Hi, this past relapse has brought on a lot of anxiety, guilt and shame. Going on day 7 now, feeling very tired and anxious. I am starving but do not have the motivation to eat. I have had some periods of sobriety in my life after realizing that I am an alcoholic. This last period of sobriety began Dec 5th 2009. Prior I went crazy-insane my body and mind craved/needed the alcohol and was running my life, EVERY SECOND. Went into a rehab. (again) got out went to my meetings and finally got a sponsor. Again everything slowed down, even making a call to my sponsor. I had family coming in to visit so I thought it would be okay for me to take a trip to the upper peninsula. Thought I would start my 4th step. About a week prior to me leaving that demon popped up inside my head and the drink thought began. I almost did not go. But my will won, and I left. and that was it. Thurs April 8th around 1am I stopped/ended my sobriety. Did not stop drinking until Mon April 12th in the afternoon. I remember telling my wife I was not going to go a couple of times, but in the end I could not tell her why I did not want to go. I knew that if I called my sponsor I would not have went. It was a battle that I lost.
I am glad that I had the love of my wife, sponsor, AA and SR to help me get to this point. I have a lot of work to do in front of me.
I am not sure where I am going with this or if this is in the right forum but I guess I fell into less than 2 week group.
Just having a lot of anxiety- its like a whirlwind going around the inside of my chest.
Dean