philb

Honeypie: I wanted to post a better message to you than I did earlier now that I am home from work. I didn't get the chance to say more as I was just heading out the door and logged on briefly but was so happily surprised to see that you posted I really wanted to say hello really quickly right then before leaving the office. It is so good to see you again. And I'm also so happy to hear that you have two weeks! I'm really glad you took the step and said hello to us. We missed you and I often wondered how you are! I know I for one, truly care! Phil

honeypie

I have missed you too and have missed SR.

AA is working so far and my plan is 90 in 90.

Thank you all for the nice words of welcome. As I said and I really mean, I am so inspired by you all and so happy for your continued recovery.

Dee, happy new year!!! :-)

Enemdio

Welcome back, Honeypie - good to know you've refused to stop stopping.
The Sobertobers are regrouping!

Gerbosko

Welcome back honeypie!

Although I'm not really active on here anymore, I still visit here and there. Currently I'm trying to think of a plan to go streaking at the top of Mount Everest but it's not looking like I'll be able to make it. That's where philb is taking his vacation, by the way. So I hope you don't think I'm crazy, I'm just trying to make his vacation more... interesting.

Hope you stay sober, I'll root for you.

philb

Honeypie: Do you have any alternative locales in mind that Gerb might find preferable to Mount Everest this month? :-) I'm rooting for you too.

Happy New Year, Gerb.

honeypie

LOL guys. Gerb, since Philb is in LA you could also try streaking to the top of the Hollywood sign locale? Although you might also find yourself in handcuffs or worse, on a TV reality series...

AA is going well. Last night was a candle service where they turned out the lights and just had people sharing by the lights of the (battery operated) little candles. It was interesting because I think people really opened up more. Some of the men in particular, shared very profound fears and thoughts. I think it was the darkness that helped. It reminded me a bit of SR because the anonymity allows you to tell your truths without fear.

Thanks, SR Sobertobers, for still being around! It is a warm feeling to know ya'll are still kicking. You must be on, what like 14 or 15 months! If you can share briefly how you feel now as opposed to October 2011 that would be awesome to read!!

Love,
Honeypie

Gerbosko

Philb emailed me and that reminded me to check back for your reply

I wouldn't call it fear, I would call it uncertainties. I was uncertain I could maintain my sobriety in 2011 when I quit, I was uncertain of what I would be like without drinking alcohol. I think calling it "fear" is too intense of a word, fear would mean that you are cannot function after because you're too afraid to see what might happen. News agencies use fear to their advantage, and that's why they cover awful stories - a society in fear is a society that conforms to standards that they (news agencies) want. They want us to be zombies for their news, and not someone that has a life outside of their publication.

After a few months you just don't think about it anymore, at least that's what happened to me. You get some reflections, at good times and bad, about "I would of been unable to do this if I was my old self". I get that thought every time I drive at night, in a brand new car, lol. I don't put myself on a pedestal and act like I'm better because I don't drink, I believe that we're all human, and are all the same. Some people just choose to live life differently and if they want to change, they will.

I"ll always be supportive of those willing to change their life for the better. In the end, I end up living my life and they live theirs. I won't be friends with people who decide to destroy their life by abusing every possible aspect of it, and going down the drain, but I will be friends with those who have a clear mind and are wanting to do better for themselves.

Today, as in "right now", I have no desire for alcohol, it hasn't crossed my mind. Drinking at night means either Tea, Coffee, Water, or Milk - that's Gerb's idea of drinking. I come home from work tired and worn out, but I come home and can be on my computer and being entertained all without a substance that destroys me. I don't give myself credit for what I did, that's one area I struggle, I always want to improve - always. I'm never satisfied with just doing one better thing in my life, and I hope to change that sooner or later. People compliment me on things and I just shrug like it's no big deal, I find compliments are hard to give, and hard to receive, it's weird with me.

