Oh Well Part 2
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Well done O, for skilful navigation!
I recent read an historic post of Dee’s that said, ‘alcohol makes the intolerable, tolerable’. That really struck home, to me.
I’ve selected this as my new mantra ‘One Life, Live It’. Anything (within reason) that I no longer find tolerable without alcohol, I must deal with by renegotiating, or eradicating. No holds barred, literally. I was in ‘the Doldrums’ for an unreasonably lengthy duration. No more, as my tolerance for alcohol reduced to zero, my intolerance, for the intolerable ramped up to maximum. Of course, I’m describing circumstances I can change: there’s the Serenity Prayer for those I cannot!
I recent read an historic post of Dee’s that said, ‘alcohol makes the intolerable, tolerable’. That really struck home, to me.
I’ve selected this as my new mantra ‘One Life, Live It’. Anything (within reason) that I no longer find tolerable without alcohol, I must deal with by renegotiating, or eradicating. No holds barred, literally. I was in ‘the Doldrums’ for an unreasonably lengthy duration. No more, as my tolerance for alcohol reduced to zero, my intolerance, for the intolerable ramped up to maximum. Of course, I’m describing circumstances I can change: there’s the Serenity Prayer for those I cannot!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
"Now, I'm back to existence without drinking and I have to learn how to navigate all of this stuff I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to navigate before."
yes.
and this might add to your irritation: you might consider reframing the " have to" to "get to"......without a sarcastic smirk.
i get to, too.
yes.
and this might add to your irritation: you might consider reframing the " have to" to "get to"......without a sarcastic smirk.
i get to, too.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I don't know how to insert an image, and anyhow this might be copyrighted. The Doldrums:
https://static.wixstatic.com/media/9...73ae46~mv2.jpg
https://static.wixstatic.com/media/9...73ae46~mv2.jpg
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I've been sarcastically smirking at fini's suggestion, Tats. That facial expression is supposed to be accompanied by the words "I get to (learn how to live through this intense anxiety/irritability)." I haven't quite gotten to the words "get to," but did spend an unreasonable amount of time at work the last couple of days laughing at ridiculousness with some of my coworkers. The boss was away, so O did play. Uncharacteristic, but I'm trying to feel ok about it. I really did need a sanity break. Was on the receiving end of a snarly email from a person on my team whose last day was yesterday. It bothered me, for sure, but when I went back through the history of the event about which she was snarling, I honestly can't find any fault with my own actions. While I continued to hurl nasty words at her (in my head) for a couple of hours after, I think I'm over it. I think. But... it was clear from this exchange that she was harboring a resentment she never told me about. I went to speak with her and she pretended everything was fine. What's a gal to do?
Anyhow. I woke up at 7am today, got right out of bed and started my laundry! Put some music on and actually have found myself singing along. Texted a new AA person to see if she wanted to go to a meeting with me today and she declined, but says she'll see me Monday. I don't want to freak her out, so pretty much left it at that. My potential new friend from IOP didn't text me back the other day, so I tried calling her; mailbox is full. I think she's probably gone out again.
I sure get how that happens - just sent her a text to say "I'll be around."
So it appears that I'm out of The Doldrums.
Thank goodness - it really sucks there. No doubt I'll find myself there again but each time I "get to" sit through it, I hope to have strengthened conviction that it will pass. It did occur to me this morning that I've been demonstrating classic signs of an impending return to drinking. Crappy mood, day-long tension and headaches, brief or nonexistent posts. However! I've not been trying to put a stoic face on it, so this "sitting through it" and telling you about it seems to be a valuable exercise.
I appreciate this place. I appreciate my friends here who stick with me. I'm grateful that someone (Wendy?) revived painterbill's thread just when I was thinking about him.
Anyhow. I woke up at 7am today, got right out of bed and started my laundry! Put some music on and actually have found myself singing along. Texted a new AA person to see if she wanted to go to a meeting with me today and she declined, but says she'll see me Monday. I don't want to freak her out, so pretty much left it at that. My potential new friend from IOP didn't text me back the other day, so I tried calling her; mailbox is full. I think she's probably gone out again.
I sure get how that happens - just sent her a text to say "I'll be around."So it appears that I'm out of The Doldrums.
Thank goodness - it really sucks there. No doubt I'll find myself there again but each time I "get to" sit through it, I hope to have strengthened conviction that it will pass. It did occur to me this morning that I've been demonstrating classic signs of an impending return to drinking. Crappy mood, day-long tension and headaches, brief or nonexistent posts. However! I've not been trying to put a stoic face on it, so this "sitting through it" and telling you about it seems to be a valuable exercise.I appreciate this place. I appreciate my friends here who stick with me. I'm grateful that someone (Wendy?) revived painterbill's thread just when I was thinking about him.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
O, the "get to" i used was not in reference to getting to sit through things, but in reference to your original "to learn how to navigate".
which is quite different, i think.
learning how to navigate all kinds of crap and be okay.....isn't that what it's about?
which is quite different, i think.
learning how to navigate all kinds of crap and be okay.....isn't that what it's about?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Yes, I miss wpainterbill, when I joined SR and was so fired up when I learnt of the neuroscience of addiction, Bill wrote to me and we’d PM exchange, and when I realised his age, I was blown away, such a wise man who kept up with the times.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Thanks sb, I was just too lazy to figure it out, though I did give it a full 15 seconds of effort. 
