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quitting the boards?

Old 05-02-2005, 07:27 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I started reading this thread and after the third post, I decided to give my opinion before I read further.

IMHO, I started coming to this posts because of my H, and after time went on, I am continuing to come to these posts for me. Through Alanon I have gained alot of knowledge and strength, that I have needed. Through alanon, I was taught to look at myself and in my opinion if I keep the focus on me and use the tools I have learned, I will be in a better place.

I consider myself a work in progress, and I am happy to say that I have made wonderful friends that I dont want to give up and that was through alanon.

I will always need improvement, or a good friend, or a good laugh. Maybe one day when I get healthy enough myself I will be able to help someone who was like me 1 year ago, and pass on certain tools that I have learned.

I think Alanon will always be a part of my life.
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:08 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I think I will be coming here for a long long long time. I started when I was searching for ways to deal with Co-Dependancy. Seems I'm a huge CoDe.

SoberRecovery has helped me learn that is it okay to say "No". That I do have my own mind and I don't have to do what everyone expects of me.

SR has also taught me how to humble myself. And, along with Al-Anon and Counseling, has given me the tools I need to learn to cope with my AH. WHENEVER I question my actions or just need to vent, I know my friends here will always be here for me offering their advice and support and putting me in my place when I need it .

I don't know what I'd do without my good friends here at SoberRecovery.

Last edited by JessicaNAJ; 05-02-2005 at 10:34 AM.
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:17 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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This is a good thread... since that was one of my questions to my ex-ABF when I saw him last.... he went to meetings 5 to 7 nights a week and my question was is he going to be doing that the rest of his life.... Well, now the questions is .. Am Im going to be doing this recovery the rest of my life.

The way I see it now, and this is subject to change with my growth is. I dont ever want to forget what happened, during weak moments when I miss him or think... maybe there is hope, I come here and read. I have seen so many go through what I have, and the A is sober 3 years and then a relasp... BOOM it starts over again. This board keeps me focused on what is real, not what I wish could be.

Because I promised on the other post Im going to attend Al-non in a couple weeks. (adjust the schedule) Even though the A is not in my life, I will check it out and see if that is also a part of my recovery ... if not I will probably stay here anyway as I never want to make that mistake again.
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:21 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I have been in Al Anon since 1995. As I have grown in my recovery, I find more and more opportunities to practice what i have learned. I have a new set of tools that help me to live life on life's terms -at work, at home, in the grocery store, just about everywhere I go.

Maybe icontinued, active recovery is not for everyone, but going to meetings, reading the literature and participating in the SR forums has allowed me to keep the focus on ME. In the past, when I quit going to meetings and quit doing any reading, I found that my outlook on life got a bit off kilter... I started taking ownership of other people's actions and feelings that did NOT belong to me. I found my life slipping back into that "unmanageable" place, and when I started back to meetings and reading, things got back into balance.

Thanks for the topic. As for me? I 'll keep working my recovery, because it works for me.

Barb
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:23 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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There have been many times since I joined this board that I have taken some time away from it. Not because of any of you personally, but for me. There is a point sometimes where we hear so much and we are reminded of so much that it does keep us in that part of our life that doesn't allow for us to move on. I think that in each case, it's different.
I also believe that for those of us that have felt the need to come here seeking help and have really focused on ourselves and less on the A in our lives, our reasons kind of change for coming here.
However, I think life is an ongoing journey and the road is different for everyone. Some will continue to use Alanon or these boards for themselves while others will not.
I think it's summed up by that saying, "take what you want and leave the rest" - and sometimes that means taking what you need at the time and leaving when it's time.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you find peace in your decision. But I hope that if you do decide to leave that you will not forget what you learned here and that you'll come back if you ever feel the desire or the need.
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:27 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by quietsins
there is wisdom out there that says as long as you hang onto any part of a past relationship, you are not moving forward.


AMEN AMEN AMEN! It's hard to let go or FORGET, but if I hold onto ANY part of my past relationship to my ALCOHOLIC love, then I will NEVER EVER recover or heal! Letting go is the HARDEST thing to do, but there comes a time that we MUST be selfish and think of ourselves and go forward without that person we loved so dearly. Even though I hurt and am trying to kick my addictions, it was only when I met HIM that I was introduced to them and liked it. I do not blame him ..... because it is *I* that allowed it. It's just the fact.

