Class of June 2011 Part 8
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 351
Great to see you Paddy. I guess keep getting on here at ridiculous o clock like 4.21!!!
Happy Days!!!
I don't know if you know my story Paddy. If you do, it will be helpful to remind myself anyway!
I am 29, 30 in a few weeks and I agree with Classical that October is the best month, especially Day 1!!!
I have been drinking hard since I was 17, getting up to all sorts and thankfully never being caught out! But my drinking was getting worse and I was starting to get into trouble, in various ways and I didn't like the man I had become. I had tried so many times to stop but I just couldn't.
Then, one day a few weeks back (8 or 9), I got absolutely smashed at mgf's sisters party, left my keys there, got home and smashed the window in with my bare fist. There was blood everywhere and my little finger was cut up bad.
Next day, a beautiful hot blue day, I walked to hospital to get it looked at. They were brilliant. On the way back I just wanted to drink, to escape the pain in my little finger, the pounding in my head, the guilt at being an arse and the worry about a new pane of glass. But I didn't drink, I just kept on walking, got home and came on here. Since then I have been sober and though it is bloody hard work facing all the ****** things in life I am proud that I am facing them and being strong. I am also very thankful to all my freinds, everybody, on SR!
Paddy, I don't want you to drink mate. I want you to be sober and be happy. You can see a huge difference in your posts now and then, when you first joined!
There was no major awakening, I just realised I had a massive problem and that acohol was killing me and so I got on here, read, ranted, listened, stressed but remained kinda optimistic all the way thorugh.
It is worth it Paddy!!! It really is!!! Are you at AA?
Chimp!
Happy Days!!!
I don't know if you know my story Paddy. If you do, it will be helpful to remind myself anyway!
I am 29, 30 in a few weeks and I agree with Classical that October is the best month, especially Day 1!!!
I have been drinking hard since I was 17, getting up to all sorts and thankfully never being caught out! But my drinking was getting worse and I was starting to get into trouble, in various ways and I didn't like the man I had become. I had tried so many times to stop but I just couldn't.
Then, one day a few weeks back (8 or 9), I got absolutely smashed at mgf's sisters party, left my keys there, got home and smashed the window in with my bare fist. There was blood everywhere and my little finger was cut up bad.
Next day, a beautiful hot blue day, I walked to hospital to get it looked at. They were brilliant. On the way back I just wanted to drink, to escape the pain in my little finger, the pounding in my head, the guilt at being an arse and the worry about a new pane of glass. But I didn't drink, I just kept on walking, got home and came on here. Since then I have been sober and though it is bloody hard work facing all the ****** things in life I am proud that I am facing them and being strong. I am also very thankful to all my freinds, everybody, on SR!
Paddy, I don't want you to drink mate. I want you to be sober and be happy. You can see a huge difference in your posts now and then, when you first joined!
There was no major awakening, I just realised I had a massive problem and that acohol was killing me and so I got on here, read, ranted, listened, stressed but remained kinda optimistic all the way thorugh.
It is worth it Paddy!!! It really is!!! Are you at AA?
Chimp!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Thanks for the story chimp. That was your tipping point huh? Eff me and all the stupid things I did while drunk. There is still time for us, you know? To be better humans. Sh*t. Time for every one here.
I drank a BOTTLE of wine tonight. My usband was THE uber-ass
and I ran for good old reliable booze. I drank one glass, knew that I would drink the whole bottle and I thought DUMP IT. but i did not.
goodness. maybe that one dude was right. I came here early june trying to quit. Posted in the main forums about how I drank last night and felt like a failure. He told me that I did not belong and was a failure. Naturally I said eff you or something like it. but now im thinking maybe he was right. Am I too weak to stop this?
Apologies. I feel pretty sheepish right now. Going to bed. Day one tomorrow. f u c k me.
I drank a BOTTLE of wine tonight. My usband was THE uber-ass
and I ran for good old reliable booze. I drank one glass, knew that I would drink the whole bottle and I thought DUMP IT. but i did not.goodness. maybe that one dude was right. I came here early june trying to quit. Posted in the main forums about how I drank last night and felt like a failure. He told me that I did not belong and was a failure. Naturally I said eff you or something like it. but now im thinking maybe he was right. Am I too weak to stop this?