Flips! Thanks so much for stopping in. I was beginning to think it was something I said because (as we all know) the world revolves around me. Waiting til Thanksgiving for things to let up portends a long road for you. I fervently wish that you will find calm and contentment at reasonable junctures along the way.
I went to two really good meetings this weekend. At the first, the woman who spoke was extremely nervous and said so. I always admire it when people have the presence of mind to acknowledge their nervousness. She spoke about feeling love every time she came to meetings and how every time she relapsed, she'd forgotten about the unconditional acceptance she finds in a group of drunks. She talked about the things she'd given up for her addictions, the shame she had about that, and the struggle to get back. She closed with an apology for how "all over the place" she had been. What ensued was the most powerful round of sharing I've ever experienced. It was the first time ever that I simultaneously felt that I had something to say but was 100% fine just listening to the others.
Last night's meeting was Step 7 - "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." I don't think I actually heard much of what was said, but instead went into a reverie. Thought about how I have shortcomings that it's hard to let go of. Not because they are "good," but because they give me comfort even if that solace is coated in misery.
For example, the snarly email my coworker sent me Friday. I was thinking about that in the context of the 6th and 7th step. If I perceive that you are unhappy with me for some reason, then I naturally leap to the conclusion that I did something wrong. But having been unaware of the reason (or thinking your apparent reason was off-base), I then feel clueless, misunderstood and wronged. What's my shortcoming here? I think it's responding to your words or actions from the perspective of a martyr. Not that I mean to do so, you understand, but because I feel out of control while conversely feeling like I should have control while simultaneously feeling it's unjust to expect me to have control over something I didn't know was happening. I've known for a long time that my martyrdom is an undesirable trait, but have only just now realized that, deep down, I feel 100% entitled. And therefore, somehow superior.
Flips! Thanks so much for stopping in. I was beginning to think it was something I said because (as we all know) the world revolves around me. Waiting til Thanksgiving for things to let up portends a long road for you. I fervently wish that you will find calm and contentment at reasonable junctures along the way.
I went to two really good meetings this weekend. At the first, the woman who spoke was extremely nervous and said so. I always admire it when people have the presence of mind to acknowledge their nervousness. She spoke about feeling love every time she came to meetings and how every time she relapsed, she'd forgotten about the unconditional acceptance she finds in a group of drunks. She talked about the things she'd given up for her addictions, the shame she had about that, and the struggle to get back. She closed with an apology for how "all over the place" she had been. What ensued was the most powerful round of sharing I've ever experienced. It was the first time ever that I simultaneously felt that I had something to say but was 100% fine just listening to the others.
Last night's meeting was Step 7 - "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." I don't think I actually heard much of what was said, but instead went into a reverie. Thought about how I have shortcomings that it's hard to let go of. Not because they are "good," but because they give me comfort even if that solace is coated in misery.
For example, the snarly email my coworker sent me Friday. I was thinking about that in the context of the 6th and 7th step. If I perceive that you are unhappy with me for some reason, then I naturally leap to the conclusion that I did something wrong. But having been unaware of the reason (or thinking your apparent reason was off-base), I then feel clueless, misunderstood and wronged. What's my shortcoming here? I think it's responding to your words or actions from the perspective of a martyr. Not that I mean to do so, you understand, but because I feel out of control while conversely feeling like I should have control while simultaneously feeling it's unjust to expect me to have control over something I didn't know was happening. I've known for a long time that my martyrdom is an undesirable trait, but have only just now realized that, deep down, I feel 100% entitled. And therefore, somehow superior.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
It just sounds like your ego, O (morphed into AV with its missiles directed on alcohol as a solution) and we all have one, whether there’s an addiction, or not, or whatever the addiction. It’s just human nature, that’s what I’ve read, after much reading trying to combat this stuff. For me, the solution is no combat, just ignore. My ego is crazy, and martyrdom, victimhood is a favourite play track. I like the way someone (I can’t right now, I’ve a library of addiction books) frames it, I’ll go dig it out.....whether your ego likes it or not. 😃
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by Obladi 
For example, the snarly email my coworker sent me Friday. I was thinking about that in the context of the 6th and 7th step. If I perceive that you are unhappy with me for some reason, then I naturally leap to the conclusion that I did something wrong. But having been unaware of the reason (or thinking your apparent reason was off-base), I then feel clueless, misunderstood and wronged. What's my shortcoming here? I think it's responding to your words or actions from the perspective of a martyr. Not that I mean to do so, you understand, but because I feel out of control while conversely feeling like I should have control while simultaneously feeling it's unjust to expect me to have control over something I didn't know was happening. I've known for a long time that my martyrdom is an undesirable trait, but have only just now realized that, deep down, I feel 100% entitled. And therefore, somehow superior.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
On second thoughts, O, you probably know more about the egoic mind than me! So, I’ll turn it around and ask you a question. Can you overide/ignore/train the egoic mind and thereby negate its power. And if so, how? Because it seems, it will always offer a drink, dressed up as a solution, after that line was crossed years ago, into the addiction domain.
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