venuscat

OK....on the off chance that Dee pops in, I'd like you all to join me in sending him love and prayers.
Hoping that he gets better, and is able to return to us, and all who love him dearly on SR.

Dee!!! ♥♥♥

Love V xx

SereneEdition

(((((((((((Venus)))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((Dee))))))))))))))))))

Hope you're doing better today. Sending love.



Hi firstweek. Curious to hear how your sessions went.

SereneEdition

Congrats Liss - You're amazing!

liss74

Awwwwww you are beautiful xxxx

liss74

thank you

liss74

Hope you are OK dee xxxxx

venuscat

Ehh hemm.....did you not tell us Serene that your sober date is the 17th????
Because it's the 17th here.....So



on 9 incredible moths of sobriety lovely girl!!!!!

We love you very much.

(I think firstweek's sessions start on the 22nd).

Love to all the Februarians,

V xx

melissa6381

Just one of those nights at work. All of the resorts corporate executives were in tonight and on top of that we were super busy. I went from 1 table to 7 within a 20 minute period and suddenly I was in this state of panic that only other restaurant workers would be able to understand. Sometimes there is more asked of me than I can physically do and my anxiety kicks in and it's soooo stressful.

After this horrible night two people who walked in a half hour after we closed and said, "just a quick drink please, we promise" since there were still some people lingering eating dessert my manger let them in. They then proceeded to wait for three more people to join them and then keep me there extra two hours in a completely empty restaurant. The sheer "you don't matter only we do" attitude about the whole thing gets my blood boiling. Don't ever be those people.

This sort of night makes me want to drink more than any other trigger. Instead I have been playing iPhone games trying to self soothe myself but I'm still feeling on edge. Blahhhh.

SereneEdition

Wow! You guys are AMAZING

Thank you so much - I didn't know it was my 9th month anniversary - what a lovely surprise! Feeling lucky & grateful to have you guys with me on this journey.

I treated myself to a meditation workshop today - letting my 'work' come second. I finally had the yoga breathing techniques explained & they are so much more powerful now.

Things are amazingly good, yet my ability to control my emotions (while significantly better) has a long way to go. The past few weeks I've been feeling and acting like a dry drunk. But we're digging out of that in a good way and I feeling like I'm getting to the very obvious stuff that I couldn't see. Even though I haven't relapsed, I can just tell when I'm not on track and off balance.

Much love back at you V. Do tell, which day will we be celebrating yours?

melissa6381

Congrats serene so close to your first year!

venuscat

Mel ~ I am a cleaner. I am in the service industry.
(And I have been a waitress as well).
Truly, I understand "those people".
Like you wouldn't believe.
Not fun.

So glad you are playing games and shrugging it off love.
Understand you feeling on the edge; many hugs for you sweet girl!!!!

Serene ~ he he he....I'm good, huh? Memory of an elephant.
My day is the 4th.
Glad the meditation workshop turned out to be a lovely treat.

Hey all...let's keep supporting each other....there are many who are not here,
but we can still do this together.

Much love,

V xx

SereneEdition

Hi Mel -

That's a real drag - sorry you had to put up with that. Yoga Breath? Make some of your cool creative stuff? Tea?

Glad you're here tho - it's good to see you!

SereneEdition

V- You're totally good! Proof the your brain is working on all cylinders

Speaking of support, how are you doing lately? You mentioned that you'd type later, but I haven't read anything yet. Would love to hear if you're up for sharing.

venuscat

I am and I will, just having dinner

V xx

SereneEdition

I'm eating dinner now too - only 18 hour behind you

Arugala salad and the chicken that I bought a week ago. I believe that I have made it almost a week on my normal (not college) diet. I feel so much better this week than last week.

I might be interested in a boy for the first time in ages. It's been a long time since I've dipped my toe in that water. We'll see how it goes. I didn't want to date anyone when I was drinking, so it's a good sign.

Happy weekend everyone! Anyone have fun plans?

liss74

Husband went to pub I dropped him off everyone having fun at surf club and what do I do cry OMG bad day today in all areas

venuscat

I hear you liss ~ bad few days for me. Real bad.
I was actually just sitting here feeling sorry for myself...not like me at all.
So enough of that.

I'm so aware of all of these people around me in summer mode, beer and bbqs, and all of that.
We haven't had to deal with this time of year sober before...it's hard, hey?

All I can think about is while they might have a beer or two, I would have at least 5 or 6.
And then it would just escalate. Do I wish I was normal? Heck yes. But that's just self-pity again.

I need to remember all of the things I have to be grateful for...
well, for a start, I am grateful for all of you.

I hope you have a lovely weekend Serene, and I am so glad there is a guy you are interested in. Nice.

My plans are to stop moping, and get an early start tomorrow, and try and enjoy a Sunday.

Love to all,

V xx

liss74

Yeah me to wouldn't be able to stop and true didn't think that this is first time of summer sober yes I can do this just like all the other firsts xx

fantail

Hi everyone,

Whoosh. OK, so it's been a long time. I'm sorry for disappearing. So let's see, where to even start???

Basically taking the job was a big mistake... for various reasons it ended up being very different in the day-to-day than it had been described to me. Much less organized, far more pressure, and a lot of internal misalignment that made it really hard for me to please anyone. On top of that a really long commute and a boss who thought I was just the worst person in the world. So eventually he fired me (last week). It was just the worst 3 months... I was having a really hard time dealing with the pressure.

At the same time there were positives... I was actually just starting to feel like I was getting the hang of it when I got fired, but, what can you do. I definitely learned that in the future I need to choose a job that I either care about really passionately, or that doesn't require so much mental energy from me. Because I worked really hard, put in the hours, etc... but it was making me really unhappy.

Anyway on top of that I've started to realize that my PMS symptoms are actually way worse than I understood prior. I remember I used to mention it here from time to time, but when I wasn't working and when sobriety was still really new, I didn't notice quite how bad it would get. It was bad, but I had the time to deal with it, and also everything was kind of bad.

Now, when the rest of the time I am doing fairly well, the contrast is just really shocking. Ever since taking the job 3 months ago, every month about a week before my period I lose it. Panic attacks, can't get out of bed, can't even look at my phone or my computer. Just total freak outs. I have been nearly suicidal a few of the times. Not so much to actually do anything, but enough that I was thinking about it a lot.

So, that's me. I'm glad to be out of the job although now I need to worry about money again, since this time I don't have the savings to fall back on. But given what I know now, I'm considering just taking something low-pressure so I can start some medication and see if anything helps.

I'm feeling really awful today but I can't tell you how helpful it is to look at the calendar, realize what time of month it is, and be able to tell myself that this will be over in a few days. At least it puts some structure to it all. I can't even explain how awful it was to be feeling fine and then be crazy again, and not be able to explain it.

Anyway... big hugs to all of you, I hope you're doing well.

venuscat

So much love to you fantail.
Sorry about the job, but I guess it's kind of a good thing after all that you went through.
Time to look after you ~ and if it helps at all, I am PMS'ing right along with you,
and I also suffer terribly.

Hope today is a better day for you,

Love V xx