Class Of February 2014 Part 3
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,479
Welcome Chuck. I think a certain amount of insomnia is common - 4-5 hours is pretty good really for day 4- it will get a lot better towards the second week, usually.
If it's concerning you tho, or impeding your life, I think it's ok to see a Dr
D
If it's concerning you tho, or impeding your life, I think it's ok to see a Dr
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
Originally Posted by kleigh 
Welcome, MTV! Congrats on the 3.5 weeks so far. Thank you for your post...I really enjoyed it, and related with so much of it.
End of Day 8 for me. Watching my husband get a little bit drunk throughout the night was interesting--it definitely quelled most of the AV thoughts that popped up throughout the night.
The only time where I felt the sad pang of "never again" was while watching "Downton Abbey," of all things. A couple characters were having a nice moment over a small glass of champagne...and it just made me sad to think that I will never be able to share in something like that ever again. I know it's an attempt at AV rationalization, but it still feels like a loss.
End of Day 8 for me. Watching my husband get a little bit drunk throughout the night was interesting--it definitely quelled most of the AV thoughts that popped up throughout the night.
The only time where I felt the sad pang of "never again" was while watching "Downton Abbey," of all things. A couple characters were having a nice moment over a small glass of champagne...and it just made me sad to think that I will never be able to share in something like that ever again. I know it's an attempt at AV rationalization, but it still feels like a loss.
Again, congratulations on Day 8.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
Originally Posted by MTV
Finally ready to contribute. I've been following the February thread from the beginning. I haven't had a drink since January 28--25 days--which I'm pretty proud of.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
Originally Posted by itsjustchuck
day 4 coming to a close here, still waiting for that decent nights sleep. averaging 4-5hrs a night of sleep. end up reading the life stories in the back of my big book until 1am or so. and I still cant sleep. any suggestions would be appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,886
Originally Posted by Delphine
Been spending a lot of time reading psychiatric journals about alcoholism and mental health issues. I have a chronic and severe case of brain cooties in addition to being an alcoholic, so it's an interesting ride. My psychiatrist has recently changed my diagnosis from major depression (treatment resistant) and social anxiety to bipolar 2 (rapid cycling) and social anxiety. Bipolar 2 patients have a 48.2% comorbidity rate of substance abuse, which surprised me a bit.
Being an armchair researcher, I've read all I can get my hands on about traditional and alternative bipolar treatment. Just read this on a pop psychology website and am a little annoyed: "Bipolar disorder can ruin your life, destroying your relationships and your career. It’s pointless to disregard the full destructive power of bipolar disorder. Because of it some people may have to considerably scale back their expectations in life". This part was fun too: "Some final thoughts about bipolar disorder are that it may be one of the worst illnesses we know; and, the treatments may leave a lot to be desired, but you’re not powerless". Yeah those quotes are total crap. Will filter what I read for awhile.
So I am trying to develop a "bag of tricks" to manage my alcoholism and interesting mental states. Thinking of taking advantage of the blog feature on this site to complain, remind and inspire myself to do self-care. I know what helps to some degree but the follow-through is difficult. I also have a lot of fuzzy moments when I forget how to do simple things. Hoping that blogging and writing myself notes will help.
There is also a mental health forum here so I should try that out. I need to remember that my commitment to sobriety is the most important form of self-care.
My current goal is to get dressed and go for a walk with my baby. I live in California and it is warm and sunny outside. Then I will clean the house a bit and come back to SR to read Team February's posts.
Being an armchair researcher, I've read all I can get my hands on about traditional and alternative bipolar treatment. Just read this on a pop psychology website and am a little annoyed: "Bipolar disorder can ruin your life, destroying your relationships and your career. It’s pointless to disregard the full destructive power of bipolar disorder. Because of it some people may have to considerably scale back their expectations in life". This part was fun too: "Some final thoughts about bipolar disorder are that it may be one of the worst illnesses we know; and, the treatments may leave a lot to be desired, but you’re not powerless". Yeah those quotes are total crap. Will filter what I read for awhile.
