thirtybubba

Hi y'all. It's the weekend, so I know not to say anything. But hi.

bdiddy5522

Why don't you say anything on the weekends TB? Hi everyone!

KC1

Good Evening, everyone. Even though it's the weekend, I am never at a loss for words! I just write and write and write and write sometimes. Motor mouth.

Anyhow, I have spent the last 7 hours cleaning. I recall doing this the last time I stopped drinking. My husband was doing some volunteer work today so he has been gone. He's on his way home now and we'll be fixing something for dinner.

Busy day tomorrow, but keeping busy is helpful. That's all for now.

KC

PurpleCat

Saw the Messiah tonight at the symphony. I enjoyed it - my boys, not so much. Oh well. lol

Why no talk, TB?

Congrats KC on your evening!

ANEWAUGUST

Good Evening Everyone..

KC-sounds like you had a good evening and a productive day today!

TB-good to see you here, how are you doing?

Brent...breakfast in bed, you have a sweet wife.

Anono-how are you doing?

TJ-nice to see you hear...

PC- I love the Messiah. It is a nice treat for the holiday season.

I have had nice day today..a bit of work...a bit of fun, and I got to take a nap..one of my guilty pleasures.

I have a busy day tomorrow., starting off with an early morning meeting...hope everyone has a great night.

thirtybubba

Hi y'all.

I wasn't gonna post 'cause like last weekend, I was getting lonely and frantic about it. Worse, this time 'round, my internet is pretty much erratic--and I doubt it'll get better till finals are over.

At this point it's a little late to be worried about much of anything. Although I think I can still pull off the whole finals thingy no problem...

Too lonely out here. I called the one who answers her phone (from the faraway meeting) and she said I should call my sponsor (who didn't answer the phone... well, ever. since that first time she answered). That was the beginning of the end. It's cold here, I'm stranded, can't go to the meeting really, 6 hours in the cold is excessive, and to be honest, while I enjoy the meetings sometimes, frankly not worth 6 hours in the cold. I suppose it's only going to get worse... school will let out, everybody will be going home, and I hope my internet connection improves.

Worse (although it has no effect with tonight, really) I found out on Friday that while I was blacked out I went and won some scholarships. I guess my drunken self is more capable than my sober lonesome one... although I'd rather be my sober self. Helps to remember things, truly, haha. And I like my sober self... I just can't take the lonely weeks on end. I suppose I'm some kind of failure, I'm just not sure what. In school I learn people need human contact... so I guess I'm doing pretty good for about 3-4 years since that on a regular basis.

Well I'm not blacked out, and I'm not sad and lonely right now... so take it for what it's worth.

Take care Augusties... one day I'll be good like y'all. In the meantime I'm learning stuff... and I don't mean in school. That's not important.

Family and friends around are... and it's all I lost, and I can't imagine it being worse than it is. So enjoy y'all folks this holiday season and remember to appreciate them even when y'all're feeling kinda testy and wish they'd go do something else somewhere.

Bubbalesson.

Take care,
TB

sphalerite

Hi August crew!

I'm still here, still sober. Sorry for being MIA but we've been really concentrating on doing a lot of family stuff lately. Making up for lost (read: drunken) time I guess. Funny how much stuff one can do with one's family when sober!
My oldest son is on the swim team, and has been practicing hard for an out of town meet. We drove down to the meet on Saturday morning--spent the day there, and made it back just in time to get to the family movie night at his school that evening. Yesterday Hubby and I brought the kids ice skating. Seriously. I haven't been ice skating in 25 years!!! It was a BLAST!

I am amazed when I think about how just three or four months ago, hubby and I would have been so proud of ourselves if we'd managed to do just ONE fun family thing a WEEK...Patting ourselves on the backs because we were such 'good parents'.
Right.
There was no way that my son could have joined the swim team while I was still actively drinking--that would mean I'd have to stay sober enough to drive him to practices, to meets...Impossible.

