Anna

Welcome IrishEyes,

You have the right idea to focus on yourself. I think your husband will see from your behaviour, the positive effects of being sober.


Draciak,

You will feel better soon!

Dee74

Welcome IrishEyes88 and Draciack

Irish, would it be a good idea to tell your husband how hard it is for you when he is bringing bottles home?

Draciack - I couldn't keep my social circle and stay sober...I found most of them were drinking buddies anyway cos they drifted off, just like Carol said.

I found new friendships and rediscovered old ones where the focus wasn't on drinking

D

Draciack

I had a bit of a thing today around two in the afternoon. My classes had ended, I had finished my homework, and a footlong Subway Club sandwich was digesting in my belly, and a question popped into my head: Now what? Or put another way: What do sober people do for fun? I think that one moment captured the lunacy of these past years. Alcohol had crept into every aspect of my life--school, work, relaxation, vacations, playing guitar, watching sports, socializing, managing emotions, so on and so forth. And in that moment, newly sober, I had no clue how to spend the afternoon.

I laughed until I cried and then played video games for the first time sober in years. Anyway, tomorrow I get an official assessment from a qualified doctor, though I already know the outcome. After that, I'll find a hobby. Or join a club. Basically, I'll make some new friends.

Thanks for the support!

Anna

Draciak,

I'm glad that you're getting an assessment tomorrow.

And, it sounds like you have a good attitude and you know that change is necessary.

And, laughing is always good!

Draciack

I like the lucid moments. They make the craziness seem like, well, craziness and altogether temporary.

Draciack

Stopped in at a treatment facility today and got a screening. The place is interesting--recovering alcoholics and drug addicts run the show and just from speaking with a counselor, I received the impression that they were incredibly committed to getting folks sober while retaining an atmosphere of acceptance, which is an accomplishment. I felt welcome, and the counselor validated what I already knew--I am a (recovering) alcoholic.

After taking his recommendations into account, I will attend AA meetings for a few months or at least until I feel that this is no longer an issue. I'm also on the lookout for trappings and environmental triggers. Draining day. Regarding my identity, I've gone from problem drinker to alcoholic to recovering alcoholic in less than a week, though I guess I knew the truth long before today. I'm worried how my family will take it. I can't help but feel like I've disappointed them somehow. Hopefully, that mentality will go away with time.

Best of luck and thanks for the support,
Draciack

HideorSeek

Welcome Irish and Draciak! Both of you sound committed to a new way of life. Draciak, from my experience, you have nothing to worry about with your family. You have a disease which you are doing something about!!! That shows incredible character...not the reverse! As far as AA, again in my experience, it is a wonderful F2F with others like "us" and a very supportive environment. Don't make my mistake and not open up. Everyone in the room has been where you are now...regardless of how long they are sober and it goes both ways...the newcomer helps everyone else just as much as the "older" ones. For me, the Steps were what made the biggest difference. Because once you take alcohol away, there is a gaping hole...plus a lot of raw emotion. The Steps helped me identify why I wanted to drink. Once I started tackling those issues, alcohol became unnecessary.

topspin

What a beautiful day it's turned out to be ! It sure didn't start off that way, though. I was sure I'd be able to finally get some sleep last night; since today is day 8 , but ended up with only two hours, ....not that I count backwards when I wake to determine how I'm going to feel today

It's some (yet) undiagnosed medical thing I'm dealing with that causes extreme pain in my hands and wrists occasionally. Usually it's only part of one hand or the other, but this morning it was an elbow and both hands. It really got me depressed and fearful about my health for about an hour, ... I took an anti inflammatory which really helped ; then headed to the grocery store for some vitamins, more fresh veggies and some smokes. Yesterday I had cleaned my fridge out for the first time in years. It's sparkling !! And threw out anything I didn't need to be eating anyway( for health reasons ). Eventually that early morning pain started to go away and got to do some more cleaning and organizing in the kitchen before heading to a noon time AA meeting.

My withdrawal symptoms have settled down alot today. Six days ago I was shakin' like a dog sh*ttin a peach seed. LO

Anyway, I justed wanted to thank all the folks here for their posts. It's been damn helpful and a wonderful learning experience even though I'm so new here , ..

Draciack

Hey, topspin,

For me as well, Day 8 was a surprising turning point. I felt relaxed for the first time and actually enjoyed some tasks, as opposed to just doing something so it would take my mind off the fact that I wasn't going to drink. Also, I had much more energy than usual. The first week I walked around in a sort of haze which made even the most minute tasks difficult. It's like I had forgotten how to function. Very strange.

I think I'm going to avoid trigger-rich places--restaurants, bars, even house parties--for a bit unless I feel absolutely comfortable and confident. I went to the Mexican restaurant Margaritas tonight with friends (my preferred drinking location before hitting the town) and my blood pressure shot through the roof. Just seeing the whiskey bottles and drinks put me instantly on the defensive. It was not enjoyable. In fact, it was horrible. Utterly putrid. Disturbing. /endrant

Anyway, as they say, better luck tomorrow.

CarolD

TS.....
While you are waiting to get a doctors diagnoses
Try running warm water over your hands and elbow.

I have arthritis ....bought 2 different expensive gismos
for pain management ....only to discover warm water
+ an anti inflammatory worked better...

Glad you are continueing to move forward

CarolD

.........Draciack

Glad to know the fog is gone....I found that weird
surreal feeling very disconcerting....

Yes....early in sobriety....I did stay far away from drinkers
and anywhere that had a drinking history for me.
It made me too antsy to go drink non alcohol beverages
when others were awash in booze.

