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Class of April 2013 Part 2

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Old 04-11-2013, 06:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Elly40 View Post
Good idea to make an appointment with your therapist Johnny, we need to take all help we can get. What I have been doing when I'm really struggling is I read the posts of the people with long term sobriety, I think when we are this early on, at times it can seem really hope less, but reading their messages gives me so much hope knowing if i stick it out I will be where they are now one day, their lives seem so full fulled without alcohol, such a foreign concept to me right now but one day It will be my normal - it's giving me so much encouragement, they really are so inspiring....Take care Johnny
Great point, Elly. Something to aspire to. To look forward rather than ruminating on struggles or failure. Can't wait until it's our normal.

We just need to BELIEVE.
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Old 04-11-2013, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by johnny555 View Post
Thanks for asking Coffee. I must go back to my therapist, Ill leave a message tonight. And my brother or father are fine to talk to, although the family doesn't get it. Maybe rehab is the answer. I am in a bad state tonight. Feeling really down. But tomorrow will be better.

I guess I was under the mistake or willful mistake that if you only drink every 4 days rehab is not necessary. I may not be able to do this myself. I think I need to get out of this apartment of 15 years, but am scared. I definitely can just avoid the back patio and the bar and not drink. BUT-I am profoundly lonely. I love to socialize . I don't see the program as the answer to my lonelyness.
Really feeling for you, Johnny. For me, depression and drinking is so intertwined. I know all about the loneliness, too. Leaving a message for your therapist is a great first step. I just recently started seeing mine more regularly because I was so tired of it all and wanted her to help me figure out a game plan. Maybe he/she will have some thoughts for you on rehab.

Will be praying you find some peace and start enjoying your sober time, Johnny. Be GOOD to yourself and hang in there.
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Old 04-11-2013, 07:02 PM
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Elly, 2.5 pounds in America, haha, awesome. That alone is encouraging to me.

I made the call and the therapist will call me tomorrow, I'm sure. I wasn't going because I have to pay big bucks for a good therapist. My insurance doesn't cover it.

But I have my family, I was trying to save their money, but you what, I can't let this kill me to save some money. They have a bank account to help me. I will try to read the stories of the people who have a good amount of time too.

Maybe a system to make myself accountable, or for the family to make me accountable. I've had 30 days many times and felt super strength return, and happiness. I did it with ease, no idea how. Then just drank again.
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Old 04-11-2013, 07:02 PM
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Elly40 - Congrats on the weight loss! I hope the dream was a good omen.

Janiebluebird - Sorry about your loss. Congrats on two weeks!

Johnny - the therapist seems like a good first start. What about AA meetings? The people there seem really friendly, could help you find a social outlet and feel less lonely.

Nothing really new here to report. Going to watch some tv with hubby and snuggle with my ice pack on my back. Almost time for more advil. Going to skip the muscle relaxant tonight as it didn't get as tight today where it was pretty relaxed last night. Hopefully tomorrow will go well at the chiropractor. I'll try to get out for a run in the morning too, though I think it's 100% of rain and I don't love the treadmill...

Good night Bandicoots!
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Old 04-11-2013, 07:31 PM
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Originally Posted by MustLoveCoffee View Post
Nothing really new here to report. Going to watch some tv with hubby and snuggle with my ice pack on my back. Almost time for more advil. Going to skip the muscle relaxant tonight as it didn't get as tight today where it was pretty relaxed last night. Hopefully tomorrow will go well at the chiropractor. I'll try to get out for a run in the morning too, though I think it's 100% of rain and I don't love the treadmill...
Good night Bandicoots!
Hope your back feels better soon! My daughter's a high level athlete and she battles with back spasms far less now than she used to. She does gentle stretching even when she's feeling good... before and after every bit of exercise (no matter what kind). Everything's connected.

Gotta love the advil. Been taking it myself for fever the last few days... only downside's been a spontaneous nosebleed, I'm guessing because it's a blood thinner. Whatever works, though!

Your evening and morning plans sound great! Keep going and motivating, as usual.
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Old 04-11-2013, 07:57 PM
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Day 10 here. 'Bandicoots', huh? Catchy.