Apologies. I feel pretty sheepish right now. Going to bed. Day one tomorrow. f u c k me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Chimp 
Great to see you Paddy. I guess keep getting on here at ridiculous o clock like 4.21!!!
Happy Days!!!
I don't know if you know my story Paddy. If you do, it will be helpful to remind myself anyway!
I am 29, 30 in a few weeks and I agree with Classical that October is the best month, especially Day 1!!!
I have been drinking hard since I was 17, getting up to all sorts and thankfully never being caught out! But my drinking was getting worse and I was starting to get into trouble, in various ways and I didn't like the man I had become. I had tried so many times to stop but I just couldn't.
Then, one day a few weeks back (8 or 9), I got absolutely smashed at mgf's sisters party, left my keys there, got home and smashed the window in with my bare fist. There was blood everywhere and my little finger was cut up bad.
Next day, a beautiful hot blue day, I walked to hospital to get it looked at. They were brilliant. On the way back I just wanted to drink, to escape the pain in my little finger, the pounding in my head, the guilt at being an arse and the worry about a new pane of glass. But I didn't drink, I just kept on walking, got home and came on here. Since then I have been sober and though it is bloody hard work facing all the ****** things in life I am proud that I am facing them and being strong. I am also very thankful to all my freinds, everybody, on SR!
Paddy, I don't want you to drink mate. I want you to be sober and be happy. You can see a huge difference in your posts now and then, when you first joined!
There was no major awakening, I just realised I had a massive problem and that acohol was killing me and so I got on here, read, ranted, listened, stressed but remained kinda optimistic all the way thorugh.
It is worth it Paddy!!! It really is!!! Are you at AA?
Chimp!
Happy Days!!!
I don't know if you know my story Paddy. If you do, it will be helpful to remind myself anyway!
I am 29, 30 in a few weeks and I agree with Classical that October is the best month, especially Day 1!!!
I have been drinking hard since I was 17, getting up to all sorts and thankfully never being caught out! But my drinking was getting worse and I was starting to get into trouble, in various ways and I didn't like the man I had become. I had tried so many times to stop but I just couldn't.
Then, one day a few weeks back (8 or 9), I got absolutely smashed at mgf's sisters party, left my keys there, got home and smashed the window in with my bare fist. There was blood everywhere and my little finger was cut up bad.
Next day, a beautiful hot blue day, I walked to hospital to get it looked at. They were brilliant. On the way back I just wanted to drink, to escape the pain in my little finger, the pounding in my head, the guilt at being an arse and the worry about a new pane of glass. But I didn't drink, I just kept on walking, got home and came on here. Since then I have been sober and though it is bloody hard work facing all the ****** things in life I am proud that I am facing them and being strong. I am also very thankful to all my freinds, everybody, on SR!
Paddy, I don't want you to drink mate. I want you to be sober and be happy. You can see a huge difference in your posts now and then, when you first joined!
There was no major awakening, I just realised I had a massive problem and that acohol was killing me and so I got on here, read, ranted, listened, stressed but remained kinda optimistic all the way thorugh.
It is worth it Paddy!!! It really is!!! Are you at AA?
Chimp!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
I don't recall who said that BBF...I must have missed that...but to me SR has always been for people struggling - it's for those who want to quit...no matter where you are on the continuum.
Don't make any rash decisions now - come back tomorrow
D
Don't make any rash decisions now - come back tomorrow
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Crazy juners - Chimp, you and I really need some sleep. I've been up since 4:30 am and it's almost 4:30 am there where you are. That means we have collectively been awake...oh forget it!!
Me and puppy are chilling out. I just ate a whole bag of gummi bears. Those darn things, I can't keep them around and once I open the bag they are GONE.
Blackbird - tonight IS your last night that you have to be home when he gets home, right? Glad you came here but wish we could have caught you before. You aren't a failure - I just don't want you to feel worse with the wine in you. Makes us more emotional and I want you to feel strong!
Oh, so I never came clean to everyone. I was doing a good 1.5 bottles of wine every night for awhile, and then the binging on the weekends of probably 2 on my own and then some. And then, a year ago I started adding Mr. Vodka into the mix. So probably about 4 vodkas and 2 bottles of wine. This was when I had ALL DAY to drink and I was making good use of the time. And I was always alone with my husband travelling all the time so it was just me and the booze.
