Class of February 2012 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: in France
Posts: 393
it's raining here in Paris but who cares I'm sober!!!!
Anyway we need the rain to make the daffodils and tulips grow.
Today I planted some sweetpea seeds in a pretty bucket where they will stay by my windowsill until it is warm enough to put them outside on my patio. And when i have beautiful fragrant sweetpeas please remind me that I planted them when i was one week sober!
Yes one week! This time last week I can't remember what I was doing (I apparently drank two bottles of wine) but I do remember how sick I felt on Monday which was of course my day one, when I felt disgusted with myself for how much I had drunk.
This week has had some very close brushes but i am learning to look forward to coming on here and talking to you lovely guys instead of looking forward to opening and downing a bottle of wine, every eveing.
May I never forget how sick I felt on Monday and how much better I'm starting to feel already .
Anyway we need the rain to make the daffodils and tulips grow.
Today I planted some sweetpea seeds in a pretty bucket where they will stay by my windowsill until it is warm enough to put them outside on my patio. And when i have beautiful fragrant sweetpeas please remind me that I planted them when i was one week sober!
Yes one week! This time last week I can't remember what I was doing (I apparently drank two bottles of wine) but I do remember how sick I felt on Monday which was of course my day one, when I felt disgusted with myself for how much I had drunk.
This week has had some very close brushes but i am learning to look forward to coming on here and talking to you lovely guys instead of looking forward to opening and downing a bottle of wine, every eveing.
May I never forget how sick I felt on Monday and how much better I'm starting to feel already .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Congrats on the week JJB!
I'm am grateful for this awesome summer weather here in Cali. The waves were so glassy this morning. I walked down to the beach with my dog and watched the sunrise then headed home to wash my car, do some laundry, and clean the house. Now I'm just relaxing enjoying the weekend. Maybe I'll take a little nap.
I'm am grateful for this awesome summer weather here in Cali. The waves were so glassy this morning. I walked down to the beach with my dog and watched the sunrise then headed home to wash my car, do some laundry, and clean the house. Now I'm just relaxing enjoying the weekend. Maybe I'll take a little nap.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 134
I have to read back to catch up, this last slip became an all week hell. So disgusted with myself. (also have not admitted to anyone, but I got my car stuck in a ditch. I've been really lucky in never getting into an accident, but that scared the crap out of me. What if it had been someone else I had hurt, all I did was screw myself b/c I really can't afford even my deductible to cover the repair costs. I was really pretty drunk, and I'm incredibly angry at myself for being behind the wheel. I honestly feel pretty certain I won't risk that again. It's one thing what I do to myself, it's another to risk anyone else. ENOUGH. uggh so much self-hatred)
Where/what parts of the forum, or things you've come across online have helped you all the most? I am so unsure where to start or what to try to do. I ironically wound up going out and getting wasted post an AA meeting (w/the ex I WAS AVOIDING who is court ordered to go to them b/c it's all that is offered in town. #failing at life). Just, really!?
I know the whole "everywhere you go there you are" but at this point I HAVE GOT to take drastic measures. I likely will withdraw from classes so I have open availability to be able to work FT. Living at home, where I also spend every day walking on eggshells b/c of my father, whom still from time to time gets violent (my own fault. I left home a LONG time ago, but keep winding back up living w/them. enough is enough--I'll likely work 2 jobs and it's going to suck, and they'll likely be horrible, but I know I'm intelligent enough to get back on my feet and back in school to finish my degree on my own terms)...my drinking got ssooooooooooooooo much worse when I came back here. I got mixed up w/some really sketchy and scary people, and I just want to disappear more times then not. It's not me I'm really even running from anymore. I know at the core I have to deal and face what led me into addiction, but I honestly believe saving up to move away might be the only thing to have to hold on to at this point.
I just, I'm overwhelmed. And I'm going to have to go through ALL this bs again, spend days nearly out of commission, b/c while it wasn't too long I fell off for...I wound up feeling like complete crap scarily quickly.
Sorry to be so selfish and not give any support back.
Where/what parts of the forum, or things you've come across online have helped you all the most? I am so unsure where to start or what to try to do. I ironically wound up going out and getting wasted post an AA meeting (w/the ex I WAS AVOIDING who is court ordered to go to them b/c it's all that is offered in town. #failing at life). Just, really!?
