i cut
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Nottinghamshire, UK
Posts: 55
Hello Helpwanted, I hope you are having a good day today 
I cut for about two years many moons ago. As a nearly 40 year old I regret it bitterly. Has done nothing for my confidence having to continually cover up.
I get the urge....well its more than an urge. Sometimes when the kitchen drawer is open I see myself actually lifting a knife and cutting myself...scares me how strong it is sometimes.
It can be fought but it is tough.
I suggest you get rid of your cutting item and find an alternative method.....going to go read the sticky about self injury myself!
Whatever you choose I hope you can find a way through to the light.
I cut for about two years many moons ago. As a nearly 40 year old I regret it bitterly. Has done nothing for my confidence having to continually cover up.
I get the urge....well its more than an urge. Sometimes when the kitchen drawer is open I see myself actually lifting a knife and cutting myself...scares me how strong it is sometimes.
It can be fought but it is tough.
I suggest you get rid of your cutting item and find an alternative method.....going to go read the sticky about self injury myself!
Whatever you choose I hope you can find a way through to the light.
drop dead gorgeous
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Evansville,IN
Posts: 232
bs
this is bull ****. i have been online for a while and i have this overwhelming urge to cut and no one is freaking on. i now people have to sleep but is it reallly that hard to talk to someone who is fraking struggling. like i said this is bull ****. 
i am mad i am straving and i am tired but i had too much surgar and i am hungry. and i want to cut. but hell with cutting. i hate my scars but hey i am stupid enough to want to freaking cut. what the hell is wrong with me. i dont want to cut but this urge is awful. 
i am mad i am straving and i am tired but i had too much surgar and i am hungry. and i want to cut. but hell with cutting. i hate my scars but hey i am stupid enough to want to freaking cut. what the hell is wrong with me. i dont want to cut but this urge is awful.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi HW! I hope that today you are feeling a bit better. I have never been a cutter, either, but you do have my support, good vibes, well wishes and prayers. It is a shame that it becomes so quiet around here on the weekends, but it is an entirely volunteer community.
Keep trying, I know you can do this and it can get better!!!
Many hugs, HG
Keep trying, I know you can do this and it can get better!!!
Many hugs, HG
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, I'm sorry to hear it. Yeah, 2:30 on a Sunday morning over a holiday weekend is going to be a tough time to find anyone up and logged on to any on-line community. I hope you don't take it personally.....people just sleeping. Probably a lot like me....tooo old to stay awake :rotfxko
I hope you are doing OK today!
Big hugs, HG
I hope you are doing OK today!
Big hugs, HG
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Helpwanted, I too am sorry no one was there for you when you were struggling. I do hope in the future you are able to find support when you need it.
Like Hydrogirl said this is a voluntary community which means we don't necessarily have someone here 24/7. Even though we have many people here they may not check the mental health forum for new posts as they may primarily be part of the alcoholism, Narcotics, or friends and family sections. So even when it appears people are online they may not be online in this section so you may not get a prompt reply. I wish that were different but for now that is the way it is.
My daughter was a cutter for a long period of time. She has since recovered from it. She did not use a program but was able to change it on her own. I do not know much about cutting myself but do know there is help out there. I would suggest checking into some recovery programs or finding a mental health provider as they may be able to help. I do hope you find the help you seek in the future. Take care.
Like Hydrogirl said this is a voluntary community which means we don't necessarily have someone here 24/7. Even though we have many people here they may not check the mental health forum for new posts as they may primarily be part of the alcoholism, Narcotics, or friends and family sections. So even when it appears people are online they may not be online in this section so you may not get a prompt reply. I wish that were different but for now that is the way it is.
My daughter was a cutter for a long period of time. She has since recovered from it. She did not use a program but was able to change it on her own. I do not know much about cutting myself but do know there is help out there. I would suggest checking into some recovery programs or finding a mental health provider as they may be able to help. I do hope you find the help you seek in the future. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
You can get this under control, as I have. You've taken the very important first step of asking for help. You have no idea how common this is, although it's normal to feel a great deal of pain. But you diminish it's power by throwing light on it. I suggest going to AA and getting a therapist. I promise, you can heal.
drop dead gorgeous
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Evansville,IN
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr 
You can get this under control, as I have. You've taken the very important first step of asking for help. You have no idea how common this is, although it's normal to feel a great deal of pain. But you diminish it's power by throwing light on it. I suggest going to AA and getting a therapist. I promise, you can heal.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: chicago il
Posts: 6
hey help.... this is my first day here and wanted to reach out to you quickly as opposed to reading the previous comments. forgive me. do you find that certain things trigger you into these episodes of cutting? if you can find out what those are you can try to work through this.