Hi Paddy.
I'm up for a little bit but starting to get tired, if anyone wants to talk.
Me and puppy are chilling out. I just ate a whole bag of gummi bears. Those darn things, I can't keep them around and once I open the bag they are GONE.
Blackbird - tonight IS your last night that you have to be home when he gets home, right? Glad you came here but wish we could have caught you before. You aren't a failure - I just don't want you to feel worse with the wine in you. Makes us more emotional and I want you to feel strong!
Oh, so I never came clean to everyone. I was doing a good 1.5 bottles of wine every night for awhile, and then the binging on the weekends of probably 2 on my own and then some. And then, a year ago I started adding Mr. Vodka into the mix. So probably about 4 vodkas and 2 bottles of wine. This was when I had ALL DAY to drink and I was making good use of the time. And I was always alone with my husband travelling all the time so it was just me and the booze.
Hi Paddy.
I'm up for a little bit but starting to get tired, if anyone wants to talk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
This goes out to all June Members, thous how hitting up to the big 90 days and above and below, can you see a change in your body i.e weight loss etc, i know the mind heals and body on the inside, but what about the outside???
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by bratnik
Paddy, I think we use it as an escape and at that moment we would rather have the escape than think about the sadness it brings later. Instant gratification.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
no parachute
BBF/Paddy I spent many years trying to string a day or two together. About four years ago I did six months sober. Then gave up giving up. Then I tried to string days together. Once I was rested I very often drank again. I had 5 days here and there, the weekends I always caved. I managed a weekend once. Then last year I had 6 weeks. I caved under a time of personal stress. Then I gave up giving up for a while. Then I got a day or two here and there (usually monday and tuesday as I would not feel human till wednesday, I now know that even in that state I was not normal at all). I had a few more sets of five days, with many weeks of caving in on Thursday or Friday. It got to the stage where I was so keen to drink but on another level dreading how I would feel on Monday, and feeling overwhelmed by my situation. I was high functioning.
None of that did very much for my self respect. When I came here I was ready to jump out of the alcohol plane I was on without a parachute and take what ever came. I haven't hit the ground yet, and I am learning to fly without any need for a plane.
I hope I have the good sense not to repeat my mistakes.
Learning can take time, hang in there, don't lose sight of your goals but be kind to yourself.
None of that did very much for my self respect. When I came here I was ready to jump out of the alcohol plane I was on without a parachute and take what ever came. I haven't hit the ground yet, and I am learning to fly without any need for a plane.
I hope I have the good sense not to repeat my mistakes.
Learning can take time, hang in there, don't lose sight of your goals but be kind to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Instant your journey sounds very similar to mine except I never managed to get 2 weeks let alone 6 months.
Paddy there is so much you could relate to in the Big Book about how you feel - what you said in a recent post was exactly what was described in the chapters I have re-read about alcoholism the past two nights. There IS a solution to the seemingly hopeless situation but you do have to take some action.
Try and get to some more meetings and get yourself a sponsor. You dont have to do the steps straight away or at all but maybe if you can find someone who is strong, who will be on your case but also look out for you when you are feeling low it will help you string together more days than you are managing at the moment.
Blackbird im so sorry for your situation I know you are going through hell but you are at a turning point now right? Hopefully you can move forward now.
It really is very difficult to do this without some face to face support. I know there is an underlying resistance in many of us to reach out for support other than what we get here, which is great, but its too easy to turn off the PC or stop reading when that AV is hitting hard. Some can do it but its very rare. Please try and get some additional support.
Paddy there is so much you could relate to in the Big Book about how you feel - what you said in a recent post was exactly what was described in the chapters I have re-read about alcoholism the past two nights. There IS a solution to the seemingly hopeless situation but you do have to take some action.
Try and get to some more meetings and get yourself a sponsor. You dont have to do the steps straight away or at all but maybe if you can find someone who is strong, who will be on your case but also look out for you when you are feeling low it will help you string together more days than you are managing at the moment.
Blackbird im so sorry for your situation I know you are going through hell but you are at a turning point now right? Hopefully you can move forward now.
