Starbaby928

Thanks to you as well Estone. I am also grateful for you all! :-)

Y'all keep me honest, which keeps me sober...

PreciousKitty

MSweeney
I am so glad i shared, and so grateful for your response. So nice to know I m not alone, not just with a drinking issue but with such similar circumstances .

You are amazing! If I could get my kids/husband to do a tenth of that it would be nice.

My problem is that I just don't have it in me to do it anymore, at least nothing like I used to. So unfortunately, most things just don't get done anymore.

I did it for so long. I just thought I was Mom of the year combined with wonderwoman of the world because I was able to do it all, just like you described, day after day, year after year.. I was going through the motions, and getting things done with a smile on my face.

What was I suppose to do? My kids needed me.My husband was not so nice and a workaholic.

I didn't realize the resentment I was building up, and that it would completely consume me one day, almost to the death of me. I started taking adderall with the alcohol to keep up the energy and the facade.

I went to rehab for a few months; came home and stayed sober for almost 9 months then relapsed. I had no idea why. I was going to meetings and everything.

Before my sponsor quit on me she told me something that I did not completely believe at the time but now I know she was 100% right.

She said Wendy, it doesn't matter how many meetings you go to or how much yoga you do. If you do not deal with your issues you will never stay sober.

That is where I am now. I know pretty much exactly what I need to do but have no idea how or where to start.

Thanks again for sharing. Know each morning my my thoughts are with you.

I will have a vision of you with an iron in your hand and an washing a pot in the other.

I am happy to alter that vision of you anytime, just let me know MSweeney.

wehav2day

Kitty: your feelings are your own. you deserve to have some you time after raising everyone. i second what dee said.

good luck. you can still love them all and want some order in your own home.

venuscat

Hi love.....

Did the psychiatrist actually tell you to wean yourself from the celexa? And if so, was this the same doc who decided it was up to him to tell you if you are or are not an alcoholic?

If so...I really think it may be wise to find someone different to help you. Weaning off an antidepressant should only be done under the care and advice of a medical practitioner.

They will slowly reduce your dose, and monitor you while this process is ongoing.

No wonder you're confused!!! To borrow from our US friends....dang!!!!

And as has been said here already, we are the only ones who truly know if we are alcoholic...

Yes, alcohol is a depressant, and yes, it can exacerbate an anxiety disorder. I know it did for me. In time, I feel sure you will be able to tell if the anxiety still needs medical treatment....but for right now, I think it would be best for you to have a really good medical person looking out for you.

Can you talk to your GP about this? Mine has been a godsend.

Whatever you do, we are here, and we love you.....also....you are doing SO SO well....makes me happy

Love you lots,

Venus xx

PreciousKitty

Busy day Venus? Twas getting worried about you.

venuscat

Dearest Star,

I hear you...I get it, really.

Just one thing....You are not that person anymore. You are awesome and strong and loving and committed to recovery....anyone would be blessed to have you in their life.

We are blessed to have you here, in this very special group!!!

Love u lots,

Venus xx

venuscat

estone,

You should have added yourself to that list....you are a strong awesome woman, and I feel so grateful for your friendship...

By the way...I was a big beer drinker, could keep up with any of the boys...

Love you,

Venus xx

MSweeney

Being in that place where you feel you just can't do it any longer is a lonely, sad and sometimes confusing place. I am reading from your post (maybe incorrectly) that all this amazing stuff you do for your family is no longer really appreciated. The exceptional has now become the normal. You've been doing more and more and the folk around you are quite happy about that, but now you're worn out. I think we have way too much in common!

I'm reminded of a joke, and like all good jokes there's a healthy dose of reality in it: Joke: What Did You Do Today, Honey? | momaroo

I had a small business for a while and things were going quite well. We were getting more and more work from one particular customer, and I found myself working 18 hour days + 1 hour commute, day after day + weekends to meet their schedules. One morning the manager of this business came to visit with the news that they had installed their own facilities in their factory and wouldn't be needing us any more. This was about 1/2 our business gone.

In that incredibly exhausted and stressed state I absolutely crashed. To me it was obvious I was going to lose everything: the business, the family, the house and any chance of a decent income. No doubt I would end up living on a park bench. I felt like I had completely let everyone down. The anxiety and epression was so acute I actually thought I was going to die, and was admitted to a Psych facility for two weeks to stabilise.

Stupidly I discharged myself after one week to get back to work. I mean how could it operate without me? I regretted this almost immediately. Surprisingly the other guys had kept things going, and while it never got back to the same level, the business is still going.

I think the biggest thing I learned from all this is that I'm actually not Superman and I can't please everyone. I still do too much and my Psychologist tells me every single time I see her that I need to do less for others and more for me. I'm just not good at that. I suspect neither are you?

I encourage you to stick with it, decide what you're happy to keep doing, and do a little less of the other things each day and tell your able bodied family that you're tired and would really appreciate if they could help with:

• the Dishes
• Dinner
• Vacuuming
• Bringing in / hanging the washing
• The garbage (how hard can that be?)

Give it a go. It sounds like it can't get any worse for you, so what is there to lose?

Keep sane and look after YOU!

venuscat

Ahhh.....

you are a sweetheart!!!!!!

Yes, I had to work....and I had to clean a house in 35 degrees Celsius (95 F)
that had no air conditioning!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG

Was just about to respond to you....like everyone else has said, you have every right to feel the way you do....sounds like your family takes their amazing mum for granted a little....hmmm

Well, we don't take you for granted. We are all proud of you, and we are in your corner....as for feeling guilty that you already asked your grandson to take out the garbage??? Pfff I say!!! Ask him to do more, it will be good for him!!!