do you have any therapist or anything you are working with. there are ways to ease your suffering without cutting.
hang in there.
do you have any therapist or anything you are working with. there are ways to ease your suffering without cutting.
hang in there.
drop dead gorgeous
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Evansville,IN
Posts: 232
me vent u ready for this?????
so this is my story. umm. it all started in elemtary school.i was really depressed and sick all the time. none of my docters knew what was wrong with me. i was on depression meds and ADD meds. but i was also always having these serve tmmy aches. my Dr didnt believe me and i was stuck with them. in 3rd grade i was crying all the time. i was getting sent to the principles office. all the time. and in 5th grade i started si. 7th grade. i was si ing so much it was an al the time thing. i was trying to break me fingers. i was bruising my body i wasnt happy. and i also said my parents were abusing me. and one day i said to my girl gym class why dont u just kill me... i was stopped in the hallway all the time with someone asking me if i was straving myself bc i was insanley skinny. i was aked that at least once or twice a week. i started to believe it too. my 8th grade year i had surgery and i was forced to use crutches when i started schoool. i was called a faker bc i was on them for almost half the school year. people were so mean. and my closest friends started to believe i was faking too. the said i depended on them for too much. but hey i was on crutches and i had my wrist in a cast too so i was kinda couldnt do anything. and my gym teacher was verbally abuseing me too. high school started and i started cutting bc nothing else was heling. people found out bc they saw the cuts. 10th grade i started trying to kill myself. and i was still cutting to. 11th grade i was still cutting and no one knew or was helping me. my junior year i was almost raped by a guy and my parents didnt want me to tell or got me help for it. my 12th grade year i was still cutting and depressed and the college search stared. i got into one college in the fall. and i ended up in the hospital after my last marching band contest bc i stopped breathing and i passed out and i got really sick. i was in the hospitlal for 3 days and sick at home for 4 days. we found out in janurary that my body doesnt retain water and that i could pass out again if i dont drink enough. so i struggle with that in the last few weeks of high school we got a new student in band. she hated me for idk why but a couple of times she accused me of cheeting so i just shrugged it off. then one day she did it again and i defened myself. she called me several names and i grabbed my stuff and walked out if the room. then later that day i was called down to the office and the asst prinpcile asked if i hit that girl out there. so i walked out there and there she sat. i walked back in there and said i didnt do aything to her. she gave herself a fat lip and accused me of punching her. then i was getting threatening texts from here\ so i showed thenm to the school officer. and then one saturday her dad came to my house and said i said i was going to bring a knife to church and stab her. hello i am doing nothing to her. so i graduate. and i leave my church where she goes to. and i go t a different church.now. i got into an amazing christian college.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Help...we've talked a bit on chat recently, and I've always found you to be very closed when we all ask if you need to talk. Now I see why...it's a lot for someone so young to deal with. I am so glad you finally came out and told us all some background - I feel like I know a little more about you now rather than just that you want to cut - a little glimpse into what you are dealing with. It's a huge relief to me to know a bit more, although it's upsetting to think you have to deal with all that. Thank you for sharing it. xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Thanks for sharing your story, help. I think college will be a good experience for you and hopefully you can get the help you need. I remember the time between 12th grade and college also being difficult, so much anxiety and uncertainty. But I have a good feeling you'll be OK. You've already made so much progress so far. You're very strong to go through all this and you'll only grow stronger.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 236
I cut too...I can relate to your story on lots of levels - school was difficult for me, too. I was always teased even among my friends. I didn't start cutting until college - but I started popping pills in middle school. Good luck with this monster...I know how tough it is to quit. It's the only thing about which I'm still uncertain about quitting - I feel confident in not drinking or smoking weed or doing coke ever again but I'm reluctant to give up my last "coping mechanism" to deal with pain.
Well done on getting into a school with which you're happy and to which you are excited to go! College is an exciting time and I hope you can "spread your wings" and really grow into yourself there. It's almost like getting a fresh start to be the person you've always wanted to and believed you could be (it was for me, at least)!
Well done on getting into a school with which you're happy and to which you are excited to go! College is an exciting time and I hope you can "spread your wings" and really grow into yourself there. It's almost like getting a fresh start to be the person you've always wanted to and believed you could be (it was for me, at least)!
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