It really is very difficult to do this without some face to face support. I know there is an underlying resistance in many of us to reach out for support other than what we get here, which is great, but its too easy to turn off the PC or stop reading when that AV is hitting hard. Some can do it but its very rare. Please try and get some additional support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
removed youtube link - see TP for the link :)
Good morning everyone.
BLackbirdFly - you are the MVP of this June club! No one here is going through the crap that you are and yet continuing to work just as hard at their sobriety. At the same time you're incredibly kind and funny and so supportive to everyone else on the forum. You really are a wonderful woman and I am so glad that you are here with me.
Paddy - I agree with PumpkinSoup. What you're doing is not enough. Have you checked out any of the AVRT stuff? If you're not connecting with the AA scene you may want to give it a shot instead. For me, it resonates.
Dee - thanks for your post last night re my son learning to ride his two wheeler. It brought tears to my eyes. Last night, was very powerful for me on a few levels. I think everyone can remember learning to ride a bike for the first time and for me it is still fresh in my mind. It's a great metaphor for this journey that we're all going through...trying to recapture our innocence. Seeing him definitely took me back to a time for me when alcohol wasn't a part of my life. The other thing is that I was there to teach him how to do it. I'm not sure that I wouldn't have been there if I was still drinking but it is possible. Get home from work, have a couple of drinks and then ask me if I want to go to the park with the kids and likely as not I'd take a pass...so that I could keep drinking. My own father was never there for me and I always vowed that I would be a good father to my boys.
Well, last night I was the best Dad in the whole world.
BLackbirdFly - you are the MVP of this June club! No one here is going through the crap that you are and yet continuing to work just as hard at their sobriety. At the same time you're incredibly kind and funny and so supportive to everyone else on the forum. You really are a wonderful woman and I am so glad that you are here with me.
Paddy - I agree with PumpkinSoup. What you're doing is not enough. Have you checked out any of the AVRT stuff? If you're not connecting with the AA scene you may want to give it a shot instead. For me, it resonates.
Dee - thanks for your post last night re my son learning to ride his two wheeler. It brought tears to my eyes. Last night, was very powerful for me on a few levels. I think everyone can remember learning to ride a bike for the first time and for me it is still fresh in my mind. It's a great metaphor for this journey that we're all going through...trying to recapture our innocence. Seeing him definitely took me back to a time for me when alcohol wasn't a part of my life. The other thing is that I was there to teach him how to do it. I'm not sure that I wouldn't have been there if I was still drinking but it is possible. Get home from work, have a couple of drinks and then ask me if I want to go to the park with the kids and likely as not I'd take a pass...so that I could keep drinking. My own father was never there for me and I always vowed that I would be a good father to my boys.
Well, last night I was the best Dad in the whole world.
Last edited by Dee74; 08-24-2011 at 02:22 PM.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
TippingPoint- you brought tears to my eyes, and I don't even have my own child. I think that is super. And how it relates to what we are all going through. Thank you for the beautiful highlight of the day.
Blackbird - none of us are failures. None of us. Don't ever think that and don't ever let anyone convince you of different. You have so many struggles and keep coming back here. You are showing us all that in the toughest times, a person can look themselves in the mirror, know there's a problem and face it again. You have children, you are young, and you have so much to keep your chin up over. I agree with those here, use AA, AVRT, a social group, anything that you can relate to, so you can use us here along with that to make you see things through sober eyes. You are wonderful person. Your humor shows you can laugh at life, so continue to laugh, continue to smile, and continue your journey. Not having a drink is not easy, but the benefits are wonderful. Raising children can't be easy either - but look, you are doing that. Keep pushing, kiddo.
Sorry for this long ramble...but.....When we lost our friend to pancreatic cancer in February, it was a horrible thing to watch happen to someone. In July of 2010 he was diagnosed, on my birthday of all times. And he died February 28 of this year. We watched him from being Mr. Happy go Lucky always stopping by for a cup of coffee, a soda, or a beer (he was not an alocholic, just enjoyed bs'ing and having a beer), to this frail, skinny, old man. He was 69. He was a friend to every one. He lived a great life, I'm sure he had regrets as well, but don't we all. I'm sure in his life he had times of failure, but managed to move on. But what he took with him was a life that every one can smile about. When I wanted to get out of this rut of alcoholism, I first wanted to do what was healthier for my mind and body. I knew going into it I wouldn't see a difference in day to day life, as life still goes on - good times and bad. What I wanted was to know I was doing it with sober eyes. Even though the bad times still suck, I feel better knowing I was there for someone without being loaded. I knew myself and those around me would only be better for it. It took until February to June to look at myself at want to make this change. But, I really think him leaving this world, was another main reason to stop this vicious circle of self-destruction.
