Class of February 2012 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
Right On Wildcat! Lovin those damn birds as well.
NYC- day one does suck, and day two, three and probably four, but at some point it's going to get better. It's not all apples and orgasms mind you, but it's better than the alternative. You have to believe. Have you given any thought to other programs? There's lots avalible. Hang in there NYC, you're amongst friends.
Thanks everyone for your support and allowing me into your journey. Stay strong.
NYC- day one does suck, and day two, three and probably four, but at some point it's going to get better. It's not all apples and orgasms mind you, but it's better than the alternative. You have to believe. Have you given any thought to other programs? There's lots avalible. Hang in there NYC, you're amongst friends.
Thanks everyone for your support and allowing me into your journey. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
As I read all the posts about withdrawal, hangovers, horrible experiences, etc... and add them to my own similar feelings and experiences, I am astounded that I even want to drink.
There are so many things I avoid in life because they make me feel awful or unwell, or have a negative side effect. I avoid caffeine due to some PVC issues(a skipping heartbeat that is very unpleasant), I avoid antihystamines for the jittery feelings I hate, I avoid some foods for gassiness, etc... I only occasionally use clonazepam if depserate for phobia at the dentist, or I have in the first days of withdrawal to sleep and treat anxiety/panic(like I use less than 15 pills in a year).
So, why on earth do I/we keep going back to alcohol when it makes us so ill with hangovers and anxiety? So many of us share the awful feelings we have, waking in the night feeling sweaty, heart racing, sick, headaches...
It is truly baffling to me I do it at all. I do think of these feelings often when I crave a drink. Try to replace the craving with the memory of how awful I can feel after, especially at 3am when I wake so anxious(I get this more than hangovers).
I am going to concentrate on using this as a behavioral exercise. Replace any pleasure I think I will get from the few hours I drink, with the awful memories of the feelings later. This sort of behavioral apporach does help me cope with my anixety. So, I will devote more energy into the negative associations with drinking. Block out any pleasurable memories of it. They are lies anyway. I need a plan, and I think this is AVRT? I need to find time to read throigh that plan to truly get it and use the techniques. But the glance I have done is like behavioral exercises from what I can gather at a glance.
I guess I just get bummed at having to give up so many pleasures. I was sober for a time, when I had to give up caffeine due to the heart thing(it is benign, but unpleasant). I like the lift I get from caffeine when I am tired in the afternoon. And I was drinking more and more as a helpful snack or hot drink as I worked on my diabtic control, and weight loss. And, I put up with withdrawal from the caffeine just fine. Had some killer headaches. But I came home and cried and cried. I had given up drinking, completely changed my diet, and now, caffeine? It was very sad for me. But I did it.
So, I need to just take that matter of fact approach to alcohol. It just makes me feel crappy, frankly. I do not tolerate it well anymore. Why can I not see this in my weak moments when I cave into cravings?
rochele
There are so many things I avoid in life because they make me feel awful or unwell, or have a negative side effect. I avoid caffeine due to some PVC issues(a skipping heartbeat that is very unpleasant), I avoid antihystamines for the jittery feelings I hate, I avoid some foods for gassiness, etc... I only occasionally use clonazepam if depserate for phobia at the dentist, or I have in the first days of withdrawal to sleep and treat anxiety/panic(like I use less than 15 pills in a year).
So, why on earth do I/we keep going back to alcohol when it makes us so ill with hangovers and anxiety? So many of us share the awful feelings we have, waking in the night feeling sweaty, heart racing, sick, headaches...
It is truly baffling to me I do it at all. I do think of these feelings often when I crave a drink. Try to replace the craving with the memory of how awful I can feel after, especially at 3am when I wake so anxious(I get this more than hangovers).
I am going to concentrate on using this as a behavioral exercise. Replace any pleasure I think I will get from the few hours I drink, with the awful memories of the feelings later. This sort of behavioral apporach does help me cope with my anixety. So, I will devote more energy into the negative associations with drinking. Block out any pleasurable memories of it. They are lies anyway. I need a plan, and I think this is AVRT? I need to find time to read throigh that plan to truly get it and use the techniques. But the glance I have done is like behavioral exercises from what I can gather at a glance.
