nice to drive. Fast enough but could really benefit from abit more grunt.
Seats and steering wheel, marvelous. Back seat only useful for storage or single digit aged kids. Price has recently been dropped in Sweden making it
Cheap enough to forgive It's shortcomings. A bargain for an alcoholic like me.
I am curious what YPAA means. I can figure out the AA part. YP, I dunno.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by PeanutButterCup
For me, attempting to drink moderately was like trying to hold a door cracked open when a flood was pushing through. Some days I could do it, but it never took long before the door flew wide open and I was left gasping in the wake. So I’d adjust my footing, grip the knob harder, and try again, because the prospect of actually closing that door terrified me. I’m not sure why, but it did.
It sure is a LOT easier to fight the wave with the door closed. I suppose this is what my AA friends meant when they told of the freedom in surrender. And it sure is easier to keep the door closed than to GET it closed! I can breathe. In, out. In, out.
But here’s the thing - I’ve closed it before. And then I sat there and stared at it. Look at that door. There it is. It’s closed. Boy, I wish it were open, just a little. I’m stronger now, right? I’m rested up. I’ve kept it closed for quite some time. That’s something! I learned my lesson. I could just crack it a bit … maybe put a doorstop there to help hold it. That would work.
Cue tidal wave, and there I am struggling to flail my way to the surface, choking and sputtering with guilt and self-condemnation. Another failure. What’s wrong with me???
The door is closed again, but today I’m going to fearfully acknowledge and respect the sheer deadliness of the tsunami on the other side. It has the power to take me down, and my loved ones with me. It is relentless and merciless. It lies and manipulates and deceives to accomplish its destruction. It’s stronger than me. But, it’s NOT stronger than the door … providing I don’t choose to open it again. And so I’ll remember, I’ll stay vigilant, I’ll attune to the stories of others caught in the rip tide and knowingly nod, recognizing that their story is my story. I’ve marked that door with a big “DANGER! DO NOT OPEN” sign and surrounded it with bright yellow crime scene tape so that, in my own distraction, I never nonchalantly turn the knob again.
And then, I’ll walk away from the door, for the day, and rebuild my life on the other side. I’m creating my new normal, and it’s good.
It sure is a LOT easier to fight the wave with the door closed. I suppose this is what my AA friends meant when they told of the freedom in surrender. And it sure is easier to keep the door closed than to GET it closed! I can breathe. In, out. In, out.
But here’s the thing - I’ve closed it before. And then I sat there and stared at it. Look at that door. There it is. It’s closed. Boy, I wish it were open, just a little. I’m stronger now, right? I’m rested up. I’ve kept it closed for quite some time. That’s something! I learned my lesson. I could just crack it a bit … maybe put a doorstop there to help hold it. That would work.
Cue tidal wave, and there I am struggling to flail my way to the surface, choking and sputtering with guilt and self-condemnation. Another failure. What’s wrong with me???
The door is closed again, but today I’m going to fearfully acknowledge and respect the sheer deadliness of the tsunami on the other side. It has the power to take me down, and my loved ones with me. It is relentless and merciless. It lies and manipulates and deceives to accomplish its destruction. It’s stronger than me. But, it’s NOT stronger than the door … providing I don’t choose to open it again. And so I’ll remember, I’ll stay vigilant, I’ll attune to the stories of others caught in the rip tide and knowingly nod, recognizing that their story is my story. I’ve marked that door with a big “DANGER! DO NOT OPEN” sign and surrounded it with bright yellow crime scene tape so that, in my own distraction, I never nonchalantly turn the knob again.
And then, I’ll walk away from the door, for the day, and rebuild my life on the other side. I’m creating my new normal, and it’s good.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
I've had a few desires to be "normal" as of late myself. I substituted for someone at a sports club in an old drinking stomping ground last night and it made me nostalgic. But I have no desire to open the tsunami gates! Even at my most miserable, I am better off than I was drinking and drugging!