So I am trying to develop a "bag of tricks" to manage my alcoholism and interesting mental states. Thinking of taking advantage of the blog feature on this site to complain, remind and inspire myself to do self-care. I know what helps to some degree but the follow-through is difficult. I also have a lot of fuzzy moments when I forget how to do simple things. Hoping that blogging and writing myself notes will help.
There is also a mental health forum here so I should try that out. I need to remember that my commitment to sobriety is the most important form of self-care.
My current goal is to get dressed and go for a walk with my baby. I live in California and it is warm and sunny outside. Then I will clean the house a bit and come back to SR to read Team February's posts.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 625
Thank you very much to everyone who comforted me and helped dust me off.
I've taken your advice and spent more time reading and looking in.
I had a long list of tasks to check on my list this morning, and because of the slight headache and depression I almost cancelled everything.
But I refused to let the drinks take down my purpose, and I accomplished everything on my list today. Now I'll rest and know that I didn't let my failure alter my trajectory.
All in all, a good day 1.
I've taken your advice and spent more time reading and looking in.
I had a long list of tasks to check on my list this morning, and because of the slight headache and depression I almost cancelled everything.
But I refused to let the drinks take down my purpose, and I accomplished everything on my list today. Now I'll rest and know that I didn't let my failure alter my trajectory.
All in all, a good day 1.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: US
Posts: 205
Day 7 almost done. Ive been thinking alot today which was really not a good thing. Thinking about What am i afraid of, why cant i let myself be happy, why do I hate myself so much. And I can answer the questions and I have been given many tools to help me move forward however i just wont allow myself to change. Its like I need to move but my feet are glued to the floor. Even my counselor doesnt know how to deal with this sticking point. Lol. So I am stuck. Now I know why i drank. I need a Pepsi and a big slice of focaccia bread.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 174
Morning Everyone,
Welcome to the newcomers! How's everyone doing on their weekend goals and honey-do lists? I'm behind the 8-ball and need to get my rear end into gear here in the next few hrs. I normally, wake up to a pot of coffee, US and UK television/internet news and stock market stuff, but for the last 21-days, I've incorporated SR into my routine. Congrats to ALL the milestones being celebrated today. Woohoo!!!!
Today is day 21. Still hard to believe. Too be honest, since Friday, my beer AV has been creeping into my head. Nothing more than occasional thoughts, which I assume will be there for awhile if not the rest of my life. I think once we get to a point where we can think about drinking, but realize we really can't because we know ourselves, is when we really start to kick this thing. Sure we all had fun times, but likely we all had more negative times as a result of drinking. I'd probably put myself at a 3:10 ratio with regards to fun vs negatives while drinking. In the end, which is more important...3 fun times or 7 negative times? I do miss the 3 fun times, which is probably why my beer AV has been creeping into my head since Friday. Knowing most people are out at the club/bar doing 12-oz curls. But, I bet you, not one of them woke up at 5am this morning and isn't as clear headed and grounded as myself today as I celebrate a small victory. It's amazing how many TV shows and movies, I've watched the past 21 days, where alcohol is introduced. Don't think I really noticed that previously. Similar, to watching old movies/shows where everyone smoked, not in today's world.
Hope everyone stays strong and resists temptations. Closing ceremonies tonight for the Winter Olympics I believe.
Welcome to the newcomers! How's everyone doing on their weekend goals and honey-do lists? I'm behind the 8-ball and need to get my rear end into gear here in the next few hrs. I normally, wake up to a pot of coffee, US and UK television/internet news and stock market stuff, but for the last 21-days, I've incorporated SR into my routine. Congrats to ALL the milestones being celebrated today. Woohoo!!!!