I know the whole "everywhere you go there you are" but at this point I HAVE GOT to take drastic measures. I likely will withdraw from classes so I have open availability to be able to work FT. Living at home, where I also spend every day walking on eggshells b/c of my father, whom still from time to time gets violent (my own fault. I left home a LONG time ago, but keep winding back up living w/them. enough is enough--I'll likely work 2 jobs and it's going to suck, and they'll likely be horrible, but I know I'm intelligent enough to get back on my feet and back in school to finish my degree on my own terms)...my drinking got ssooooooooooooooo much worse when I came back here. I got mixed up w/some really sketchy and scary people, and I just want to disappear more times then not. It's not me I'm really even running from anymore. I know at the core I have to deal and face what led me into addiction, but I honestly believe saving up to move away might be the only thing to have to hold on to at this point.
I just, I'm overwhelmed. And I'm going to have to go through ALL this bs again, spend days nearly out of commission, b/c while it wasn't too long I fell off for...I wound up feeling like complete crap scarily quickly.
Sorry to be so selfish and not give any support back.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 920
LP: hugs to you.
Made it through the weekend, but I didn't make it through last week without drinking.
Guess I'm now more a member of the March 2012 class. But I like watching all the progress among others here. The workdays (weekdays) are way more difficult for me than the weekends. I am officially looking to do something new for work, because besides making me miserable, the more miserable I get doing what I'm doing the more likely I am to be sued for malpractice.
Made it through the weekend, but I didn't make it through last week without drinking.
Guess I'm now more a member of the March 2012 class. But I like watching all the progress among others here. The workdays (weekdays) are way more difficult for me than the weekends. I am officially looking to do something new for work, because besides making me miserable, the more miserable I get doing what I'm doing the more likely I am to be sued for malpractice.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Overland Park, KS
Posts: 137
Sometimes the pain (self-inflicted or otherwise) is the best deterrent/motivation there is, LP. You don't want to forget the feeling, but at the same time, you have to forgive yourself. Learn from the past, but don't let it consume you or you end up feeling helpless. Can't change it, so accept it (which it seems you already are), and focus on the "now". I know it's cliche, but the longest journey starts with a single step in the right direction. With a periodic check of the compass (SR and other support networks) and enough determination, you will get there.
Regarding your ex, dad, and sketchy acquaintances, etc., I know every situation is unique and some people are definitely dealt a tougher hand than others, but if you allow others to dictate your happiness, then you yield control of YOUR life to things that are ultimately outside of your control. It can be a very helpless feeling when you are waiting on others to change their behavior... especially if they lack the will, recognition, and/or courage to do so. The only real control we have in this world is in the choices we make, and in how we choose to respond to the outside influences (positive or negative) that attempt to act on us. Hang in there, and know that you can do this for YOU. If you wait for others to get their lives in order, then odds are that you will continue to be disappointed.
Regarding your ex, dad, and sketchy acquaintances, etc., I know every situation is unique and some people are definitely dealt a tougher hand than others, but if you allow others to dictate your happiness, then you yield control of YOUR life to things that are ultimately outside of your control. It can be a very helpless feeling when you are waiting on others to change their behavior... especially if they lack the will, recognition, and/or courage to do so. The only real control we have in this world is in the choices we make, and in how we choose to respond to the outside influences (positive or negative) that attempt to act on us. Hang in there, and know that you can do this for YOU. If you wait for others to get their lives in order, then odds are that you will continue to be disappointed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Logical:
Would you get on here, say, 3 X a day at least to check.in for at least a couple weeks until you make a plan? It sounds like you need some regular consistent sober commitment to get off the Merry go round. You can write about your struggle thirty times a day if you want as far as I am concerned... whatever gives you clarity and calm and support! It sounds like you need some ground to get your bearings, and make a ST plan and LT plan. So will you get on several times a day?
Would you get on here, say, 3 X a day at least to check.in for at least a couple weeks until you make a plan? It sounds like you need some regular consistent sober commitment to get off the Merry go round. You can write about your struggle thirty times a day if you want as far as I am concerned... whatever gives you clarity and calm and support! It sounds like you need some ground to get your bearings, and make a ST plan and LT plan. So will you get on several times a day?