Addictive persona's been beckoning pretty strongly today. Lots of mental reverb, if ya know what I mean. Fortunately (depending on your point of view) I've been a little under the weather lately and can't reconcile consumption with a scratchy throat and sinus congestion (never had a thing for Nyquil really). Had my share of advil as well. Gah. Not that I want to lean on physical sickness as a crutch for abstinence, mind you

Sounds like you guys are trudging right along. BTW--MustLoveCoffee....great nick..sounds like a sentiment of mine!

Take care all.

T.
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Old 04-11-2013, 10:32 PM
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Yeah, I know AA. Maybe it's me. I haven't had the greatest luck. Some people my age say I need to go to the ones in New Haven or North Hampton, much better cities than Hartford, more progressive thinkers. Or maybe I just need to go to 30 different ones in 2 weeks until something clicks. I always feel apprehensive entering 'the rooms.' It is so much more comfortable to kind of be anonymous in here. It's an option, I can't pay for rehab or intensive therapy that's for sure. Where is my Obama care? lol.

In bed and safe!! Thanks all.
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Old 04-11-2013, 11:29 PM
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Greetings Fighting Bandicoots of April 2013.

These greetings come to you from the NerdTopia, where I am currently unsupervised and the dog and I are wearing party hats.

We have had entirely too much Coca-Cola, and pizza rolls. But...we are still going strong.

As far as not drinking: No problem. I feel real good. Plans for coffee tomorrow with a friend, and we're going to bring our sketchbooks. Perhaps sit on the beach, draw people, and try not to be creepy.

Hope all my fellow Bandicoots are doing well. I have to say this group is really helping me a lot. I appreciate you all, and it's a real treat to come here and be with people like me. Your struggles teach me to be caring, your triumphs are inspiration, and your comraderie is truly helpful as I learn how to live life sober, and without drink.

Thanks.

-Scout
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:57 AM
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Good morning friends. It is much cooler and pouring down rain here today in Pennsylvania. In the past I would have welcomed a rainy day as it would be a good excuse to stay home and start drinking early. Not today, though. Feeling good on Day 6. My true test, however, will be over the weekend. My last 2 slip ups were on weekends so feeling a bit anxious, but hoping to have the strength I have had all week.

Johnny, sorry you are having a hard time, but it will get better if you don't drink. I tried AA as well, but I wasn't sure it was for me, plus it was hard taking a young toddler to meetings . I feel like this forum is much more helpful to me, for now anyway.

Scoutball, really impressed at how strong you are being with the Mrs away. Great job, keep it up! Not sure if I could do it yet? My husband doesn't travel a lot, but in the past, when he has, I was always like a kid in the candy store, as far as drinking was concerned. You give me inspiration, though! I guess the key is to stay busy and treat yourself to yummy junk food! I a doing that now without my husband being away, haha.

Happy to hear everyone else is doing well and for those who we are missing - hope to hear from you soon!

Have a wonderful weekend! I have a feeling I will be on here a lot. I really, really don't want to drink and have to start over, ugh!
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:17 AM
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I'm on my 4th day. We've had some awesome thunder and lightening storms here. I used to kick back and sip whiskey and watch the show outside. I chose my Diet Pepsi instead and now I can still remember the event. Way cooler.
I went to the doctor yesterday about my liver. It was the first time I was honest with a doctor about my drinking. I've kept it hidden for so long from my doctors. They believed my lives. But everyone has. I look innocent. I felt that he was kind of judgmental, but I might just be overly sensitive. I go next week for an ultrasound.
Has anyone had a problem with their liver? I don't have any symptoms, just elevated lab results. It's funny how after everything I've done and gone through, it took the lab results to wake me up to get my attention. As Eminem said, "I guess I had to go to that place to get to this place."
I've learned a tremendous amount of compassion going through this. Looking at "drunks" looks different to me.
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:22 AM
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Day 5. Still feeling like something the cat dragged in, but better than a hangover after a late-night bender. Although most mornings I have a quick fleeting "ghost" hangover--like, "oh crap---where am I? What did I do/say last night? Do I have my phone/keys/etc?" I even feel a little mentally foggy and messed up for the first few hours of the day. It doesn't help that I'm camped on a friend's couch and feeling unsettled in general, but hopefully this too shall pass. Feeling some anxiety about some old work-related details I have to take care of today, not looking forward to that at all. Gonna be kind of a tough one, but I think I'll be okay.
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:23 AM
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Hi Bandicoots, Well its a gorgeous spring day here in Southern UK. I was up at approx 6am for my pt job with the obgyn. Normally this would consist of my popping all manner of pills to get me there & through the shift, after which I would call a taxi home and go to bed. Waking up today on DAY 9, I felt great, all wd meds are now finished, for the first time in nearly 4 years my body just had breakfast cereal & coffee in it!! Finished clinic at 1pm and decided to walk back to town. Put my ipod on and walked the coast road, which was stunning, sunny, the sea was shining, it was 4 miles of sheer bliss. Iv cleaned the whole house from top to bottom ready for open viewings/house tomorrow. My daughters out tonight, so now im not comatose & actually pretty hyper in comparison, Mr Fruity thinks its going to be his lucky night lol!! Hope everyone is having a lovely day. xx
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:43 AM
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NewLeaf - Thank for the encouragement this morning. I was going to bag on my run this morning. It rained last night and will rain again this afternoon here, and it was in the high 30s when I went out. Not my favorite running weather, but 2 miles is better than nothing. I do yoga on my off days (when I'm not lifting or running) and try to do a good 10 minute stretch after my run. My chiropractor seemed both more hopeful and frustrated this morning and he's determined to get me past this. Hopefully, it'll behave this weekend!

