QUACKERs.... Part 3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
OK I admit...some of these have me laughing so hard it makes me almost cry.
I thought the lobster trap was the best.....then.....I'm blind!!!!!
OMG you can't make this stuff up in the best movie!!!!!!!!!!!
Heck mine was the lame old....I have a friend at work dying of cancer. And a workmate was upset so I had to stay and comfort them....til 2AM. Or it was a funeral for a baby that died....and well I was so upset that when he came to comfort me I couldn't help myself.......None of these very funny at all.
OMG Lobster Trap....ROFL!!!!!
But they think we actually believe this crap?!!?
I thought the lobster trap was the best.....then.....I'm blind!!!!!
OMG you can't make this stuff up in the best movie!!!!!!!!!!!
Heck mine was the lame old....I have a friend at work dying of cancer. And a workmate was upset so I had to stay and comfort them....til 2AM. Or it was a funeral for a baby that died....and well I was so upset that when he came to comfort me I couldn't help myself.......None of these very funny at all.
OMG Lobster Trap....ROFL!!!!!
But they think we actually believe this crap?!!?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Rapid City, MI
Posts: 214
He probably woke up with his head so far into the toilet bowl that when he opened his eyes all he saw was white and thought he'd gone blind!
And yes, he believes that I SHOULD believe him. He gets so upset when I start laughing (or quacking) that he'll only text his quackery now. Which allows me to not respond AND get a good laugh.
And yes, he believes that I SHOULD believe him. He gets so upset when I start laughing (or quacking) that he'll only text his quackery now. Which allows me to not respond AND get a good laugh.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
So, according to my parents, as told to me over 24 hours after my alcoholic mother was admitted to the hospital: At a very exclusive hotel/resort, my alcoholic mother and my heaving drinking codependent father, after only two drinks, tripped down some slippery stairs and my father was completely unscathed but my mother broke her heel (a bone that is typically only broken after falling off of scaffolding or major car accidents). Now, these two are the queen and king of getting freebies for the smallest of "slights" and have already threatened to sue the hospital for not quick enough service, but the events of the evening in question are very hush/hush. There doesn't seem to be a loss prevention team involved even though this is a world class resort and my mother can't remember if they were going to drive home or walk home or where my father parked his car. In fact, she can't remember if she threw up or not after breaking a major bone in her body. Crazy how these things happen! After two drinks . . . .
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: sitting down and facing front
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by mtk 
He drinks so I can sleep.
“Last weekend I didn’t drink and so I was up until 1am watching tv. That kept you awake. So I’m drinking tonight so I fall asleep earlier so you can sleep.”
“Last weekend I didn’t drink and so I was up until 1am watching tv. That kept you awake. So I’m drinking tonight so I fall asleep earlier so you can sleep.”
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Over the last few days my mom's new story is that she fell because of her bunions. Her physical therapist told her that older people fall a lot because of bunions, so that is why she has been falling so much. Bumpy Quack!! So interesting how traumatic past events morph into different stories on a daily basis.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern gal
Posts: 229
my AX " you don't have a life, stop focusing on me and get a life"
I have a house, a job, a drivers license, a car,and I am raising 2 kids on my own.
he has no job, no place to live, does not pay child support. he is 45 yrs old. has no license, has no car. and wears an anklet to monitor if he drinks
who needs to get a life?
I have a house, a job, a drivers license, a car,and I am raising 2 kids on my own.
he has no job, no place to live, does not pay child support. he is 45 yrs old. has no license, has no car. and wears an anklet to monitor if he drinks
who needs to get a life?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 46
i love these. thank you all for sharing. i have some to share, i have forgotten MOST of them over the years.
1. After we had a talk about how i need him to start pulling his weight and help with everything. and he agreed, apologized and promised to help out more
Me: "i think the oil in the truck needs to be changed, would you please change it today"
Him: "no, i wont do it"
Me: "what do you mean no?" (thinking he already had something planned even thou he was unemployed at the time, and was already thinking of another "good" time for him)
Him: "why should i change your oil. i dont drive that truck."
