sleepie

SIGH ok SO I go to the doctor's because that's where I live now and where ALL my money when I ever make any goes. Another metabolic panel etc. I am told I will get my results Thursday. I get a partial result Thursday only to be told I am pre-diabetic, again. After TEN months of quitting. So, nice reward for my efforts. Story of my life. SO now I wait ALL DAY and am dying of anxiety and fear and their office closed now and I even left a message and NO call. Now I will be an absolute WRECK all weekend, I KNOW this cannot be a good sign. I know how my life goes and it is just one thing after another no matter what I do.

I already haven't been able to sleep for two days just out of sheer fear of these stupid tests ans results and barely eating. Now the weekend is destroyed as well. No sleeping pill, No drinks and NO anxiety meds...


ARRRGHHHH I CAN'T anymnore I have ahd TOO. MUCH. LIFE. STRESS.

sleepie

THIS makes me want to drink. To just say "EFF IT.

BrendaChenowyth

I feel you on a spiritual level... lol

I had a crazy nerve-wracking week that just ended... slept horribly last night... Got up at freaking 1 in the afternoon (what the actual hell? I'm not drinking!!), started to vent to my mom who (understandably, not knowing the full story) told me I was overanalyzing it and instead of the comfort I wanted, once again I got told I was wrong for feeling what I'm feeling, or at least that's how I took it..

And then I got a call that my health insurance premiums will be increasing and then I got a late bill from my car insurance company, because the last time I called them to schedule a RECURRING monthly payment, the lady only made it one time payment evidently, now it's 5pm and their office is closed til Monday!

You just have to breathe, sit down.. I'm eating for the first time today so that helps.. make a list, I'm gonna pull out my planner and jot down what phone calls I need to make what days... and then just put the pen down and put the worries down with it... All we can do is hang out and deal with what we can when we can.

And just know, we've come this far, we have survived without alcohol, we will continue to, and we know that it won't help us at all to go back to that.

sleepie

I knew it. I swear I hold out all day as far as I can, the minute I complain or say something... that's when I get a call.

So I had a full panel and my ALT is 30 points worse and out of the healthy range

So I get to have liver issues and prediabetes after quitting. Yep, sounds about right for my life.

sleepie

Yeah I am sorry guys, I am a "downer".

But I NEED to talk about this.

I had bloodwork last year at 3 months after quitting drinking and benzos. All my results were good.

Now, ten months after quitting everything, I have slightly elevated ALT and I ma back in the "prediabetes" range.

NOT what I was hoping for, even though "hope" died for me along time ago.

Yeah this is not going to help my anxiety or depression.

BrendaChenowyth

Guess that answers the question of whether drinking now is gonna help matters........ Nope. Negative.

sleepie

I said it makes me WANT to drink not "I'm GOING to drink".



I don't need snark right now.

Dee74

Hi sleepie

I know it's hard not to think catastrophically, but the good thing about being 'pre-diabetic' (I'm assuming this is type 2) is there's probably a lot of things you can do, with diet and exercise, to stop 'full blown' diabetes becoming a reality.

I have no insight on your liver results but I'm guessing they may be able to be improved too by lifestyle changes, meds or whatever?

I understand it's a blow...but it need not be a full stop

D

BrendaChenowyth

I understand. I am only trying to be supportive.

silentrun

Hugs Sleeps. I'm glad you sticking to that decision you made 10 months ago not to drink no matter what.


edit:
here Sleeps, I went and found you the cheesiest one I could because we all know how you love the cheese factor

sleepie

I MADE a lifestyle change, I quit drinking AND benzos and it was SHEER hell, I even lost MORE weight and NO REWARD.

Story. Of. My. Life.

And people getting on me being negative over the last ten months, yeah well there you go- SEE how my efforts pay off? They DON'T. That's how it has ALWAYS been for me. And then I have to hear from a chorus how "negative" I am. Yeah. How about if it was YOU? How would YOU feel?

silentrun

I don't know how that feels Sleepie. I do get to see rewards for my efforts so I can't say what that is like. I'm glad you came here to talk about it though.

zjw

sleepie i never had a really rough health scare cept my high cholesterol. my scares where all the health issues i dreamed up in my head which where pretty real and scary. I still figure one day i'll get diagnosed with cirrosis or lung cancer anyhow cause that'll be my luck and that'll just ice this crap cake of life i got going . I knwo that sounds terrible but it woudlnt surprise me.

