Class of May 2012 part 20
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
((Jeni)) - I can relate to feelings of "will it always be this way" in regard to my chronic fatigue and not feeling well. So, you aren't alone in feeling that way. But, you have had some good nights sleep without anxiety and I think it is a very gradual process. You NEVER need apolagize for how you are feeling. We all love you and are here to support you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Hey guys, I was working last night so I did not see what was going on with everyone.
OLL, in my personal experience when it comes to food nothing is really off limits unless it is called tequila chicken or rum cake. My personal rule of thumb...if a 3 year old can buy it at the store, I can use it to cook. When I dieted my salad dressing was balsamic vinegar no oil. It never made me crave alcohol... Only real food
Maybe others feel differently, but I quit drinking alcohol because I got drunk and could not control myself. Food never did this to me. I am sure over the past year I have eaten things at a restaurant or that my mom cooked with wine in it. Would I use it to cook... No way, not drinking wine.
Jeni, I understand feeling stuck in the same place, but I can see a HUGE difference since we started down this journey. I know it is frustrating that we are not where we thought we would be right now, but compare it to last year... Would you trade spots? I know there is nothing in the world that could make me go back there. Vent away though because it helps give voice to our feelings and makes them leave us alone for awhile. I hope you are feeling better tonight.
OLL, in my personal experience when it comes to food nothing is really off limits unless it is called tequila chicken or rum cake. My personal rule of thumb...if a 3 year old can buy it at the store, I can use it to cook. When I dieted my salad dressing was balsamic vinegar no oil. It never made me crave alcohol... Only real food
Maybe others feel differently, but I quit drinking alcohol because I got drunk and could not control myself. Food never did this to me. I am sure over the past year I have eaten things at a restaurant or that my mom cooked with wine in it. Would I use it to cook... No way, not drinking wine. Jeni, I understand feeling stuck in the same place, but I can see a HUGE difference since we started down this journey. I know it is frustrating that we are not where we thought we would be right now, but compare it to last year... Would you trade spots? I know there is nothing in the world that could make me go back there. Vent away though because it helps give voice to our feelings and makes them leave us alone for awhile. I hope you are feeling better tonight.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Originally Posted by wehav2day 
things are decent here, home life is calmer. we had a really nice, mellow weekend. still taking it as it comes. feel kind of bad about that, like I should have some solution and put it into action, but I don't have one yet so plan to keep plugging and chugging until it comes. just hope she is patient with me... in the past, I've thought I should have a solution and made something up or sugarcoated things and then gotten pissed or resentful and sometimes drank.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Originally Posted by kittycat3
I have a friend coming into town that I know through work - he's sent a few emails and is set to get together. Last year when he was here I binge drank and ended up staying the night with him. I don't think much if anything happened, I was much too drunk and woke up with clothes on. Regardless it was inappropriate and I feel uncomfortable seeing him. I know it is unavoidable and I can be strong and yet I still feel nervous. I am worried what he might say, if it comes up. And of course my not drinking with him might not be what he is suspecting (I think he has a crush and wouldn't mind the same thing happening again and even more.) Who knows, it has been almost a year since I've seen him and we really don't keep in touch often so I don't know what is happening with him.
Oh, and no Ryan Gosling movie yet. I will let you know what the movie is like once I see it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
sas, glad you are home all safe and sound. sorry you are in pain, that will get better quickly. sleep it off and have a lovely night.
rock, as always, you are awesome! thank you. yeah, it's always better sober. while I've been having some cravings seemingly out of nowhere, I feel pretty good knowing that i'm thinking of my relationship in ways that I couldn't before. the best way to keep from drinking resentments away is to not do dumb things that you know will make you resentful in the first place! lol. she has pleeeennnntttyyyy of reasons to be mad at me. but if I keep plugging and chugging and being honest we do have a good chance. she really is my best friend. and it's not every day you get to be with someone as goofy as well, the two of us. we are like a perfect storm of goofy.