Libertas - Sorry you're not feeling well. Lots of water and rest for you. Don't know how the pollen is in Oklahoma, but it's creeping up here despite today's chilly weather. I've been feeling the tickle and today's run was kinda hard even though I cut it short, so it's time to start watching my asthma.

Johnny - I absolutely hated my first AA meeting, and I won't go back to that group. I liked my second group, thought the third one was ok, but probably too big, and wasn't thrilled about the 4th group, but could see going there if I need a Sunday meeting. I'm not saying you have to do AA, but if you're feeling lonely, you'll eventually find some group that clicks. I hear you on feeling awkward, especially walking into a new group. They assume you're brandy new and can pounce on you in an attempt to be welcoming. I find that nerve racking, especially if I'm already feeling edgy!

Scoutie - Again, cracking me up with your sugar high stories. :-) Have fun drawing strangers in a non creepy way. What I wouldn't give to be on a beach in the warmth right now!

Ladybug - We have a toddler that has come to our AA group, and it's really fun to watch her walk around. She claps after everyone's share, it's too cute. If it were my kid, though, I would be mortified that she was running around, bugging people, etc. But when it's not my kid, I enjoy it. So strange, isn't it?

Beavis - I hate doctor's that think they know better than you. I won't see half the doctor's at my primary's office because I think they're either judgemental, stupid, or both. If you don't like your doctor, keep looking. Glad you're getting this liver stuff under control! Good luck with the ultrasound.

gwenny - good job on day 5. That's a big relapse day for me. Take it easy on yourself. I felt like crap ghosty, anxious, absent minded, etc. until about day 10. I'm at day 15 now, and other than my back issue and allergies, I'm starting to feel pretty good! Hang in there!

fruity - congrats on day 9. Good luck with the open house tomorrow.

Back from my run and chiropractor's appointment. Going to go shower and maybe wash some trash TV before hitting an AA meeting at lunchtime. My kids have next week off from school, so we'll see how that goes! At least we won't have to get up and eat and dressed and cleaned for 8:30 every morning. I'm not a morning person and we all like our pjs around here.

Enjoy the day!
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:52 AM
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This is my first time here. I have not really thought I had a problem with drinking but in the last 6 months in the middle of the night I would wake up mad at myself for drinking too much and promise this will be the day that I will stop. I'm a Christian so I would rely on Christ for a couple of days then fall back into drinking again. I met a friend who is now my running partner and she is a recovering alcoholic and my biggest supporter and so I know God put her in my life to help me get sober and just blessed by her friendship! I keep trying and I keep failing so she told me to come here so I can have support from people like me so here I am! Day 1....
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:08 AM
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Welcome Jab! Congrats on Day 1. You only need to not drink today. I'm glad your running friend is helping you through this.
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:33 AM
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:59 AM
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Day 12. Feeling positive despite random bursts of frustration at very trivial things. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and have realized this was a bigger problem for me than I even would have admitted Day 1. I knew I needed to stop, but it becomes more and more clear to me each day how deep in denial I have been for soooo long.
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:25 AM
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Morning! Stealing a page from MustLove's book today. Going to engage a little more personally.