Me: "seriously? WoW" (he did not drive that truck, but his wife did and most of the time i had his children with me)
2. before filing for divorce. he was already living with his hood rat but i did not know about her yet. so i called him so we could talk.
me: how are you doing
him: fine, just a little tired
me: why are you so tired, did you stay up drinking?
him: no i didnt, my cousins kids never go to bed. they stay up all night, yelling and scream. i cant get any sleep.
a few minutes later
me: well hopefully you can sleep and the kids wont bother you
him: what kids? i was working on my truck all night, i told you already, you never listen.
3. after the divorce was filed and i was telling him not to claim the kids on income tax. he tells me that he already filed and claimed the kids and that he was just waiting for the check to come in. he usually claimed the 2 youngest kids on his tax returns but he was hardly home in 2013 and was not giving me any money for bills, food, or kids needs. come to find out a month later he got an estimate.
him: i am about to lose my truck. the repo man has already went to my work.
me: well cant you pay it off when your income tax comes in
him: i havent even filed yet. i told you i needed my w2 forms. and since they are going to your address and you wont give them to me.
me: why wont i give them to you? what makes you think that i wouldnt give them to you? what have i ever done or said to give you that impression?
him: crickets (i am sure this came from his hood rat)
4. after his w2 came in, i made sure that i filed my income tax and claimed the 2 boys before he could, right after the last conversation. i gave him his w2 with a note that i already file and claimed the boys.
him: Thank you.
me: thank you for what
him: for f8cking me over.
me: ok. how did i f*ck you over.
him: you claimed the boys. now i am not going to get anything back. (he gets 3000 back without boys, 6000 with boys) you really messed me over
me: i dont see how i messed you over. you didnt pay a dime to help support the boys last year. i dont see why you should claim them. i paid for everything.
him: i was going to give you half!! i told you that. you know i was going to give you half. (umm no you didnt and he NEVER gave me half of his income tax return in like 4 years, i never knew what he spent 6000 dollars on either. and i HATE that 'was going to") i am sure his hood rat was pissed.
same conversation
me: i paid for all the bills, school clothes and everything. you were not giving me money. you know my paycheck does not cover the monthly bills.
him: maybe you should work harder or get a second job
me: you made more then i did and i should get a second job?
him: i dont believe you
me: you dont believe me? what?
him: i dont believe you that i made more then you. (he was working 50-55 hours a week. he was telling me all of 2013 that he only made 200 a week. come to find out he was getting 500-600 a WEEK)
me: why would i lie about how much i made last year. i could show the w2 if you want. but you made 30K and i made 22k. plus i am getting garnished for not paying my school loan because i was busy paying everything else.
him: laughing, well maybe you need to get another job. you are so perfect arent you. you got your college degree and i made more money then you. you really are dumb huh? so much for you college degree
me: what the ****
(again, i am sure most of that came from his hood rat. i never threw my college degree in his face. the years that i made more then him, i never threw it in his face. i was always trying to get him to educate himself on things so he could get a better paying job.. but now it is MY fault that he made more then me?
1. After we had a talk about how i need him to start pulling his weight and help with everything. and he agreed, apologized and promised to help out more
Me: "i think the oil in the truck needs to be changed, would you please change it today"
Him: "no, i wont do it"
Me: "what do you mean no?" (thinking he already had something planned even thou he was unemployed at the time, and was already thinking of another "good" time for him)
Him: "why should i change your oil. i dont drive that truck."
Me: "seriously? WoW" (he did not drive that truck, but his wife did and most of the time i had his children with me)
2. before filing for divorce. he was already living with his hood rat but i did not know about her yet. so i called him so we could talk.
me: how are you doing
him: fine, just a little tired
me: why are you so tired, did you stay up drinking?
him: no i didnt, my cousins kids never go to bed. they stay up all night, yelling and scream. i cant get any sleep.
a few minutes later
me: well hopefully you can sleep and the kids wont bother you
him: what kids? i was working on my truck all night, i told you already, you never listen.
