Class Of February 2014 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 174
Still can't get the daughter's I-Phone to restore. Searched until I found the end of the internet with no luck. Deleted and reloaded current version of I-Tunes at least 10 times.
Needless to say my frustration from last night rolled over into today/this afternoon. So, I jokingly told the wife, "screw it I'm going to the store", she immediatly said "what no you aren't". I said ya you're right. Stopped working on the computer and phone and trying to get in a better mood. What ticks me off the most is that I wasted my day on something that wasn't part of my weekend plans. So tomorrow I'm getting up early to get things done and get back on track with my weekend goals and then maybe head 20 miles to an Apple store and see what they can do and maybe take the family out to dinner on our way back.
Ok, done rambling. I do enjoy reading your posts, I see I'm not the only frequent poster.
Question: Anyone else lose their appetite when they get frustrasted or ticked off?
Needless to say my frustration from last night rolled over into today/this afternoon. So, I jokingly told the wife, "screw it I'm going to the store", she immediatly said "what no you aren't". I said ya you're right. Stopped working on the computer and phone and trying to get in a better mood. What ticks me off the most is that I wasted my day on something that wasn't part of my weekend plans. So tomorrow I'm getting up early to get things done and get back on track with my weekend goals and then maybe head 20 miles to an Apple store and see what they can do and maybe take the family out to dinner on our way back.
Ok, done rambling. I do enjoy reading your posts, I see I'm not the only frequent poster.
Question: Anyone else lose their appetite when they get frustrasted or ticked off?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by LonelyShadow 
Its Day 7 for me and feeling good, but I think therein lies my difficulty. I feel fine right now, and I'm confident I will be fine in the coming weeks, lots to focus on and i'm fortunate to be in a position without too many responsibilities and stressors at the moment (To all who are in difficult circumstances I salute you, you are SO strong)
I think my AV has talked me out of going to see the doctor this past week:
"Just go tomorrow"
"Go when you're feeling low"
"You might not need it this time"
Bitter, bitter experience tells me that I can NOT do this alone. Day 31 will roll around and I will be in no-man's land, and then all it takes is a setback, could be something minor, and I bypass the 'I'll just have one drink' stage and immediately want to drink my self to death. I do not know why it comes on so severely and so quickly.
I keep having terrible nightmares, I have mentioned before I used to work in a specialist school and part of the job required me to frequently have to physically restrain young people when they became violent. I was often kicked, hit, spat on and verbally abused. Because i'm a big guy I was often called on to do these restraints, it was incredibly challenging.
One child had a history worse than you can imagine, his case notes were tragic it haunts me how people can be so evil, I felt so sad for this child who was clearly a nice kid, but had suffered so much at the hands of others. I was his specialist support in class, and when he flipped, boy did he flip. We had an interesting relationship as we would get along great, but as soon as he was angry I was the first person to take the brunt of his rage.
He had this scream that I cannot get out of my head, when I had to restrain him he would scream, scream, scream. It's stunning how loud a child can scream, and this sounded inhuman. It was more like a roar, like opening a window to Hell itself and listening in. I would spend hours and days with this boy in crisis.
I often have nightmares about a couple of incidents that happened, replaying themselves over and over and over in my head.
I sometimes wonder if I may have a touch of PTSD, as I was often in physical danger and the job would definatly fall under the category of 'traumatic', it would explain why the dreams repeat and why I can't let it go. Alcohol withdrawal certainly makes them more vivid.
I thought I would share a little about my history because you guys are amazing, I have told others about my past before and how it affected me and they simply did not seem to understand. It's very alienating.
There are many positives though, firstly I have learned a great deal while at the school and after it, I saw both the best and worst of humanity at that place.
Hoping everyone has a strong and sober Saturday,
Make time for yourselves, treat yourselves, get out into the open air, do something you LOVE to do. Sobriety is happening NOW, enjoy it!
Peace to all
I think my AV has talked me out of going to see the doctor this past week:
"Just go tomorrow"
"Go when you're feeling low"
"You might not need it this time"
Bitter, bitter experience tells me that I can NOT do this alone. Day 31 will roll around and I will be in no-man's land, and then all it takes is a setback, could be something minor, and I bypass the 'I'll just have one drink' stage and immediately want to drink my self to death. I do not know why it comes on so severely and so quickly.
I keep having terrible nightmares, I have mentioned before I used to work in a specialist school and part of the job required me to frequently have to physically restrain young people when they became violent. I was often kicked, hit, spat on and verbally abused. Because i'm a big guy I was often called on to do these restraints, it was incredibly challenging.
One child had a history worse than you can imagine, his case notes were tragic it haunts me how people can be so evil, I felt so sad for this child who was clearly a nice kid, but had suffered so much at the hands of others. I was his specialist support in class, and when he flipped, boy did he flip. We had an interesting relationship as we would get along great, but as soon as he was angry I was the first person to take the brunt of his rage.