They say, "if you have a problem and you pick up a drink, then you have two problems!" I'm happy to be equipped with sober tools to process and deal with the problems I have!
I feel as though Im in a rut which will requires more effort/action on my behalf. I'm growing and the things that used to be enough are no longer enough. I wish I had less time on my hands. I saw my psychiatrist and got an ADHD prescription that is weaker which will help with insomnia. I've also been taking my medication at the same time every day and using a pill box which helps with the routine of controlled substances.
My dad will be here tomorrow and we will be spending a few days together. I asked him to go to a meeting with me and he said ok.
I'm in an "all or nothing" place. It's not all perfect so I'm dropping the ball a little. But it is slowly getting better, and I hope that this medication will help me.
They say, "if you have a problem and you pick up a drink, then you have two problems!" I'm happy to be equipped with sober tools to process and deal with the problems I have!
I feel as though Im in a rut which will requires more effort/action on my behalf. I'm growing and the things that used to be enough are no longer enough. I wish I had less time on my hands. I saw my psychiatrist and got an ADHD prescription that is weaker which will help with insomnia. I've also been taking my medication at the same time every day and using a pill box which helps with the routine of controlled substances.
My dad will be here tomorrow and we will be spending a few days together. I asked him to go to a meeting with me and he said ok.
I'm in an "all or nothing" place. It's not all perfect so I'm dropping the ball a little. But it is slowly getting better, and I hope that this medication will help me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,021
Originally Posted by Br00ksie
I've had a few desires to be "normal" as of late myself. I substituted for someone at a sports club in an old drinking stomping ground last night and it made me nostalgic. But I have no desire to open the tsunami gates! Even at my most miserable, I am better off than I was drinking and drugging!
They say, "if you have a problem and you pick up a drink, then you have two problems!" I'm happy to be equipped with sober tools to process and deal with the problems I have!
I feel as though Im in a rut which will requires more effort/action on my behalf. I'm growing and the things that used to be enough are no longer enough. I wish I had less time on my hands. I saw my psychiatrist and got an ADHD prescription that is weaker which will help with insomnia. I've also been taking my medication at the same time every day and using a pill box which helps with the routine of controlled substances.
My dad will be here tomorrow and we will be spending a few days together. I asked him to go to a meeting with me and he said ok.
I'm in an "all or nothing" place. It's not all perfect so I'm dropping the ball a little. But it is slowly getting better, and I hope that this medication will help me.
They say, "if you have a problem and you pick up a drink, then you have two problems!" I'm happy to be equipped with sober tools to process and deal with the problems I have!
I feel as though Im in a rut which will requires more effort/action on my behalf. I'm growing and the things that used to be enough are no longer enough. I wish I had less time on my hands. I saw my psychiatrist and got an ADHD prescription that is weaker which will help with insomnia. I've also been taking my medication at the same time every day and using a pill box which helps with the routine of controlled substances.
My dad will be here tomorrow and we will be spending a few days together. I asked him to go to a meeting with me and he said ok.
I'm in an "all or nothing" place. It's not all perfect so I'm dropping the ball a little. But it is slowly getting better, and I hope that this medication will help me.
Why do you feel like you're in a rut ? Have you thought of becoming more active in different ways other than the standard avenues you are pursuing ?
Indeed, you do sound stronger and I understand perfectly what you mean in searching for something more meaningful than the usual things. I had that as well and being unemployed was a blessing in disguise as it enabled me to discover spirituality much more substantially !
Keep going Br00ksie, and be patient with yourself !
Lots of hugs from me !!
Happy Mother's Day !
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Originally Posted by Br00ksie
I've had a few desires to be "normal" as of late myself. I substituted for someone at a sports club in an old drinking stomping ground last night and it made me nostalgic. But I have no desire to open the tsunami gates! Even at my most miserable, I am better off than I was drinking and drugging!