3. after the divorce was filed and i was telling him not to claim the kids on income tax. he tells me that he already filed and claimed the kids and that he was just waiting for the check to come in. he usually claimed the 2 youngest kids on his tax returns but he was hardly home in 2013 and was not giving me any money for bills, food, or kids needs. come to find out a month later he got an estimate.
him: i am about to lose my truck. the repo man has already went to my work.
me: well cant you pay it off when your income tax comes in
him: i havent even filed yet. i told you i needed my w2 forms. and since they are going to your address and you wont give them to me.
me: why wont i give them to you? what makes you think that i wouldnt give them to you? what have i ever done or said to give you that impression?
him: crickets (i am sure this came from his hood rat)
4. after his w2 came in, i made sure that i filed my income tax and claimed the 2 boys before he could, right after the last conversation. i gave him his w2 with a note that i already file and claimed the boys.
him: Thank you.
me: thank you for what
him: for f8cking me over.
me: ok. how did i f*ck you over.
him: you claimed the boys. now i am not going to get anything back. (he gets 3000 back without boys, 6000 with boys) you really messed me over
me: i dont see how i messed you over. you didnt pay a dime to help support the boys last year. i dont see why you should claim them. i paid for everything.
him: i was going to give you half!! i told you that. you know i was going to give you half. (umm no you didnt and he NEVER gave me half of his income tax return in like 4 years, i never knew what he spent 6000 dollars on either. and i HATE that 'was going to") i am sure his hood rat was pissed.
same conversation
me: i paid for all the bills, school clothes and everything. you were not giving me money. you know my paycheck does not cover the monthly bills.
him: maybe you should work harder or get a second job
me: you made more then i did and i should get a second job?
him: i dont believe you
me: you dont believe me? what?
him: i dont believe you that i made more then you. (he was working 50-55 hours a week. he was telling me all of 2013 that he only made 200 a week. come to find out he was getting 500-600 a WEEK)
me: why would i lie about how much i made last year. i could show the w2 if you want. but you made 30K and i made 22k. plus i am getting garnished for not paying my school loan because i was busy paying everything else.
him: laughing, well maybe you need to get another job. you are so perfect arent you. you got your college degree and i made more money then you. you really are dumb huh? so much for you college degree
me: what the ****
(again, i am sure most of that came from his hood rat. i never threw my college degree in his face. the years that i made more then him, i never threw it in his face. i was always trying to get him to educate himself on things so he could get a better paying job.. but now it is MY fault that he made more then me?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 46
oh and another one
i was trying to get him to go to school since he was complaining about working groundkeeper.
me: you could go to a trade school
him: for what
me: for anything you are interested in
him: like what
me: i dont know, like a mechanic school. or paint shop. they train you and then you can work where you want for better pay
him: i dont want to be a mechanic!! you only want me to be a mechanic. i have NO INTEREST in working on car engines for the rest of my life and being a grease monkey.
me: ok, it was only a suggestion (must have tapped into some FOO issues about being a mechanic. but i was only trying to help)
5 years later he is working on everybody and their brothers car on his days off. except mine of course. now working at the dairy plant and hates it of course. i was begging him to NOT work on cars on the weekends so we can do something as a family. but he continues to do it because we need the money. no we didnt but i believe he liked to work on the cars and it was a extra bonus that those people thought he was super wonderful for fixing the car at half the price the mechanic charges.
him: i am thinking of going to a trade school
me: oh really? that is great!! what are you thinking
him: i think i will go to a mechanic school so i can work on cars and get paid more.
me: wow what a great idea (in my head, thinking wtf!! i practically BEGGED him to go and it was a bad idea and i was trying to hold him down?)
i was trying to get him to go to school since he was complaining about working groundkeeper.
me: you could go to a trade school
him: for what
me: for anything you are interested in
him: like what
me: i dont know, like a mechanic school. or paint shop. they train you and then you can work where you want for better pay
him: i dont want to be a mechanic!! you only want me to be a mechanic. i have NO INTEREST in working on car engines for the rest of my life and being a grease monkey.
me: ok, it was only a suggestion (must have tapped into some FOO issues about being a mechanic. but i was only trying to help)
5 years later he is working on everybody and their brothers car on his days off. except mine of course. now working at the dairy plant and hates it of course. i was begging him to NOT work on cars on the weekends so we can do something as a family. but he continues to do it because we need the money. no we didnt but i believe he liked to work on the cars and it was a extra bonus that those people thought he was super wonderful for fixing the car at half the price the mechanic charges.
him: i am thinking of going to a trade school
me: oh really? that is great!! what are you thinking
him: i think i will go to a mechanic school so i can work on cars and get paid more.
me: wow what a great idea (in my head, thinking wtf!! i practically BEGGED him to go and it was a bad idea and i was trying to hold him down?)
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