Today is day 21. Still hard to believe. Too be honest, since Friday, my beer AV has been creeping into my head. Nothing more than occasional thoughts, which I assume will be there for awhile if not the rest of my life. I think once we get to a point where we can think about drinking, but realize we really can't because we know ourselves, is when we really start to kick this thing. Sure we all had fun times, but likely we all had more negative times as a result of drinking. I'd probably put myself at a 3:10 ratio with regards to fun vs negatives while drinking. In the end, which is more important...3 fun times or 7 negative times? I do miss the 3 fun times, which is probably why my beer AV has been creeping into my head since Friday. Knowing most people are out at the club/bar doing 12-oz curls. But, I bet you, not one of them woke up at 5am this morning and isn't as clear headed and grounded as myself today as I celebrate a small victory. It's amazing how many TV shows and movies, I've watched the past 21 days, where alcohol is introduced. Don't think I really noticed that previously. Similar, to watching old movies/shows where everyone smoked, not in today's world.
Hope everyone stays strong and resists temptations. Closing ceremonies tonight for the Winter Olympics I believe.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 14
I spent most of the day doing what I had intended when I first moved to Southern California. I explored. I had done that once, literally once before, and otherwise spent all of my free time living like a rock star. Not exploring this beautiful state.
There were only two points today I craved beer. But only one stuck out. I passed through my favorite beach town, where two really excellent craft beer joints are located. I grabbed a smoothie instead.
While driving around, I discovered a reality that was alluded to in my first group counseling. I was told that when I quit drinking, I would quickly discover why I drink. Driving around, I found, for the first time, that I am extremely lonely. I never felt this before. Probably because I spent my life hopping bar to bar, talking to everyone, but making friends with no one. This was fine, so long as it would continue in perpetuity. But once it stopped, I was left with that friend no one.
Some shakes began to come on later in the evening.
These, and the feeling of loneliness were exacerbated when I had no one to watch UFC with me. Normally, I would just go to a bar.
I was starting to get overwhelmed, and finally took one of the pills prescribed to me. And spent the night adding words to a very lengthy blog entry I am penning about my adventures / crash / recovery.
Thanks for reading!
There were only two points today I craved beer. But only one stuck out. I passed through my favorite beach town, where two really excellent craft beer joints are located. I grabbed a smoothie instead.
While driving around, I discovered a reality that was alluded to in my first group counseling. I was told that when I quit drinking, I would quickly discover why I drink. Driving around, I found, for the first time, that I am extremely lonely. I never felt this before. Probably because I spent my life hopping bar to bar, talking to everyone, but making friends with no one. This was fine, so long as it would continue in perpetuity. But once it stopped, I was left with that friend no one.
Some shakes began to come on later in the evening.
These, and the feeling of loneliness were exacerbated when I had no one to watch UFC with me. Normally, I would just go to a bar.
I was starting to get overwhelmed, and finally took one of the pills prescribed to me. And spent the night adding words to a very lengthy blog entry I am penning about my adventures / crash / recovery.
Thanks for reading!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,479
I was always lonely...I think I was also scared of my own company (I had some self hate issues) so I routinely sought to be with others.
Getting sober allowed me for the first time to get to know myself without an out or a crutch to lean on.
It wasn't terribly comfortable in the beginning but I found I wasn't as bad a person as as I thought I was, and I came to quite like my own company.
It made my other relationships better too - being ok with myself removed that almost desperate needy imperative to always be surrounded by people....
we're all different of course, but I hope you'll find something like that same kind of peace with things Will
D
Getting sober allowed me for the first time to get to know myself without an out or a crutch to lean on.
It wasn't terribly comfortable in the beginning but I found I wasn't as bad a person as as I thought I was, and I came to quite like my own company.
It made my other relationships better too - being ok with myself removed that almost desperate needy imperative to always be surrounded by people....
we're all different of course, but I hope you'll find something like that same kind of peace with things Will
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 174
Just looked at my "I'm Done Drinking App", holy smokes! 21 days sober and I haven't drank 250 beers and haven't consumed 30K alcohol calories. Of course, this is a guesstimate, as my avg beers per day, doesn't include the 2-3 while out at dinner, etc. Actually, I've found we don't go out to dinner like we used to (3-4 times per week). Only been twice in about 5-wks because my wife started a weight loss 2-mo pound down challenge and then I joined her with my sobriety. Hmm...