It's always nice to have something to read, right?

johnny555: I sympathize. I attended a couple meetings in my area during my first few days. I am thankful I did, as it was pretty much DEFCON 5 as far as my sensitivity, and need to just find ANYONE who was like me. A speaker clicked, the meetings themselves didn't. The community here is helping me vastly.

LBug: I was the consummate kid in the candy store. Wife happens to travel fairly frequently attending conferences and such "professional" adult things. Nothing really special has happened to me, I just don't want to? I dunno. I'm really looking forward to her coming home and not having to run around in a mad dash cleaning/recycling the evidence. It is really liberating to not have to hide anything. Plus, I woke up early enough to easily get in another 16 hours of gaming. Be tough this weekend! We can do this!

Beavis: I had pretty good soreness in my abdomen, which I can only assume was my liver. It has since gone away. I'll be two weeks on Sunday. Definitely look for a Dr. that isn't going to be a right pr%ck. They went to medical school to help people. Not judge them.

gwenny: Ghost hangovers! That's still going on for me. When I wake up, I immediately close my eyes again and do mental inventory just like that! Where was I? How much did I spend? Once the initial hit of Damage Control goes away, I get kind of goofy 'cause I'm not hungover, sick, or shamed. It's cool. The head fog has dissipated now--but it's still there. I think our bodies are just wondering how we decided to quit beating it up, and it's acting "normal" to just be sure this isn't a fluke.

fruity: Ah! The Coast! I spent some time in a little town called Lyme Regis. They had this incredible hike there along the cliffs. Was amazing. I am crossing my fingers for Mr. Fruity.

MLCoffee: Wife has pretty decent back troubles. She was a basketball player in HS/College and hurt it her soph. year. Chiro/Massages/Yoga keeps her in check. Apparently working your "core" really hard is what is working for her. Stretching too. She's kind of a fitness freak, and watching her go to all these classes/appts. makes me feel like a slug. Fortunately, I am blessed with the metabolism of a hummingbird, so I've managed to stay relatively in shape--despite drinking like a Boss for so long. Swimming? I've heard that is relatively easy on the back. However: I will be on the beach. As an illustrator who does a ton of cartoony stuff, I rarely sketch strangers/real people--so the creepiness comes from me when I really have to look to get the form correct. It's why I don't like sketching a lot "out there". But. It'll be fun. Erin is a fantastic artist, so I'll let her be creepy, and I'll cheat and look at hers.

Jab! : Welcome. You are among people just like you, who understand the embarrassment, shame and bad feelings that go with alcoholism. Fortunately, a lot of those bad feelings get turned into good ones as you make strides toward your recovery. Without this site, I wouldn't be sober today--and you can take that to the bank. It's not worth a lot of money: but priceless to me. You may pick up your official Fighting Bandicoot gear at the Spirit Shop in our virtual Bandicoot Hall of Awesome.

Holy Crap. That is a lot of work! I don't know how ML does that everyday.

I can just keep posting snark, and making goofy comments right? You know the saying: once a class clown...

Raining this morning, and the air feels nice, and fresh. Blue Dog decided 5:30AM was time to get up, instead of his usual 6. I think he's a little nervous this morning since his bestest pal the Missus is gone. Plus--he's gotten used to our guests, so he immediately was in their room wanting to say good morning. He's a protective kind of fellow, so not having "his" people around I think make him a little wonky. Ah well. I have the medicine: tennis balls.

Make it a great day! Hope all are doing well, and treat yourself kindly. It makes it a lot easier to treat others as such.

-Scout
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Old 04-12-2013, 10:43 AM
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HopeSho - I'm glad you're starting to get clarity on your drinking. Hang in there.

Scoutie - Of course you can be the class clown! I love your snarky comments! I type around 70 wpm, and I keep a word doc open when I'm reading so I can respond as I read. So it's really not that hard for me type individual responses.

Back from my AA meeting. Really interesting topic today. Glad I went. Off to watch more trash tv before my kids come home and stay home for 10 days!
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Old 04-12-2013, 11:02 AM
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Good Morning. Just checking in on Day 11 - it's been a rough week with a couple of tempting close calls but I managed to get by. Hang in there everyone and enjoy a fun and sober weekend.
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