I have, since I quit drinking, like to make people laugh though. That's what makes me feel better inside. If I can cheer up someone else, that brightens up my day. I'm hard to actually be close-friends with, I'm an introvert and like having my space, that hasn't changed since I can remember. You know what though, that's me, and I accept it. I'm not perfect or social, I'm just me. Things will come and things will go, there is nothing I can really do about it or predict my future. The only parts of my future I can make certain of is that my mind and body won't be altered by alcohol or illegal drugs.

philb

I think the way Gerb worded his recovery 14 months in was really good. I used the word "fear" for awhile somewhat incorrectly....Gerb made sure to point that out lol--I'm kidding Gerb, you know that you actually helped me redefine the fear more to match your description of things above which is the way it went for me basically as well.

For me, this far in...the main evolutionary change has been that I can feel and I can think. "Feeling" was something I really didn't like in the past in any way shape or form. The minute any feeling came up out came the alcohol...Feeling good? Celebrate with alcohol. Feeling bad angry or down? Comfort it with alcohol. What a waste of life it was. I embrace the feelings I have now whether they are good or bad and I want to experience them and go through them with a sharp mind (well I'm not so sure how sharp :-) ) and clear head.

I feel "clean". I feel healthy. I feel alert and clear. I spend about 2.5 hours a day now working out physically where before if I did fifteen minutes a week that was a good thing. I may be 54 but I'm in the best physical shape I've ever been in. I'm at 6.1 and 177 pounds. How did that happen I used to hover at around 205.

I enjoy simple things. I don't complicate or clutter my life with a bunch of uneeded or unwanted clutter. Particularly dramatics. Its one of the few things I have a very low tolerance level for.

I wasn't sure I could do it. I relapsed initially and then I was DONE. Forever. Relapse is no longer an option and like Gerb I surround myself with healthy people who are growth oriented.

A sense of humor does wonders. We all take ourselves so seriously I think. I'm working on developing my skills in that department...in the meantime Gerb always keeps me entertained with his great sense of humor when he posts here.

You can do it Honeypie.

Hi everyone.

tanja

Gerb and Phil,

What wonderful posts! You are both inspirational to me. What wonderful things to look forward to. Phil - Wow! 2 1/2 hours a day of exercise! That is impressive. Increasing my exercise is one of my goals.

Honeypie - I am so happy that you never gave up! That in my opinion is key to overcoming alcoholism. You should be very proud of yourself

I am attending AA also. Still having difficulty sharing in meetings. This will come in time. On the 25th of January I will celebrate six months of sobriety! This is the longest period of time in my life that I have been sober. One half a year! I am absolutely thrilled.

Hope everyone has a good week-end!

philb

Way to go on your six months Tanja!

Gerbosko

We all have a way of expressing the use of words and what we think they mean. If your version makes sense to you, just go with it. I tend to separate words that are very similar so I can compare between the two words. Fear and Uncertain are close words, but they do have different meanings in my opinion.

Yeah, that's one thing I didn't hit on yesterday. Memory is a lot, lot better. I can finally remember where I put something the night before, sometimes I have to stand there for a minute and think about it though haha. It makes me happy when I get the precise location down of something that I placed somewhere a week or two ago, kind of like a high-five for my memory that I didn't know I ever had lol. Feelings are much more real, instead of being hidden away with alcohol abuse.

A few weeks ago I had a random thought pop into my head that I haven't been sick for over a year. Sick as in, well.. you know the whole ordeal with alcohol sickness.. That's how my night ended before I started my sobriety - dry heaving over the toilet. I don't know what made that thought come to my mind, but it was a light bulb moment for me.. It stopped me and I thought about it for a minute.

Well.. I'm 6'0 and 155 lbs! Take that philb! I'm just poking fun. Being 40+ and being in shape like you are is rare for a lot of people. People tend to just "give up" early in life and just don't take the "charge" to keep in shape. I was around 170 when I was drinking, I think, I forget. That's really amazing that you lost all that weight, I remember the feeling when I got on the scale and I saw the results, it was a great feeling.

The only reason my weight is way down is because of my job, it's extremely active and basically an 8 hour work-out. I do enjoy hiking and walking though, but have slacked off after coming home worn out.

I really hope you keep that up Philb, that's really inspiring! I just know that I'm not messing with you! You could probably lift me up with one arm! You also get that great feeling after working out, I always enjoyed that, and it kept me going back when I was walking daily. Maybe tomorrow I'll go for a walk just to clear my mind of life's clutters. I'm about to get into a stressful time for myself since I'm looking at renting a house down the mountain, I'm hoping I luck out and get a cheap place! I emailed a place after work today and they forwarded my email to the rental person, so I gotta call her or she'll call me, I'm not sure yet. I just cannot wait to move, I hate apartment living.