I also must let go of the feelings of wanting to HELP him ..... for he does not want help. I just wish him well and pray he finds the means to admit he has a problem and get himself HELP ...... I cannot because it will be my demise!
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:29 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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We go to church once or twice a week to keep learning and to feel better, even tho we know our faith is strong.
Yes, we can be helpful to people in church, but seems we can be more helpful here with living, and emotions.
I need to be reminded often of many of the things we learn in AA and Al-Anon,
Big one"s remembering "We can change only ourselves" and 'live and let live" and I need step 10 "Personal Inventory". It all makes life better for me.
We all need each others wisdom. Magic on this site is such a blessing to us all , as are so many others.
I am so thankful for SR and all of you. clancy46
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Old 05-02-2005, 10:33 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by quietsins
does posting to these boards keep us trapped in relationships ghosts that we need to let go of?

i would love to hear what others have to say. for myself, i love what i have learned in alanon, but i am ready to move forward with my life and am pondering getting rid of all my readings books and other alanon approved literature.
if you get rid of it donate it to alanon or something then someone poor can have them

i am in an absolutely horrible state right now. surely made worse by my hanging around. BUT....i never would have known. It's just a process is all and different amounts of time for each person. I don't think the boards or Alanon keep us stuck. I definitely, definitely understand your question on it.

Now, I wish I would have left back then when i first found out. But, I didn't know back then so it would not have been the same. Wish I had a time machine, wish I won the lottery...but unfortunately it does not work that way.

As far as quitting the boards, just visit them if you want, and don't if you don't. No need to announce quitting. Anytime I've ever seen someone do that they didn't anyway. Just do what you feel at the time. You might want to visit to talk about feelings, give advice, or whatever. And if not that's ok too. leave each day to it's own answer
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Old 05-02-2005, 11:37 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I came into Al-Anon for me at 45 and will probably be staying until I am 90. so I hope you all are ready for that to happen if I live that long.

Why? Because I feel better going to meetings and coming here to SR because I practice what I suggest to others. Keep the focus on myself. If I am not going ahead I am falling behind or at the very least stagantating. I choose to do neither of the later. I will never be able to repay everyone in the program for all that I've been given and I've seen so many come into the a 12 step program only to stay a while and leave before the mircle could happen. I've also seen many leave the program only to come back a few years later saying they wish they had never left.

I'd rather learn from someone else's pain than to experience it all myself. With each and every one who shares I grow a little more, learn a little more and have just a little more serenity in my life.

I still need a hand to hold as I peek around the new corners of my life,I still appreciate it when someone will listen to me so I can hear what it is that I am thinking, and mostly I do enjoy the company I keep in the program and here at SR. All of you have been at one time or another in the same places I have been, and know and understand where I am coming from.( probably even better than I do myself.) There are a thousand people in the world who will tell me what they think I want to hear but very few who will tell me with love in their hearts the things I need to hear. I have found that kind of people here at SR and at Al-Anon meetings. I need honest feed back said with love and kindness. I've had enough negative feed back given to me in the past to last me a life time.

So I will keep coming back and will try to give that same love and honestly in my posts.

I believe my purpose in life is to be of service to my H.P. and to others. I get all the love, friendship, and fellowship you all have to offer in the deal as well.

Thank you all for staying for the ride. I for one choose not to get off until I have to.
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Old 05-03-2005, 03:57 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I did quit working a program for a time and I am one of the ones who crawled back.

Al Anon gave me a life that I could be proud of and unless I make the decision to always be vigilant and work it every day I will fall back to my old ways of thinking. My thinking is what got me in trouble (not the alcoholic) and I continue to need a place to hold it up to others.

Whenever and for whatever reason I am feeling anxious, depressed or full of resentment I need a place to unravel it so I return to living in the promises. I have been in grace. I have felt peace. That is just to valuable to risk.

And watching some of you "get it"...I love that part!

Hugs,
JT
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Old 05-03-2005, 05:13 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I have quit going to meetings before and before I knew it I was back in my cage walking in circles....

I have also thought about not posting anymore sometimes I have been hurt by something someone else directs at me or I hurt myself by saying something that inspires a furry in others.

When I come here and write what's in my heart it helps so much. I have friends here and like going to meetings I have found more love than I was use to and it can be scary. Hell don't scare me but, love does go figure....I need this place even if the love scares me maybe it will scare me out of my sickness.
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Old 05-03-2005, 06:23 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 1/28

Newcomers are often surprised at the number of years long-time members have been attending Al Anon meetings. They may be even more surprised that some of us have sobriety in our homes, or no longer have any alcoholics in our lives. Why do we keep coming back? For many of us the answer is “serenity”.

