Hi Croutie! Thank you for stopping by. Please do tell how you've been?
I know courage, gooey as well and that is why I have not said too much these last few weeks I mean this has been a thing for awhile now, and even worse thoughts that I won't mention.
For one thing I really do need to do things at my own pace and if i like dark skies and have a depressed attitude I need to let that be it's thing. Like if I have a "good" day or two and everyone starts going "That's awesome!"- even if it is that they genuinely are happy I feel good- it registers to me as, "All your other days were wrong and you were wrong to feel that way! NOW you're "right".
Yes I know that is Effed up. I am just being honest, I mean I could get really lambasted for feeling that way but what can I do if I don't expose the ugliness of it... and somehow I don't think I am the only one who ever felt as such.
I mean in a way I need to be depressed and dissatisfied and to honor that- does that even make sense?