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
I think we have to commit to making different choices if we want to stay sober?
for me that was coming here instead of drinking...I spent a lot of time here
For others that means real life support - if AA's not for you for any reasons there are a load of other options
here's some links to some of the main players, including AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum too if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach
D
for me that was coming here instead of drinking...I spent a lot of time here
For others that means real life support - if AA's not for you for any reasons there are a load of other options
here's some links to some of the main players, including AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum too if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
LP;
Sounds like you've had quite the week. Your S/T plan about working and getting out of your current living arrangment might be for the best. I know when I'm surrounded by negitive crap it's only a matter of time before I go off the rails.
Get yourself detoxed, think about what steps you have to take, and go for it. You seem intelligent enough to realize your in a pretty serious jam right now, and smart enough to know it doesnt have to be permenant, only temperary.
I've been following a daily post on the 12 step forum, Around the year with Emmet Fox. You should check it out, if nothing more than 'food for thought'.
Stick to your guns and you'll be just fine.
Don't know if any of this helps but I have to thank you for your post. It reminds me of what I go through after a good run. The high cost of low living.
Do take care of yourself and keep posting.
Sounds like you've had quite the week. Your S/T plan about working and getting out of your current living arrangment might be for the best. I know when I'm surrounded by negitive crap it's only a matter of time before I go off the rails.
Get yourself detoxed, think about what steps you have to take, and go for it. You seem intelligent enough to realize your in a pretty serious jam right now, and smart enough to know it doesnt have to be permenant, only temperary.
I've been following a daily post on the 12 step forum, Around the year with Emmet Fox. You should check it out, if nothing more than 'food for thought'.
Stick to your guns and you'll be just fine.
Don't know if any of this helps but I have to thank you for your post. It reminds me of what I go through after a good run. The high cost of low living.
Do take care of yourself and keep posting.
Earth Child
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
Feeling good so far today ....i do hear the voices but one of them is a good voice and is helping me stay positive...i have started to meditate at night time before bed it really helps me to relax and i haven't been using the Valium for the last 2 nights even though it was available to me
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 88
Hello Everyone! I'm from the class of March 2012 but thought I'd peak to see what the class of Feb 2012 was up to! It seems like you guys have a good thing going here! Would you mind if I joined your group? My first day sober was March 1st but technically I made the decision to quit on Feb. 29 (after I had sobered up from getting drunk that morning/early afternoon). If you want to know more about me and my story, visit my page & read my first forum post titled "How I Got Here..." Looking forward to chatting with all of you!
-ewo
-ewo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Hi to all the new, current and returning members! Congratulations for all you have accomplished! And helping others, to boot!
I am sooooo helped by all your positive and varied ways to find and stay on the sober road. I think it is so cool that we all are metaphorically, and literally, starting from different places (from all over the world!) and yet somehow that enhances our efforts instead of thwarting them.
I like to think that our movement toward a healthier and more authentic way of living affects everyone in our circle of influence, and then they influence their community of loved ones, and so on...
Perhaps our journey is a pebble drop in the water, but the circles and little waves it creates are wide and far reaching. After all, all of your good vibrations are reaching me!
Keep it up.
I started trying to visualize how I want my life to be, and visualize it as if it is that way now. Visualization comes easily to me. It is knowing and admitting what I want in life that hurts. Why? Don't I believe I deserve to be happy? Part of me doesn't. But I'm coaxing that part to just come along for the ride anyway....
Have a strong sober Start to your week, wherever you are!
I am sooooo helped by all your positive and varied ways to find and stay on the sober road. I think it is so cool that we all are metaphorically, and literally, starting from different places (from all over the world!) and yet somehow that enhances our efforts instead of thwarting them.
I like to think that our movement toward a healthier and more authentic way of living affects everyone in our circle of influence, and then they influence their community of loved ones, and so on...
Perhaps our journey is a pebble drop in the water, but the circles and little waves it creates are wide and far reaching. After all, all of your good vibrations are reaching me!
Keep it up.