rock, as always, you are awesome! thank you. yeah, it's always better sober. while I've been having some cravings seemingly out of nowhere, I feel pretty good knowing that i'm thinking of my relationship in ways that I couldn't before. the best way to keep from drinking resentments away is to not do dumb things that you know will make you resentful in the first place! lol. she has pleeeennnntttyyyy of reasons to be mad at me. but if I keep plugging and chugging and being honest we do have a good chance. she really is my best friend. and it's not every day you get to be with someone as goofy as well, the two of us. we are like a perfect storm of goofy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
Congrats to everyone and their milestones and my thoughts and prayers for those struggling with life issues in general (special thoughts to you, Shock, and also to you, Sassy, for a speedy recovery).
Tomorrow is 7 months for me, and it has been amazing. I have realized that all of life's problems don't just "go away" with not drinking, but they were there anyway and I was just not dealing with them. I have such a cooler head and soooo much more patience with life and see so much more good around me and am capable of dealing with the difficult times in a healthy way instead of numbing myself.
Relations with my family are so much better and I realize I am being a REAL husband and dad now, not just a shell of one. Honestly, I don't know how I was blessed with a wife and kids as wonderful as I have. And I see my wife blossoming so much more now with me here in the present moment with her....to share life with her instead of just occupying the same space....
Summer is almost here and I am focusing on a lot of health-related goals that I have been working on for a while. I have lost a lot of weight and have been getting a lot of compliments lately from people I work with and don't know really well like "What have you been doing? You look so good...you look so awake....your face looks younger..." yada yada. Sometimes it is embarrassing as a guy to hear things, but I have learned to take compliments. Fact is, alcohol is POISON and I really think after a while our bodies have an amazing ability to start to bounce back. I would not give up the place I am right now for ANYTHING.
I have also gone now to NUMEROUS outings where alcohol is served and all of my close friends now know that I am not drinking. They do not ask anymore, but some are starting to notice how well I am doing and I think they are thinking of themselves, especially my male buddies who I watch sports with, hang out with, etc. They NEVER ask me to drink anymore but are starting to ask little things that maybe give me a hint they want to at least cut down. And it is odd, because when I am around I am noticing that many people are drinking less. I suspect they always did, but there is a noticeable difference too. I think they are in a way respecting me and not drinking a lot and maybe even feeling a little positive peer pressure, even though I NEVER speak of drinking unless asked. I always eat something right away when I arrive at a function, and that for me has always been the DEATH of my appetite for alcohol. And food that I was able to eat with beer like wings and pizza I eat now and it doesn't bother me.
It has been a long road, but mostly good. I have my good and bad days like everyone else, but I just deal with them better and I SLEEP so much better than I did. I feel so rested in the mornings and have such cool dreams that seem to mostly focus on positive ideas now instead of nightmares.
I will check in here and there and appreciate every one of you for being there and here for me on this ride. SR is really the only outside source of support I ever utilized, and I realize I am lucky for that. I'm just not going to let alcohol ruin my life anymore or the obsessing about it either. I....simply...don't drink anymore. And that is a good thing. And you know what? I never will......peace and love all 'round.
Lee
Tomorrow is 7 months for me, and it has been amazing. I have realized that all of life's problems don't just "go away" with not drinking, but they were there anyway and I was just not dealing with them. I have such a cooler head and soooo much more patience with life and see so much more good around me and am capable of dealing with the difficult times in a healthy way instead of numbing myself.
Relations with my family are so much better and I realize I am being a REAL husband and dad now, not just a shell of one. Honestly, I don't know how I was blessed with a wife and kids as wonderful as I have. And I see my wife blossoming so much more now with me here in the present moment with her....to share life with her instead of just occupying the same space....
Summer is almost here and I am focusing on a lot of health-related goals that I have been working on for a while. I have lost a lot of weight and have been getting a lot of compliments lately from people I work with and don't know really well like "What have you been doing? You look so good...you look so awake....your face looks younger..." yada yada. Sometimes it is embarrassing as a guy to hear things, but I have learned to take compliments. Fact is, alcohol is POISON and I really think after a while our bodies have an amazing ability to start to bounce back. I would not give up the place I am right now for ANYTHING.