Sometimes I get impatient, or rebellious, or bored. I go through periods where I see little change in myself, and I begin to doubt. But even after many years of Al Anon recovery, if I miss too many meetings, things seem to become unmanageable all over again. I have been affected by someone else’s drinking. I don’t want to underestimate the lasting impact that alcoholism has had on me. So I keep coming back.

I came to Al Anon for a quick fix for my pain, but I stay for the consistency, security and friendship I find each day. Because of my commitment to my own growth, I am able to handle very difficult situations with a great deal of peace, and the delight in my life continues to exceed my wildest dreams.

Today’s Reminder:

I see recovery as a healthy way of life that I can gladly share with others. Today I am actively pursuing a better life because I am working on myself.

“Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.” – Just for Today
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Old 05-03-2005, 06:48 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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I can't really answer this in terms of relationships or of al-anon but with respect to forums I think they are there as a cyber community to be used where people find it helpful.

Just like any community there can be disputes and each of us learns as we go along about the culture and expectations within a group. Also a group can bring back memories we feel we should leave behind and if that's the case I think leaving a group can be a good thing. As long as any leaving is done politely, with respect and tolerance - then return is always possible.
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Old 05-03-2005, 07:47 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I see many people that see Al-Anon as a self-help program, and in a way it is. But being able to give back is one of the greatest gifts that I have been given.

Sometimes giving back is inconvenient or I'm not feeling like being giving. I have learned that when I go ahead and share my life with others, I get back. I learned that it is in giving that we receive. It is in sharing that we become a part of life. I don't ever want to end up on the outside looking in again. I spent too many years like that. Hugs, Magic
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Old 05-03-2005, 08:31 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Magic, I couldn't agree with you more!

Once upon a time I had a very hard stretch in my life and a local not-for-profit was very helpful to me. I have come full circle, I was once the student, not I'm the teacher. I volunteer there every tuesday night. You're right, it's not always convienent, I'm often tired after work and it would be easy to "call off". Instead I get in my car and go.

I received many blessings there as a student. They've been multiplied 100 fold once I started giving back. Sharing, giving...it's opened a world I was totally unaware of. And it's a wonderful world indeed.
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Old 05-03-2005, 10:06 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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When I first came to this board..oh so long ago...I was a mess. My son was so messed up on drugs and drink..I felt like a failure as a mom, as a human being. I found after coming here and getting many hugs...and even the septer for my kid ripping me off in the hospital...:-)...yes, I can smile about it now...Well, I found that what I have been though..the path that I had to somehow slowly tread had indeed been walked by others..and they were more than happy to reach out and support me when I needed it...even when I didn't realize that I did.

Over time, I quit coming here on an hourly basis...even on a daily basis as I learned how to let go of the son I knew and began to see that this person he has become was because he made his choices..God knows, I would have never said "Hey SonnyBoy..try this..ohhwee man...puts you over the top". NO..no more than me loving him was enough to bring him back to earth and make him stop...All I could do is remove myself from HIS situation..and not let him come in to mine. I did all this..over the course of the last year...and while I cannot for sure and certain swear that he is no longer doing drugs and he doesnt get drunk on a daily basis (if at all)...I CAN say that my life is so much more calm...because I demand that it stay that way.

I still come here at least once a week...to offer myself to those that are new to the path...I will still stand and help someone else walk it...because I have been there..and I still have the lumps and bumps to prove it..

On a side note: I had someone say to me once that it wasnt the same dealing with an alcoholic / drug dependent child as it was with a SO...I just looked at them...thinking to myself...why should one be more than the other. Anyone out there have any thoughts on this?
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Old 05-03-2005, 11:15 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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I personally dont think it matters if it is your significant other, your H, brother,sister, son or daughter, each case may be a little different, but yet the same.

My H says things to me sometimes, he is more tired then I am, he gets up earlier, he is sorer because he works harder. When he is sick, he cant move cause he is really sick not like me.

How can you compare individual pain, strength or weakness??
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Old 05-03-2005, 12:53 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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you can't - everyone feels things in their own way - no apples to apples comparison. that's why we can never assume we know what's best for someone else - now if i can drill that little tidbit into my brain that would make my day!
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Old 05-03-2005, 02:12 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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I've just come back from a meeting and it has replenished my faith. I heard the word "alcoholic" only 4 times in over an hour. It was all about us. As I sat there, I realised that I have to keep going, for me, and for the newcomer. Who will they learn from if we all leave once we have "got it"? (I say "got it", tongue in cheek, btw). I know lots do leave, and it causes problems in terms of sponsorship. We have to give back what we have been given.

I am going to try to remember this in my dealings on SR. It is about us, not about the A.
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