You already created drama when you told me where you were vacationing and I couldn't get up there . Hey, I'm not freezing my toosh off just to get a laugh! --- I hate drama too, passionately.

With a "go,go,go" society, that's why we do. We're packing ourselves full of stress. It's referred to a fast-paced society, we always need information where ever we are. Work emails, contact lists, schedules, check lists, etc. Our life never stops running at full pace and our bodies just cannot keep up. Once I move down the mountain into a house, I think life is going to take a turn for the best for me, I need a relaxing environment!

Take care everyone, nice reply Philb .

Gerbosko

AWESOME Tanja!

philb

Well, no workout for me today. I have a killer cold, but that's all good as its an excuse to lie on the sofa and get waited on :-). I revert to a four year old when I am sick.

I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you Gerb for the insight into your recovery that you posted, your support of my post and your support of Tanja's terrific milestone. I find all of your posts incredibly supportive, enthusiastic, humorous and valuable. Thank You Gerb!

Gerbosko

Thank you philb, I really appreciate that.

Sometimes we come to places where we believe that we can be leaders for ourselves and surpass what we always thought was impossible. Making impossible because possible is one of the hardest things to do, and it takes self-motivation to accomplish the goal and know that you can be what you wanted in the end. Sometimes however, we become sheep to other people, we follow them, but forget that we should lead ourselves. When you try to go against their rule, they shut you down and close you out, like you were never a living, breathing human being in the first place. Sometimes usernames are just that to another person, and when it gets visible and reality, you have to just have to shut the door and open a new one.

When I first joined Sober Recovery, I was depressed, but willing to change what I wanted for myself. I didn't want to drink alcohol, but it was like a friend that visited every night. My first post on these forums shows me trying to reach out, and the replies drew me into what was to become reality. Sometimes you respect a person, but they falsely respect you back, and it hurts when you finally figure it out, especially after a year of being active and trying to help.

My posts, although sometimes they seemed ego filled, were not all about me, but it was to help those that were wanting help. I admire everyone in the 2011 October thread that went through thick and thin and came to be what they wanted to be. Some relapsed, some kept sober, but we were still a class of our own. I have nothing but the greatest respect for everyone on this thread, honestly.

I think there are some people on this forum though take it a little too serious. Being solely dependent on an internet forum to keep one sober is a little unnecessary in my opinion. I think there has to be a line between reality (real life) and virtual reality (SR forums). When I see someone dependent only on the forum to recover, without doing anything outside the forum to be sober, I find that they don't understand what recovery is about. I'm not talking about any of you by the way, but a few members on the Newcomers forum where it is very well proven. When I was "addicted" to these forums, when I logged off, I did something to help my sobriety, it wasn't going to be a magic wand hitting me after I hit "Submit Reply", but some people seem to think that.

I find that when I'm replying to someone on here, I give encouragement, but I try to limit my advice. I find that people can be encouraged, but they cannot be lead. When you log off the forum, it's up to you to do what's best for your life. My encouragement is to help you get started and I will, for better or worse, usually try to keep you going and hopefully upbeat. Some people try too hard to make changes in other peoples lives, and that will never work. You can reply to as many people as you want, but encouragement is better than telling them which direction to take because it worked for you.

I got sober without any programs, and that seems to really bother people. They cannot stand that someone can accomplish something on their own without what they consider is the *only way*. What bull. Arguments about what program to use are always coming up, but they fail to realize that how they got sober is not the only way. How dare someone get sober alone, and be happy where they are in life! *sigh* it boggles my mind. People go out of their way to not even acknowledge the person's presence anymore, which I find pretty childish.

Anyways, This is going to be it for me. I've had enough. I'm not a sheep, and I have my own life, and I'm not going to get lead. I tried to stick around, come back, and keep in touch, but in the end, I found somewhere else where I'm far more happier. After this post, I'm getting my account deactivated.