I had a big fear of all that for a while the first couple years of sobriety. Now in the back of my head i still wonder if that'll one day be my fate.

But just like each day i quit drinking all over again and worked my damndest to not drink. I also woke up each day and decided to eat 3 heathy meals a day snacks and go for my 30 min walk rain or shine in the same way that i also said no to booze I said yes to these toher things. I could no longer drink cause of the panic and anxiety. I could no longer eat crap food and do nothing and continue to smoke cigarettes cause i felt liek crap and it wasnt gonna do me any further favors to keep it going.

So day in and day out i did that in time I figured i was doing all i could at this point to dodge the cancer / cirrosis bullet there was nothing further i coudl do the odds where decreasing maybe not much but where decreasing with each day that i amde good choices.

In time the worry and stress over it got less and less. If i end up diagnozed with soemthing now so be it i cant say i didnt try at this point.

At the same time if your not ready to be some neuortic nut like am about this stuff there is nothing wrong with that. You do what you can each day you got your own daily struggles to wade through each day. I'd imagine your doing the best that you can each day. If it aint good enough it aint good enough if it happens anyhow it happens anyhow. It aint for a lack of trying on your part. you've done what you can so far and you've done it well. at the end of the day **** still happens regardless of what we do or dont do.

prediabetic is at least not diabetic yet type 2 is at least treatable/reversable with diet and excercise etc..

My brother got type 2 he still shovels in garbage etc.. I know others that double up on insulen so they can eat ice cream and such now that kinda thing is nuts to me! But I dont see you as this type.

your smart your bright you know what needs to be done your capable of doing whatever you can etc.. its been proven over and over on this board with your sober time and such that you got what it takes.

BrendaChenowyth

When I used the word "negative" it wasn't to imply you were being negative. It was used as the opposite of "affirmative". Like, yes, affirmative, no, negative.

Again I am very sorry. No snark or insult intended.

sleepie

I wasn't talking about you Brenda no worries this dates back to awhile back in other htreads.

I really need to talk to someone, ANYONE who is like me. I am SO sick of being alone in all of this. Everyone saying "Oh my results were all great after 3 months of not drinking" "I have a pink cloud" "I ate ice cream for six months hahaha"

or "If it wasn't for the support of my partner...." I have NONE of that. My life has ALWAYS been like this. I try my DAMNDEST and it amounts to nothing.

sleepie

I really don't need to be told to see the bright side of diabetes type 2 right now either. And also, I want to talk to people who keep up on their medical check ups like I do. Not those who avoid the doctor and just figure everything's hunky dory. Because that's what I WANTED to do. I wanted to just not care and have ONE year of my life where I wasn't worried about some health related issue.

zjw

I agree with you being able to vent with someone who "gets it" seems to help me so stinking much. I dunno why. it doesnt offer viable solutions all the time but just not feeling along and talking to someone who gets what i'm saying just seems to be so comforting at times.

sleepie

WHY. WHY? It can only be cirrhosis. I am sure. This does not happen.

zjw

for what its worth my wifes father had blood work done at one point and the doc asked if he drank cause his liver enzymes where elevated etc.. and was risking cirosiss. now this guy has never drank in his life. so he was scared sensless adn totally baffled how this could be. In his case he cut calories and cut out the sugar stuff and things improved he lsot weight but then gained some back and seems to be at an ok place now its just something he has to watch going forward. but this poor guy never drank or anything.

My grandfather at 90+ years old he quit smoking in his 50's i think it was he now has stage 4 lung cancer. Go figure dodged the bullet till now.

I dunno what to make of any of it. seems liek your damned if you do damned if you dont all you can do is try ?

sleepie

I am worn OUT from a life of trying. It is BEYOND exhausting to try, and try and try and try and never get the pay off.

And I am not even overweight as far as cutting stuff out yeah I can do that but I only have so much weight to lose. I mean what happens after that when I lose even MORE weight and nothing changes. Because I already know that is how it will be. I already know. Because that's how it is right NOW like I knew it would be.

I knew it.

Does ANYONE have a story of liver values going up even after quitting????? Or being normal, then going up, than DOWN again?