They say, "if you have a problem and you pick up a drink, then you have two problems!" I'm happy to be equipped with sober tools to process and deal with the problems I have!
I feel as though Im in a rut which will requires more effort/action on my behalf. I'm growing and the things that used to be enough are no longer enough. I wish I had less time on my hands. I saw my psychiatrist and got an ADHD prescription that is weaker which will help with insomnia. I've also been taking my medication at the same time every day and using a pill box which helps with the routine of controlled substances.
My dad will be here tomorrow and we will be spending a few days together. I asked him to go to a meeting with me and he said ok.
I'm in an "all or nothing" place. It's not all perfect so I'm dropping the ball a little. But it is slowly getting better, and I hope that this medication will help me.
They say, "if you have a problem and you pick up a drink, then you have two problems!" I'm happy to be equipped with sober tools to process and deal with the problems I have!
I feel as though Im in a rut which will requires more effort/action on my behalf. I'm growing and the things that used to be enough are no longer enough. I wish I had less time on my hands. I saw my psychiatrist and got an ADHD prescription that is weaker which will help with insomnia. I've also been taking my medication at the same time every day and using a pill box which helps with the routine of controlled substances.
My dad will be here tomorrow and we will be spending a few days together. I asked him to go to a meeting with me and he said ok.
I'm in an "all or nothing" place. It's not all perfect so I'm dropping the ball a little. But it is slowly getting better, and I hope that this medication will help me.
I think the steps would be good for EVERYONE, not just us alkies! I've never known real serenity like I do now. I feel peace, and I like it.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Renarde
Me too Grace! As we get further away from that chaos I think it's good to have reminders from time to time of how miserable it was.
I am actually signing up with an online trainer. I have the opposite problem in that I am really weak and have lost tons of strength being sick all winter. It's time to get strong again!
I am actually signing up with an online trainer. I have the opposite problem in that I am really weak and have lost tons of strength being sick all winter. It's time to get strong again!
or a 20 minute story of the ridiculous things a person did while drinking, I often relate to at least one story and sometimes remember things I did that I had forgotten about (or blocked out)!
Glad you are getting the pain pills out of your system and working on getting back in shape!
I'm getting running shoes and some new workout gear tomorrow with my dad so I can start running outside again!
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Thanks Kane! Mothers Day will be fun tomorrow (wait it's already Mothers Day Down Unda, isn't it). Hope you have a great day with your family.
Keep going Brooksie ~ I know you can work through it. You are so strong.
The farther I get away from heavy drinking, the weirder my drinking stories seem. One time I fell down about 20 steps at a professional football game, but proud that I saved my big bucket of beer without spilling. Big joke yet I was so very drunk. Doesn't seem very funny now. It was at a company function and I'm lucky not to have made a fool of myself in front of our CEO. Sigh.
My downfall right now is stress. Real stress. My work life is very difficult for me. I have a hard time relaxing after a 14 hour day. I need to work less, not figure out ways to manage killing myself with anxiety and long work hours.
So this saying: "if you have a problem and you pick up a drink, then you have two problems!" is something I will keep in my back pocket next time I feel overwhelmed. Thank you Brooksie!!
Keep going Brooksie ~ I know you can work through it. You are so strong.
The farther I get away from heavy drinking, the weirder my drinking stories seem. One time I fell down about 20 steps at a professional football game, but proud that I saved my big bucket of beer without spilling. Big joke yet I was so very drunk. Doesn't seem very funny now. It was at a company function and I'm lucky not to have made a fool of myself in front of our CEO. Sigh.
My downfall right now is stress. Real stress. My work life is very difficult for me. I have a hard time relaxing after a 14 hour day. I need to work less, not figure out ways to manage killing myself with anxiety and long work hours.
So this saying: "if you have a problem and you pick up a drink, then you have two problems!" is something I will keep in my back pocket next time I feel overwhelmed. Thank you Brooksie!!
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