I feel as though I have finally joined the land of the living. I have finally become a productive human being, doing what most people take for granted--raising a family, having healthy meals on the table, doing stuff with my kids, participating in life. It can be a really amazing feeling, one I never want to take for granted.

KC--do you remember the pic I posted after one of my last benders? It was of a hideous softball sized bruise on my hip...I have absolutely (to this day) NO idea how it happened. Hang in there please. It will come.

bdiddy5522

Sphal- you are one of our groups most amazing stories! I am so proud of you and what you have done and who you have become! You deserve the happiness that you are enjoying, and I wish you many years of your well deserved life! You are living proof that people can and DO recover! Hugs.

TB- Keep trucking girl. Congrats on your scholarships. I hope that helps lessen the financial burden you have been dealing with? Just goes to show you.... you are so very capable of great things while drunk! Imagine how much you could accomplish SOBER?!?! You are obviously very bright and talented and people see that in you. Now I just pray that you see that in YOURSELF!

KC1- Keep going. Glad you are staying busy. I know I did that a lot in very early sobriety. Boredom was a huge trigger for me. If I stayed busy enough, I didn't have time to drink. Now, I enjoy relaxation and doing nothing. It is very healthy to completely unwind, and it takes on a whole new appreciation when you are not thinking about alcohol and just taking some "me" time.

For those I have missed, I hope you are all well. I really hope some of the MIA's check in soon. Richard54 especially. I hope you are well buddy.

Time to start another week! December 9th will mark my one month of complete sobriety. I can't believe it.

Hugs to all of you!

PS: Where is our fearless leader Melissa?!?!

BreakFree

Good Afternoon :)

(((Everyone)))

I'm here. Been crazy busy as usual. I've been sneaking in just long enough to read the posts.

These December days are flying by much faster than I would like. There is so much I want to do with my children between now and Christmas. Christmas crafts and baking, decorating, reading Christmas stories and watching all the movies! :) This past weekend was full of good cheer. We took the kids to the Home Depot Kids Workshop and then we went to a tree farm way out in the country on a mountain top. It was breathtaking and beautiful. A white farmhouse-style cape decorated with white lights and wreaths with red bows greets you as classic Christmas music fills the air. They provide tree sleds and saws for you to cut down your own tree. Each row of trees is marked with a Christmas-themed street sign. Just when it couldn't get any better, the first snow fell from the sky as we made our way back with our tree. It was awesome. It snowed all night and so the next day we all suited up and went out to build an igloo and some snowmen. Since it only snowed a little, we pretty much ran out of snow! LOL So we went on a long walk through the woods. It was gorgeous. The only thing that would have made the day even more perfect is if I wasn't the one who had to cook the yummy waffles we enjoyed when we came in after! :) That afternoon was our town's parade and that was fun. Next weekend we go to ride on The Polar Express and hopefully we'll make it to Santa's Village before Christmas, but I'm not sure if we'll be able to fit it in with all the other usual festivities. The weekdays are just flying by...get up, work all day, make dinner, take care of the kids, sleep, get up and do it all over again...

Do any of you remember those little Christmas suncatchers they used to make when we were kids? You would use tweezers to place little colored crystals into little metal patterns and then bake them in the oven? I can't find them anywhere. They probably banned them as choking hazards :( Darn it...

That's about it on my end. Crazy busy, but good :)

bdiddy5522

Melissa? I think you should be an author! I can actually picture in my head what you are describing. It sounds absolutely wonderful! It makes me think of this old fashioned family just having fun and enjoying each other without a care in the world. I am so happy for you and you deserve every bit of happiness you get. Thanks for checking in, and hope you keep coming back. We miss you

sphalerite

I remember those!!! Wow, what a blast from the past!
I think my mum still has a few of the ones we made as kids at her house! Except ours weren't just x-mas themed--they were suns, flowers, sail boats, etc....
If you find them tell me where. I'd love to do those with the kids!

ANEWAUGUST

Melissa...wow., you created an image in my mind that is truly wonderful. Thank you for sharing that wonderful memory you have created with your family. I DO KNOW the suncatchers you are talking about! The name of them is Makit Bakit Suncatcher Kits.
Michaels carries them...I haven't checked to see if they have the Christmas ornaments or not. I loved making them years ago.