I guess I just get bummed at having to give up so many pleasures. I was sober for a time, when I had to give up caffeine due to the heart thing(it is benign, but unpleasant). I like the lift I get from caffeine when I am tired in the afternoon. And I was drinking more and more as a helpful snack or hot drink as I worked on my diabtic control, and weight loss. And, I put up with withdrawal from the caffeine just fine. Had some killer headaches. But I came home and cried and cried. I had given up drinking, completely changed my diet, and now, caffeine? It was very sad for me. But I did it.
So, I need to just take that matter of fact approach to alcohol. It just makes me feel crappy, frankly. I do not tolerate it well anymore. Why can I not see this in my weak moments when I cave into cravings?
rochele
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Rochelle-
I'm not trying to spout medical advice, but speaking in generalities it is my understanding that Alcohol is entirely different from the other things you mentioned. ..
Researchers have determined that drinking alcohol leads to the temporary release of endorphins in areas of the brain that produce feelings of pleasure and reward. And longterm and /or heavier drinkers have their pleasure centers lit up more than others. (Funny that we say being intoxicated is being "lit up"...)
Also, alcohol changes our brains permanently over the long haul. Things don't just spring back to completely normal from quitting.
And, since alcohol is a depressant, and a central nervous system suppresser, alcohol lies to us. It is in reality no reward at all! It makes us feel like we are rewarded, which holds our attention... while in the meantime... it is doing its destructive work. In these ways, it is quite devilish.
So devilish, that, even though I know the above is true, it still whispers otherwise on my shoulder, and I so want to believe it, that a big part of me wants to be swept right back into its arms, like a toxic love relationship.
Alcohol is a Svengali!
23 days for me today...
And for today, (though I miss it in some sick way,) I again say to alcohol:
Hit the Road, Jack!
I'm not trying to spout medical advice, but speaking in generalities it is my understanding that Alcohol is entirely different from the other things you mentioned. ..
Researchers have determined that drinking alcohol leads to the temporary release of endorphins in areas of the brain that produce feelings of pleasure and reward. And longterm and /or heavier drinkers have their pleasure centers lit up more than others. (Funny that we say being intoxicated is being "lit up"...)
Also, alcohol changes our brains permanently over the long haul. Things don't just spring back to completely normal from quitting.
And, since alcohol is a depressant, and a central nervous system suppresser, alcohol lies to us. It is in reality no reward at all! It makes us feel like we are rewarded, which holds our attention... while in the meantime... it is doing its destructive work. In these ways, it is quite devilish.
So devilish, that, even though I know the above is true, it still whispers otherwise on my shoulder, and I so want to believe it, that a big part of me wants to be swept right back into its arms, like a toxic love relationship.
Alcohol is a Svengali!
23 days for me today...
And for today, (though I miss it in some sick way,) I again say to alcohol:
Hit the Road, Jack!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 10
Haven't posted for a couple days. Haven't had anything to drink. day 10 or 11 I think? I did smoke pot a couple of times in the last few days, which I regret (don't feel particularly bad about it, just wish I hadn't). It sort of made me want to drink, but only because it made me a little anxious, and as someone posted before, because I associate it with drinking. In a way I'm glad I smoked, because it was not that enjoyable. Plus I ate half of my refrigerator after I had been really good with what I was putting in my body. Lesson learned, hopefully. Not sure what the weekend has in store for me. I do know that it doesn't have booze in it, though.
Congrats to those just starting out (hang in there) and to those hitting weeks or a month. I'll try to be better about checking in every day. I think If I had, I may not have smoked that doobie
Congrats to those just starting out (hang in there) and to those hitting weeks or a month. I'll try to be better about checking in every day. I think If I had, I may not have smoked that doobie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 9
Rochele- I've thought about that too...why can I give up citrus fruits even though I like them but because they give me pimples, I won't eat them. Yet I know all the harmful things alcohol does, including aiding me in gaining way too much weight, but I go back to it?? The stuff Eternal wrote makes sense though. I want to read up on all that.