Well done on your sober progress....

dkayvins125

Hi, this past relapse has brought on a lot of anxiety, guilt and shame. Going on day 7 now, feeling very tired and anxious. I am starving but do not have the motivation to eat. I have had some periods of sobriety in my life after realizing that I am an alcoholic. This last period of sobriety began Dec 5th 2009. Prior I went crazy-insane my body and mind craved/needed the alcohol and was running my life, EVERY SECOND. Went into a rehab. (again) got out went to my meetings and finally got a sponsor. Again everything slowed down, even making a call to my sponsor. I had family coming in to visit so I thought it would be okay for me to take a trip to the upper peninsula. Thought I would start my 4th step. About a week prior to me leaving that demon popped up inside my head and the drink thought began. I almost did not go. But my will won, and I left. and that was it. Thurs April 8th around 1am I stopped/ended my sobriety. Did not stop drinking until Mon April 12th in the afternoon. I remember telling my wife I was not going to go a couple of times, but in the end I could not tell her why I did not want to go. I knew that if I called my sponsor I would not have went. It was a battle that I lost.
I am glad that I had the love of my wife, sponsor, AA and SR to help me get to this point. I have a lot of work to do in front of me.
I am not sure where I am going with this or if this is in the right forum but I guess I fell into less than 2 week group.
Just having a lot of anxiety- its like a whirlwind going around the inside of my chest.
Dean

CarolD

Dean .....
I'm glad you posted here with us
7 days into your new beginning is super!

I too had false starts on my way to solid recovery.
I well remember how dejected I felt...
Took me 5 years to earn my 1 year medallion!

Anxiety ...I don't know if it's from de tox
or perhaps something else. Have you checked
with your doctor? That might be wise.

All my best as you move forward
Yes! You Can!

dkayvins125

I actually went yesterday. They do not and I do not think that this is from Detox. 7 days from my last drink is just outside the norm range for withdrawal, to have the severe amount of anxiety that I was feeling. They think its a combination of anxiety and some depression. I have always had a hard time handling things mostly emotions. Alcohol was my escape.
The doctors prescribed (1) pill .5mg of ativan increased by dosage of celexa from 20mg's to 40mg's and prescribed (3) pills of .5 ambien.
A lot of questions about my drinking history, AA and my sponsor (how is that working out). They (2) doctors came in at the end after (1) did the initial talk.
Both were very glad that I was honest about the drinking.
Feeling a lot better after getting a good night sleep.
A little bit of anxiety but an amount that I can deal with.
Thanks
Dean
starting day 8

fluxcap

Just made it over day 3 without a drink Found I am really positive in the morning about not having a drink ever again and then by late afternoon I start thinking of beer as it had become such a regular thing in my life. Decided this time around that I would not carry my bank card on me or more than $20 on me so it would stop me getting some on the drive home, seems to be working a treat so far.

I have come to the relisation that I can no longer have alcohol in my life anymore as I cannot stop drinking and once I have one and then it snowballs from there. I relised how bad I had come last friday nght as I drank to much. And when I went to sleep during the night my wife got up to go to the toilet and I had rolled over onto her side snoring and she couldn't wake me up to get back in the bed. That was an eye-opener as what if there was an emergency and I couldnt be woken up

But all is good so far seem to be feeling the fuzzies in the afternoon more this time around. Hope all you other 2 weekliens are all going well with your struggles

CarolD

fluxcap.....

Sounds as tho you are doing well....Congratulations!
Thanks for joining us here
Please do keep posting ...

All my best to you and your wife

Marlow

On day 9 now, and it's been up and down ride so far, mostly down. Found out I barely passed my mid-terms, scores of 50-55%, but a pass is a pass and they don't put your grades on your degree right? But generally the past nine days have consisted of periods of intense anxiety and panic, punctuated with some depression.

The fog of the intial few days has lessened somewhat, and I feel I'm actually starting to engage people more, instead of staring at them blankly, unable to comprehend what they said fast enough to have a meaningful conversation.

Generally procastination has been paralyzing, which only seems to deepen my anxiety. Had really dark dreams last night, as well. Having said all that, I have zero desire to drink and no cravings. It's a strange place to be in.

CarolD

Marlow.....
Thanks for checking in here with us

Yes....early sobriety is indeed...a srange time with
many unexpected challenges. Keep moving forward
as long as you remain alcohol free.....things will be
smoother rather quickly......

Not only did you pass your exams
you are winning over alcohol........

Marlow

Thanks for the kind words Carol, much appreciated.

Ronan

10 days today!
And it's mah birthday too. 25 years...young

I've the date of my sobriety tattoo'd on me now so there's no turning back.. unless I wanna be like those idiots who get band stuff tattoo'd on them and then decide a few weeks later they don't like em :P


I feel absolutely fantastic. The world looks different. I've told most of the people close to me and I expected a lot of "Ah you're not an alcoholic, you just need to cut down" but everyone is pretty much like "I'm proud of you" which I guess scares me as it shows me how far my alcoholism had come and that I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought!

Main problem is people want to buy me stuff. A friend wants to buy me a new set of golf clubs and I should be like "YES!!" but there's a sense of guilt on my part. I feel I quit because of all the bad stuff, I don't feel like I've done some great thing and I deserve all this praise..


Anyway enough venting, it's a beautiful day and I'm gonna hit a meeting then walk around in the sun while I wait for my beautiful girlfriend. I've got nothing to do today but smile