Spahl...what a wonderful journey sobriety is taking you and your family on!!!!!! I remember some of your older posts, and I almost can't believe you are the same person that posted then.

My AA buddy who shared the same sobriety date as I...and who brought me a rose on our 30 day "birthday" stopped me and said he wouldn't be collecting a 60 day chip with me. He said he had a slip...but, was back on track. I hugged him, and told him the important thing was that he was back...not that he slipped.

(((hugs to all still struggling or suffering)))

bdiddy5522

Home from another AA meeting tonight. As always, a good one. Only about 10 people there. It saddens me that 3 weeks ago there were 3 new people, and not one of them has been back. I think we all know what that means. Hurts even more when it is real life, and not just on here. But the problem is the same whether it is on SR or in real life.

But by the grace of God and AA, my head will hit my pillow again tonight sober!

BreakFree

Good Morning! :)

I absolutely CANNOT believe that there are only a few short weeks before Christmas! :O

I am feeling overwhelmed. It all began with falling off of my healthy life makeover wagon, which happened over Thanksgiving weekend. It sounds SO cliche! You know, the strange thing is, I had read so many articles and posts over at my favorite health site about how this happens all the time and people were gearing up and planning so that they would not fall off. I pretty much skipped over that topic each day leading up to Thanksgiving thinking, "Yeah, right! NO WAY am I falling off this wagon! It feels TOO good to be healthy!" Well...you all know the rest of THAT story! :O

It dawned on me today, while searching for inspiration to get back on that healthy wagon, that all kinds of people all over this country are suffering from some sort of unhealthy habit or addiction. We are not alone in our struggles, whatever our choice of unhealthy habit/addiction (drinking, smoking, drugs, obesity...to name a few), people have to work really hard to overcome these addictions and stay the course. It's not easy. It all begins with a desire to change and then taking action. But it certainly does not end there. Some roads are longer than others. Some things take more time in order to see a result. For me, personally, it's pushing myself to keep going when I am not seeing or feeling the instant gratification that I so desire!

I fell really hard over Thanksgiving weekend. Alcohol only played a small part in that. Ironically, it (not drinking) was the easiest thing for me to get back on track with. I no longer crave/desire to have those few drinks I used to want/need each night to relax. Thank you, San Pellegrino with lime! (((BuddhaBear))), how I have missed you! That little ritual each evening did the trick. At first it was really hard, but it got easier. I came to really look forward to that time each night where I would fill a heavy, chilled glass with ice, squeeze a fresh slice of lime over those cubes and pour in that smooth, healthy, water and just watch it fizz as I would throw my feet up on our back deck and chat with hubby about our day. That was how I did it. That was how I broke my addiction/habit of daily drinking. I had the desire to do so. I implemented an action (filled the unhealthy habit with something GOOD and healthy) and I stuck with it.

And then I had a desire to become the healthiest I have ever been. Ooh...not so easy! Instant gratification is not something that is easily achieved from a physical standpoint. I would say it's almost 98% MENTAL in the beginning (in terms of seeing/feeling results). It requires a lot of patience and determination. Ooh, something I am very short on. I look back on how I succeeded in giving up alcohol (on a daily basis) and I realized that that, too, pretty much required 98%, if not (for me) 100% mental work. Gosh, our minds are our greatest ally and worst enemy at the same time! :O

When I become overwhelmed with life (which I often do at this phase of my life), I have a bad of habit of running to my computer...where I sit...and I sit...and I sit...staring out into cyberworld...This can go on for days. I'm not sure why I do this. Why I spend so much time staring at a computer screen. I don't actually *WANT* to sit at my computer all day, but somehow the urge is always there. The urge to check my e-mail, read my blogs and forums. All. Day. Long. In the meantime, my mind is constantly being bombarded with all kinds of information, thoughts and feelings. It's almost too much. I think my mind is just completely OVERLOADED. Perhaps it's ready to CRASH! :O My point is, how can one focus on making healthy changes when such a large percent of that change is MENTAL, but your head is too full to see or feel with clarity? And if I'm just sitting here, I'm not PHYSICALLY doing the things I need to be doing.

