i cut
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Hey, helpwanted,
I haven't been to this forum for a while, and forgive me for not reading back through all the posts, but I've tried to read enough to get the idea of what's going on.
I'm a "cutter" in recovery too. I see you're back to day zero (or one, that post was yesterday.) While cutting has some wicked complicated causes, we're all quite different, and we all just have to move along with the pace of life we're given... I will have two years of not cutting if I make it to next week alright.
Here's something I have to say about "day zero." I don't know anyway to really convince you that a relapse is not just a failure. But hear me on this, my last relapse was in August of 2009. I cut up my leg and all I could think at the time was that I failed and that I proved to myself once again that I was cursed with self-abuse. Call it luck, persistence or recovery, it's been two years now, and that last incident I had is no longer to me the last time I "failed" but the point where I started healing. It wasn't the day I lost, it was the day that I started getting better.
I have no words to make you feel totally good about your struggles or totally hopeful. They don't exist. All I can say is that if you find a way to persist, you can get past it, and it can be utterly amazing. You don't have to be a strong either. I never was, and I'm still not. I just did it day by day, until past mistakes seemed less important than the progress I'd made.
I haven't been to this forum for a while, and forgive me for not reading back through all the posts, but I've tried to read enough to get the idea of what's going on.
I'm a "cutter" in recovery too. I see you're back to day zero (or one, that post was yesterday.) While cutting has some wicked complicated causes, we're all quite different, and we all just have to move along with the pace of life we're given... I will have two years of not cutting if I make it to next week alright.
Here's something I have to say about "day zero." I don't know anyway to really convince you that a relapse is not just a failure. But hear me on this, my last relapse was in August of 2009. I cut up my leg and all I could think at the time was that I failed and that I proved to myself once again that I was cursed with self-abuse. Call it luck, persistence or recovery, it's been two years now, and that last incident I had is no longer to me the last time I "failed" but the point where I started healing. It wasn't the day I lost, it was the day that I started getting better.
I have no words to make you feel totally good about your struggles or totally hopeful. They don't exist. All I can say is that if you find a way to persist, you can get past it, and it can be utterly amazing. You don't have to be a strong either. I never was, and I'm still not. I just did it day by day, until past mistakes seemed less important than the progress I'd made.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Just take each day as it comes, do the best you can, and let it go behind you when it's done.....
Sometimes the best we can do is just show up, and that's OK.
As always, I'm prayin' for peace and joy in your world. HG
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
((hw)) I'm sorry.....I'm an old lady grad student, and I'm seeing a lot of stressed-out first year undergraduates around this campus lately, too. Hopefully your life and studies will fall into a routine that will be more comfortable for you soon!
Hang in there!!!! We're with you in spirit and prayer and good thoughts!
Hang in there!!!! We're with you in spirit and prayer and good thoughts!
drop dead gorgeous
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Evansville,IN
Posts: 232
my story
well at the beginning of the night i had a soccer game to perform at the soccer games. and on thursday i hit my head really hard and had a searve headache and was really dizzy. on friday i was trying to pretend i was ok. but in real life i felt awful but i wasnt going to tell anyone. and i didnt. later that night i made brownies and was fine. then my friend needed me to email her pictures and i started to feel really bad. so i asked friend to help me and i went to the bowld. still pretending then we got a call that another friend has been hurt so we hoppedin the car and went to jennings at that point i was feeling really sick. we got to jennings and our friend was doing ok. so they stayed to play the last round of nerf. i was like i have a headache and i will just sit this one out. so i did. so i stood for a while then sat down then stood again. and when they were done the guys knew something was wrong and i said nothing. then my friends were talking and i was sitting on a couch and i said to my friend u need to take me back to my dorm room now. after that i walked out and made it to the door b4 the piano pratice rooms. and sat. i closed my eyes i think. then opened them and was really really dizzy. i couldnt see anything. and when i closed them it was worse. when my friends came out they found me and they knew something was wrong. so they tried to help me up and i was even more dizzy. so i sank back down. just sitting there. every so often a way of nausa was waved over me but i blocked that out of my mind bc i knew if i threw up i was going to stop breathing and pass out. so i blocked that from my mind. i started shaking. i mean intense shaking. i couldnt stop. this went on for about an hour and then my friend decided to call 911. and they sent someone our way. i was stil really dizzy. and shakey. when i got to the hospital. i knw they took my blood pressure and it was high then i dont really remember. as of right now my head ache is still here and i feel lightheaded alot. today i had the kjv thing for gateway and i forced myself to go. then got food and walked back. another friend asked what happened last night and i started to tell him then started to feel really bad. so he walked me to my dorm at one point i sat down in the middle of the sidewalk bc i was so dizzy.
52 minutes ago · Like
Jillian Taylor i just know something isnt right. and they cant figure it out..
52 minutes ago · Like
Jillian Taylor i just know something isnt right. and they cant figure it out..
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Hi Jill, well i am glad your friends were there for you. And they did the right thing. So take those pain pills as precribed and get yourself some rest.
I am glad you came back and said you posted here , i always wondered what brought you to SR.
Wish you the best , see you in the rooms hug
I am glad you came back and said you posted here , i always wondered what brought you to SR.
Wish you the best , see you in the rooms hug
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Hi Jill...You left chat so quickly! I hope your feeling better today. Your antibiotics should be kicking in and your sinus infection healing. Please keep in touch and let us know how your doing. 
Best Wishes To You!
Best Wishes To You!
cries3:Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Hi Helpwanted.
This is the first time I've seen this thread. I just started hanging out on this part of SR. Glad you are back and starting over.
I cut too. And had not for 3 yrs but recently did again. Just once, but still.
I've tried looking into some cutting forums etc, but found many of them too triggering.
The most powerful motivation for me to stop cutting was that it was the thing most likely to get me put into a psych ward. People overlook a lot of disordered behavior but if they found out I was cutting they decided I WAS a danger to myself.
Do you have a sense of what type of support here on SR and in your outside life would help you stay clean?
This is the first time I've seen this thread. I just started hanging out on this part of SR. Glad you are back and starting over.
I cut too. And had not for 3 yrs but recently did again. Just once, but still.
I've tried looking into some cutting forums etc, but found many of them too triggering.
The most powerful motivation for me to stop cutting was that it was the thing most likely to get me put into a psych ward. People overlook a lot of disordered behavior but if they found out I was cutting they decided I WAS a danger to myself.
Do you have a sense of what type of support here on SR and in your outside life would help you stay clean?
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