So here I am on day 4 and starting my weekend. Truthfully, Fridays were never (normally) huge drinking nights for me. I'd drink, but not enough to make it so I couldn't follow what was going on during Who Do You Think You Are or Dateline. I'm going to start going back to the gym starting Sunday (I have obligations with volunteer work tomorrow).
I hope everyone has a great and SOBER weekend!
So here I am on day 4 and starting my weekend. Truthfully, Fridays were never (normally) huge drinking nights for me. I'd drink, but not enough to make it so I couldn't follow what was going on during Who Do You Think You Are or Dateline. I'm going to start going back to the gym starting Sunday (I have obligations with volunteer work tomorrow).
I hope everyone has a great and SOBER weekend!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I write from my phone and the cloud cover is making reception spotty. But I wanted to say that I was almost home when I realized I didnt have any seven up type drink.left at home. And drinking my seven up and cranberry at home in the evenings is my little substitute for alcohol when I watch the world news after work...
By far the closest place to me was the neighborhood.liquor store, which of course I havent been in since about 3 days prior to quitting, roughly a month.
But I had no desires to drink, and I wanted to get home soon, so I drove to the liquor store and walked in and bought my seven up already chilled. It was a.pleasure to not.pay $22.00 for it for one thing. And the shame I was feeling at my very frequent visits for years now was gone. I walked tall. And the place was kind of musty smelling with a faint cigar and wood scent that was a bit stifling....
I would never have gone if id had any doubt in my intentions.
Also told a Dr friend I work with about quitting drinking at lunch today. He was encouraging and immediately confided in me about a habit he is desperately trying to break for his.health, too. All in all, just a typical talk between friends.
Well time for the news!
Later, my wonderful SR friends!
By far the closest place to me was the neighborhood.liquor store, which of course I havent been in since about 3 days prior to quitting, roughly a month.
But I had no desires to drink, and I wanted to get home soon, so I drove to the liquor store and walked in and bought my seven up already chilled. It was a.pleasure to not.pay $22.00 for it for one thing. And the shame I was feeling at my very frequent visits for years now was gone. I walked tall. And the place was kind of musty smelling with a faint cigar and wood scent that was a bit stifling....
I would never have gone if id had any doubt in my intentions.
Also told a Dr friend I work with about quitting drinking at lunch today. He was encouraging and immediately confided in me about a habit he is desperately trying to break for his.health, too. All in all, just a typical talk between friends.
Well time for the news!
Later, my wonderful SR friends!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,480
interesting question rochelle...
I have no answers but I know my relationship with alcohol was different to my relationships with other things like caffeine and cigarettes...I could take or leave the other things, but alcohol helped me deal with my life. I was convinced I needed it.
There must be a chemical component too tho because I used pot on the same way as I used alcohol but it was far easier to give that up.
D
I have no answers but I know my relationship with alcohol was different to my relationships with other things like caffeine and cigarettes...I could take or leave the other things, but alcohol helped me deal with my life. I was convinced I needed it.
There must be a chemical component too tho because I used pot on the same way as I used alcohol but it was far easier to give that up.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
EQ that's great - good for you! Sounds like you've had a good day 
I'm just back from the wedding reception - it was so much fun. Was quite happy sticking to soft drinks and it was no probs telling people I didn't drink. I was a bit worried that it's been so long since I'd been in a social situation (and sober) that I would be shy and nervous about talking to people but actually I think it was easier not being drunk! I met some really lovely folks and got chatted up by a seriously cute 20 year old (I'm nearly 28) who said I was 'still in the zone' So maybe I don't have to give up on men and become a scary old cat lady just yet
I'm just back from the wedding reception - it was so much fun. Was quite happy sticking to soft drinks and it was no probs telling people I didn't drink. I was a bit worried that it's been so long since I'd been in a social situation (and sober) that I would be shy and nervous about talking to people but actually I think it was easier not being drunk! I met some really lovely folks and got chatted up by a seriously cute 20 year old (I'm nearly 28) who said I was 'still in the zone' So maybe I don't have to give up on men and become a scary old cat lady just yet
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
Ah, the million dollar question: why do I drink when I know full well what's in store? I've thought long and hard about this and honestly, I just wind up making myself crazy. The only 2 answers I've come up with that begin to make any sense are:
a) Gods really pissed at me
b) because I'm an alcoholic.