I want to thank each and every one of the "sobertobers" and I really, really wish them the best of luck in their life. If you want to keep in touch with me, please PM philb, he has my email address. I would like to keep in touch with all of you. I just cannot be here any longer, I'm very sorry! I have another forum I'm completely involved with anyways and get treated with the kind of respect everyone deserves, I'm not being lead by the neck to the pasture.

Keep living and keep sober.

Your friend,
Gerbosko

philb

Thanks for your post Gerb and for all of your posts on SR. I admire and respect your desire and your courage to speak freely about what is going on in your mind and with your feelings. To me, this is the bottom line as to what sobriety is all about. Expressing with courage and commitment. Sometimes we're right, sometimes we're not, but its the expression and the acknowledgement of that expression from others which to me is the key to recovery. I think you've got it down to right where you want it and I think that's great. To me that means you are fully in recovery 100% and I have always felt you express in a helpful way...one or two times if I felt not I said so lol. We respect each other and our opinions and that is what is important. I know you know you can express yourself freely anytime with me. It may open up a debate lol, but that's good.

Well I know you gave others permission in your post to give out your email address if they pm me and request it thus I will do as you like if anyone asks me via a PM.

Stay in touch Gerb here or anywhere.

Dee74

Best of luck Gerb

for some of us, for whatever reasons, SR is for keeps...for the vast majority it's not.

I respect that and I wish you well.

I'd encourage you not to deactivate your account tho.
Just stop posting.

That way, your account is technically moribund, but if you ever change your mind, there you are

D

philb

That was nice of you Dee to go back and acknowledge all of Gerb's prior posts he made awhile back with a thank you after he posted that last message. I'm glad you decided to do that. Sometimes we on here are just trying to do the best we can to help one another and it actually stings when for some reason of judgement you don't note the post with your thank you as I think we all look at it as a sign of approval or disapproval. I've been in that position myself so I understand. It makes us feel a bit like we've done something wrong when all we're trying to do is help each other out as best we can. Learning to express ourselves freely is key to our recovery I find. Phil

Dee74

The last few months have been very very busy for me Phil.

The site has exploded with members, we have several mods off long term sick and it's the height of summer where I am and I'm not always firing on all cylinders

Don't let a lack of thanks yous, comments, or the passage of a few days make you/anyone think I'm not keeping up with this or any other group...

I do my best - I just can't keep up daily anymore with everything.

I sincerely hope noones been offended by what they may have taken as my disinterest

D

tanja

Dee,

Thank you for all you do! I have had the same reaction about not being acknowledged, but then stepped back and realized I was being overly sensitive and that was never your intent. Your kindness and selflessness is obvious.

I do agree with Gerb's post on the one size fits all approach to alcoholism. There is no one way and that mindset can be very detrimental to those seeking to recover. There is a lot of that in AA unfortunately. Gerb has been a huge support and inspiration to me and I have sincerely missed his posts.

Phil - I hope you are feeling better soon! Please take care of yourself. You have always been my biggest supporter and such a bright light in my recovery process. You always had faith in me - even when I had little in myself. It has not been easy living with an alcoholic spouse and never feeling well because of my insomnia/menopause and/or PAWS symptoms. However, today is a good day for me and for that I am very grateful

General - I hope you post soon! Another huge supporter of me and a wonderful inspiration!

Geralt - My friend - you have tackled so many addictions in your journey towards sobriety. I couldn't be happier for you! You also serve as a wonderful inspiration to me.

Wishing all the Sobertobers a wonderful day.

honeypie

Oh, my, I have been away for several days and have come back to find Gerb, who left such words of motivation and good common sense, has left the building! Waaahhh!!!

DANG IT!!!!

Philb will you please PM me Gerb's email address then? Thanks.

I wanted to thank all of you for your responses to my "how has it been?" question. I really, really appreciate your answers and hold them closely as I keep trudging along.

Tanja, I could not be more excited for you to get 6 months. "Six months!" as they always say in AA. God, what a thrill to go get your 6 month chip. I wish it were me but I am glad it is you and in a few more months it can be me, of course, if I choose to surrender to a life with no more alcohol. One day at a time!!

Thanks for your words, Sobertobers. You're the best group ever!