I started trying to visualize how I want my life to be, and visualize it as if it is that way now. Visualization comes easily to me. It is knowing and admitting what I want in life that hurts. Why? Don't I believe I deserve to be happy? Part of me doesn't. But I'm coaxing that part to just come along for the ride anyway....
Have a strong sober Start to your week, wherever you are!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 920
Good morning, everyone. Just checking in for the first of what will likely be several times today. Feeling a lot of anxiety, in spite of hitting the gym at 6:30 for a good workout.
I don't need - or want - to drink today. All that is seemingly overwhelming and the ability to make changes in my life will be much easier to handle without numbing out.
I don't need - or want - to drink today. All that is seemingly overwhelming and the ability to make changes in my life will be much easier to handle without numbing out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 920
Check in part 2: got one of the 2 federal contracts I submitted a bid for. It will mean a steady, reliable income (not that taking private clients isn't steady with the demand where I live, but you never know when you'll get paid) and more hours in a work environment and with people I like. AND I will have time to cultivate the skills/education necessary to eventually shift my work a bit because it's a cap of 30 hours per week. I feel like a huge burden has been lifted. Of course, I the anxiety won't completely subside til the contract is signed, sealed and delivered. lol.
EQ: Visualization is very powerful. When I do yoga, instructors often suggest setting an intention, which is the very beginning of visualization. It's very powerful. A counselor I used to see used visualization with me. I have forgotten about that very useful tool in the dusty toolbox I seem to have been neglecting. Thanks for the reminder!
Beautiful sunny day in SW Colorado. Too bad I used all my energy in my legs working out at the gym this morning, as it would be a lovely afternoon for a run or hike outside!
EQ: Visualization is very powerful. When I do yoga, instructors often suggest setting an intention, which is the very beginning of visualization. It's very powerful. A counselor I used to see used visualization with me. I have forgotten about that very useful tool in the dusty toolbox I seem to have been neglecting. Thanks for the reminder!
Beautiful sunny day in SW Colorado. Too bad I used all my energy in my legs working out at the gym this morning, as it would be a lovely afternoon for a run or hike outside!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Lilac!! Congratulations! Thats a real.break.thru about your work. I am impressed you were able to.put that together in the midst of trying to.not drink. You should be VERY proud of that. Thanks for.inspiring.me to keep trying.out.in the real world...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Well, I just finished reupholstering (sp?) my dining room chairs. Its 11:25 pm here. I have an 8:30 am meeting. I have decided keeping busy will be this week's motto for me. It is night 26, and I have my eye on getting to my first month. I dont know why, just seems like a good landmark to spy on the way....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
Hello and Good Evening to all:
I've been going deeper into SR lately (the joys of being unemployed) and was just checking out Stories of Recovery. If anyone is feeling alone, or perhaps dejected in their early recovery, some of the posts there might just give you the boost you need to keep going. I got the same emotional connect reading some of them that I get from a good AA speaker.
Today I was feeling out of sorts and was thingking maybe I'm one of the guys who just can't get it. My track record seems to lean that way. But after reading a few stories from people who have succeded in STAYING sober, my resolve to not drink today has once again been restored.
Thanks
Hey lilac, sounds like congrats are in order.
Welcome ewo.
I've been going deeper into SR lately (the joys of being unemployed) and was just checking out Stories of Recovery. If anyone is feeling alone, or perhaps dejected in their early recovery, some of the posts there might just give you the boost you need to keep going. I got the same emotional connect reading some of them that I get from a good AA speaker.
Today I was feeling out of sorts and was thingking maybe I'm one of the guys who just can't get it. My track record seems to lean that way. But after reading a few stories from people who have succeded in STAYING sober, my resolve to not drink today has once again been restored.
Thanks
Hey lilac, sounds like congrats are in order.
Welcome ewo.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Day 29. Checking in before bed. Geez I can't believe I'm almost at a month sober! I've really worked to change up my routine this time where in the past attempts I always talked about changing things but never fully did. Now I'm trying to start every morning off with some type of exercise and starting to eat healthier. I've also been getting really into music which is my fav hobby. I love finding new music and my new recent interest in starting a vinyl collection. I feel like I have so many options now that I'm sober and can't wait to discover more things that I enjoy.
Lilac sounds like your off to a good start for the week!
Lilac sounds like your off to a good start for the week!
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