He had this scream that I cannot get out of my head, when I had to restrain him he would scream, scream, scream. It's stunning how loud a child can scream, and this sounded inhuman. It was more like a roar, like opening a window to Hell itself and listening in. I would spend hours and days with this boy in crisis.
I often have nightmares about a couple of incidents that happened, replaying themselves over and over and over in my head.
I sometimes wonder if I may have a touch of PTSD, as I was often in physical danger and the job would definatly fall under the category of 'traumatic', it would explain why the dreams repeat and why I can't let it go. Alcohol withdrawal certainly makes them more vivid.
I thought I would share a little about my history because you guys are amazing, I have told others about my past before and how it affected me and they simply did not seem to understand. It's very alienating.
There are many positives though, firstly I have learned a great deal while at the school and after it, I saw both the best and worst of humanity at that place.
Hoping everyone has a strong and sober Saturday,
Make time for yourselves, treat yourselves, get out into the open air, do something you LOVE to do. Sobriety is happening NOW, enjoy it!
Peace to all
Part of the reason of why I signed up here on SR (and why I became a Febbie despite a couple of years of sobriety) was because I was/am finding it difficult to deal with the past three years of my life, during which time I witnessed on a daily basis the internal psychological and emotional torture of a loved one (and during which I time I really had no support on my path to sobriety so I felt/feel like a newbie). The memories are keeping me up at night (ergo many of my late night posts) and making my sobriety a very "fragile" thing. Anyway, it is something I plan on discussing with my doctor; have you spoken to your doctor about it?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
How frustrating Briggsy. I hate when things happen that interrupt my plans too. Wonder if it's an alcoholic thing? Good for you for not drinking.
I guess I lose my appetite when I am frustrated, but apparently not enough! No appetite would be a welcome change for me
I'm very unstable today. I exercised this morning and that felt great but now my emotions are high, I can't get motivated to do all that I need to get done and I feel totally "off". I try to envision how i would feel if I got a bottle if wine and had a glass. Would it help? Maybe for an hour. The it would all come back to me and I'd hate myself on top if everything else. Really trying to stay strong.
I guess I lose my appetite when I am frustrated, but apparently not enough! No appetite would be a welcome change for me
I'm very unstable today. I exercised this morning and that felt great but now my emotions are high, I can't get motivated to do all that I need to get done and I feel totally "off". I try to envision how i would feel if I got a bottle if wine and had a glass. Would it help? Maybe for an hour. The it would all come back to me and I'd hate myself on top if everything else. Really trying to stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by Briggsy75
Still can't get the daughter's I-Phone to restore. Searched until I found the end of the internet with no luck. Deleted and reloaded current version of I-Tunes at least 10 times.
Needless to say my frustration from last night rolled over into today/this afternoon. So, I jokingly told the wife, "screw it I'm going to the store", she immediatly said "what no you aren't". I said ya you're right. Stopped working on the computer and phone and trying to get in a better mood. What ticks me off the most is that I wasted my day on something that wasn't part of my weekend plans. So tomorrow I'm getting up early to get things done and get back on track with my weekend goals and then maybe head 20 miles to an Apple store and see what they can do and maybe take the family out to dinner on our way back.
Ok, done rambling. I do enjoy reading your posts, I see I'm not the only frequent poster.
Question: Anyone else lose their appetite when they get frustrasted or ticked off?
Needless to say my frustration from last night rolled over into today/this afternoon. So, I jokingly told the wife, "screw it I'm going to the store", she immediatly said "what no you aren't". I said ya you're right. Stopped working on the computer and phone and trying to get in a better mood. What ticks me off the most is that I wasted my day on something that wasn't part of my weekend plans. So tomorrow I'm getting up early to get things done and get back on track with my weekend goals and then maybe head 20 miles to an Apple store and see what they can do and maybe take the family out to dinner on our way back.
Ok, done rambling. I do enjoy reading your posts, I see I'm not the only frequent poster.
Question: Anyone else lose their appetite when they get frustrasted or ticked off?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by forabetterlife
How frustrating Briggsy. I hate when things happen that interrupt my plans too. Wonder if it's an alcoholic thing? Good for you for not drinking.
I guess I lose my appetite when I am frustrated, but apparently not enough! No appetite would be a welcome change for me
I'm very unstable today. I exercised this morning and that felt great but now my emotions are high, I can't get motivated to do all that I need to get done and I feel totally "off". I try to envision how i would feel if I got a bottle if wine and had a glass. Would it help? Maybe for an hour. The it would all come back to me and I'd hate myself on top if everything else. Really trying to stay strong.
I guess I lose my appetite when I am frustrated, but apparently not enough! No appetite would be a welcome change for me
I'm very unstable today. I exercised this morning and that felt great but now my emotions are high, I can't get motivated to do all that I need to get done and I feel totally "off". I try to envision how i would feel if I got a bottle if wine and had a glass. Would it help? Maybe for an hour. The it would all come back to me and I'd hate myself on top if everything else. Really trying to stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
LonelyShadow, PTSD could certainly be a very real possibility; it seems that you have witnessed more than anyone's fair share of torment - and the torment of children, no less (unimaginable; their innocence has been stolen from them). Witnessing that sort of torment, just once, could have a lasting effect on someone and you witnessed it day after day, LS; I cannot imagine.
