Um.... not going to ignore that opiate-based painkiller thing.
I have an affection for those. Nice on top of a couple of cocktails. I could get all gooey just thinking about it.
Don't put your mind in that place. Take them out on the sidewalk and stomp on them -- it'll be cathartic.
Like you, when I get to feeling best, a lot of times that seems to be when I'll tell from the way someone reacts to me that I'm somehow not "right." I laugh & tell people I'm not socialized, and I accept my inner crone, but at some level I wish that just sometimes I could be a normal, simple, orderly person. Oh well.
That was my whine for the week.
Would you like yourself better as Using-Sleepie than straight? I think, if I try to ease the pain of non-acceptance -- including non-self acceptance -- by taking pills, I'll be chasing that phantom till I die.