It would be really nice if science could find a way to bottle up all the negitive thoughts and emotions I experiance after a binge. The paranoia, racing mind, frantic behavior, bowel problems, insominia etc...the list goes on, and on. So I've got this bottle of negitive alcoholic crap I can drag around with me and whenever I fool myself into thinking I can safely have a drink, I can pull it out, take off the lid and have a really good whiff. I'm pretty sure that would keep me from having that first drink. Until that happens though, I guess you guys are stuck with me.
Enjoy your evening and remember, Johnny loves ya!
a) Gods really pissed at me
b) because I'm an alcoholic.
It would be really nice if science could find a way to bottle up all the negitive thoughts and emotions I experiance after a binge. The paranoia, racing mind, frantic behavior, bowel problems, insominia etc...the list goes on, and on. So I've got this bottle of negitive alcoholic crap I can drag around with me and whenever I fool myself into thinking I can safely have a drink, I can pull it out, take off the lid and have a really good whiff. I'm pretty sure that would keep me from having that first drink. Until that happens though, I guess you guys are stuck with me.
Enjoy your evening and remember, Johnny loves ya!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 35
Hi Everyone!
It's Friday again and it is a little bit of a struggle. It's so hard to sit at my desk all day on Friday listening to everyone go on and on about happy hour and jack & cokes and everything else that is typical Friday drinker chit chat. I am home now, getting ready to order pizza for the kiddos, so the craving is starting to fade.
It makes me sad that I can't drink. Sort of...I hate the person I was, but I miss going out and having fun. I guess it makes me mad that alcohol does what it does to me and that I'm not like other people. Why can't it just make me a FuN person like it does to them?
I realized today that I haven't been hungover in over a month. That's amazing to me! Just sayin.
Doc gave me a prescription for Prozac. Still debating on taking it or not. I've never taken any kind of meds before.
Keep up the good work everyone.
JD - Congrats on day 30!
It's Friday again and it is a little bit of a struggle. It's so hard to sit at my desk all day on Friday listening to everyone go on and on about happy hour and jack & cokes and everything else that is typical Friday drinker chit chat. I am home now, getting ready to order pizza for the kiddos, so the craving is starting to fade.
It makes me sad that I can't drink. Sort of...I hate the person I was, but I miss going out and having fun. I guess it makes me mad that alcohol does what it does to me and that I'm not like other people. Why can't it just make me a FuN person like it does to them?
I realized today that I haven't been hungover in over a month. That's amazing to me! Just sayin.
Doc gave me a prescription for Prozac. Still debating on taking it or not. I've never taken any kind of meds before.
Keep up the good work everyone.
JD - Congrats on day 30!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Thanks JD! The folks were really good actually - I sent them a few texts during the evening and kind of breathed on mum when I got back Am hoping that doing this sober will help begin to restore some of their trust in me. I know it's only a small first step but hopefully things will start to even out a bit now x
Am hoping that doing this sober will help begin to restore some of their trust in me. I know it's only a small first step but hopefully things will start to even out a bit now x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,480
I'm glad things went well Kam
Personally I'd go for number 2 Johnny
Stay with it HelloKitty - it'll get easier and you'll care less what others do....
we can still have all the fun we want - we just can't drink.
For us, alcohol brings the UnFun.
D
Personally I'd go for number 2 Johnny
Stay with it HelloKitty - it'll get easier and you'll care less what others do....
we can still have all the fun we want - we just can't drink.