Part of the reason of why I signed up here on SR (and why I became a Febbie despite a couple of years of sobriety) was because I was/am finding it difficult to deal with the past three years of my life, during which time I witnessed on a daily basis the internal psychological and emotional torture of a loved one (and during which I time I really had no support on my path to sobriety so I felt/feel like a newbie). The memories are keeping me up at night (ergo many of my late night posts) and making my sobriety a very "fragile" thing. Anyway, it is something I plan on discussing with my doctor; have you spoken to your doctor about it?
Part of the reason of why I signed up here on SR (and why I became a Febbie despite a couple of years of sobriety) was because I was/am finding it difficult to deal with the past three years of my life, during which time I witnessed on a daily basis the internal psychological and emotional torture of a loved one (and during which I time I really had no support on my path to sobriety so I felt/feel like a newbie). The memories are keeping me up at night (ergo many of my late night posts) and making my sobriety a very "fragile" thing. Anyway, it is something I plan on discussing with my doctor; have you spoken to your doctor about it?
It sounds like you've suffered similarly because of that old adage "Who supports the support?" that's how I felt at the school. My ex girlfriend couldn't help and eventually we broke up. That damn school ate me alive.
But I take responsibility for my drinking, those times were stressful but it was ME who picked up the cider and ME who brought it to my lips, nobody else. For that I take responsibility and that I resolve to change, so that when stressful times arrive in future, and they will, I will have a defence against them.
I'm feeling uncomfortable tonight. In a convoluted mental state. Not sure if it's the withdrawal or other things. Guess I'll just ride out the storm and see what happens.
This too shall pass
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by LonelyShadow
My previous doctor's I have but now I'm in a new area with a new doctor i'm sort of starting from scratch, I might try writing everything down before I go for the appointment, it's difficult getting it ALL out when I actually see a doctor. Definatly will bring up the prospect of PTSD see what he thinks.
It sounds like you've suffered similarly because of that old adage "Who supports the support?" that's how I felt at the school. My ex girlfriend couldn't help and eventually we broke up. That damn school ate me alive.
But I take responsibility for my drinking, those times were stressful but it was ME who picked up the cider and ME who brought it to my lips, nobody else. For that I take responsibility and that I resolve to change, so that when stressful times arrive in future, and they will, I will have a defence against them.
I'm feeling uncomfortable tonight. In a convoluted mental state. Not sure if it's the withdrawal or other things. Guess I'll just ride out the storm and see what happens.
This too shall pass
It sounds like you've suffered similarly because of that old adage "Who supports the support?" that's how I felt at the school. My ex girlfriend couldn't help and eventually we broke up. That damn school ate me alive.
But I take responsibility for my drinking, those times were stressful but it was ME who picked up the cider and ME who brought it to my lips, nobody else. For that I take responsibility and that I resolve to change, so that when stressful times arrive in future, and they will, I will have a defence against them.
I'm feeling uncomfortable tonight. In a convoluted mental state. Not sure if it's the withdrawal or other things. Guess I'll just ride out the storm and see what happens.
This too shall pass
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
There was a big positive today in that I saw a guy I used to drink with coming the other way, I didn't want to risk him convincing me to go pub with him so I busted out a sweet Ninja manoeuvre and ducked down a side route to go a different way home. Nailed it!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: San Jose, California
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by LonelyShadow
There was a big positive today in that I saw a guy I used to drink with coming the other way, I didn't want to risk him convincing me to go pub with him so I busted out a sweet Ninja manoeuvre and ducked down a side route to go a different way home. Nailed it!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Day 7 and looking forward to getting through the weekend sober. I know I need to put effort into finding weekend activities to replace drinking. I had a few ideas for last night, but I could not find the motivation or desire to do them. If I sit at home on weekends while getting texts from friends about going to drink, I'm going to eventually give in. My motivation level is high now, but I know that I will become more vulnerable as time goes on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by BrentSC
Day 7 and looking forward to getting through the weekend sober. I know I need to put effort into finding weekend activities to replace drinking. I had a few ideas for last night, but I could not find the motivation or desire to do them. If I sit at home on weekends while getting texts from friends about going to drink, I'm going to eventually give in. My motivation level is high now, but I know that I will become more vulnerable as time goes on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by LonelyShadow
I know exactly what you mean, do your friends know you're staying sober?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by BrentSC
Day 7 and looking forward to getting through the weekend sober. I know I need to put effort into finding weekend activities to replace drinking. I had a few ideas for last night, but I could not find the motivation or desire to do them. If I sit at home on weekends while getting texts from friends about going to drink, I'm going to eventually give in. My motivation level is high now, but I know that I will become more vulnerable as time goes on.
Do you have any non-drinking friends to hang with?
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