I have also gone now to NUMEROUS outings where alcohol is served and all of my close friends now know that I am not drinking. They do not ask anymore, but some are starting to notice how well I am doing and I think they are thinking of themselves, especially my male buddies who I watch sports with, hang out with, etc. They NEVER ask me to drink anymore but are starting to ask little things that maybe give me a hint they want to at least cut down. And it is odd, because when I am around I am noticing that many people are drinking less. I suspect they always did, but there is a noticeable difference too. I think they are in a way respecting me and not drinking a lot and maybe even feeling a little positive peer pressure, even though I NEVER speak of drinking unless asked. I always eat something right away when I arrive at a function, and that for me has always been the DEATH of my appetite for alcohol. And food that I was able to eat with beer like wings and pizza I eat now and it doesn't bother me.
It has been a long road, but mostly good. I have my good and bad days like everyone else, but I just deal with them better and I SLEEP so much better than I did. I feel so rested in the mornings and have such cool dreams that seem to mostly focus on positive ideas now instead of nightmares.
I will check in here and there and appreciate every one of you for being there and here for me on this ride. SR is really the only outside source of support I ever utilized, and I realize I am lucky for that. I'm just not going to let alcohol ruin my life anymore or the obsessing about it either. I....simply...don't drink anymore. And that is a good thing. And you know what? I never will......peace and love all 'round.
Lee
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Happy Thursday, my cherished May peeps! Today is knocking on Friday's door, woo hoo!
Sas, I'm glad you're back home and resting after surgery. Go easy on yourself, good buddy. Big healing hugs to you.
Teacher Jeni, I hope you're having a better day, sober sis. Looks like we've both been racing around at work lately and struggling with sleep deficits. Sending hugs from across the pond for a restful upcoming weekend.
Bionic Lee, you sound all-around awesome! Thank you for your uplifting post to remind us all how far we've come and how strong we are as a loving group. Big hugs to you and your beautiful family.
Gotta get a move on here. Only so many times I can flip the bird at the clock before it comes back to bite me later on today, lol! Wishing everyone a wonderful day in sobriety. Love and hugs to all.
Sas, I'm glad you're back home and resting after surgery. Go easy on yourself, good buddy. Big healing hugs to you.
Teacher Jeni, I hope you're having a better day, sober sis. Looks like we've both been racing around at work lately and struggling with sleep deficits. Sending hugs from across the pond for a restful upcoming weekend.
Bionic Lee, you sound all-around awesome! Thank you for your uplifting post to remind us all how far we've come and how strong we are as a loving group. Big hugs to you and your beautiful family.
Gotta get a move on here. Only so many times I can flip the bird at the clock before it comes back to bite me later on today, lol! Wishing everyone a wonderful day in sobriety. Love and hugs to all.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Hi folks,
Just a very quick check-in. I have been sleeping lots. Still very tired and aching. Want to stop the hydrocodone as quickly as possible but it is a tradeoff. Feel like I'm about to drop off to sleepy-land again so I will listen to my body. I'm supposed to take several short, slow walks several times a day. Did one so far, will do another after nap.
hugs,
Sass
Just a very quick check-in. I have been sleeping lots. Still very tired and aching. Want to stop the hydrocodone as quickly as possible but it is a tradeoff. Feel like I'm about to drop off to sleepy-land again so I will listen to my body. I'm supposed to take several short, slow walks several times a day. Did one so far, will do another after nap.
hugs,
Sass
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Hi Mayans,
Have been able to cut back on narcotic pills, walked 3x today (very slow walks) and am starting to feel a bit more awake and occasionally a bit hungry. So definite progress. Thank you all for your warm and caring well wishes! They are working super well!
Lots of love and (((hugs)))
Sass
Have been able to cut back on narcotic pills, walked 3x today (very slow walks) and am starting to feel a bit more awake and occasionally a bit hungry. So definite progress. Thank you all for your warm and caring well wishes! They are working super well!