For us, alcohol brings the UnFun.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Hello everyone and I hope you are all having a great Friday evening.
I am just on the verge of ending my Day 11. I was very productive today and actually washed my truck, inside and out, for the first time in 2 or 3 years. I usually go through the automatic car wash every now and then. I enjoyed the day outside. Caught up on my mowing; I have two acres that I mow with a push mower for the exercise.
Had a strange night. No cravings, but I did stay up until five AM in the morning and only slept four hours or so before getting up. No cravings after leaving work tonight, which is great. It was a ritual with me to stop by the store to buy two six packs of 16 ounce beer to pair with my bottle of wine. It is so wonderful not to spending over $25 per day just for alcohol.
Spring always moves me to drink since I am working outside a lot and the cold beer would always be a great reward. I survived with no cravings today, thanks to God. One of my big challenges to stopping drinking is that when I am sober for a while, I tend to forget the bad things and only romanticize the drinking. I usually fool myself into thinking that I can control it the next time. I will just be a casual drinker. THEN several months later I can not quit. I am really beginning to enjoy some peace and a bit of serenity now. It is a huge change from just 11 days ago. The cloudy mind is gone now. My senses are sharper. I love waking up and feeling great with no guilt, headaches are jitters.
I hope you all have success in being sober this weekend.
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
— Friedrich Nietzsche
I am just on the verge of ending my Day 11. I was very productive today and actually washed my truck, inside and out, for the first time in 2 or 3 years. I usually go through the automatic car wash every now and then. I enjoyed the day outside. Caught up on my mowing; I have two acres that I mow with a push mower for the exercise.
Had a strange night. No cravings, but I did stay up until five AM in the morning and only slept four hours or so before getting up. No cravings after leaving work tonight, which is great. It was a ritual with me to stop by the store to buy two six packs of 16 ounce beer to pair with my bottle of wine. It is so wonderful not to spending over $25 per day just for alcohol.
Spring always moves me to drink since I am working outside a lot and the cold beer would always be a great reward. I survived with no cravings today, thanks to God. One of my big challenges to stopping drinking is that when I am sober for a while, I tend to forget the bad things and only romanticize the drinking. I usually fool myself into thinking that I can control it the next time. I will just be a casual drinker. THEN several months later I can not quit. I am really beginning to enjoy some peace and a bit of serenity now. It is a huge change from just 11 days ago. The cloudy mind is gone now. My senses are sharper. I love waking up and feeling great with no guilt, headaches are jitters.
I hope you all have success in being sober this weekend.
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
— Friedrich Nietzsche
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Checking in. Super tired after another super busy work day. Another sober day coming to an end. Tomorrow morning I'm going to go watch my little cousins basketball game. I only have 2 weeks of class left and have a lot of studying to do for my final!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Overland Park, KS
Posts: 137
Can definitely relate, neuro. I loved 'rewarding myself' with beer (although vodka was more of my weekday poison since it was 'scent less' (ya right) and easier to sneak into some less conspicuous beverages). Was always able to come up with a good excuse for 'having a couple' (Look, the sun is shining...I'll drink to that!), but then it rarely stopped at a few. Bravo to you for acknowledging it and choosing to do something about it. The first couple of weeks was by far the toughest for me, and the rewards are so worth the struggle. Hang tough and continue to find other ways to reward yourself. You deserve it!
Earth Child
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posts: 2,004
I am a month sober today ...as it was the 3rd of February that i had my last drink .
But i still feel i need it ...unsure weather to go to tonight AA meeting its open so my husband can go with me but am not feeling very well mentally right now
But i still feel i need it ...unsure weather to go to tonight AA meeting its open so my husband can go with me but am not feeling very well mentally right now
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 35
DA, do you have a doctor you can call? I think you said you have Valium, but maybe they could give you something else to make you feel more stable? I just read your other post and I can't help but think that a doc may be able to help with the feelings you are having.
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