It's time for this gal to GET HEALTHY and FEEL GOOD! Time to do a lot less THINKING and a lot more DOING! This will, undoubtedly begin by spending A LOT less time at my computer. I am SO undisciplined when it comes to computer time so I may have to go cold turkey for a few days, maybe even weeks. So if you do not hear from me for a while, this is NOT a GOOD-BYE! :)

Lots of love,

thirtybubba

Sorry y'all.

I got drunk again Sunday... and am afraid to stop because that usually means about a week of nonproductivity... and I don't got that to spare yet.

I can't stand weekends, and it's worse when my internet is erratic. This is my little refuge... and the status of my internet access is not only cutting me off from my own friends, it's frustrating me (the thrill of reconnecting/ the heightened low of being locked out again). I guess I got enough in common with Melissa... this here internet addiction. Haha.

I was going to post something I'd written, but the connection fell out again, and I couldn't... so I made that call and it just wasn't enough. Leaving a message... is this why I called?

I did read Least's post, and then figured I shouldn't put something similar. Everybody here is real nice to me, but I keep falling and I can only ask for so much.

Don't know why at all, I suppose in the end. I gotta figure this out. Acceptance seems to be the key for me. I gotta accept that things are not going to get better, and instead of hoping for them to get better, I need to learn ways to deal with living in a state of imminent collapse... it's just hard. And it's been that way for a few years now, really. You'd think I'd be used to it.

I'll be back (oh Lord, I sound like my governator...)
TB

bdiddy5522

Tb- I don't know what to say any more. I just don't. I do have a couple questions though. Where do you keep getting money to buy alcohol? I thought you were broke? And aren't you about done with this semester? Are you going to be able to get through it now?

ANEWAUGUST

Melissa...

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I have gone thru, and still experience times in my life as your describe. To keep myself on track, I have to schedule myself. So many minutes here, so many minutes there, when I accomplish this, I will do that. Sometimes I have set a timer to remind me to let one thing go and begin another.

TB---((hugs))....

Today, at my meeting, one of the guys gave me a CD of a speaker to listen to. He said she is really good, and funny too. I appreciated him sharing that with me. I also will complete my first step before Christmas with my sponsor. So many things that I am thankful for in my life right now...

Peace

bdiddy5522

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

Just and FYI for all of you out there. This is a great site full of hundreds of AA speakers from national conventions, etc. Some guys in my AA group gave me the site and I have downloaded some of them to my I-pod to listen to when I can't make it to a meeting, etc. They are very good, and are so useful. Just wanted to mention this to anyone that may want to take a listen sometime Each of them are about an hour long.

ANEWAUGUST

You know..sometimes it is hard, on a recovery site, to really understand what is going on with another person. We can see their faces, their pain, their smiles, we can't hear their voices, the sadness, the happiness. We just share our stories, our journeys as best we can by writing them out.

Some people are able to get sober, and stay sober in cyber space, with no face to face support. I congratulate them all.

I however, was one that thought I could, and can't maintain sobriety in cyber space. I can strengthen my sobriety thru this site., but I need more. Some people need counseling, some meetings, some both, some both and this site. I do know that I am sober today, I am happy today because of what God has lead me to.

God, (my higher power), the rooms of AA, prayer and meditation coupled along with this board are my tools, my weapons against alcohol. If I don't do DAILY, what I have to do to keep my spirtual life, on track, I can't stay sober.

Right now..it is hard, when some of us are still struggling to know what, if anything to say. I try to share what works in my recovery, what others that have gone before learned and share with me.

We have to want sobriety and recovery as badly as we would want a drink. We have to think, before we drink. We have to make choices and decisions that keep us on a path to sobriety.

Dee74

Things do get better TB, but it's a process not an event....do you think you're really giving things the chance to get better ?

D