Dee74

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...o-well-23.html (O Well)

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Obladi

Thanks Dee. I didn't/don't feel anyone needs to intervene on my behalf, as ironic as that may seem. No one can feel more harsh about my situation than I do right now.

Drops, I'm feeling sicker than sick. As expected.

Hawkeye13

I hope you get feeling a little better soon O.

Obladi

Just talked to mom. I so wanted to tell her but so couldn't. You know how you can tell with your mom she just can't hear it? Like that.

So I'm relieved but a little sad.

Cow

Hey Girl ... ...so ... ...um ...how are you going? ... ... ...

Sorry Kitten. I always pick the very best times to pop in, but I'm hoping you still got a sense of humor. from Cow

Obladi

Cow, I miss you like hell. I hope you're here only as a voyeur.

Yeah, I can still laugh, even when it hurts.

Cow

There's my girl. Have you pulled out yet?

Grymt

I've been trying to remember what got me out of the rut of selfpity last time. I was sorry for myself because I couldn't see my kids. Forget the reason I couldn't see them. I wanted so much things to be different. Booze was my only buddy. Rehab was in the end the only thing that stopped the downward spiral. I gave away everything. Let go of the half built house I was living in/trying to finish. Penniless and posession less I went to rehab for 6 months followed by months of learning to live again. Another binge bust followed and then... Sobriety that's now lasted almost 16 years. ( Surprisingly I've got my own house now and no financial worries. I'm healthy for a 60 year old ex-train-wreck, happy, kids are around. Content. Relaxed.) I think in the end I had to value life more than anything and realise that if I ever had a chance to fix things I had to fix myself first. And that, in my situation, meant renunciation and rehab.

Obladi

Grymt,

So glad about your 16 years. Glad too you don't remember quite what it took to get you to rehab. Glad it worked out for you.

Yes, Cow, I've pulled out. But man, it hurts. I feel like crap, of course. I think I have to face work in the morning, and I really really don't want to. But I do.

The only other choices are the ER (not worthy) or rehab (did that, know what to do).

Cow

What do you mean "not worthy" of the ER. That is nonsense! Can you imagine if I or anyone else here said such a thing! You would be aghast. You are not thinking clearly, dear. Please take my friend O to the ER if she needs to go.

Yeah, you will have to face work. And it will suck. And the suffering will suck. Be gentle, care for yourself, find your fight, and let's hope this will be the last time. Savor it like it is. Mmmmm the exquisite suffering, the Daytime Emmy worthy drama, that bone deep feeling of failure. Savor it like you won't ever see it again. Then kiss it on the cheek and send it on its way.

Grymt

Oh, I remember allright. I was suggesting it's not important. Like, forget about it. I can't. I'd visited my kids drunk once too often. Next day my ex has moved and I have no idea where, no contact for 4months with a restraining order. I just dropped down and cried. Went home and boozed. Played Sunday morning coming down by Cash, over and over and. Took a while to sink in that the chaos I brought drunk wasn't good for the kids.

fini

I don't know fini. I remember how certain I was. I was not trying to fool me or you or anyone else. I don't know. nono, i did not think you were trying to fool me or you or anyone. what i’m getting at is that our certainty is not reliable. as far as this condition is concerned. i realize this is counter the Big Plan.

Maybe it doesn't matter in the least bit what I know aside from I can't drink, no matter what I know. Again, I feel like I'm guessing at what you already know the answer to be. i don’t know the answer for you. it depends on what your problem is. i know i keep saying that. ad nauseum, i’d guess. for me, i thought the problem was drinking. turned out the real problem was living okay in reality. i know that is a cliche...but it sure fit me

I wasn't asking you to prop me up to continue drinking; I'm really sorry if it seemed that way. That would be a very mean thing to do to a bunch of alcoholics. I'm a whole lot of screwed up, but mean isn't part of it.nono, i did not think you were asking for that. just saying i do not know how to prop somebody up for sobriety when they are drinking. i’m not capable

so glad to read you have pulled out. get medical help if you need it. “worth” doesn’t enter into it...irrelevant. but id suggest ,if i may, that you chat about that with your therapist, that idea of not being worth medical attention.

fini

Aellyce, hoping this post will not get deleted, just want to say thank you for your post. i appreciate hearing diverse points of view and the opportunity to engage with them, whether in responding or just in my mind.
i find no need to always have clarity on whether i agree or not.

Obladi

fini, thank you so much. I think for me, it's hard to accept or believe I have a life worth living. I hate admitting that because I've always been told I can't or shouldn't feel that way.

Aellyce, you are welcome here. I'm glad fini said so because I've been thinking of saying the same.

Cow, I have done this to myself. I know the way out. That's why I feel I'm not worthy of the thousands of dollars worth of expense. Would I say that to anyone else? No, hell no.

Grymt, ok I'm sorry and gratified that you do remember. It is important. To you.

fini

YOU are worth a good life. your life right now is pretty crappy. which is why we all root for you to change it. cause we know you can and you’re worth it

Obladi

Ok. One day because there's no one to feed the cats.

Stayingsassy

I think that it doesn’t hurt to have a point of view like allyces.

The more points of view the better, I think.

I thought her post was an interesting perspective.

I think this entire forum lately is getting kind of cliquey. I’ll go ahead and be on the outside of that...

O, I’m so glad you pulled out. Was your one more day meaning another day off work? Can you clear that with work so it’s all on the up and up?

You’ll feel better in a few days....when it clears, don’t pick up, no matter what.

Obladi

I'm going to the ER, so yeah that should be cleared with work. Just have to get there.

Already said Aellyce is welcome. And actually, I've seen a lot more people posting and am glad to have their company.

Sorry, Sass. You don't get to be outside the clique. First off, I've never "done" clique and secondly you belong here as much as anyone else does.

Obladi

At the ER as promised.

Dee74

Good move Ob

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