Spent my last few hrs last night laying in bed watching YouTube documentaries about alcoholism. While I couldn't relate to everything, I'm sure if I didn't stop, in another 10-20yrs, I would be able too. I saw some stats, ~17.7M alcoholics in the US and ~1.6M in the UK. Works out to approximately to 1 in 17 for the US and 1 in 38 for the UK.
The following video is informative (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElYYvddGN5U). I guess I need to change things. 1) remove alcohol, 2) eat all meals (most days skip breakfast and sometimes lunch). Interesting, what it said about tip #8 and sugar/alcohol cravings and tip #9, drinking lots of water (I guess I'm on the right track with this one (massive amounts of tea/water) everyday.
I saw a quote from Albert Einstein the other day..."Insanity=doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Spent my last few hrs last night laying in bed watching YouTube documentaries about alcoholism. While I couldn't relate to everything, I'm sure if I didn't stop, in another 10-20yrs, I would be able too. I saw some stats, ~17.7M alcoholics in the US and ~1.6M in the UK. Works out to approximately to 1 in 17 for the US and 1 in 38 for the UK.
The following video is informative (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElYYvddGN5U). I guess I need to change things. 1) remove alcohol, 2) eat all meals (most days skip breakfast and sometimes lunch). Interesting, what it said about tip #8 and sugar/alcohol cravings and tip #9, drinking lots of water (I guess I'm on the right track with this one (massive amounts of tea/water) everyday.
I saw a quote from Albert Einstein the other day..."Insanity=doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 174
Anybody else being bombarded my pop up ads on the left, right, middle, top and bottom of SR while in this thread. Geez, no place is spared from these annoying darn things. Freaking ridiculous! Just started pretty much the last few days. Running a virus scan right now to see if it's something I picked up while working on trying to get my daughter's I-Phone working.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: London, England
Posts: 56
Morning all. Day 8.
Still here, been busy keeping myself ... Busy.
Will catch with the 5 pages I missed later but wanted to say hi to MTV. My story is similar, hypertension for 3 years but denied it was booze. Finally a liver test and I can't hide. I came clean to doctor last Friday.
Got a letter through yesterday from an addiction clinic. Have appt on 3rd March.
28 days is awesome. Well done
Still here, been busy keeping myself ... Busy.
Will catch with the 5 pages I missed later but wanted to say hi to MTV. My story is similar, hypertension for 3 years but denied it was booze. Finally a liver test and I can't hide. I came clean to doctor last Friday.
Got a letter through yesterday from an addiction clinic. Have appt on 3rd March.
28 days is awesome. Well done
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: London, England
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Briggsy75
Anybody else being bombarded my pop up ads on the left, right, middle, top and bottom of SR while in this thread. Geez, no place is spared from these annoying darn things. Freaking ridiculous! Just started pretty much the last few days. Running a virus scan right now to see if it's something I picked up while working on trying to get my daughter's I-Phone working.
Highjackthis is also a good tool.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 174
image.jpgWow, the stinch!!!! Hadn't even smelled a trace of alcohol in 21 days! Here's to the rest of my life. I knew everything I read said to remove alcohol from home, so I listened to the experts!!! Thanks Dee, have the malware program scanning now. Taking my rear end out of neutral and placing it into 1st gear, I have too much to accomplish today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by Neverthought
Great Post and thanks for sharing.
Essentially, you could have written this for me and my experiences and even the age, give or take a few years.
The escalating of consumption, the ability to function and be successful in your line of work and the rest, honestly, very parallel. Add in the consideration of when you would abstain or limit your consumption. I still battle with that.
