SnazzyDresser

Do right then! Like Dudley does.

sleepie

I am. I mean it's just sitting there these thoughts.

sleepie

I haven't a clue what the deal is. These last 2 days I forced myself to go out and do things when I really, really didn't want to. I have walked and exercised. I was very anxious before it all and tired and wanted to just stay in and read. But made myself do these things, I guess I felt it was "good for me"...

I feel worse today for it though. Like as if the anxiety is just cranked up. I have had no caffeine not even a morning coffee... I exercised. I am also exhausted. I am making myself walk to do errands now but I really don't think it will do much besides make me feel worse.

I don't know why. That's just what is currently happening.

OddOneIn

I have been feeling the same way recently. I think a lot of it is a reaction to the elections. For some reason that was like a body slam for me. I am also having some PAWS symptoms as well. In addition to freaking out about my unemployment. Normally I can contain that but not since last week.

sleepie

OddOneIn I understand completely.

Croutie

Hi Sleepie. It's only me, Croutie saying hello.

courage2

Um.... not going to ignore that opiate-based painkiller thing.

I have an affection for those. Nice on top of a couple of cocktails. I could get all gooey just thinking about it.

Don't put your mind in that place. Take them out on the sidewalk and stomp on them -- it'll be cathartic.

Like you, when I get to feeling best, a lot of times that seems to be when I'll tell from the way someone reacts to me that I'm somehow not "right." I laugh & tell people I'm not socialized, and I accept my inner crone, but at some level I wish that just sometimes I could be a normal, simple, orderly person. Oh well.

That was my whine for the week.

Would you like yourself better as Using-Sleepie than straight? I think, if I try to ease the pain of non-acceptance -- including non-self acceptance -- by taking pills, I'll be chasing that phantom till I die.

sleepie

Hi Croutie! Thank you for stopping by. Please do tell how you've been?

I know courage, gooey as well and that is why I have not said too much these last few weeks I mean this has been a thing for awhile now, and even worse thoughts that I won't mention.

For one thing I really do need to do things at my own pace and if i like dark skies and have a depressed attitude I need to let that be it's thing. Like if I have a "good" day or two and everyone starts going "That's awesome!"- even if it is that they genuinely are happy I feel good- it registers to me as, "All your other days were wrong and you were wrong to feel that way! NOW you're "right".

Yes I know that is Effed up. I am just being honest, I mean I could get really lambasted for feeling that way but what can I do if I don't expose the ugliness of it... and somehow I don't think I am the only one who ever felt as such.

I mean in a way I need to be depressed and dissatisfied and to honor that- does that even make sense?

courage2

Absolutely it makes sense. Just crush those pills ok? You can honor your dissatisfaction and still crush the pills.

sleepie

I have this problem with life's overall implication that one should be happy or they are doing "it" wrong... whatever it is.

I am in no danger of taking a thing tonight courage, my recent liver scare is keeping that at bay. I mean I got back in the exercise and diet saddle today so as to try and make some kinda good thing happen even if it's just going through the motions.

I am also afraid of ticking off lunar momma because I asked her for a thing or two on the super moon.

I slipped up after the lunar eclipse last year and she threw a scare into me.

OddOneIn

I don't think you need to be happy all the time. You don't have to be unhappy all the time either. Right now I am neither.

I have a lot of anxiety about the no job thing. I have been out of work a long time and I have a lot of debt because of that. But I think that is normal rational situational fear. But that is causing me to think about drinking a lot. I am not acting on it though.

If I had a job and no debt the anxiety would be gone. I don't know where I would be on the happiness scale. The winter holidays are approaching. So I would probably be all over the place on that score.

This is my second holiday season sober.

Cow

I have own mantra: "you does not has to continue to suffer to make previous suffering right." It mean, if I has a good day, or two even, it does not dismiss all I has been through. That was big deal for me for long time.

I understand what you say Sleepies, is sometime I can be very ill and housebound for weeks and tell someone, "I feeling little bit better today." And they is like "Great!" Now sometime the "Great!" upset me, cuz I know it mean either, "Great! Now I not has to hear yet more sad shht from you!" or "Great! You total all better and now I not has to be concern for you anymore!"

But sometimes, it just mean, "Great, cuz I really really wish for you to feel better."

But I get it.

Still, feeling better so very precious, please not let any of that deter you, okay?

sleepie

Yep tryin' again today Cow. Set up lunch thingie even though I want to stay in, eat croissanst and drink chocolate milk... but there's really no excuse is there? If a lunch date is a challenge for me my life is actually not too bad atm huh? For now anyway...

I laid in bed Brian Wilson style for a year and ate grilled cheese so enough of that right...

We have an unsettling day of high temps predicted today.... our dying planet will gift us with a day in the 70's in November... so I will walk around a bit so as to get outdoors and move.

biminiblue

Our planet isn't dying. Maybe the Human Race might - but in billions of years there will be a new paradigm...only it might not be called "paradigm" if there is a new lifeform in charge. I think a lifeform that doesn't talk would be awesome. Words get so misused and misinterpreted.

The planet may shake most of us off like fleas, but the planet itself will go on. That's really comforting to me. I'm tiny. My problems are nothing in the great scheme of things.

Crush the pills.

SnazzyDresser

Barenaked Ladies had a song about that.

sleepie

Really Snazzy? What is it?

SnazzyDresser

pretty good song, although not as good as One Week or It's All Been Done.

sleepie

Ahaha!

sleepie

I enjoyed that SnazzyD

This has a touch of Morissey to it how it sounds...

Delfin

Did somebody say "croissants"?
Ah, good old Morrisey. Brings me back to my teenage years.

D.