Lots of love and (((hugs)))
Sass
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Be patient Sassy, you've had some big stuff going on. Take good care of yourself my friend xxx
Ok, I need to get this down on the page. My AV or whatever you want to call it has been whispering to me...hey, you've nearly done a year, that proves you weren't really an alcoholic at all, you have no cravings, you cope with stress without a drink, no need for total abstinence now, about time you dropped that ridiculous AA and spent more time at home, you don't need to concentrate or spend so much time on recovery.
I have to say I've no intention of having a drink. I'm not in danger, but it's there, sort of niggling. I AM sort of fed up with working at recovery, I don't really want to continue with my meetings, I do want a 'normal' life. I did sleep when I was drinking and the insomnia has never gone away and I'm fed up with the early hour upset. I'm tired of putting in all this effort I guess.
I think if I tell my sponsor, she will just tell me to step up my meetings, and I want to quit them altogether so I'm not telling her.
I'm not going to drink. No worries. I'm just aware that my need to sleep is now becoming overwhelming and drinking was always my solution.
I just need to write this down to see in black and white how ridiculous it is.....
Ok, I need to get this down on the page. My AV or whatever you want to call it has been whispering to me...hey, you've nearly done a year, that proves you weren't really an alcoholic at all, you have no cravings, you cope with stress without a drink, no need for total abstinence now, about time you dropped that ridiculous AA and spent more time at home, you don't need to concentrate or spend so much time on recovery.
I have to say I've no intention of having a drink. I'm not in danger, but it's there, sort of niggling. I AM sort of fed up with working at recovery, I don't really want to continue with my meetings, I do want a 'normal' life. I did sleep when I was drinking and the insomnia has never gone away and I'm fed up with the early hour upset. I'm tired of putting in all this effort I guess.
I think if I tell my sponsor, she will just tell me to step up my meetings, and I want to quit them altogether so I'm not telling her.
I'm not going to drink. No worries. I'm just aware that my need to sleep is now becoming overwhelming and drinking was always my solution.
I just need to write this down to see in black and white how ridiculous it is.....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
The steps have gone well, I've gone through them all. I'm really ready to take on a sponsee. My sponsor wants me to start leading meetings which I think is perhaps my biggest fear and that in itself is enough to make me want to turn and run.
I think I perhaps need to turn this on its head and submerge myself in helping others. Instead I want to isolate and be by myself. That isn't good, I know.
I'm aware and on a bit of an 'amber alert'.
I will be ok. Thanks Dee.
I think I perhaps need to turn this on its head and submerge myself in helping others. Instead I want to isolate and be by myself. That isn't good, I know.
I'm aware and on a bit of an 'amber alert'.
I will be ok. Thanks Dee.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Good morning, Mayans!
Jeni, sorry to hear the AV is bugging you. You have overcome so much I truly believe you will get through this, too. It sounds like you've already figured out why you don't think you want to go to AA meetings. Does your therapist know just how bad your insomnia is? I, too, hate to take meds but sometimes need to. When I had really bad insomnia, that became necessary for me.
I'm doing well. Slept all night straight through. I've generally learned to pace myself with surgery recovery. I go by how I'm feeling, what feels good and what doesn't. I'm not in a rush to get back to work at all and am doing those things the surgeon said I need to do. The 5 band aids came off last night and I get to take a shower today. Heaven!
Have a good day to all!
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Jeni, sorry to hear the AV is bugging you. You have overcome so much I truly believe you will get through this, too. It sounds like you've already figured out why you don't think you want to go to AA meetings. Does your therapist know just how bad your insomnia is? I, too, hate to take meds but sometimes need to. When I had really bad insomnia, that became necessary for me.
I'm doing well. Slept all night straight through. I've generally learned to pace myself with surgery recovery. I go by how I'm feeling, what feels good and what doesn't. I'm not in a rush to get back to work at all and am doing those things the surgeon said I need to do. The 5 band aids came off last night and I get to take a shower today. Heaven!
Have a good day to all!
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
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