Originally Posted by
PreciousKitty 
MSweeney
I am so glad i shared, and so grateful for your response. So nice to know I m not alone, not just with a drinking issue but with such similar circumstances
.
You are amazing! If I could get my kids/husband to do a tenth of that it would be nice.
My problem is that I just don't have it in me to do it anymore, at least nothing like I used to. So unfortunately, most things just don't get done anymore.
I did it for so long. I just thought I was Mom of the year combined with wonderwoman of the world because I was able to do it all, just like you described, day after day, year after year.. I was going through the motions, and getting things done with a smile on my face.
What was I suppose to do? My kids needed me.My husband was not so nice and a workaholic.
I didn't realize the resentment I was building up, and that it would completely consume me one day, almost to the death of me. I started taking adderall with the alcohol to keep up the energy and the facade.
I went to rehab for a few months; came home and stayed sober for almost 9 months then relapsed. I had no idea why. I was going to meetings and everything.
Before my sponsor quit on me she told me something that I did not completely believe at the time but now I know she was 100% right.
She said Wendy, it doesn't matter how many meetings you go to or how much yoga you do. If you do not deal with your issues you will never stay sober.
That is where I am now. I know pretty much exactly what I need to do but have no idea how or where to start.
Thanks again for sharing. Know each morning my my thoughts are with you.
I will have a vision of you with an iron in your hand and an washing a pot in the other.
I am happy to alter that vision of you anytime, just let me know MSweeney.
Being in that place where you feel you just can't do it any longer is a lonely, sad and sometimes confusing place. I am reading from your post (maybe incorrectly) that all this amazing stuff you do for your family is no longer really appreciated. The exceptional has now become the normal. You've been doing more and more and the folk around you are quite happy about that, but now you're worn out. I think we have way too much in common!
I'm reminded of a joke, and like all good jokes there's a healthy dose of reality in it:
Joke: What Did You Do Today, Honey? | momaroo
I had a small business for a while and things were going quite well. We were getting more and more work from one particular customer, and I found myself working 18 hour days + 1 hour commute, day after day + weekends to meet their schedules. One morning the manager of this business came to visit with the news that they had installed their own facilities in their factory and wouldn't be needing us any more. This was about 1/2 our business gone.
In that incredibly exhausted and stressed state I absolutely crashed. To me it was obvious I was going to lose everything: the business, the family, the house and any chance of a decent income. No doubt I would end up living on a park bench. I felt like I had completely let everyone down. The anxiety and epression was so acute I actually thought I was going to die, and was admitted to a Psych facility for two weeks to stabilise.
Stupidly I discharged myself after one week to get back to work. I mean how could it operate without me? I regretted this almost immediately. Surprisingly the other guys had kept things going, and while it never got back to the same level, the business is still going.
I think the biggest thing I learned from all this is that I'm actually not Superman and I can't please everyone. I still do too much and my Psychologist tells me every single time I see her that I need to do less for others and more for me. I'm just not good at that. I suspect neither are you?
I encourage you to stick with it, decide what you're happy to keep doing, and do a little less of the other things each day and tell your able bodied family that you're tired and would really appreciate if they could help with:
- the Dishes
- Dinner
- Vacuuming
- Bringing in / hanging the washing
- The garbage (how hard can that be?)
Give it a go. It sounds like it can't get any worse for you, so what is there to lose?
Keep sane and look after YOU!