Life is fragile, savor the moments as TP did yesterday with sober eyes. But, when you can't - come back, we need you here.
Sorry for this long ramble, but that brings me to a poem written by Linda Ellis and it's on my wall over my computer. I bought it when our friend passed away. I'm attaching the You Tube Video link. Make the best of your Dash, all my friends. You can do this.
The Dash Movie | Simple Truths
Paddy - I agree, you have shown great strides of improvement here, and you continue on this journey. That is great. You are a wonderful addition to this group.
Well, I would love to touch base on every one today, but gotta get rolling. Have an account to clean today, plus it's my hubby's birthday. Spring chicken is 51.
Love to every one.
Blackbird - none of us are failures. None of us. Don't ever think that and don't ever let anyone convince you of different. You have so many struggles and keep coming back here. You are showing us all that in the toughest times, a person can look themselves in the mirror, know there's a problem and face it again. You have children, you are young, and you have so much to keep your chin up over. I agree with those here, use AA, AVRT, a social group, anything that you can relate to, so you can use us here along with that to make you see things through sober eyes. You are wonderful person. Your humor shows you can laugh at life, so continue to laugh, continue to smile, and continue your journey. Not having a drink is not easy, but the benefits are wonderful. Raising children can't be easy either - but look, you are doing that. Keep pushing, kiddo.
Sorry for this long ramble...but.....When we lost our friend to pancreatic cancer in February, it was a horrible thing to watch happen to someone. In July of 2010 he was diagnosed, on my birthday of all times. And he died February 28 of this year. We watched him from being Mr. Happy go Lucky always stopping by for a cup of coffee, a soda, or a beer (he was not an alocholic, just enjoyed bs'ing and having a beer), to this frail, skinny, old man. He was 69. He was a friend to every one. He lived a great life, I'm sure he had regrets as well, but don't we all. I'm sure in his life he had times of failure, but managed to move on. But what he took with him was a life that every one can smile about. When I wanted to get out of this rut of alcoholism, I first wanted to do what was healthier for my mind and body. I knew going into it I wouldn't see a difference in day to day life, as life still goes on - good times and bad. What I wanted was to know I was doing it with sober eyes. Even though the bad times still suck, I feel better knowing I was there for someone without being loaded. I knew myself and those around me would only be better for it. It took until February to June to look at myself at want to make this change. But, I really think him leaving this world, was another main reason to stop this vicious circle of self-destruction.
Life is fragile, savor the moments as TP did yesterday with sober eyes. But, when you can't - come back, we need you here.
Sorry for this long ramble, but that brings me to a poem written by Linda Ellis and it's on my wall over my computer. I bought it when our friend passed away. I'm attaching the You Tube Video link. Make the best of your Dash, all my friends. You can do this.
The Dash Movie | Simple Truths
Paddy - I agree, you have shown great strides of improvement here, and you continue on this journey. That is great. You are a wonderful addition to this group.
Well, I would love to touch base on every one today, but gotta get rolling. Have an account to clean today, plus it's my hubby's birthday. Spring chicken is 51.
Love to every one.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 169
I realized last night that I downed two shots of rum for three reasons: but I am not even going to go there. It was my own fault. I caught myself while taking a sip of a drink I made after and dumped it.
BlackBird, I hope this stress will ease up here soon. Let's get back up and try again
BlackBird, I hope this stress will ease up here soon. Let's get back up and try again
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 169
Oh and, this morning I woke up to FOUR EFFING BOTTLES O RUM on my kitchen side-bar-counter-thingy. Going. to. strangle. husband. If I don't post I am in jail.
OK I'm kidding, except for the 4 bottles part, no strangling will occur. eff me and my sobriety challenge. Seems that all it is any more. A challenge.
OK I'm kidding, except for the 4 bottles part, no strangling will occur. eff me and my sobriety challenge. Seems that all it is any more. A challenge.
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