Hope your girls start cleaning up after themselves....maybe you can tell them that the mess is causing you a great deal of stress.

So sad that you're crying....you have such a beautiful heart and you deserve love and compassion....

Well, you have it here!!!

Love you very much,

your friend Venus xx

melissa6381

Hey everyone. I feel like there are some really good posts in here tonight especially from our amazing parents in the room. Your complaints about not standing up for yourselves reminded me of something I read the other day from Neal Donald Walsch

"There is no reason and no need to "play up" to another, or to try to remain in their good graces. Remain in your own, by not betraying yourself. Simply speak your truth,with gentleness and love."

I love that last line and it has been running through my mind since I read it.

melissa6381

Precious, I have a sort of unique view on life. I believe that we come into this life to learn lessons that evolve our souls. Reading this I felt like this whole situation has been set up by destiny to help you achieve some life lesson whatever that may be. I just have an intuitive sense that you are on the verge of a huge break through moment.

Dee told me the other day to learn to sit in other people's discomfort and now I am recycling that advice back to you. DO NOT feel guilty about wanting to spend your Grandma days in a house by yourself. You've worked hard and now deserve some time to reflect and relax. Some people have their childhoods robbed by their parents but you are having your grandma-hood robbed by your children. Not fair.

"Simply speak your truth, with gentleness and love."

venuscat

awesome Meliisa!!!!

Venus xx

Nonsensical

Good Morning Sobrietors.

Been thinking about my little brother. I am 10 years older, so we weren't close growing up, but developing a relationship with him as adults has been a blessing in my life. He called last evening to say his partner of 5 years has a drinking problem and they may be splitting up. Strange little ol' world,eh?

As far as I've come on my own journey the past 38 days, I was at a loss about what to say to him. I sent him a link, maybe he'll show up here.

This addiction might actually be harder to watch than to have. I suppose it doesn't matter which is worse. Burned alive or trapped under the ice - both suck.

Time to snap out of it. It's Thursday, and I have Friday off. I woke up early, but I woke up sober. There are miracles to witness, and giants still roaming the earth.

Let's do this.

Tick

That is support. My wife tried everything short of that before. She said we were over but I knew it was in the heat of battle and she wouldn't,t go through with it. This time she calmly stated that she had to do things for the kids and herself. The decision was mine, alcohol or them. She would help me if I chose a relationship sober but the alternative was unknown. That's what I needed to hear this time to put it into perspective. Was I mad and still am? Yes. Was it needed? Yes. Maybe you are not at that point but it sounds like she is starting to realize a life without you. Good luck. Be strong. It will get mostly better.

Mrbeagle

Morning all. It appears I've been thinking i'm some sort of wild beast during the night. Woke up with a very bloody thumb, must have caught it somehow. So now i'm sat here with a huge comedy bandage on my thumb. Makes typing amusing to say the least.

Planning on getting some more uni work done today, knock my dissertation word count up a bit. Today I also get to see my girlfriend (fav day of the week). Planning on subjecting her to the football tonight and stuffing ourselves with takeaway food mmm I'll be at a week sober in no time, I can do itttt.

Hope you all have a great sober day. MY thoughts go out to all of you. You lot truly get me through each day atm. I read all of your posts, and gain much inspiration from each one.

You are all.......

Goose1

Good Morning my fellow "Comrades in Sobriety" Ready for Day 19 and going to war against the enemy. Off to a good start in turning "the beast" over to my God and putting my trust in him. Thanking him for the past 18 days and asking him for the strength for today. I must now cooperate by doing something myself. We must prepare Spiritually for the test may come at any moment. I'm not going to take my problem back. Hope to read your entries throughout the day. Let's change our thinking to Sober Thinking, Eh... Stay Sober - Amigas and Amigos.

SistahSober

Day 10. I'm so glad to be apart of SR. It helps me start my day off with a smile and positive thoughts about my recovery journey!

Starbaby928

Love to you as well. Hopefully through AA and my actions, I can prove you're right.

1stepup

Hi evereyone, day 13 here, been reading through the thread as i didnt get chance yesterday. Through ups and downs we all seem to be still on board, so thats good. I was right- nice weather didnt last here in UK!

Decided against meeting my old workmates yesterday, felt nervous about staying sober through it- so why take the risk? I might see them next week instead.

Ive been keeping myself busy, yesterday i went up to my dads farm and the first lamb was born unexpectantly- (werent due for 2 weeks), nice to be in the fresh air. Looked after my eldest daughter today as she was ill and off school, took her to the doctors- just a virus. Her mums took over now. Bought all the mothers day stuff then ready for Sunday, can't believe how organised the sober 'me' is!

Im back home now, had a wobble on the way on bus, my 'AV' I suppose. Just felt for a few minutes that i deserved a drink and that excitement feeling in my stomach came on, weird how it can come out of nowhere. Luckily i snapped out of it by the time i got off the bus.

Glad youre doing well SistahSober, like you SR has helped me and was looking forward on the bus to getting home , having a cup of tea and reading the thread, how my life is changing already!

Keep up the good work everyone!

Starbaby928

Day 14 here... Two weeks. :-D

I hope everyone has a great day... I'm headed to see family and get my bearings a bit over the weekend.

Glad to see everyone doing so well! I know I couldn't do this without your support!