I started on SR when I was 41. My intentions where to quit or limit my intake when I was 40. Here I am at 43, but not giving up and luckily still in very good shape, but definite hints of decline when I was drinking.
Just make sure you know what you are doing. I also chuckled to myself and was somewhat elated at my first attempt. I could probably find my first 3 or 4 weeks of posting with that similar message. I managed 63 days right off the bat. My confidence grew and looked and became healthier. I lost like 20 lbs...you get the point.
Then, on the 64th day I just went to the liquor store like a robot, and bought a pint of vodka.
I'm not undermining you by any means, I just don't you or anyone else to replicate the mistake I made. I want to help people, not get on their nerves.
I'm glad you decided that you are ready to contribute....Very happy for you!
Thanks and Stay Strong!!
Essentially, you could have written this for me and my experiences and even the age, give or take a few years.
The escalating of consumption, the ability to function and be successful in your line of work and the rest, honestly, very parallel. Add in the consideration of when you would abstain or limit your consumption. I still battle with that.
I started on SR when I was 41. My intentions where to quit or limit my intake when I was 40. Here I am at 43, but not giving up and luckily still in very good shape, but definite hints of decline when I was drinking.
Just make sure you know what you are doing. I also chuckled to myself and was somewhat elated at my first attempt. I could probably find my first 3 or 4 weeks of posting with that similar message. I managed 63 days right off the bat. My confidence grew and looked and became healthier. I lost like 20 lbs...you get the point.
Then, on the 64th day I just went to the liquor store like a robot, and bought a pint of vodka.
I'm not undermining you by any means, I just don't you or anyone else to replicate the mistake I made. I want to help people, not get on their nerves.
I'm glad you decided that you are ready to contribute....Very happy for you!
Thanks and Stay Strong!!
What is so crazy is how I am a rational person in all aspects of my left. But when it comes to alcohol I am completely irrational. Why do I drink 8-10 or more drinks while my wife is perfectly content with a glass of wine? Why did I continue to do it even though my mind said I wanted to stop and I knew it was unhealthy? And the lengths I would go to try to hide bottles of booze and how much i was really drinking...crazy.
Briggs, I'm with you on the smell. I don't think I smelled alcohol for 10 years. After abstaining for a few weeks I can smell my wife's wine wafting across the other side of the living room now. And to think i thought I was being so smooth and no one I was close to was recognizing how much I was drinking. How naive must I have been?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Morning all to a sober Sunday. Waking up to sunlight streaming through the window and birds singing, it was almost too much for me, I felt like 'This doesn't happen to me, not in real life' guess I kind of forgot that these things DO happen in real life if you put yourself in a position to experience them, was almost expecting a beautiful woman to walk into my room with breakfast in bed... but I guess i'm still working on that part haha
Briggsy - Well done on pouring that away, must of been difficult, especially as the smell is a trigger for some. BLEARGH
HighSpirit - We made it to day 8 mate, that's a full week in the BANK, nice one. Let's get another.
Delphine - I read your post about possible bipolar, there's a book called 'Touched By Fire' by Kay Redfield Jamison, a psychiatrist who suffers from the condition herself, it's an exploration of the condition, treatment, creativity and the artistic temperament. It's really well written and very heartwarming.
Ready to face the world today, but as ever I know danger lurks around every corner.
I'm ready to fight another day, but more importantly, I'm ready to live.
Keep moving forward.
Briggsy - Well done on pouring that away, must of been difficult, especially as the smell is a trigger for some. BLEARGH
HighSpirit - We made it to day 8 mate, that's a full week in the BANK, nice one. Let's get another.
Delphine - I read your post about possible bipolar, there's a book called 'Touched By Fire' by Kay Redfield Jamison, a psychiatrist who suffers from the condition herself, it's an exploration of the condition, treatment, creativity and the artistic temperament. It's really well written and very heartwarming.
Ready to face the world today, but as ever I know danger lurks around every corner.
I'm ready to fight another day, but more importantly, I'm ready to live.
Keep moving forward.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
